Kirk and Spock entered the transporter room to await the arrival of the new crewmember, Lieutenant Theresa Thomas, who was transferring to the Enterprise from another ship.
"All ready for transport, Scotty?" Kirk inquired.
"Reading and waiting, sir," he replied.
"Let's meet our new officer, then. Energize."
The woman who appeared on the transporter platform had dark hair to her shoulders, sported an aloof expression, and wore the customary blue uniform of the science division. As Kirk opened his mouth to greet her, she stepped off the platform and faced the first officer. Her hand raised in the famous Vulcan salute, she intoned solemnly, "Live long and prosper, S'pock."
The first officer looked slightly concerned at the mangling of his name, and the captain looked rather miffed at being ignored, but he gamely tried the greeting again.
"Lieutenant Thomas," said Kirk, "welcome to-"
"Please call me T'omas, captain. It is my Vulcan name: T'risa T'omas."
"I, ah, was not aware that you were Vulcan, Lieutenant. Your file-"
"Is not relevant. I must meditate, now. Good day, captain, Cousin."
And with that she marched out of the transporter room, leaving behind three speechless officers.
After a moment, Kirk looked at Spock and mustered a single word. "Cousin?"
Spock appeared to relax, slightly, having a ready answer. "I assure you, Captain, that I have no cousin... T'risa."
"Her file said she was from Earth."
"As to that, sir," Scotty ventured, "I did catch a glimpse as she walked by, and her ears were pointed, sure enough, but, well..."
"What is it, Mr. Scott?" Spock prompted.
"Well, sir, I never knew Vulcan ears to have seams."
Silence once more descended over the transporter room.
A/N: This scene is dedicated to the many unknown Spockian cousins and other T'Mary T'Sues we all so adore.