Title: Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely
By: Blazer
Summary: Post-TMP. Qui-Gon is dead and Obi-Wan feels lost. He has to train Anakin, but how can he when he can't even think of anything other than his past?
Disclaimer-I don't own Star Wars, George Lucas does. The song Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely belongs to the Backstreet Boys.
It's a songfic, okay? Its my first Star Wars fic at that. I hope you like it. You can take it, but tell me in a review. You don't have to ask, but I'd appreciate you telling me.
Italics =
song lyrics*=Obi-Wan's thoughts
~ = flashback
~*___Blazer___*~
SHOW ME THE MEANING OF BEING LONELY
Show me the meaning of being lonely
~ Qui-Gon needed him! Obi-Wan watched his Master sit down and calmly begin to meditate. Every nerve in Obi-Wan's body cried out. That should be him. This should be his test. Qui-Gon didn't need this. *I'll make it to him when the laser walls shut down. * Obi-Wan began to pace restlessly. *I have to* ~
Obi-Wan walked down the paths in the Rooms of a Thousand Fountains without a purpose. Anakin was in classes and he didn't have a thing to do. He let himself sink to the soft grass and watched the blue green water as he flowed gently away from the waterfall.
Qui-Gon has been dead for only about a month. He put his head in his hands and shook it slowly. That month seemed like three years.
So many words for the broken heart
It's hard to see in a crimson love
So hard to breathe
Walk with me and maybe
Obi-Wan told himself to breathe. In and out, his mind said, in and out. In and out, in and out…he couldn't. He held his breath for as long as he could. He couldn't stand this, this being alone. Qui-Gon had left him and he couldn't go on. His mind told him to breathe. He didn't want to. If he didn't, he would be dead and maybe he would be with Qui-Gon.
~ The laser walls shut down. His Master leapt to protect himself from the flurry of movements that the Sith was throwing at him. He parried the moves with ease and grace. Qui-Gon danced around the melting pit, the Sith expertly anticipating every move and countering them.
Obi-Wan raced towards them as soon as the laser wall went down. He sprinted as fast as he could. He had to get to his Master, he had to! The laser walls in back of him were beginning to close. He forced himself to dive along the floor. Almost through…almost through. The laser wall closed right in front of his eyes, causing him to jerk back. He hadn't made it! ~
Nights of light, so soon become
Wild and free
I can feel the sun
Your every wish, will be done, they tell me
Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why
I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart
Qui-Gon was his father. He had loved Qui-Gon as his father, not just as a friend or as a mentor or just his Master. Qui-Gon was his father. They had been Master and Padawan for twelve years. Twelve years they had traveled with each other, twelve years they had been friends, twelve years the love he felt for Qui-Gon was able to grow.
Now he was dead. Qui-Gon was gone to him forever. He would need Qui-Gon's calm guidance and his reassuring knowledge and his flashes of dry humor, but he would not get them.
~ Qui-Gon and the Sith battled around the melting pit. The Sith was a whirl of red and black. Qui-Gon was a whirl of green and tan. Obi-Wan felt his Master's fatigue through their bond. He felt the dark ripples of hatred from the Sith.
Qui-Gon and the Sith battled for minutes on end while Obi-Wan looked on with an overwhelming sense of guilt. That should be him. Qui-Gon had proven himself over and over again. Obi-Wan needed this test.
He watched the dance. That was all it was, really, a dance. Qui-Gon parried blow after deadly blow, but the Sith was doing the same. The Sith pounded relentlessly against Qui-Gon, but Qui-Gon did the same. It was a dance, a graceful and deadly dance. ~
Obi-Wan didn't know how long he sat at the edge of the lake, just staring out, memories of Qui-Gon flashing into his mind. Qui-Gon laughing. Qui-Gon battling. Qui-Gon finally accepting him as his Padawan. Qui-Gon, Qui-Gon, Qui-Gon! It was all Qui-Gon. No matter what he did, it was connected to Qui-Gon somehow. Every memory that he had somehow reminded him of Qui-Gon.
*This is no way to live* But what other way was there?Life goes on as it never ends
Eyes of stone observe the trends
They never say
Forever gaze it for me
Guilty roads to an endless love
There's no control
Are you with me now?
You every wish, will be done
They tell me
Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why
I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart
~
The dance continued, on and on. Obi-Wan wanted to scream with the pain of not being in the battle. Qui-Gon was in danger! He had to help. Why didn't the stupid laser wall shut off?The Sith suddenly surprised Qui-Gon by flipping his lightsaber up and hitting Qui-Gon in the chin with the hilt. Dazed, Qui-Gon let his guard down. And the Sith smiled and struck Qui-Gon through.
For a second, Obi-Wan wanted to pretend that it was a dream, that it wasn't real. A dream! A dream that Qui-Gon doubled over the blade of red in his middle, his face a mess of pain. A dream that the Sith slid the blade out of Qui-Gon and Qui-Gon, without the support, fell to the ground, his hands over his middle.
Then the Sith smiled and waved his hand to him, wanting him to join him. Then he knew it wasn't a dream and the pain of what had just happened rushed to his head.
"NOOOOOO!" he screamed. ~
Obi-Wan forced that memory out of his mind. That was a bad one. That one was embedded into his mind forever, the look of pain on Qui-Gon's face, and the cruel satisfaction on the Sith's face. That was the last time he had seen Qui-Gon stand, the last time he had seen Qui-Gon hold his lightsaber, his prized lightsaber.
What was he supposed to do now with his life? Sit and stare, engulfed by memories of his past? *You mustn't * Yet he was going to, because he could do nothing else. No matter what he did, Qui-Gon's face was always floating in his mind's eye.
There's nowhere to run
I have no place to go
Surrender my heart, body and soul
How can it be you're asking me to feel
Things you never show
You were missing in my heart
Tell me why can't I be there where you are
Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why, tell me why
I can't be there where you are(where you are)
There's something missing in my heart
~ Obi-Wan felt the tremor in the Force as the Sith died. He didn't pause to celebrate his victory. He rushed to Qui-Gon's side and cradled his dying Master's head in his arms. "Master," he sobbed. His heart was falling into tiny pieces and he was powerless to stop it. He summoned the Force and brought it to heal Qui-Gon.
"No," Qui-Gon gasped. "My time has come." All the words seemed to be painful.
"No!" Obi-Wan said, at the time trying to convince Qui-Gon as well as himself.
"Yes," Qui-Gon said. "Listen to me…Obi-Wan…promise me that you will train him. Train the boy. He is the Chosen One. Obi-Wan, promise me!" He raised his arm with the last of his strength and brushed Obi-Wan's cheek.
"Yes, Master, yes," Obi-Wan said without thinking. Anything to give his Master solace at his death, anything to make it easier,
"He is the chosen one," Qui-Gon continued in a shaking voice, "He will bring balance, Obi-Wan…Obi-Wan…train him…" His voice faded and his eyes shut for the last time. Obi-Wan felt a gigantic sucking in the Force as his Master died. Their bond was broken as Qui-Gon took his last breath.
"No," Obi-Wan whispered, "No…" ~
Obi-Wan closed his eyes. That memory was so painful, yet so sweet. That was the last time he had seen Qui-Gon alive, even if he was in pain. He focused on the memory suddenly. He had promised Qui-Gon to train the boy. To train him.
He didn't want to. That was Qui-Gon's job. That was his Master's job. No. *But I promised Qui-Gon. I gave him my word as he lay dying. No. I must train Anakin * He was trying. He had tried for the first couple of weeks, only to have the memories of Qui-Gon batter him over and over. It was too painful to continue.
*My training tells me to accept the blow is the first step to healing. But how can I accept Qui-Gon's death? * Obi-Wan didn't know if he could. Qui-Gon had been the most important person in his life. To have him gone so suddenly hurt him so badly he wanted to cry, but he couldn't.
Qui-Gon wanted him to train the boy. Train him. *I will do that* Obi-Wan stood and began to walk. *For Qui-Gon, I will do what I promised him* The thought gave Obi-Wan a little comfort. * I will train Anakin as Qui-Gon trained me. That is the least I can do for him after all that he did for me. *
Obi-Wan saw Anakin coming to him. He made himself smile. His Padawan.
Qui-Gon would be proud.
Show me the meaning of being lonely (being lonely)
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why (tell me why)
I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart