CA: What do you get when you put the curious and random apparatus together?...US!
RA: So like, yeah this is our first fanifc together...obviously. We're trying a different style which we've always wanted to write and thats...utter. CRACK!
CA: UTTER!
RA: Well let's get on with the crack. Reviews are welcome. So are flames. We don't care we're doing this for laughs...and experience.
Disclaimer: If we owned Naruto then we'd b-slap everyone on the show just to say that we did it...
You Me And Kakashi
Kakashi
I sigh.
Everythings soooo boring in the world! I mean, have you noticed nowadays when your walking down the street and there's absolutely nothing to do? That SUCKS! And on top of that its a Tuesday, which is like the weirdest day of the week. I mean come on, it's the oddest day of the group and you never know what's going to happen. They SUCK!
I know by this moment I sound like a whining teenager but I'm actually 26. But anyway, back to TEUSday...not monday nor friday but TUESday. I think i forgot some days in there oh, well.
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Here's our dear main character Kakashi walking down the dirt roads of Konoha. A brightly boring day, it is and he motioned through the gaps of the busy workers. It seem that he would be on an escapade, like his comrades, BUT he wasn't needed. And he was left here bored as ever.
His head was down, white hairs brushing his cheeks, as he looked at his feet beneath him.
'Ugh. So. Boring. Must live to see the next day. Oh, hey maybe if I start a fight, then that'll make it less boring!' He thought.
Kakashi attempts to bump into random people. First, an obese lady. He purposely bumps into her, but sadly a twinkie keeps her attention. 'Dang!' He thought as he watched the woman stare at the golden cream puff. 'I hate fat people!'
'Well, next victim!' Kakashi's one eye spots a middle-aged man talking on his cell phone. Again, he bumps into him on purpose.
"Oh, sorry excuse me! Too busy talking on my cell phone!" Kakshi stares in disbelief.
'Damn push-over! Why do you have to be on the cell phone? Use a blue tooth dammit! That's what they're for!' He glared at his back as he scurried away.
'Oh, well. Next Victim!' A little boy walks, beside him paying no attention to anything around him. And that's because he was playing a stupid, PSP.
'Hah! PSP's are wack! I don't need them! It's all about the pac man!' Sticking out his foot, stealthily, he waits for the kid to trip, hopefully causing chaos and curing the boredom.
The kid only, stumbles slightly, and resumes his crouched posture while walking. And he mumbles, "Stupid rocks."
Kakashi almost gasped aloud, officially offended. 'S-So I'm a rock now? How rude!'
'I give up! Let me find something else to do since people are so ignorant nowadays...'
Kakashi continued to walk down the road until his eyes caught hold of a poster. A very colorful poster, indeed. He read the said poster.
Poster: 5 LIGHTERS FOR THE PRICE OF 1! COME AND BUY NOW!!
He begins to grin, stupidly. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his 'only' dollar.
"Hah! Just my luck! I happen to have a dollar!" He said aloud. A little too loud, causing some people to mumble words about him. But he didn't take it into consideration because...well he had a dollar!
He walked into the small store and made his way to the lighter stand, which were organized in rainbow order. He sang to himself, "I gotta dollar, I gotta dollar I gotta dollar hey, hey, hey, hey!"
He saw the stand and looked over the selection of lighters. "Omg! There are so many colors! I need to find one that matches my outfit!"
He grabs a couple of lighters, each a different color; pink, red, orange, yellow, and green. He skips to the register where an old guy was. He quietly scans Kakashi's lighters.
"And that will be six dollars and five cents." His voice raspy and old-like...?
"MOTHA-I thought they were FIVE for a DOLLAR!!" His eyeball piercing into the delicate old man.
"Sir, each lighter is a dollar and you bought five plus tax." He said sternly staring back at the appalled tall guy.
"So you trying to tell me the poster putside your window is lying to me?" He questioned.
"Uh...maybe, let me check..." The old man walks slowly to look at the sign and he comes back scratching a bald spot on his head.
"Er, sorry, m-my bad, I forgot so now your total is a dollar--
"YES!"
"-and five cents."
"MOTHA-WHAT?"
"Your total is a dollar and five cents, sir."
"So, now your telling me that...a need a penny?"
"No, a nickel sir."
"And where did this so called nickel come from?"
"Tax...?"
"And what is tax?"
"Oh, just get me a nickel!" The old man scolded. Kakashi held his head down just as he had the last time when the story began. He walked out of the store, but then something silver caught his eye.
"YES!" He picked up the coin and ran back inside. "I gotta nickel, heheh yeah. Gimme my lighters." He ordered the old man. He shrugged and gave him the bag of multi colored lighters.
"YEAH!"
Just as he walked out of the store, his cell phone rang.
"Dammit Tsunade what do you want?" He growled down at his Katana. He sighed and hopped on the rooftops to the Hokage Tower.
Later on...
Kakashi poofed into the widely-spaced room. He sighed, no one was there and he was already bored. "What am I going to do now?" He shrugged and his white drug store bag slid up his arm. He grinned looking at his rainbow of lighters. "Good-bye boredom!"
Outside the Hokage Tower
Tsuande and Shizune were walking towards their workplace while conversing. They reached the door and Tsunade broght out her key.
"And I was like what the fuck? I did not use medical jutsu to make my breasts huge!" Tsunade threw her head back laughing. Shizune just well looked at her. Opening the door, they climbed up the staircase. "So, uh what about Kakashi? Didn't you call him already to talk about the 'mission'?"
"Oh, yeah I almost forgot. He'll be okay in my office alone for a few minutes...I think..." They looked at each other and dashed up the stairs.
"How could you forget about Kakashi? He's like the worst person you could leave you alone!" She almost threw the grocery bag out of her hands.
"I don't know what was going through my mind. I was drinking sake when I called him!" They finally reached the door and Tsunade can't find her key.
Inside..
"Well, gosh! How did this fire get started?" Kakashi glazed down at the blazing inferno circling him.
-Flashback-
"Lalalalalalaa..." Then now entertained jonin flicked his purple lighter on and off. And on and off. On...and off.
"Oops!" The lighter that was still lit while it hit the floor and the red carpet beneath him burst into flames. "Well, that's not good."
-End Flashback-
"Well, I might as well put this out, I don't wanna cause a hazard or something..." His finger made a couple of hand signs to signal up his (copied) Water Jutsu. But instead more flames shot out of his mouth. The fire spreads over half of the room.
"Oh wait, that's the jutsu Sasuke uses. Oops. I might as well find smething else before this kills me..." He sighed and looked around the room for any tools. He eyed the stacks of paper near the desk behind. "That's got to work."
Outside...
Tsunade frantically looked for her key.
"Mrs. Tsunade what did I tell you when it came to these situations?" She tapped her foot impatiently.
"Er..I don't know..always eat your vegetables or something?" Tsunade felt around her torso for it. Her face lit up. "I got it!" She reached into her DDDD cup bra and pulled out a golden key. She bean t unlock the door. Shizune stared at her in disgust, "Remind me to never hold onto your key..."
As soon as they walk in the whole entire room is in flames and in the back they see Kakashi beating the fire with her important Hokage documents.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! Hah!"
Kakashi, being startled, by the sudden outburst threw his hands up, thus starting yet another fire on the ceiling. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WHY ARE WE SCREAMING?!"
"BECAUSE YOU'RE BURNING MY OFFICE!" Tsunade screamed at her face as mad as hell.
"Oh, well about that...want a lighter? They had a sale! 5 for a dollar!"
Tsuande let out an extremely frustrated growl. "I'M GOING TO KILL YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!" Tsunade stormed through the fire, reminding Kakashi of the devil. He looked for an exit and luckily a window was open. He stupidly jumped out, running from the steaming Hokage.
Unfortunately the support beams fell after him, blocking her from choking him to death. "JUST YOU WAIT KAKASHI!! YOU WILL PAY! YOU HEAR ME! YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME!!"
Kakashi runs for is dear life, screaming down the streets of Konoha. (Yeah, imagine it!)
"Where am I to go now? I can't g to my house, she'll probably hunt me down and kill me while I'm in the shower." He skidded around the corner. "Um, I could go to Gai's? No. Toooo gay. Ichiraku? Nah, they'll try t make me buy something? Canada? No, that'll be too obvious."
He slowed to a thoughtful walking pace as he thought for a place that would take him in. "Gaara's? No, he'd probably make me sacrifice cats or something."
"Naruto's? No, he's on a mission along with Jiraiya...wait, there's always Sasuke's. He'll take me in. I know it." He took off in another direction, the sun was beginning to set and he was getting more paranoid by the second. "Besides, there's no way he can refuse his old sensei right?"
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Random: Huhzah! We have finished? Funny? If you think so, review and tell us what you think!
Curious: We'd like to apologize for offending anyone who actually sacrifices cats. It's not like we think that somethings wrong with that coughcough. Review!