Disclaimer: I do not own the Stargate franchise, nor M*A*S*H.
A/N: While this is not a direct crossover with M*A*S*H, this is definitely an homage to it, obviously the first season episode "Tuttle" in particular. This little idea came to me a while ago; the possibilities were too much to resist.
I now present to you, without further ado, The Adventures and Exploits of the Heroic Captain Tuttle.
All reviews are read and appreciated.
Chuck simply couldn't take it anymore.
There was no Chet, but no matter how many times Chuck remined Richard Woolsey of his proper name, the new bureaucratic leader of the Atlantis Expedition never got his it right. He had been in charge of Stargate Operations on Atlantis for three years. You'd think that Woolsey, a nosy busybody at the best of times, would bother to learn his name. Chuck was a sergeant in AIRCOM, for heaven's sake, not a burger-flipper at a McDonald's in Vancouver!
After Woolsey called him Chet for the sixth time, Chuck decided to get a little well-deserved revenge on the paperpusher. To help him in the caper, he enlisted a couple of assistants, two men highly skilled in the arts of pranking and both more than willing to pull one over on the new boss: Coughlin and Reed. Their conspiracy was also aided by a late-night DVD marathon and a large number of Red Bulls.
Chuck started by adding "Capt. Tuttle" to the duty roster as on nightwatch in the Gateroom – one of the least desirable postings on Atlantis: it was boring beyond belief, for one. Coughlin and Reed then proceeded to have a loud conversation in the corridor as Woolsey was walking by.
"I cannot believe that guy!" Coughlin groaned.
"I know, it's just ridiculous," agreed Reed, nodding expressively.
"Captain Tuttle is making the rest of us look bad with the way he's always volunteering for the worst duties, the most dangerous missions. I mean, seriously! Leave something for the rest of us, man!" Coughlin grimaced, laying it on thick for Woolsey's benefit.
"He took the graveyard Gatewatch, did you know?"
"That's exactly what I mean, Reed. No one wants to sit through the night doing nothing but watch the Gate, but Captain Tuttle volunteered for it!" exclaimed Coughlin.
Woolsey stopped mid-stride and frowned. Coughlin and Reed could almost see the gears in his brain trying to place the name of Tuttle. Meanwhile, they continued with the charade.
"He's crazy, that's what he is. Certifiably mad. I'm telling you, Reed, no normal guy could do the things he's done."
Reed shrugged. "Crazy? Crazy good, you mean."
"Oh, no denying that," Coughlin remarked, "but I'd just like the chance to rescue the kitten myself for a change!"
His teammate gave him a wicked look. "Coughlin, you'd get stuck up the tree, too, and then Captain Tuttle would have to rescue you as well as the kitten."
Coughlin snorted. "Thanks for that, buddy. I'm sick of Captain Tuttle. Let's go get some chow."
They left Woolsey in the hall, still trying to figure out who this "Tuttle" guy was.
Oh, yes, he bought it – hook, line, and sinker. The rest kind of snowballed out from there.