Perfect

Summary: My first fan fic. Song Fic. Perfect by Simple Plan. Mostly about Sam and John very minor Dean. Mostly before Stanford but some at Stanford. Please review no flames please.

Disclaimer: I don't anything that you recognize.

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along

Sam Winchester hadn't spoken to his father or his brother since he left for college and for a life that gave him some sense of normalcy.

Ever since Sam had become a teenager at the age of 13, he had been defying his father's orders and had been doing as much as he possibly could to escape from his abnormal childhood.

He had tried to discuss his need of a normal life with his protective older brother Dean, but his attempt was always met with an 'do you really want to become one of those people who hide behind their white picket fences and freshly mowed lawns, not wanting to face the truth of what is really out there, Sammy?' Sam knew that he could never turn a blind eye but he sure could try. Sam's dad John wanted both his sons to finish high school but he expected both his sons to join him in his hunt for revenge against the demon who killed his beloved wife and the boy's mother when Sam was just 6 months old. He never thought that he sons would want to do something other than what he had trained them from such a tender age to do.

Sam now thought, even though he knew John loved him that he was both disappointed and angered at his son's life away from himself and Dean.

(Chorus)

And now I try hard to make it I just want to make you proud.

I'm never gonna be good enough for you.

You can't stand that I'm alright.

And you can't change me.

Cause we lost it all.

Nothing last forever, I'm sorry I can't be perfect.

And now it's just too late and we can't go back.

I'm sorry I can't be perfect.

Sam was studying to become a lawyer, so when John or Dean or perhaps even both of them were caught, finally by the cops he could legally bust them out of jail and maybe that will get him his father's long awaited approval. When Sam was growing up he was always compared to his oh-so godlike brother "No, Sam watch how Dean does it," was what he was told when he was young, but he was in his adolescence years it was "Why can't you be more like Dean?" in which he always retaliated back with "Because Dean is your little soldier, well Dad I'm sorry I can't be perfect."

Sam would take back a lot that happened between him and his father while he was growing up but he now knew he was too late too make amends. His father had told him that if he left he was too never come home.

I try not to think about the pain I feel inside.

Did you know you used to be my hero?

And all the days that you spent with me now seem so far away.

And it feels like you don't care any more.

Sam never realized how much he loved, cared and depended on his family until he finally came to terms with the fact they wouldn't walk in the front door sore and tired after a hunt, or that he would hear Dean snoring from the bed across from his own, or that whenever his body wouldn't allow him sleep and he went to the kitchen or whatever room had a stove in the place that they occupied at the time to make a cup of hot chocolate he only had to wait 5 minutes tops to hear "Can't sleep, Sam?" From his father as he walked to his mug of hot that Sam had already poured for him, and they would talk about the many hunts that John had been on and every time later that night he would go to bed thinking his dad was a hero.

But that now was a memory as john was probably in a bar as his eldest son chatted up yet another young woman.

(Repeat Chorus)

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said.

Nothing's gonna make this,

Right again.

Please don't turn your back.

I can't believe that it's hard.

Just to talk to you.

But you don't understand.

When John found out that Sam had gotten a full ride to Stanford was upset, scared and angry but as most fathers would have been he wasn't happy.

He was upset that Sam hadn't told him about this. Scared that Sam would be all alone and he wouldn't be there to protect him. But he was most of all angry at the fact that Sam wasn't even going to tell him or Dean and probably just take off one night and leave a note explaining why.

Sam was surprised, saddened and angry when he found out that John knew about his wanting to escape from is unwanted life. He was surprised that John had found out as he was planning on leaving one night and give them a phone call in the morning so he wouldn't have to see the look of hurt on their faces. He was saddened at the fact that his father wasn't even remotely proud that his son was going to college; at least Dean looked proud until he saw that his father wasn't. That night the oldest and the youngest of that household had the biggest fight that either of them had ever had, both of them saying things that should have never been said. That night every thing changed between them. John gave an order and for the first time in a long time Sam happily obliged as a father turn his back on his son.

Every time the phone rings Sam hold his breath fearing that it's someone to tell him that his father or brother has joined his mum.

He has never called them, and he refuses to answer the phone when his father calls. Because it's just too hard cause he will never understand.

(Repeat Chorus)

He now has a life of normalcy but without Dean or his dad it will never be perfect.