Numb

Jacob's POV

She is something I could watch every day, every minute, every second for the rest of my life and never get tired of it. She's beautiful in such a way that it strikes me every time I look at her. I keep waiting for the time where I get used to the supreme beauty of her, of her every movement and gesture, and it never comes. She's a goddess in everything she does, from the way she smiles, to the way she blushes just like her mother used to. I'm nothing compared to her.

She says, "Jacob? Could you tilt your head a little bit?" Her drawings are as superb as she is, and the whole lot of them pasting her gallery walls are of me and the rest of the Cullen's. Mostly of me. I'm fine with being her technique dummy, I get to watch her draw, one of my most favorite things.

She bites her lip, and smiles when she does something she thinks is good. She's done nude drawings of me before and she blushes every time she looks at my southern area. It's adorable because she's been on me so many times, ridden me into oblivion like a little slut, sucked me, done everything, and she still has the innocence to blush for drawing me. It's refreshing in a world so covered in sluts and whores and people with no dignity, people like me.

She's not like her father, she can't read my thoughts but I can read hers or at least what she gives me. I'm careful to think of the alphabet, or safe topics when I'm around Edward, because I know that if he found out he'd tear off my head and eat it for breakfast. No one knows, and no one will ever know if I can keep control.

She thinks I'm beautiful, she tells me every time we make love. She whispers the praises against my golden skin and moans them into my ears. To her, I'm her god and she's my goddess. We are a pair of perfection, more untouched and beautiful than Edward and Bella are. I know that we are not, that I'm the most soiled, disgusting piece of trash that she would kill to not be seen with, I just don't have the heart to tell her that.

She listens when I speak, genuinely interested but sometimes I see her eyes fuzz out because her present is much more interesting than any stories of my past could be. I don't have a future or a present anymore, do I? My world is hers, she is my world, all my stories would be about her. All my adventures, achievements, excitements are hers. Except for one thing, that one thing is mine and only mine, she can't take that away from me.

She says with a smile, "Jacob would you try to get along with Rosalie today at dinner?" Her family is supremely important to her and she treats them like lovers almost. I've seen the way she hugs Edward too long, the way she greets Emmett and Jasper with kisses on the lips, how Alice is open to all caresses. But her family is not mine, they are friends, yes, they are close relatives (in-laws) but not family. My family hates me, wants me dead for choosing her over them, and will never accept me back. I gave them up for her, just like I gave up everything else in my life.

She accuses me sometimes for only loving her because of Bella. When the fight is going, and her half human-half vampire blood is rushing she yells that I'm only here because it gives me an excuse to be near her mother. She accuses me of going behind her back with her mother. I backhand her before I even think about it and she flies across the room with the force. I grow even colder inside, especially with the look in her eyes that promises she's one straw from packing up and leaving me with nothing, not the Cullen's, not her, not the drawings, nothing.

She says she loves me but I like to think that she's lying to ease my guilt. I think she wants to love me, wants to trust the Imprint to be right. But I don't think she really loves me, that the Imprint's keeping her here. When she was asleep in my arms once, I told her the truth. That if the Imprint wouldn't take my life in return, I would have snapped her fragile, little neck before she could even spout another lie.

She makes love to me, she hugs and kisses me, she draws me, she allows me in her family, she has me attached to her hip. But she knows. She's drawing me and I can tell in the rough strokes of her charcoal that something's very wrong. Her face is as blank as a chalk board but her hands are shaking and her nails and biting into the charcoal and scratching the paper. She's unaware of the destruction she's making on her art. I ask her what is wrong and she looks up at me with glistening, beautiful, anguished eyes and says, "Do you fuck them like you fuck me?"

She yells and throws things. The living room is in pieces before I can even breathe. She cries and wails like her parents just died, clutching at her chest like it's falling to pieces. She screams and I know her family can probably hear us out in the woods but are assuming something other than this. For a moment, I wonder if Bella saw this coming, she's the only one who knew me before the Imprint. I slide down the wall as she goes crazy with sadness, throwing things, breaking the furniture, pulling at her hair, screaming until the screams give way to choked and gravelly wails.

She hates me, I hate myself. I knew it would come out eventually, the number of women I've shoved up against alley walls and fucked until my dick told me it was appeased for the night. The number of blondes with silicone breasts and too thin eyebrows that I've fucked merely because of how horrendous they are. The number of women I've wanted to parade past her, just to show how imperfect I am and how horrible she's made me. It's there, her on her knees in the middle of our wrecked home, sobbing horrible tears, and me against the wall clutching my head that I feel it.

She's broken the Imprint. I can't feel her anymore, the ties are all gone and it feels like I have nothing to hold onto anymore. The guilt swells over me and I choke as she stands and goes into her art room. My heart breaks before I hear them and it shatters when the tears start. I run, almost in slow motion, to the room to find her tearing down each and every drawing. It's there watching her destroy everything she's built that I realize I got what I wanted. I'm free to go, free from her perfection, free to be Jacob again.

She destroying our life makes me realize that I never wanted to be free from her. Without her I have no purpose, no life, no gravity to hold me down. Without Renesme I am nothing, no one, and now that I've fucked it all up I might as well not exist. She screams at me and I scream at her because what the hell? I have nothing to lose, nothing to gain, my mind is a black void and I need to react, to repent. I break the things she's broken till they are nothing but dust. I grab her and shove her against the walls and she shoves me back.

She's a vicious fight and sinks her teeth into my neck, making me howl. I rip at her hair until there are clumps of it in my hands, until her entire head is unruly and imperfect. She claws at me till my golden skin bleeds, till the skin she once worshiped is tarnished. We fall on the floor and she's on top of me, her hips pressed to mine, our mouths entangled in a kiss of sorts. There is more blood and teeth and growling in the kiss than any other and I feel it deep inside me, the attraction, the pull, the Imprint. It's fighting, it's never lost a couple and it refuses to lose now.

She rips off my shirt, literally, and latches onto my nipples, sucking and flicking the abandoned one with her nails. I moan gutturally, like an animal and thrust against her, whining when she abandons one to go to the other. I howl in pain when she sinks her teeth into my pectorals and pulls back with blood dripping from her lips. I suck my own blood off her skin and rip off her blouse, the buttons scattering on the ground.

She can't stop crying and her tears are like salty waves crashing down on us. I roughly wipe them away and she whimpers in pain. The inner hate, the inner animal grins at her pain and rips off her bra until she's bare and I can bite, lick, suck at her sensitive nipples. It's too much for her and she tries to push me off, she tries so hard but I turn to press her down hard into the floor. She's not getting up until I've got her back, till the Imprint's been sucked back into her system and deeper this time. Till it's in so far neither of us can break it, ever.

She kicks off my pants and I rip off hers until she's naked. I waste no time with foreplay. I thrust into her until I can feel her heat all around me, pulsing with her life, with her hatred, with her pain. She screams with the pain and satisfaction with someone who hates and loves at the same time. I can't breathe anymore, haven't breathed since the beginning, and thrust in and out, in and out, in and out concentrating on every scream and whine and wail that emerges from her throat.

She cums. I cum. I can't breathe, she can't breathe, we pant and hold onto each other like the other is oxygen. My knees are rug burned, and I'm sure her back is. I stand up with her in my arms and take her to our room, which has been left from the destruction. I can feel it like it's real and in between us. I know she feels it to. I know she knows that this won't happen again.

She is Mrs. Jacob Black, she is perfection incarnate, she is the sexiest and most violent creature I have ever encountered, she thinks that I'm beautiful.

She is mine.

I am hers.

Forever numb, forever ours.

First fanfiction for a really long time, I was just so inspired. Renesmee is just so beautiful in the movie, and seems just so perfect compared to Jacob. Please REVIEW! If you review, I write. Simple as that. Thanks for taking the time to read my story.

Peace,

IPreyOnBlondBoys