Author's Notes: Happy New Year! As part of my resolutions, I'm finally getting stories posted, yay! This is a fun little piece that's been rolling around in my head for a while. It's a three-parter, so stick with me.
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.
Premise
Rin wasn't naive.
The eight year shook her head, smiled brightly to herself. She was young, and though well aware of things she shouldn't have been, it wasn't as if she actually understood them. Sitting and waiting for the one she loved beyond all others to return, Rin puzzled over her short life. Certainly there should have been much to think about. The trouble was, she didn't remember.
Nothing. First there was darkness, and then there was Sesshoumaru-sama.
He was the first thing she remembered, standing over her, hazy to her eyes at first, gleaming silver, then in focus, amber eyes connecting with her own. She felt as if she knew him, though she couldn't say why. And when he didn't object to her following him, she continued to do so. It seemed like the only natural thing.
Still, there were moments when she was plagued by that which she couldn't define.
More often than not, this happened in her dreams. During the day she could avoid undesired almost-memories by occupying her mind with frivolous things, like she was now. She glanced down at the flower chain she was weaving. The blooms bobbed gently as she watched them. It wasn't working, her dream memories were infiltrating her. Those dreams where she saw faces, all similar to each other, all smiling at her, inviting her in. Then violent bobbing and weaving as everything was eaten away, stained by blood, and she was left alone. Beaten herself, she would find Sesshoumaru-sama, but it wasn't her Sesshoumaru-sama, this one was hurt, near death, an utterly improbably scene. And then, right at the very end, she knew it was coming but she couldn't wake up in time, the wolves appeared with their slashing fangs...
Rin always awoke from these dreams trembling and rubbing her arms to make certain they were still there.
But Sesshoumaru-sama was always there, always watching her with one eye, she knew he was. He let her creep next to him, pretending he didn't notice, and she would curl up against his warmth and sleep the rest of the night with no dreams. He was always around when she woke up, and he always returned for her when her left, and he always saved her no matter where she was. And so, when Rin couldn't remember and she was in a mood like she obviously was today, she told herself what she always did. This was the way things were and the way they always had been.
Rin wasn't naive.
The twelve year old pursed her lips thoughtfully. She was sitting under a tree, along the edge of the field where she had been left. Deep down, she knew things hadn't always been this way. Childish as she still was, she still brushed aside such concerns because, for her, they weren't.
She pondered the being who had left her alone, save for Jaken and Ah-Un. She wasn't entirely certain when she had stopped referring to him as Sesshoumaru-sama and instead thought of him as Sesshoumaru-papa. Not out loud, never out loud, she knew he wouldn't stand for it, but within her own mind, and in her heart, that's who he was. Her soldier, her savior, the one who had given her life. She loved him with all her childish heart, the creature who was invincible in her eyes, the being who seemed to love her also in his own distanced way.
He never asked anything of her, other than she stay where he left her, never demanded anything from her, other than she prepare her own food that he usually found for her, and he never seemed bored or bothered or impatient with her. In fact, he seemed to side with her over matters that included Jaken.
She could tell when the limit was being pushed though. Emotionless as he was, his eyes always narrowed slightly, the disapproving stare enough to make her heart break and she felt foolish for behaving as she was. Now, Rin smiled to herself, thinking of her papa's emotionless ways. She knew it was why she was so expressive herself, she needed to know emotions were real, that they happened, that she could feel them. And, in the time that had elapsed, she had learned his own little emotions as well.
They were just a little family, a word Rin had heard among villagers and the girl that traveled with her papa's half brother. The word family always made her think of her dreams, and the people that all looked alike. She longed to know if she looked like them, but her reflection in the water was never clear enough for her to tell. Besides, the longer she was with her papa the less real the dreams seemed, and the less often they occurred. The howling of the wolves only chilled her a little now.
Rin wasn't naive.
The sixteen year old scowled darkly to herself. She was left behind, again, and this time her papa had almost lost his temper. He had actually growled, though it was low enough she hadn't been certain at first. But no matter how much arguing, pleading, and yelling she had tried on him, he wouldn't budge. That growl, his firm voice telling her she would stay until he came back, and then he simply walked away, as usual.
Bad habits are head to break though, and her loyalty towards him stuck with her.
So now she was pouting and pacing, beginning to question things she hadn't realized were bothering her. Like, who she was, or what she was doing, living with a bunch of demons. Despite his insistence that she stay behind whenever he left, he did allow her to enter villages on her own (though she was certain he watched) to buy clothes and whatever else she desired. She heard people talk, and she knew a human had no business living with demons.
And her memory, what of that? Faulty, a half dream world of a past and a living dream world of a life. Her faded nightmares still hit occasionally, but worse than they had ever been. She felt dumb, crawling next to her papa like she used to. So instead, she would curl up again, and try to sleep.
The thing that irked her the most though, she thought as she paced furiously, was how she couldn't help but do as he said. She simply couldn't disobey him. Rin tossed her head, her long hair catching the breeze. She didn't tie it back anymore, her childish ribbons tucked away, trinkets her papa gave her but she had outgrown. She revolted in the little ways she could.
Her bare feet brushed against the grass and she smiled as the sun warmed her. Never able to stay in a bad mood for long, Rin threw out her arms and twirled around, something she hadn't done since she was much younger. She spun until she was so dizzy she collapsed, ignoring the concerned looks from Ah-Un and the flabbergasted look from Jaken. Flat on her back, Rin laughed out loud, curling her toes in the grass, trying to forget everything that made her life complicated.
Rin wasn't naive.
The twenty year old knew of death, and resurrection. There was that fight, she had been pulled into it, the horrible spiderdemon-man who had tried to do horrible things to her. Her faith never wavered and once again, her papa arrived to save her, along with his half brother and everyone who traveled with him. She had seen the fight, seen what it was he had tried to protect her from, and after that girl had died to save them all, her papa's half brother had begged her papa to save the girl. She saw that sword used and she knew what had happened.
She knew of childish love and devotion and she knew of sacrifice. After all, what must her papa have sacrificed to raise her? That he had been fighting such a battle for all these years, and still protecting her, her respect for him grew tenfold. She was very perceptive when it came to him, and she caught the glints of loneliness in her papa's eyes whenever his half brother was around. She knew without a doubt that her papa would have saved that girl without his half brother asking him too. She understood the meaning of family, completely and totally, and she knew papa, stoic as he was, cared for his half brother.
And she certainly knew of the opposite sex. As she had been growing older, Rin hadn't missed out on the looks the boys in the villages had given her. As she was currently sitting near the village with the boy she had been visiting over the years, Rin smiled as he leaned in a little closer, his fingers tangled in her hair. She ducked her head, her smile barely seeable, and he leaned in closer. Rin felt impossible feelings within herself. Dueling emotions reigned within her as this boy asked her to stay with him, to stop running off in the woods as always. Rin told him to wait for her.
As she hurried back to her papa, Rin didn't know what to think, didn't know what to do. She didn't want to ever leave her papa's side, but she did want to leave. Little girls do have a way of growing up.
It wasn't going to work, she knew, his eyes were narrowed, and he wouldn't look at her. When she tried to talk to him, he shut her out, cast her away, sent her to live in the village without the possibility of ever seeing him or this life again. As always, she could only obey him, despite the tears shining in her eyes.
So just like that, she was thrust back into the world that she only half remembered, the world that had shown her nothing but hatred. Just like that, she lost the person who saved her, cared for her, raised her, and in the end, let her go, as all fathers must. She didn't know it for certain, but she was positive he checked on her often, watched her grow older with her own family, her own children, watched her grow old, her family grow, her own grandchildren.
Rin didn't tell of her past life – either one. She was a legend in the village, the girl who appeared out of nowhere, but she was accepted and loved, her bright smile welcome everywhere. In the end, it worked out for her, and she was happy, but she wasn't. She knew neither choice would have been the right choice, and something was bound to go wrong. It had become a losing situation ever since she had first laid eyes on her papa, hiding to recover from a battle. From that instant, she had seen him at his weakest, and she loved him for that and she loved him for letting her live again, but most of all, for letting her go.
Rin sat in a chair, an old woman, smiling at her grandchildren running around. The littlest girl grinned at her, a mirror smile of her own, as she tied a crown of flowers on Rin's now grey head. Rin smiled back, squeezing the child's hand gently, and her mind drifted back into her own childhood, of innocence that was never truly innocence. She loved her papa, and her faith in him never wavered. Even now, if she looked out the window, she was certain he was there, watching her, ready if she needed him.
Rin wasn't naive.