I haven't wrote a song-fic in forever. Seriously I think the last time was 7th grade…that was a long time ago. IM NOT OLD! I heard this song and it seems so Thane/FemShep appropriate. Forgive me for any cheesiness and yes this a one-shot. Just in case you dont know the song is Leave Out All The Rest by Linkin Park I do truly love them. Great band. So I dont own the song, nor Thane and Shepard. (Well jessica shepard is technically mine kinda) All rights to perspective owners. Enjoy and please review!
"You've spent a lot of your life alone Thane."
How true this was yet he was not about to let her see that he was greedy for any attention from her. His answer was simple he had books, talked to his family a little. Ah, then of course there was his work. Work fulfilled him, which kept him going, always someone to kill. A thought came to his mind and before he had a chance to truly think about it, it was out of his mouth.
"It seems there will be no one there to mourn me when I die. You're the only friend I made in ten years."
That was silly of him a woman with the weight of the world on her shoulders didn't need to his problems upon her as well. Her face softened as she took him in, she was truly thinking about what he was saying. Humans and their fleshly faces, their eyebrows lifting and lips that constantly pursed when they spoke. It told him everything; he could read them so well. Her, Shepard she was harder and it was only when she was speaking to him that he saw that side of her that was meant for private uses only.
"Just a friend? That's a start."
Intriguing. She was interested? Here he was thinking the whole time that he was being silly for even suggesting to himself that her manner was favorable to him and him only. She walks from the room and he notices the sashay of her hips even more. That was a memory in itself and one that was going to plague him tonight.
I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared
He tosses and turns on his cot, it was agony. The room was too warm for him now and getting up he sits at the table trying to lose himself in meditation, instead he finds a memory. A Painful one.
Irikah yelling and crying. Tears streaming down her face as she slams her hands down on the table. He's grateful that Kolyat is sleeping, that he cannot hear what is going on in his parent's room. He tells her that he cannot change who he is, he cannot be who she is, and he thought she accepted that. Loved him for his differences. Now she goes wide-eyed, sunset colored eyes just as defiant as the say he saw her. She accuses him of killing too much, reveling in it and says the one word that he hates the most.
Murderer.
He finds himself losing his famous patience, he wants to reach out and grab her make her see her wrong. He doesn't, he would never. Instead, he simply walks from the house, and into the rain. Warm water running down the scales of his cheeks, he is grateful that no one notices they are tears.
He is happy for this rain though it is killing him…it always rains on Kahje.
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here?
His eyes begin to focus on the room around him once more, the tears of his memories are now on his face and he quickly brushes them away. No need to cry over recollection, though he probably has every right to. An itching thought at the back of his mind, he wanted to make this universe a brighter place before he died. Somewhere where happiness would actually be obtainable. What was he actually doing? What mark would he leave upon this place that someone could actually be proud of? That Irikah's spirit would smile upon and that his son could hold his head up high and hear?
Nothing-nothing that he knew of.
The drive core pulses a light blue, dancing flames that remind him of the silver of the Hanar as they leap and dance about in their ocean home. He smiles thinking how his son, watched them clapping his hands when he was younger, finding them amazing. Looking down there are smudges on his table, fingerprints. Shepard. She was sitting here and he touches the indents with his own hand and remembers the halo around her head as dark hair catches the light of the drive core. She was his siha, no she couldn't be. Why him? How could he possibly obtain two in one lifetime? It wasn't fair, it wasn't right. He was content with dying, he was happy with the fact that he wouldn't be here anymore.
He could cause no one anymore pain.
Then, the hiss of the doors and the smell of a light soap and honey. He doesn't turn around, doesn't move at all until her hand touches his shoulder and squeezes gently. He can hear her heartbeat, smell her skin, and how he longs to reach out and kiss the flesh.
So if you're asking me
I want you to know
She couldn't sleep and EDI told her, he was awake. They talk in whispers and he wonders why but doesn't question her. She takes her seat across from him and smiles, a white cotton tank top contrasting against her olive toned skin. Long legs, sprouting from impossibly short shorts; he sucks in a breath and steels himself.
"Will you hear my confession, siha?" She looks up from her grapes, chews and nods.
This was it time for making or breaking. She would either accept him the way he was or simply disown him and let the Turian be the one to wine and dine her. She listened intently and he was glad that she didn't judge him; she didn't think him wrong or ignorant to the fact of anything going on. She accepted him and she understood his dilemma. Who was he to be so lucky to have more than siha in a lifetime? This unassuming Drell, religious and stoic a no one to most and a killer to others. She was accepting of him, wanting him.
"You still haven't told me what a siha is." The grin on her face as she offers him the last grape.
He doesn't want it, but watches intently as the light green, oval shaped fruit disappears in between her lips. How her jaw clenches and moves as she chews. The moisture on her lips, from the water used to wash them. He imagines himself grabbing her hair, pulling her thin neck towards him trailing his lips from her skin to her lips. Sucking them greedily in his mouth and making her moan. He wishes it, needs it.
"Thane?" Eyebrows raised as she waves a hand at him. "Solipsism again?"
He can't take it, this feeling welling up in his body, overtaking his soul. A distinct difference between the two yet they come together now. He takes her forearms, warm skin so smooth and unlike his own bringing her towards him. She doesn't fight, doesn't even look surprised as he lifts her chin and brings his mouth gently onto hers. She tastes of the sour and sweet of the fruit, it tingles on his tongue as he begs for entrance. She allows him and the breath he has been holding he lets it out. He can't remember how but she is drawn up to him, arms around his neck breasts smashed against his chest.
She says nothing and as his hand cups her bottom and they fall to the cot she moans, legs around his waist moving against him. He wants to stop himself, but she wants, she needs.
"Siha, should you not wish this." Pushing his top half against the cot, she removes her top, gods she wasn't wearing a bra. Her pelvis pressing into his, fingers moving along his hardening length.
"I want."
The last coherent words out of her mouth as he takes her body. Pushing into her, making her fingers clench tighter on his shoulders. Her face buried into the pillow while he clasps her hips. Bodies pounding and pressing together creating a symphony of wet noises and muffled cries.
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
She'd helped him with Kolyat. The only good thing he had left in this world. Didn't ask for details or even why. She simply slipped her arms around his neck, hugged him. Her lips tender against the flesh there he felt her take in a deep breath as she said yes. His son hadn't forgiven him completely, they still had many issues to work out but your father dying was one reason to shape up. He had his son, another siha and should they survive a life to look forward to with a woman that he loved. Albeit a short life, but one that he was looking forward to having.
As he waited in Life Support, she went to help a friend. The Turian, sure a kick of jealousy surged into him but she was his. She told him that with her actions, and her body. Surely, the way he made her buck and writhe beneath him wasn't a lie. It was much later that she returned, her face set hard as she leaned against a wall in his enclosure. She said nothing to him and simply stared, she was angry why had she been gone so long?
"When were you going to tell me you could get a transplant?" The words surprised him; he didn't think she would look into his disease and look at his options.
"I don't want one." A simple enough answer but her brown eyes shone with fury as she walked over to him index finger outstretched.
"I love you. I want you to be with me for as long as you can, why don't you want the transplant? If not for me, for your son! Hell, forget about me! Kolyat needs you Thane." Lips quivering, she was fighting tears and losing the battle. They brimmed with the solution of saline and mucous.
"If this is when I am supposed to go then why should I prolong my time here? The gods have seen fit that they give me another siha to see out my days, I would ask for no more Jessica." He used her first name; he saw the surprise on her face as she backed away.
She cried now, breaking down, knees hitting the floor. Begged him, pleaded with him to reconsider, she couldn't lose someone else she loved. Didn't want to watch him waste away while she mourned him. Didn't want to stand in the Kahje rain as the Hanar lowered his body. The memory resurfaced, teeming his brain as he tried to fight it. For now, it fled. He simply picked her up and carried her to his cot. Laid her down and loved her body until the sobs stopped, until she was asking him for more of his form and not to stall his inevitable doom.
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest, leave out all the rest
She went behind his back asking Mordin for details and what she could do. The Salarian promised that should they survive he would do what he could and find a cure. He was a genius and for what Shepard and done for him, he would do whatever she asked. The Salarian showed up in his room, asking for a tissue sample ship wide testing he feigned but he knew better. Apparently, his siha was still unaware that he crawled the ducts at times.
"She asked this of you, but I am at peace with dying Professor Solus." The Salarian grinned at him and asked again politely but with an edge to his voice.
It was then that his siha came in throwing her hands up. "Give him the damn sample Thane!"
It angered him that she pressed this so much, trying to force him to live, make the next however long years of his life enjoyable. How dare she? Wasn't she aware of the joy she was giving him right now? Well, not at this moment.
"Siha, please." She was in her armor, looking quite intimidating to one who didn't know her as well as he did.
"If you don't want to find a cure for your self that's fine, but at least give someone else the opportunity to live. Don't be selfish." She was right. However, he wasn't selfish by no stretch of the word, except with her.
He willingly gave it up and when the Salarian had left she sat with him, hands under her chin, just staring. She questioned him asking him why, repeating her words from the other night. He reached out for her, ah but she knew his trick this time. She stood up turning her back to him angry words from such perfect lips.
"Don't you love me? Don't do this, don't-abandon me." He knew about Alenko. The silly human who decided she wasn't worth his effort, he wasn't like him.
This was a different situation and a different time. Not to be compared, though in her mind they drew a parallel. The very notion made him sick and disgusted him. He made no move to comfort her, he simply watched, so very tired now as she left the room.
Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shed, but I'm me
I'm strong on the surface
But not all the way through
I've never been perfect, but neither have you
He found solace in the vents that night, just as Ms. Goto walked cloaked around the ship. He didn't want to spy on her, or maybe he did. The first thought in his mind was to drop down and surprise her. Get behind her and make her forget the anger that she thrown at him earlier. He supposed that the saying was true, go looking for trouble and you certainly will find it.
"I just don't understand Garrus; I mean am I that bad to be around?" Her face in her hands, hair disheveled, no Cerberus uniform but different colored attire from the night of their first kiss.
"Are you really asking me that? I'll just have to lie." The Turian chuckled but when her scars glowed a bright orange, he put down his drink coming to sit beside her.
"He won't get the operation; Mordin says he has a year maybe a year and a half. I've spent two dead Garrus…in less than that I will lose someone I love. How can someone accept an expiration date on them?"
So if you're asking me I want you to know
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
"I don't really know Jess." He hated how he referred to her in such a platonic manner. "He's an assassin he's spent so much time knowing when someone else death will come maybe he finds comfort in knowing when his will happen."
Maybe he didn't hate the Turian if he partially understood how he felt. He couldn't see why it really mattered to her so much.
Lies.
He understood, as he was content to know that he would spend this final time wrapped in her arms, sharing kisses and having her under his body she was not. She craved more, needed more and demanded the same of him. A greedy woman.
He was going to help wipe out these Collectors, help her settle herself and come to terms with life and death and hopefully his passing shouldn't be so troubling. It was not to be so, it seemed.
"I just…I cant Garrus. I don't know if I can go through that pain again." The Turian sighed leaning back and with one claw, he pushed the small woman into his side.
"You don't have to; he's doing it for you. He doesn't care, he's fine with the situation and maybe you should be too." She glared up at him, biting her bottom lip and Thane wondered if she was choking on words or the urge to hit him.
"When I was gasping in space I wasn't content on my death." He watched the other male wince at that.
"Don't do this to yourself, Kaidan left you high and dry. Krios comes along and you're better. Never seen you like this, not even with him." The Turian nudged his head against her own. "We are born, we live and then we die. Some at different times than others, some us know when it's coming and others are blindsided. I rather know Shepard. Leave the man be."
Without another word, he leaves her alone, sipping an alcoholic drink with nothing but his words and silence around her.
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest, leave out all the rest
They battle their way through and this is it. The final stand, she doesn't take him with her, neither the Turian. She chooses to have the Quarian and the Perfect Woman at her side. Vibrant, powerful words come from her mouth, evoking authority in each of who stands here now. Lifting their respective chests proudly they all stare at her, eager for this moment that they shall face the enemy.
The race to the Normandy and the collective sighs and sudden cheers as everyone realizes that they lost no one. Everyone is here, yelling, screaming, jumping on each other time seems to slow down for him. He finds himself simply looking through the crowd, and as one moves from his path he catches her eyes. Staring at him the entire time, biotics attempt to blaze over his flesh before he quiets it. One leg in front of the other, he finds himself moving towards her and she away.
Through to the elevators, he stands in front of her saying nothing, a slender finger presses the button to her cabin. Hair a mess, blood on her armor, faint cuts and bruises where she has slapped medi-gel on the visible skin. She takes a deep breath and he does the same. Remembering this smell, claiming it, capturing it as they exit the elevator and into her quarters.
It is the first time they shower together, hands gently moving over flesh. Five fingers running down one of his arms. Four fingers moving up his stomach. Taut muscles jump beneath her touch, eager to see where the nimble digits will find themselves next. She steps closer; his arms find their way around her waist, pressed against the throbbing length between his legs. She ignores it and focuses on his face, lips barely skimming his.
"I have you now…that's what matters." She's choking up, eyes filling again and he quickly wipes it away before it has a chance to fall.
"I look forward to the memories."
Forgetting
All the hurt inside you learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
That fateful day when Professor Solus tells her a cure is far off. The look on her face, he might as well had snatched out her heart and stomped on it himself. She doesn't speak the whole day, barely eats, he has to scold her and make her. She acts like a child, turning her chin up at him. The image of him taking her over his knee comes to mind and he grins. She isn't amused however.
She sleeps close to him, snuggled in as if with her warmth and murmuring of everlasting love, she can cure him. The coughs start. Small at first, dry and placed few and far in between.
That doesn't last long.
Soon it's a hacking, a barking, a whooping sound. Phlegm follows and he has to hold his chest and stop. Her eyes full of concern she wants to drop everything, stop what they are doing. He soldiers on for her though, doesn't want her to see him like this. She brings it up again, tentatively.
"Thane, Mordin said it would just prolong your life a little."
He knew maybe ten years if he was lucky and three if he wasn't. Why prolong the inescapable chasm that was his demise? Better to go gently into that good night than raging against the dying of the light. He denies her, holding her in his arms. She turns her face into his chest listening to his spastic breathing, to his lungs trying to hold onto every bit of air that they can. His body slowing down, begging for the delicious oxygen.
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
An approximate fifteen months to live. A Drell/Human child would be born in eight. She wants this, needs this and he sees no reason to deny her. Combined efforts, with the help of the good Professor and soon enough he is lying beside her rubbing her skin as their child rumbles about in her womb.
His son comes to visit. He has a respectable job as a C-sec officer now, a better relationship with his father. They hug and he touches his stepmother's stomach with his sibling inside. He grins, mentioning that he does feel weird about being an older brother. They eat and laugh about daily occurrences.
The coughing stops their laughter. It's hard to catch his breath. He sucks in air and finds that it doesn't come. She shoves the inhaler in his mouth, face etched with sorrow and fear. His sons' eyes wide, hand reached out to comfort but he pulls it away. He knows he can do nothing. His son leaves for the night, they speak of Irikah and his infamous father. He tries to push those thoughts from the boys mind, cant do that. Eidetic memory.
"Do not think that I don't wish my life was different. I would give my life that things had not turned out the way they did." His voice is deeper now, when he breathes in you can hear the wheezing. His scales paler.
"Then you wouldn't be here with Jessica. She loves you. I don't wish mother to be dead, but…I have no problems with how we are now." His son hugs him just as he used to as a child. Rubbing his face into his father's jacket. They say goodbye and he watches him leave for the shuttles.
It's raining again.
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
The child is born. A healthy baby girl that he is holding in his arms now. Large brown eyes blink up at him, as he places a kiss upon her brow. Tanned colored skin, and darker scales appearing along her face and arms. She coos at him, moving about, strong legs kicking the blanket. He chuckles and leans in so her mother can look at her. Fingers stroking along the infants arms, a tiny hand reaches out and grabs her mother's hand.
Rowan Krios.
The baby sleeps in her crib. Time has passed quickly; their three-month-old daughter is much larger than she was. Beautiful like her mother. Tufts of hair come from her head, whether it will fall off or stay put it is unknown. He walks into their room; she comes from the bathroom smiling at him.
"Can I ask you something?" Sultry voice, he is tired and weak but he is always anxious for her kisses and whatever her body desires of him. Tonight he can push on for her.
"You needn't ask. My time is short, but whatever I have is yours to take." She frowns at that, coming to sit in his lap, placing a chaste kiss on his lips.
They speak of life before, he relives a few memories for her and soon she finds herself in his embrace. Rolling in the sheets, legs twisting together, bodies tired and sweating. Kisses placed all over, scales and skin bitten and licked. This is his first time being rough with her in awhile; he knows what is approaching, and the soreness she feels now he wants her to carry for a while. Tongue diving into her mouth she groans, nails digging into the muscles of his buttocks as he pistons away inside her. Its hard to breath, he has to take shallow, slow breaths instead of the deep ones he desires. Still he does not relent, even after her body convulses and she holds him closer to her declaring her love.
He turns her over chest pressed to her back, teeth in her shoulder hands kneading a breast the other holding himself up. She orgasms again, a cry into the air as she falls onto the pillows. They snuggle, he caresses her skin and kisses her gently. He waits until she is sound asleep, to shower, slip into his clothing and to meditate.
Forgetting all the hurt inside you learned to hide so well
He has never seen the moon this big and bright. The air in their house arid just the way he needs it but it doesn't help. The blank sheet of paper before him is a rarity yet it one he will leave his siha. Script delicate and beautiful he writes her a letter. Conveying their first kiss, his ensuing feelings, what she should do should he not be there anymore. The most important thing he can think of is to tell her that he loves her, that he cherishes her, that she is the most important thing in his life and that she was there to save him when he thought he would die alone.
Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself
He finishes his work. Two pages worth and folds them on the table. His breaths come in spasms now, body shaking as he tries to stand and find his place on the floor in a meditative position. It takes work and by the time he is ready, his body is sweating.
"Goddess Arashu, please watch over my wife, son and daughter as I pass into the Afterlife. She will need your loving hand in help with our child; my son will need your guidance as he struggles to be the man I have tried to guide him to be. I beg of you to keep them in your protection."
The words flowed from his mouth as he attempted to take in a small breath. The wind fleeing from his orifice, he sniffed and continued.
"Kalahira Goddess I am seeking now, grant me safe passageway back to the oceans. Allow that my soul be free from pain as I drift into the realm of the afterlife. This I beg of you."
Not long now, his vision fading he found himself moving about, his thoughts concentrating hard on taking breaths he couldn't, his lungs, his mind…so fuzzy now. He dragged himself along, panting, gasping reaching for the cold leather of the writing chair. Barely lifting himself into it, as he begged to be taken, freed from this pain of life. As he finally sat down, once vibrant green scales now a harsh white, he brought his hands together, laying down his tired head.
Amonkira be praised, the Lord of hunters finally took his shot.
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are