A/N: Hi, so this is my first time trying this out. This is a bit of an older story. I wrote it a while ago, and I'm not so sure how I feel about it. But, hey, here it is. Let me know what you think?
The nightmares wouldn't stop. Ever since that night they had been recurring and horrible. She just wanted them to stop. They were so bad that she was afraid to go to sleep. If she slept she would see him and she would live that night over and over. It had been four years now. Why were they still coming? There was nothing more she wanted than to be rid of them. That's what she wished for every night when she got into bed. She just wanted to be normal. She didn't want to have his ghost hanging over her head. She wanted to move on. The grieving was done. But the nightmares, they were never going to end. She knew that now, and she hated it. She hated being afraid. She hated that he died. Most of all, she hated that it was her fault.
Bonnie brought the mug up to her lips and she let the warm cocoa slid down her throat. This was the only thing that helped her calm down. She usually had four glasses every night; two before she went to bed and two in between nightmares. It had turned into some sort of ritual for her. There had been other things that she had tired. She had spent nights at Elena's and Caroline's to see if it was something in the house. That never worked. The girls would just wake her up, telling her that she was screaming in her sleep. She had tried dozens of spells, but to no avail. Still, every night she lit lavender candles in her bedroom because lavender was supposed to protect. She had dream catchers on every wall. Nothing worked. Nothing made them go away. The dreams were there to stay. She would do anything, and she had tried everything. She was close to giving up.
Sighing, she set her mug in the sink. There was no time like now. Bonnie sometimes wished that she was braver so it would be easier to deal with this, but she wasn't. She was a powerful witch who was scared to death of a dream. The girl squared her shoulders as she went into her bedroom. It was a place that, during the day, she avoided like the plague. It was silly but she was in bad state of mind. She looked around the room and waved her hand, watching flame dance up from the candles. For the longest time, she just stood and looked at the bed. How she hated the thought of getting on there and falling asleep. Of course, it didn't matter where she slept. Even if she fell asleep at the table the nightmares would still come. The most she could do for herself was make herself comfortable.
Bonnie crawled into the bed and pulled the covers up to her nose. The light of the candles was dim and the scent of lavender was numbing. It was lulling her. Her eyes were becoming heavy and her chest was rising and falling in a steady rhythm. No. No. She couldn't fall asleep. She couldn't; not yet. Her eyes scanned the room. Come on, Bonnie, you're a big girl now. You can handle a little nightmare. She told herself. But she couldn't. She couldn't handle them alone. Her friends, they tried to help, but they had nothing to do with it. They weren't there. They didn't kill him. She let out a gasp. She really needed to stop thinking like this before bed. Maybe that would help.
Calm thoughts, Bonnie, calm thoughts. Okay. Maybe I'll get a cat. Cats are nice. He could curl up with me when I sleep. Then I wouldn't be alone. Yeah, maybe I'll get a cat…. Her thoughts went until they drifted together and molded into one. That's when she fell asleep. She was nervous and on edge, but she fell asleep anyway. Even as she thought of cats and mindless things, the nightmares were still lingering in the back of her head. It didn't take long for the nightmare to creep into her mind. It took over like it always did. There was never any real way to prepare herself for this. They tortured her. Everything she saw that night, everything she heard, everything she did, she had to live it over and over. She knew she made mistakes, but she didn't think that she deserved this.
The flames were everywhere. They surrounded her, making it impossible for her to escape. She tried using her powers to make them go away, but it didn't work. Whatever had set the house on fire was stronger than her. She screamed and screamed, but no one heard her. She knew there were others in the house and she only hoped that they had sense enough to get out. As bad as she wanted to live, she would die if it meant that all of them could stay alive. Elena, Stefan, Caroline, heck, even Damon. She just wanted them safe. It was her fear that made her scream. Ever since she was little she was scared of burning to death, and now it looked like her worst fear was coming true.
She fell to the floor, and pulled her legs up to her chest. The smoke was slowly filling her lungs. She coughed and screamed. Bonnie covered her face. She knew that she needed to get out, but there was no way. She was stuck. This was her death. She would die in the Boarding House. At least she would die in a place where her friends loved. Even if she didn't like it here- they loved it here. That gave her some sense of calm. Of course, it was so hard to be calm. She was choking to death. Her body fell against the wall and her eyes closed. This was it.
The voices were so distant. They were there, but barely. It was as if someone was whispering across the room from her. "….Bonnie." She heard her name. She felt someone touching her, and she wished she could open her eyes, but she couldn't. She was so tired. "I'm going to get you out of here." It was a male voice. Bonnie struggled to recognize it as she was lifted into the air, but she was so distracted. Her brain was swirling as she tried to stay away. "Stay with me, Bonnie. Come on, you can't leave me now." Damon. It was Damon who was holding her. She forced her eyes open. "There's my girl." A relieved smile spread across his face. "Just keep awake. Listen to my voice. Everything's going to be okay."
She couldn't keep her eyes open any longer. Her head dropped. She was still choking. She still couldn't breathe, but she tried to stay awake. It was so hard, though. Bonnie was so tired. There was barely any life left in her. She was a fighter, though. She would fight. Now that she had a chance at surviving, she would fight. If in the end, she was still alive, she would have to thank Damon. How, she wasn't sure, but she would think of something.
"Hey, come on, you're okay." He was saying. "Listen, Bonnie, you have to survive. I- you just have to, okay?" Someone else was screaming. She felt Damon turn and hesitate. "It's alright. I'll go back for her. I have to get you to safety first." His arms tightened around her frail body as he started in a run. She could feel flames lick at her body, which made her scream.
It happened so fast that she couldn't register it. Damon had dropped her. She felt her body fall to the floor. Pain spread throughout her limbs. What had happened? Her head turned and her eyes fell open. It was horrible. He was on fire. He was screaming now too. "Damon, no!" She spoke in a whisper, even though she thought it was a scream. She didn't have the power to muster anything else. She would've cried, but she couldn't. All she could do was watch him die; watch his body turn to ash. This was her fault. She killed him. If he hadn't of come back for her, then he would've survived. Sure, she would've died, but she didn't matter.
Bonnie sat strait up in bed, screaming. Her chest was rising and falling heavily. She closed her eyes tightly only to snap them open a moment later. She could see him behind her lids. His face. She could see how helpless he was. In his last moments she could see his lips move, as if he was saying something, but she could never figure out what it was. It had been something she thought about for years, but she didn't know. Damon's last words and she couldn't remember what they were. She felt so horrible about it, about it all, but she wished that it would stop. She shook her head and threw the covers off of her. She wouldn't be getting back to sleep any time soon.
Walking into the kitchen, she turned on the kettle. The witch leaned against the cupboard as she waited for the water to heat up. She ran a hand through her hair as she took down a mug and the cocoa. When the water was done, she made her drink and went to the couch. Bonnie curled up and pulled her throw over her with her mug in her hand. She thought about the dream. It was something she always did. When she woke up after the next dream, it would be morning. She sipped at the cocoa. She was so tired, and not just physically. She was tired mentally and emotionally. Every part of her was tired. Even her spirit was tired. She didn't want to keep going through this. It wasn't fair. It was torturous, and she didn't understand why.
It had happened, and she was sorry. She went to his gravesite and she told him how sorry she was. She had done everything to make it better. It was like someone wanted her to live through this guilt every day for the rest of her life. It had been four years. She had gone through four years of these dreams. All she wanted was a normal life. She wanted to be as normal as she could be, but if these nightmares continued, there was no chance of normal. There was one point when she tried dating, but the dreams got worse then. If she could only figure out what was wrong; why it was happening. Bonnie was so frustrated with everything. There were times when she thought about taking her own life, but she could never do that. That would put everyone she loved through hell. No one deserved that.
When the drink was gone, she went and put the mug into the sink. She sighed, and glanced at her bedroom door for a long time. There was no time like now. Slowly, she made her way back into the room and went back to bed. An uneasy feeling settled in her stomach. She curled her small body into a ball. She hated this part. Of course, she hated every part, but the waiting was terrible. All she could do was lie there and wait to fall asleep. She knew what would happen, but she couldn't stop it. Waiting killed her. She just wanted it to get over with. If she was forced to go through this, she didn't want to wait for it. She wanted it to happen quickly. In her anger, she fell asleep.
The dream came as it always did. It was bad like it always was. She loathed it. Nothing was different. That was, until she woke up. At first it all seemed the same. She woke up screaming. The light was now pouring through her windows and the candles had burnt themselves out. It was normal. She was scared, like always. There was sweat dripping from her forehead like there always was. But something had happened during the dream. It had never happened before and it left her confused and bewildered. She didn't know what in the world was going on.
Damon's last words were, I love you, and she knew that he was talking to her.