This very short piece was inspired by a quote from an interview in the special feature, 'A New Home', on the S1 DVD.
"I came up with this notebook that would be [Rusty's] outlet. Because I think the months that he was living on the streets, I don't think he had any sort of outlet, so I used that as a way for him to just get all of his thoughts out … You'll see throughout the season I often start scenes, or during scenes, I'll be writing in my notebook." - Graham Patrick Martin
There's some sort of problem with the Wifi and it's total bullshit. I asked Buzz to fix it but he said he was "helping solve a murder".
So now I'm sitting in Sharon's office, which is the most boring thing ever. Seriously, does she do anything except paperwork?
I guess that's unfair, considering.
I can't even play games on my phone, because she'll tell me to do my homework, which she thinks is what I'm doing now.
It's not a lie, since I haven't even said anything to her. Besides, Sharon "misleads" people all the time.
This morning, for example. There was this guy. He was brought into the police station by two cops. He was swearing and yelling at everyone and Sanchez was threatening to kill his dog if he didn't shut up. Sharon came out of her office.
I'd been heading towards her to ask if we could get burgers for dinner when I accidentally caught the guy's eye. I didn't recognize him but he must've recognized me from before.
He looked me up and down and I know exactly what that means. He said … I don't want to write it down – it'd make it more real or something.
I mean, it's not the worst I've heard or anything, but it was horrible because everyone was listening. Provenza was listening. Sharon was listening.
Seriously, though. Who the hell implies in a police station that they've—what did that jerk Emma call it?—"engaged in an act of sex-for-hire". Illegal sex-for-hire. God, how stupid can you get?
Anyway, I looked at Sharon when the guy said this. Her face went blank and cold and she turned the corner of her mouth up in that sardonic way she has.
My heart started beating really fast.
She turned to one of the cops restraining the guy and was all, "What is this man's name, Detective?"
"Rob White." The cop had to speak over the guy, who was swearing at Sharon. I didn't recognize the name, but hardly any of my johns used their real ones.
"Whatever you're arresting him for, I want you to add the additional charge of an indecent act with intent to offend, with aggravated circumstances. This child is a minor."
Her whole manner was inscrutability on top of fury. It makes me feel weird, in a good way, whenever she stands up for me. Maybe it's just weird because I always know she'll stand up for me.
It turns out you aren't supposed to arrest people when they're already being arrested.
Sometimes I think if Sharon knew everything about me, about what I've done, she wouldn't –
Anyway.
Sometimes I feel like I've got all these bruises underneath my skin which no one can see.
I think maybe Sharon knows that.
There are so many things I want to tell her, but some of them are too raw to say out loud.
Like, here's what I can say:
- I love you
- Thank you, I'm so grateful
- I'll pay you back for everything
What I can't say:
- I was frightened and falling apart and you held me together until I could breathe again
I'm pretty sure I just heard Buzz say something about the Wifi.
Finally.