Disclaimer – Unfortunately not mine, never will be, at least I have my dreams…
Unconditional LoveStupid, stupid, stupid! Why'd he have to do that, I'm gonna kill him. He just had to jump in front of the thorny demon to save my sorry arse didn't he? We don't have the money or the time for this little side trip, but no he just had to play mister hero. Well this'll show him!
I would have been fine! Ahh, who am I kidding, that thing was aiming straight for my heart. If Dean hadn't been there… I guess I owe him one, wait that's one today, two yesterday, how many the day before that, I've really lost count by now. And he wonders why I don't want to do this shit!
I hate this, this waiting, well at least the nurses are something for the eye. Those poor nurses have no idea what they're in for once Dean decides to wake up.
"Are you okay?" Startled I look up. Man Dean would kill me if he knew that I could so easily be distracted. If this had been a demon I would most probably be joining Dean in the trauma room right about now. Luckily this is no demon I'm looking at, contrary she may just be one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. Something about her Strawberry blonde hair and beautiful eyes reminds me of Jess, feelings of guilt starts to rise but I'm able to push them back into the darkness, there where they reside until something or someone stir them up again.
"Uhh, yes, I'm just waiting, waiting on news about my brother. Do you know anything, you are a nurse right?" Way smooth dude, as if the scrubs isn't a clear statement of that fact…
"Yes, I'm a nurse," She replies nonchalantly, as if it's a question she's used to being asked, I guess it may not have been such a stupid question after all. "I was actually just in the trauma room and am happy to report that your brother should make a full recovery. He was very lucky, if the stab wound had been only an inch to the left, it would have hit his coronary artery and well, lets not dwell on that."
As I digest her words renewed feelings of guilt swell up, it had been close, very close, and if he should have… Well I wouldn't have been able to live with myself. He's done that all his life, without any thought to himself he had done everything in his power to protect me. I guess, I've just always thought that he's invincible, like some kind of guardian angel that's always there to protect me, in some ways I have forgotten that he is just as human as me and anybody else in this hospital.
I notice the nurse searching my face and realize that she had said something whilst my thoughts had strayed.
"Sorry, I guess I zoned out on you, what were you saying, by the way I'm Sam, Sam Winchester." She smiles softly as she extends her hand. "Sam, it's a pleasure to meet you, I'm Sam, Sam Jacobs."
Surprised I search her face and realizing she's not pulling my leg I say the only thing I can think of at the moment. "Short for Samantha?"
"No, Samuel," I guess I can't keep the shocked expression from my face as she laughingly continues, "of course Samantha. It's weird I only ever fool actual Samuel's with that one…"
Trying to make sense of that I just stare at her again. I've been to a lot of hospitals, okay scratch that, I've probably been to half of the country's hospitals, but never has anybody been this NICE to me. They usually can't be bothered, except of course when I'm the one lying on the bed, and Dean's the one out here. Dean… man it had been close…
"What I wanted to know before you so rudely spaced out," the smile on her face puts me at ease betraying that she's just teasing, flirting, whatever, "do you have any idea what happened to your brother?" I have always hated that question, what am I supposed to say.
Oh my brother was attacked by a fire spewing monster, a thorny demon, blood sucking poltergeist, three headed dog, well, that would certainly se me in restraints in two seconds and behind bars in some insane asylum within ten minutes. No the truth is most definitely not an option when it comes to our lifestyles. Luckily I've become quite good at the lying department, don't know if that's a good thing, but at least it helps me out of these types of tight spots.
"We were walking from the movies when two guys clobbered Dean from behind. I guess they thought that he was out cold as they started towards me. One of them pulled a knife of some sorts…" As I recall the demon moving towards me claws outstretched I feel a shiver run down my spine. It had been in that one moment I knew that this was it. My suffering on earth was going to end, I was going to reunite with mom and Jessica. But surprisingly I was afraid, not for myself, but for Dean. I know my brother, he'd never be able to live with himself if I am killed, just like I wouldn't if he is… Now don't get the wrong idea, we're not the freaking Hardy Boys. We tend to hate each other, but in the same breath, we love each other so much it's scary. Not things that go bump in the night scary, scary as in neither of us can dare live without knowing the other is breathing in the same air.
I have never been able to say this to Dean, but he is my lifeline, the one constant in my very fucked up existence. I know for a fact he feels the same, I've heard him talking in his dreams, screaming my name, waking up crying, I get those dreams too, just with me, it's him dying, and me not having a chance to save him. Neither of us have ever spoken about it, eventually we will, but it's just not in the Winchester tradition to speak about love and such. Our father is John Winchester, hallo! He has never been able to show any love, at least not that I can remember, I guess his love died along with mom…
Sam's searching my face again and I realize she must be starting to think I belong in the nut house. But she just keeps staring at me, waiting for me to continue, and so I do, reliving the horrific scene again. Smoothing over the Supernatural with the all to natural.
"He came at me with the knife, I thought I was a gonner for sure, he was aiming straight at my heart when suddenly…" I have to compose myself as the memories bombard me. "something heavy pushed me away, at first I had no idea what had happened. The one moment I was awaiting my death the next I'm sprawled on the ground. As I looked back I saw Dean, my brother, lying motionless on the ground. Blood starting to seep through his clothes. That's when I realized what had happened…" I can feel bile rising as I have to look away from her sorrow-filled eyes.
"He, he saved my life, I guess the jerks that jumped us didn't like the blood either as they ran away leaving me to help him. I came here as quickly as I could…" Well okay so the demons didn't actually leave, I kind of went ballistic and killed both of them in a matter of seconds, but well, that can't exactly be explained…
"Don't blame yourself." Three words, three simple words, but I just can't accept them. I HAVE to blame myself, that demon was trying to kill me, I couldn't keep Dean safe!
"I have to." I can see tears glistening in Sam's eyes and can't believe that I had actually said it out loud.
"He's done that his whole life you know, protected me, ever since, well, you see, my mother died when I was a baby, and my dad, he's spent the past twenty something years trying to avenge her death in his own way. That left Dean to look after me. He was six! Six years old and he had to look after me, his crying, annoying baby brother. That's just, just fu.. wrong!" I try to control myself as my voice rise steadily, I see a small smile spreading across Sam's face as I quickly correct my near slip. Well Dean did teach me never to swear in front of the ladies. Dean taught me a lot… What did I ever do for him?
"Yes, it's wrong, and I can't imagine the kind of loss you both felt growing up, having to live without a mother, and with a father that can't be bothered. But that tells me something, it tells me that Dean loves you tremendously, and he doesn't want you to hurt. The fact that he risked his life, some would think it means that he's suicidal and well maybe that's true, I don't know him so I can't comment, but what I'm sure is that he loves you so deeply, he'd literally do anything for you. Do you know how rare that is, to have somebody in your life that loves you unconditionally. It isn't rare, it's damn-near extinct! So don't you dare blame yourself for your brother's love!"
"Who did it for you?" I don't know where that came from, but suddenly I realize that Sam isn't only talking about me anymore, somehow she had been through the same thing I had.
Startled she looks away and I'm afraid that I've pushed her to far but she locks eyes with me again, her hazel eyes brimming with tears.
"My dad. I had been seven years old when there was a terrible fire in our apartment building. I was trapped under a desk and my dad wasn't home. I was certain I was going to die, but suddenly he appeared, from out of nowhere, he had been able to free me from the desk but flames were everywhere, the fire licking at our feet. The only exit was out of my bedroom window. He pushed me onto the windowsill and a fireman took me from him. My father wasn't as lucky, there was an explosion and he died. I blamed myself for years. She never said it, but I knew my mother did too… That was until somebody told me the same thing I just told you. The rarity of such unconditional love. So please Sam, I never had the opportunity to share that love with my dad again, you still have your brother, don't let this push you apart, rather let it be the thing to keep you together forever."
As I swipe away the now free-flowing tears I see her doing the same. I just can't resist the urge as I pull her into a soft embrace. "Thank you." For a few seconds I have no idea if she even heard it but eventually she pulls away and replies, "no thank you Sam, and remember, it's rare, share it with your brother, don't push it away."
"I will, I don't know how, but I will." I stare at her retreating back, hoping that it isn't the last time I'd see this fascinating beautiful woman.
"Sammy, you alright?" Startled I look at Dean, I'd just about fallen asleep, my head resting on his hospital bed.
"Dean! I should be asking you that." It had been about three hours since the terrible attack, and probably an hour since my talk with Samantha.
"I'm fine, you didn't actually think that a little ol' demon thingy would be any match against your big brother did you." Even as he says it I know that he's trying to conceal the pain. Typical Dean, he'd never let on that he's hurting.
"It was close Dean, damn close," I can see him ready to interrupt and quickly continues, "no Dean, don't try to make it less than it was. You saved my life bro, you nearly died because of it. I, I don't know what I would have done had you died, but hopefully I'll never have to find that out. Don't, DON'T interrupt me! I know you hate this mushy stuff, but I need to say this! Somebody made me realize something today. What we have is special Dean, I hate your guts sometimes, but I could never ask for a better brother. I guess, what I'm trying to say is, I love you big brother."
I can see the emotions dancing across Dean's face, and have no idea what to expect in reply.
"Yeah well, I'd do it again little brother. I guess, I feel the same way…"
Surprised I look into his eyes, brimming with unshed tears. I knew I couldn't expect an I love you, he just, it wasn't Dean, but this, this was very, very close to the same thing.
"Don't stare at me like that, I'd think you'd want to hug or something!"
Laughing I just swipe at Dean's good arm, yes, he'd always be the same Dean, but then again I'd never want anyone else.
A/N – My first Supernatural fic. The show has just started on South African television, so I'm pretty much spoiler free for the entire season. Hope that you liked.
Finally, English isn't my first language, so please be forgiving of some Grammatical mistakes, or if you could, let me know so that I can change any glaring errors.