Disclaimer: none of these characters are mine and I'll try my best to base them off on the real thing. I am clearly an ameteur so please, if you want to tell me what's wrong, feel free to express them through my email. Thanks.
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It's come to my conclusion that something was wrong. Then again, it's come to my conclusion that something was wrong since the beginning.
Me being born from my mother is no curse. Yet it was something else.
I was born into a life where I carried everyone's expectations. Well, not exactly. I was a princess but I wasn't an important one. I wasn't like those hellacious ones with the waists. I wasn't a blonde bombshell. I didn't have the mesmerizing blue eyes but I knew who did and she had all of them.
Important: Her Highness Princess Elsa of Arendelle.
Tell you what, no one's perfect and I know I'm not, but gods. Elsa literally had to defy that and snap the necks of others who were on the same boat as me.
She was gorgeous. Smart. Hmm, really nice, perhaps.
Well, she used to be, at least.
She and I were inseparable. It was undeniable. We did everything together. But nowadays, I still think about what I did to have her ignore me for such a long time.
Pushing that aside, if I were the important princess, I'd be out of my room and basking in my own merciless glory.
I have no regrets on that.
But here I am, laying still on the floor and wondering what an unimportant person like me could do for her own sake.
My parents loved me, unmistakable.
They were just more... Attached to Elsa. I don't blame them.
My big sister was going to be queen someday.
Apparently, even without her having to talk to me or look at least, I still almost worship her.
She's my sister. Of course she inspires me.
Do I inspire her too?
Nonsense, Anna. You are the same as all of you.
Unimportant. I said it too often. As if I loved hearing it. I've never heard anyone call me unimportant but I knew how madly I drip with uselessness. Was that even possible?
I envied Elsa. How can someone isolate herself inside her room, ignore the entire world and still have the entire universe bowing by her feet.
I tried doing the same.
Of course, nothing happened.
So I stuck with the usual, which made it worse.
Yes, I am undeniably irritating as well.
I know that very much.
Even back when we used to talk, she was hard to keep up with. She had more lessons than I did, read more obviously. She was also physically faster.
Perhaps, there was something mother did that had cursed her second born with such terrible luck.
Maybe I was just like Elsa all along but there was just some mistake.
A rather big one, if I put it.
Today, the most of what I am going to do is stand in front of Elsa's door and wait for her to make a human sound.
Coughing. Snoring. Yawning. Singing. Just to give me some sign that she was still alive in that room.
But she barely made any sounds except for her calligraphy pens being scribbled on parchment.
Except her slow walking pace which I really loved to hear.
Of course, she still came out.
But only when I was out of plain sight.
You know, to head to the library or take a bath.
Elsa was an emotionless wreck ever since the first time we stopped hanging around together.
Which was at least maybe before I turned 6.
I always heard the maids talking about her. Complementing her as if she was the only princess in the kingdom.
Well, it felt like it too. They didn't need to change anything.
She is 3 years older than me.
I am 15. She is probably 18.
We stopped celebrating birthdays for a while. Dad ordered the gates shut and cut the staff short.
It just got lonelier and lonelier each year.
And it was just getting worse.
I have received news from the guards that my parents were killed out at sea just last week.
And they have been missing for almost 3 months.
Which also meant Elsa's time was coming. It was her turn to take over.
"Elsa?" I said to the door I sat in front of. "Good morning."
No response. Why am I not surprised.
"Mom and dad are gone, you know." I shrug. I cried too much the other day. I am drained out. Literally too tired to cry again. Too tired to scream.
"If you let me in, we can talk about it."
What was she doing in there? I have always wondered about it. It could've always been something different.
Maybe sewing. Cleaning a bit? Arranging her books I guess. Writing, as always?
Sometimes I think she's also dead.
She always tried making sure she never existed. That's impossible.
"Are you even there?" I sigh.
I hear her make a choking sound.
I think my lungs have stopped.
"It's me, Anna. Still remember me?" I smile sickly at the door. "Your... Sister."
I stare at the intricate designs on her door. I appreciate each curl the door's design had. My door was slightly similar but mine had some pinks and greens. Hers were purple and silver.
"How are you?" I felt cold around her door. I always have. It's almost like there's a small blizzard happening inside her room. "I'm alright, in case you're wondering. I... Went to the gardens yesterday. There are ducks there. A family of them... Really cute."
There is a large amount of awkward atmosphere happening between us. There always is. But maybe she's bored of me!
"Elsa, I'm not mad at you. In case you were wondering. But... If you're mad at me, then I want to say sorry."
I have heard a conversation like this before. More than five times. More than ten. My words for her were redundant. I couldn't find any other ways to express my confusion on this matter. I was starting to get desperate.
"Whatever I did... It must have been something terrible." I mumbled almost to myself but I was sure she heard it. "But I still need someone to tell me my mistake."
I felt a sharp pain somewhere inside me but the pain bounced everywhere from my toes to the back of my head.
Soon, I was back to crying.
I wanted to block the sound. I didn't want Elsa to hear my pain. I wasn't her problem. But I kept sniffing. And hiccuping like a little girl, I couldn't help myself. I wish I was still a little girl. That way I could cry as hard as I want and someone. Anyone, would come to pick me up and make me feel better.
Everyone is gone. Everyone has left.
"Elsa I'm sorry for being such a horrible sister. Just talk to me. Just look at me at least." I felt so strained.
I sounded ridiculous. She must be so disgusted of me. So embarrassed.
But I almost felt a relaxing warm presence approach my back which was on the door.
Elsa's door moved slightly. It couldn't be. She was leaning on the door. We were practically 3 inches apart
I realized I had stopped crying. My eyes were now glued to the small crack under the door.
I dip my head to find a shade of dark blue blocking a portion of the gap.
I didn't move to sit back up. I lay myself on the floor, eyes stuck to the gap on the door as I studied every detail of her dress.
It wasn't much to describe. She wore a royal blue -no- navy blue, almost black dress. I couldn't see any patterns but I understood it was thick fabric. Then on one side, I see white satin. Were they gloves?
"Elsa?" I whispered. But I was afraid to make it too loud, in fear of her moving away from the door.
"Elsa, I'm sorry. Elsa I love you."
I hear a sniff. An elegant one, at that.
Was she also crying?
"Anna," I hear her call me for the first time. Her voice was raspy and beautiful as always. I hear her make a hiccuping sound.
I think my heart just stopped.
She actually said my name. Still in awe, I look up at the door knob and wait for it to move.
"Anna, it's not your fault." She whispered painfully. "Anna I'm so sorry."
My eyes well with tears and I could feel a mix of utter satisfaction and at the same time frustration.
I was so confused. Why did it have to be like this? I've heard it all.
It's not my fault.
Whatever it is, it isn't my doing.
"Elsa, please. Come outside." I plead, my sunken eyes back at the crack under the door. "Stay with me."
I hear more hiccups. I feel so wrecked, hearing her like this. How agonized she sounded. How much pain she has obviously suffered.
I was so worried.
"Never." Her voice broke like a mirror being smashed into a million pieces.
"I can never."
In an instant, my eyes burned. I could feel myself slipping away from everything.
Little naive Princess Anna.
She had so many ridiculous dreams.
One of them was her sister.
And now, naive Princess Anna.
Very, very naive.
Has completely no hope in everything. She is back inside her imaginary world. Reckless. Foolish.
Lost.
"Elsa. I can't take this anymore." I pleaded. "I don't want to die knowing that you were never part of my life."
If only I knew how to explain exactly how I felt. I was no poet. Nor was I a philosopher.
I was an idiotic mess who only knew how to use up vague words to express her own miserable longings.
"You are an inspiration to me." I forced a smile. She didn't have to see. "I have always wanted to be just like you. Elsa, you're so pretty."
She was back to being silent. Hopefully, she was still listening. My heart beat loudly and it felt like I was saying a dying wish to a deaf princess.
"Why does it have to be like this?" I ask her, trying not to sound too heartbroken.
"Please, Anna." She whispered too softly but the hissing was deafening, I couldn't mistaken a single word. "It can't be this way."
This was the first time.
I actually obeyed her. Every time she told me to go away, I never did.
I stayed around and bugged her until dinner time. There was nothing that could stop me.
But I left her. She didn't need to tell me twice. I was walking away.
"Anna," I heard her again. I stop at my tracks and glance back at the hallway.
What was I doing?
I felt like I was staring at my own misery.
A white door.
"Yes?" I say and brush my fingers over it. I still had hope.
Silence. This no longer made sense to me.
But perhaps she wanted me to stay.
I remember being around the gallery room where Joan usually waited for me.
Joan was a portrait. It was my grandmother's when she was still alive, then my mother found it in the attic.
Joan is my best friend. Honestly, she felt more alive to me than Elsa.
Maybe it's because I frequently feel like talking to a slab of wood whenever I'm with her.
As the years gone by, I have learned how to do things by myself that I never knew were more useful than I thought they were.
Like straining myself from releasing too much emotions.
I wasn't the best at it. I still cry around when I feel like it, but at least I stopped screaming.
My sister was the queen of detachment. Every portrait in the gallery room with her face always held a powerful frown. Even the ones taken from ten years ago.
It made me think, knowing that I always smiled in pictures. Why not her? Did she hate life that much to not even smile for anything anymore?
Elsa was mother's child. She really, really was.
She was my mom's spitting image. Every time I looked at mama, i always die a bit inside. Mother was graceful. She would never harm a fly.
Unless I did something wrong, maybe her inner demons liked to unleash themselves. Mother was beautiful. She caught so many eyes whenever she would pass by, almost leaving a trail of heaven at her wake.
Elsa was the same. Even as a child, she was striking. I admired her so much.
And I recall the old promise we always vowed to each other.
Elsa had numerously mentioned traveling to France. And Italy. And China. With me, her right hand.
Just us against all odds.
The fact that she was so passionate about being queen and loving everyone including myself.
Then see her drop the idea and wish she never met me.
Elsa remained silent. But I went back for her and sat next to her door.
"I'm here, Elsa. I always will be."
I smile at nothing, but the quiet soul I knew would soon come out and let me hold her again.
I fall asleep by her door and wake up to eat dinner.