A/N: Hey, I'm sorry for not posting for a few days. School holidays over here just started, had to plan all my homework... I know, lame excuse. Gomen. Anyway, here's another InaGo story and I hope you guys like it!
By the way, I just want to thank anyone who has reviewed or favorite-d my previous fics. It really means a lot to me. Arigatou! ;D
Disclaimer: Level-5 owns IE. Why... TT^TT
~Forgive or Forget~
"Forget the fact you lied to me, forget that you are sacrificing your own team for me right now. But how could you do that to soccer? Did I ever ask you to fix my legs? How could you, Kyousuke? How could you betray the soccer we love?"
Yuuichi ripped his gaze from his despicable brother, glaring down at his useless legs. Angry tears fell from his orange-brown orbs, staining the bed sheet with minuscule puddles as his shoulders shook under the impact. His hands clenched into barring fists, fighting the crazy urge to shake his brother. His beloved brother, who had lied, damaged and betrayed the soccer that Yuuichi still loved after 6 years without playing it.
"... Get out. I said GET OUT!" He spat the last two words harshly when the other refused to move. His brother would never cower, but even with his head bent Yuuichi could see how taken back Kyousuke was by the extent and impact of his brother's rage. His feet shuffled, indecisive, hesitant. Torn between staying and facing Yuuichi's words, or running away from the brother who had- before this day- never raised his voice at him.
Guilt surfaced at the sight of the younger's confused state, but the waves of fury soon drowned it. A part of Yuuichi knew he would deeply regret shouting at Kyousuke later. But right now, he let his emotions hold him, and tell him what to do. And his present anger was a flame that was yet to be quenched.
It was fiery pit of hate boiling in his stomach, and Yuuichi couldn't believe he was feeling this to KYOUSUKE of all people. The wounds of betrayal to him cut just as deep as the ones to soccer. They ached as all the lies his brother had told him rubbed salt into them. The unquestionable trust he held for his brother- as thick and sturdy as the trunk of a 1000-year tree previously- was faltering.
The fire was burning down the tree, licking at the branches of life where Yuuichi had housed memories of him and Kyousuke. For a moment, the flames disappeared, leaving a-very familiar looking- smaller tree in its place. Yuuichi then saw something caught in the tangled mess of leaves and wood. A soccer ball wedged in between branches.
With an 7-year-old Kyousuke trying to get it down. Then his brother was falling. And then Yuuichi was running to catch him. The indescribable pain shooting up his legs.
Yuuichi had wanted ever since that day for Kyousuke to play his half on the field. He had wanted to see at least one of them become as world-renown as the Gouenji-san of Inazuma Japan. He had made his brother promise to play and love soccer.
Guess he forgot it. And Yuuichi would never forgive one who abandoned soccer.
"No." Yuuichi was brought back to reality as Kyousuke uttered the monosyllabic word softly, as if it had accidentally slipped past his lips. "I won't leave, Nii-san."
The words were like a signal. In a flash, Yuuichi snapped his head up on the intent of screaming unforgiving things at his brother. How could he still try to retain his dignity now? He had completely deceived Yuuichi, how could he possibly still be so arrogant? That two faced little-
His words were stolen at the look on Kyousuke's face.
His mouth was slightly agape at the force of Yuuichi's rage, and his almost pure-white skin looked even paler. He was still like a statue, but as vulnerable as a child at the same time. His brother had never looked as- as BREAKABLE as this in his life. But what really caught the older boy off guard was Kyousuke's eyes, the orange-golden orbs that were only a couple of shades off from Yuuichi's.
Those eyes were flashing with a dozen emotions. His gaze never shifted, and they were glazed until they were completely unseeing. But Kyousuke's feelings were practically flying in its orange sea. Yuuichi struggled to catch them all.
Shock, pain, guilt. Those feelings seemed to bounce off his brother's eyes, magnifying alarmingly until Kyousuke's face appeared to be drowning in the tide of emotions. Dumbstruck numbness. Ripping agony. Searing shame.
Yuuichi watched as tears began sliding down his brother's cheeks, looking so out of place as they came from Kyousuke. They left glistening tracks as they collected around his pale chin, dropping onto his cape and shirt without Kyousuke uttering a single sound.
They didn't know how long they stayed in that manner, silently crying, and both hoping that this was only a terrible nightmare that would be over soon. The TV continued to play, providing a lone source of light in the imaginary dark atmosphere engulfing the Tsurugi brothers.
"How will Raimon go on with only ten players? And their hissatsu technique, Ultimate Thunder still incomplete?" Kakuma Ayumu's voice lamented on about the Raimon Eleven's helplessness, their almost assured defeat blasting out from the tiny screen. The noise swallowed up the two brothers as they hoped the other would break the tension, every word of the commentary another burden upon them.
Kyousuke opened and closed his mouth a few times, like a child trying out something new as he coaxed speech to flow back. Finally, he managed words past his numb lips.
"... I-I'm sorry, Nii-san," the rest of his caped figure was still rigid, eyes fixated ahead. His mouth felt like it was detached from his face as it moved to let out what barely passed as a whisper. "I can't tell you how sorry I am that I betrayed soccer."
"But WHY, Kyousuke?" Yuuichi's hoarse but still soft tone joined in. "Why would you go that far for me?"
There were no more words after that question. There wasn't a need to. Kyousuke had taken small steps forward, and bent down to press his lips against Yuuichi's.
This was wrong and Yuuichi knew it. His lips, unsuspecting and caught off guard, were being forcibly pushed open as Kyousuke roughly smashed their faces together. He gasped at the feeling of his brother's warm breath mixing with his own quick breathing, which was accelerating as fast as his heart.
Yuuichi was 18; he was no amateur at kissing. But the very idea of his younger brother delivering it stunned the older Tsurugi to death, leaving him motionless and completely vulnerable to Kyousuke's onslaught.
His younger brother on the other hand, was completely new to this sensation. Kyousuke quickly pushed Yuuichi down until he was lying on the bed, keeping their lips closely pressed together. He was trying to be gentle, but his undiluted longing for this long awaited moment was making him attack his Nii-san's lips with passion, seizing the opportunity before everything went away.
He loved his older brother, feelings for him far beyond the boundaries of mere siblings. That was why he would betray soccer. 'Why don't you understand, Nii-san? I gave up the sport I loved for you, and now you'll never forgive me for that. Never forgive me for loving you.'
Kyousuke squeezed his eyes shut. 'But now I'll finally know. Whether my feelings for you would matter in your battle of forgiving or forgetting me.'
Kyousuke began to lower himself onto the bed, taking meticulous care to support his weight, so as to not crush Yuuichi's legs. This did nothing to calm the older boy. The evidence that Kyousuke still had reason in him, still could think when doing this unthinkable thing was scary, almost terrifying. It snapped him from his shocked state in a flash.
Yuuichi was thrown into a panicked frenzy. He brought his hands up to his brother's shoulders, intending to push him away. He straightened his arms in an attempt to pry Kyousuke off of him, pushing him back. He thrashed his head wildly, desperately trying to break the lip contact.
This sign of retaliation only seem to anger Kyousuke. The younger Tsurugi grabbed his Nii-san's hands off his shoulders, forcing them down onto the bed until they were pinned above Yuuichi's head. The older boy tried to wrestle his hands free by shoving Kyousuke's. But the sad truth was that while Yuuichi had managed to keep himself in good shape even as a cripple, his strength was no match for his regularly soccer-playing brother.
Yuuichi didn't give up though. He fought back, writhing and shoving, but secretly he knew it would only be over when Kyousuke wanted to stop. Thankfully, his younger brother seemed to be satisfied by only his lips, breaking the lip-lock over and over only to kiss him again and again. The pecks grew less angry and softer until they felt like they were only petals grazing Yuuichi's lips. It would be a lie to say he wasn't enjoying it, though only the littlest bit.
But he's your brother. You can never be anything with him.
But-
He betrayed soccer.
Because he loved me-
All the more reason to forget him.
Yuuichi wrestled with his emotions, full control over him as every kiss Kyousuke gave him sparked a new line of thought and consideration. Finally, after what seemed like eternity, the seemingly endless kisses died, the lips disappeared, and Kyousuke sat back, still on top of Yuuichi.
Yuuichi gasped from the lack of air, chest rising and falling rapidly as he regained the oxygen he had been deprived from. His head was still fighting an internal battle, unsure on how to react until one side won. He daren't look at Kyousuke, awaiting his younger brother's next move.
"You hate me now, don't you Nii-san?" Yuuichi's eyes widened at this statement, spoken as a rhetorical question. Kyousuke's voice was filled with certainty, but trembling. Yes, Tsurugi Kyousuke's voice was actually trembling, something that had never happened, even as a child. "You won't even look me in the eye. I completely disgust you."
The older Tsurugi hardly dared to believe Kyousuke was making all these assumptions. They had always had each other's trust and support-
He broke the trust first.
But Kyousuke is my brother. I can't let him pull all the blame on himself. Even if I can't love him back, I won't allow him to think I hate him.
"Kyousuke..." Yuuichi fumbled up into a sitting position, immediately locking his gaze with his brother's, trying to reassure him his ideas were all wrong. But the hard but still sad look on Kyousuke's face caused the older boy to cringe. He hated that he'd have to do this, break his brother's heart.
Yuuichi raised his arms to hold Kyousuke's shoulders again, this time to comfort. He regretted it when he saw his brother quickly trying to hide the light of hope that had illuminated in his eyes. How Yuuichi hated to be the one to diminish that spark. Did Kyousuke really believe his feelings could be reciprocated? Yuuichi bit his lips in guilt. This was going to be the hardest thing he had ever done in his life.
"Kyousuke," Yuuichi started, "I'm sorry I acted harshly, I CAN forgive you for what you did. But what I CAN'T do is accept your reason. I'm sorry, but I can't love you in the way you want me to." The words made the world drop when it all sank in.
The bed sheets crinkled under Kyousuke's hand as he clenched them roughly. Yuuichi was sure he felt his shoulders sink slightly. There was a moment of silence, in which Yuuichi watched confusion roll across his brother's face, then finally smoothing out in resolve into the perfect poker face Kyousuke normally donned. Then-
"Tch." His younger brother snorted, distaste practically oozing out from the single sound. Abruptly, he ripped his Nii-san's hands off him and swung himself off Yuuichi, burying his hands in his pockets. "Forget me then, Nii-san. I guess it was too selfish of me to want the person I loved." Sarcasm flew thick, disgust not to far behind.
The older Tsurugi knew that this was only an act, Kyousuke trying to cover up letting himself appear weak. But the weight of those words were terrifying, they made Yuuichi feel that Kyousuke was slipping behind walls of mistrust that Yuuichi would never be able to tear down. Because the unquestionable bond of trust they had was gone, and the two brothers would never be the same again.
Apparently Kyousuke was on the same wavelength of thought, as he gritted his teeth and said in a hardly measured tone, "... Look, Nii-san. I get that I'm being damn selfish by doing this, but face it!" His younger brother drew back his fist, sending it flying to punch the wall.
Yuuichi struggled to swing his legs off and rise from the bed as well. He needed to calm Kyousuke down, this situation was dangerous. His brother had never thrown a tantrum before in his life, even as a child he was calm and collected. It pained the older boy, showing him exactly how much impact he had on Kyousuke, to have changed his personality in such drastic way.
"I'm being a complete jerk, but get a grip, Nii-san! Do you think I'll be able to just WALK RIGHT IN LIKE I DO EVERY DAY AND VISIT YOU? Would you ever smile at me in EXACTLY the same way again? We can't go back to being just brothers anymore, Nii-san. It's your choice. Forgive and accept my feelings, or forget you ever had a brother."
Kyousuke forced out a mocking snicker at his Nii-san's trapped face, knowing his inner turmoil. He instantly hated himself for it, but he quickly reassured himself that it was okay. He'd never come back to see his brother again, anyway.
"And we both know which one you'll choose." And the both brothers did.
With that, Kyousuke re-shoved his hands into his pockets, and headed in a brisk pace to the door.
"Kyousuke! Don't leave..." The disabled boy panicked. Yuuichi clenched his teeth in concentration as he tried to force some feeling to his legs, fighting to walk again, to run after his brother. But his legs remained dead, their function gone 6 years ago. The older Tsurugi then began to throw pleas at his brother's retreating back. But his desperate calls of 'Come back', 'Don't go' and 'Kyousuke!' bounced off the caped boy like he was impervious to them.
"Kyousuke... Please... Just go help Raimon. Even if you won't ever return to visit me again. This is what I want; help Tenma and the others... Please."
Yuuichi allowed himself these words to be what could possibly be his last to his younger brother. The door swung open in an instant, Kyousuke stepped out, and quietly shut it behind him. Yuuichi collapsed back on his pillows, defeated.
Only when he exited the hospital did Kyousuke wonder where he should go. It was over now, wasn't it? His brother would never accept the money for the surgery even if Raimon did lose, now that he knew what Kyousuke did to attain it. After he confessed too.
Kyousuke paused, staring down at his feet as he pondered. And unlike his words to his brother, his Nii-san's actually influenced his decision. Then his feet shifted. He began walking. And then he started to run. To Teikoku Academy, to save Raimon, his team.
"Nii-san. Even though you chose to forget me, and that you'll never forgive me, and even though I still forbiddingly love you... I would never betray anything again."
Tsurugi Kyousuke ran with this drive in his mind making him go even faster. He didn't care about anything else now, only to show his brother he'd keep that nearly forgotten promise through his plays. When he helped his teammates complete Ultimate Thunder. He WOULD make it, and Raimon would WIN.
"Now I'll make it up to you... And soccer."
~The End~
... Yes. It's an unhappy ending, but I couldn't help but think Kyousuke changed his mind and helped Raimon a little TOO easily in the anime. Please forgive me and review! Any opinions are welcome!
Just to clear it up and make it less painful, maybe I'll write a sequel about Yuuichi forgiving his brother after seeing his plays and allowing him to keep visiting. Please tell me what you think, as well as if you want the Tsurugi brothers to get together, or reinstate their trust as mere brothers? Please tell me!
