Post- Power Inside Her

"April, please!"

More was said, but Raphael couldn't understand after he realized what was happening. A fizzle. A pop. A flash of light and then... No more Donnie. All that was left was his mask and a rain that felt like blood falling on his scales.

His brother had been dead, molecularly scattered, for barely minutes before April brought him back, but... His chest still ached with this feeling of loss that he couldn't shake. Sleep wasn't coming, but that wasn't anything new, not with all the weird things that had happened lately. The only difference was that this time, Raph knew exactly what would greet him when he closed his eyes.

Fizzle

Pop

Gone

The red banded turtle twisted in his sheets angrily, but stopped when he heard light footsteps outside his door. The fact that he heard them at all made him sit up; sensing distress in his brothers was a big brother perk he took very seriously, after all, and lack of ninja sneakiness was a big neon sign. He watched as a shadow came to rest in front of his door and swayed in place, as if the owner were debating what they were about to do. Before Raph could speak up about it and hurry his brother along, a tentative knock sounded on the other side.

"Yeah?"

The door opened slowly and a purple masked head popped in, gap teeth biting his bottom lip as he waffled at the door. "Can I come in?"

Fizzle

Pop

Gone

"Yeah, c'mere." Raph scooted over in his bed, chest growing tighter at the look of relief on his younger brother's face. He shouldn't have been surprised really, with the night they had, but even still it had been years since the four of them had tried to sleep together. A true testament to how messed up things were, he supposed.

Donnie slipped into the small bed gratefully, shuffling to make himself comfortable before settling down. He was facing Raph, but his eyes were distant, miles away and probably thinking at the speed of sound about a million things at once.

Raph squirmed in the silence, unsure what to say. Should he even say anything? Words weren't exactly his thing... "So why'd you come to my room? Why not Leo's?"

It took a moment for Donnie's eyes to focus back on the present, but when they did it was accompanied by a sheepish grin. "Honestly? I knew he'd be asleep."

"How could you possibly know that?"

"..."

"Don..."

"I drugged him."

"Shell, really?"

"Yeah." Not a hint of remorse, either, just reciting the facts. "He wouldn't have slept otherwise, and he's still not doing well from that fight with Super Shredder."

"Yeah, I noticed, but drugging him seems a little overboard." Raphael had meant it to be teasing, but his sleep deprived brain must have crossed some wires or something cuz within a second those brown eyes were like spitting fire, narrowed and dangerous in the dim light.

"What would you rather me do, Raph? We keep getting hurt, we keep going back into those dangerous situations because we have no other choice, and there's no amount of words or anything that's going to make us stop. Not even to heal. So yeah, I drugged Leo, just like I drug you and Mikey sometimes because none of you will stop and rest before you kill yourselves!"

Raph snorted, rolling his eyes. "That's rich coming from you, you don't sleep either."

"No, I don't sleep, I don't get to sleep, because I'm too busy to sleep!"

"Don-"

"Which would be fine, really, except for the part where it's somehow my job to keep you alive, even though I'm not a doctor." He was pacing now, long legs making quick strides back and forth fast enough it was making Raph dizzy. When he had even gotten to his feet, Raph had no idea. Even if the younger turtle's voice was quiet in deference to the early hour, it was no less packed with months of frustrations and worries that would have made anyone else spontaneously combust long ago. "I just happen to read some books and you all think I'm an expert at keeping you alive and healthy, but I'm not."

"Donnie-"

"I'm not an expert. An expert would know how to fix all this, and I can't. An expert would know what to do and when, and I don't and the worst part of all? I can't even keep myself alive, so how am I supposed to keep all of you alive?"

The pacing stopped abruptly, and Raphael pushed himself to a sitting position on the edge of his bed at the blank look that crossed his brother's face. It was the expression Donnie always got when he was too overwhelmed to try and figure out his own emotions, too many burning too much all at once.

Raph looked away for a second, trying to figure out how best to approach this. He scowled at his own limitations, rubbing a hand over the back of his head in frustration. "Look, I'm no Leo, so you know I'm not going to be the most diplomatic, but... it's not all on you. You can't keep thinking it's just you in this fight, we're all in this together."

Donnie scoffed, irritation finally winning out over his other emotions on his features, but it was a little softer now after the initial outburst. "Oh yeah, cuz you guys know how to build and fix all the stuff we use?"

"No, but that doesn't mean we can't help." Raph reached out and tugged on Donnie's hand until he was seated next to him. "You kick us out of your lab all the time, even though I know Mikey has offered help. Shell, even I could help with the heavy lifting or something."

Don smiled weakly when Raph bumped his shoulder, but it dropped in a second with a sigh, "Maybe, I guess I don't really have to do everything do I?"

"Not even a little bit. And another thing we can do..." He trailed off, scooting himself back into his side of the bed and taking off his mask that he hadn't taken off yet the first time he tried to go to sleep. He held out his hand for Donnie's mask, face making it clear he was leaving no room for arguments. "Come on, I can't drug you but you're still going to sleep."

Donnie rolled his eyes but didn't protest. He took off his mask and Raph actually winced at how dark the bruises were under his eyes. "Geez, Don, when was the last time you slept?"

"How long have we been back from space?"

"A few months."

"Before that."

Raphael rolled his eyes and tugged his brother to a laying position with a quick jerk, completely ignoring the indignant squawk that came from his brother. "Shut up, you're sleeping even if I have to sit on you to make you."

"Fine, fine, I'm sleeping." Don smiled in exasperation, settling down under the blankets once more.

"Darn right." Raph nodded in approval at seeing his brother relax a little more, making sure his genius brother closed his eyes before he himself got settled. He draped an arm heavily on his brother, because Don was a ninja and a sneaky one at that. There was no way Raph was letting him out of the bed until at least 6 hours from now.

"Thanks, Raph." Donnie said quietly, blinking owlishly at his brother.

"Don't mention it." Raph grumbled, but pushed his brother down firmly.

Don grumbled, something that sounded like 'mini Leo', but when Raph opened an eye to glare at him, Donnie was already asleep. Raphael smiled warmly. Pulling his brother in where he could keep an eye on him. It was in the moments before he fell asleep that Raph realized he no longer felt that aching feeling in his chest, holding his brother and feeling for himself that he was right here and alive. He smiled, eyes closing peacefully. "Good night little brother."

A/N: Feedback please?