Title: Summer Kurt
Started: Eee…I think in May? Not long after the finale.
Finished: 7/23/11 8:31 p.m.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or its respective characters.
A/N: I live in Michigan (about two hours from Lima actually, lol), and while I love living here, Great Lakes summers are a BITCH! I feel you Kurt. :(
It was safe to say that Kurt Hummel wasn't pleasant to be around during the summer. When he wasn't locked in the air-conditioned corridors of a mall or the plush seats of the movie theater he grew very cranky, very quickly. It was something most of New Directions found out last year, and they had taken to calling his seasonal moodiness Summer Kurt.
Getting him out to a pool party or an afternoon bon-fire was like pulling teeth. In fact getting him anywhere that wasn't air-conditioned was a pain. Suffice to say, Kurt hated summer; he hated the blazing sun that burned his skin and frizzed his hair and made him sweat like a politician. Last summer if they somehow managed to drag Kurt to a pool party he would usually just park himself in a chaise by the pool underneath a large umbrella, and sit there with a book or his iPod. He always wore a shirt with his swim trunks, and he never left the 'safety' of his umbrella, but he kept adding new coats of sun-block. At about mid-June last year Tina and Brittany managed to slowly coax him out from underneath the umbrella, like a scared rabbit leaving its den. Then Puck made the horrible mistake of grabbing Kurt and pushing him in the pool. Something that might be an amusing prank to some was a nearly unforgivable sin to Kurt.
What followed was a shrieking hissy fit eerily akin to a Terrible Two temper tantrum. Normally Puck would be yelling right back, maybe even throwing out a few punches, (despite his femininity, Kurt was still a dude) but he was just so stunned at the howling overreaction. There was something about ruined hair and chlorine on the scalp, but the rest was lost among all the screeching. After he was finished telling Puck off he whipped off his shirt, and infuriated and dripping, stomped out of the party.
It was a whole month before he spoke to Puck again. He finally went to another pool party in late July, properly chastised by Mercedes for how childish and bitchy he was being. This time he sat at the edge of the pool, swinging his legs back and forth in the water with Mercedes. But he was still wearing a shirt, and without his precious umbrella he wore a large, wide-brimmed hat, accessorized with fabulous Dolce & Gabbana shades. He would laugh with the boys and sing with the girls, and in general was in a much better mood. But he still hated summer, so the sun-block almost never left his side. And if anyone splashed him and accidentally got his hair wet he'd quickly become testy, getting on the nerves of several of his friends.
But he was still a friend, so this summer New Directions decided to be extra careful to avoid pool parties. It worked until Puck's senile (and loaded) uncle thought it was time for Noah's Bat Mitzvah and paid for an in-ground pool at the Puckerman house. Puck's mom wasn't about to turn it down, and she demanded that he gather his friends to help christen it.
The first surprise came when Kurt readily accepted the invitation without bribery or promises of shopping afterwards. He arrived holding hands with Blaine, toting a beach bag on his forearm and this season's sunglasses on the bridge of his nose. The bigger surprise came, when they realized he wasn't wearing a shirt. He caught most of New Directions gaping at him with their mouths on the floor.
He placed his sunglasses in the bag. "God, you guys, take a picture!"
Blaine pecked Kurt on the cheek, sending a pink glow across his porcelain face, then removed his own shirt before doing a running cannonball into the pool. Kurt smiled at his boyfriend's antics and took a seat on an old lawn chair. It had an open umbrella braced erect on the back thanks to massive amounts of duct tape.
He reached into his bag and pulled out a book and some sunscreen. He started to give himself a thorough coating and at the return of Kurt's normal behavior they all just went back to what they were doing. Rachel, Quinn, Lauren, and Santana were talking over by the coolers, Artie was sitting near the outer edge of the pool, immersed but safe, and Brittany was sitting next to him, chatting amiably. The rest of the group was involved in a rowdy game of pool volleyball.
The game was going well until a particularly rough spike (courtesy of Finn, of course) tore the net down. As they tried to decide what to do next, Blaine sympathetically looked up at his boyfriend; poor guy didn't have to just sit there and bake. "Hey, Kurt, come on in!"
Kurt slowly lowered his book in acknowledgement, but they all knew the fashionista would just raise an unimpressed eyebrow and say in a clipped voice, 'no thank you.' Poor Blaine, but better he find out sooner than later what Summer Kurt was like.
"It's pretty warm out today. How's the water?"
Blaine splashed lightly and floated to the edge. "It's nice and cool. But we've got a lot of bodies in here so it's not too cold."
In a moment that gave everyone pause, Kurt closed his book and got up leisurely from his chair. He smiled pleasantly and stepped into the pool, reaching out to accept his boyfriend's extended hand. He allowed himself to be wrapped in Blaine's arms, and they stood in the water at about waist level, sharing a few giggling whispers before Kurt turned his attention to the rest of the party. He smiled innocently and asked, "So what's everyone up to?"
There were flabbergasted glances exchanged across the pool.
"Uh…we were thinking about playing chicken," Mike eventually told him.
"What the hell is chicken?" Kurt's brows met in confusion and Artie tapped him on the shoulder.
"It's that game you saw them do last summer when they sit on each other's shoulders," he said informatively.
"Oh. I've never played it," Kurt said with a shrug, idly playing with a random curl on Blaine's neck.
Finn grinned and pumped his fist. "Oh man Kurt, play it with us! We've so gotta be on a team together! With our combined height we'll be unbeatable!"
Kurt stared at his brother bemusedly for a second. "Um…okay. You don't mind, right Blaine?"
"Not at all," he replied, kissing Kurt's cheek again. Meanwhile Puck snuck over to his best friend, punching him in the shoulder.
"Dude! Have you lost the other half of your mind? Kurt can't play with us! Don't you remember how Bjork in Bangkok he got last summer when I pushed him in? Think of how bad it'll go down this year if he loses at chicken!"
"Relax," Finn whispered harshly, nervously glancing at his brother, who was giggling again at something Blaine said. "As long as he's paired with me we'll stay above water. Besides, look how happy he is! He's way more cheerful than he was last summer. No sign of Summer Kurt yet."
"Hey guys, we're about to play chicken! Everyone who wants to play get in the pool," Sam shouted, and they let the subject go. Santana and Quinn joined hands and jogged over to the pool. Puck swam over to Lauren, and begged her to be his partner.
"Puckerman, you know my shoulders are tender from throwing lunk-heads in wrestling camp. I can't hoist your hulking, hunky body today."
He shrugged and grinned up at her. "I'll hoist you then!"
"…You're kidding, right? Look just leave me be, I'm going to sit next to wheelchair kid and give my body the sexified tan it deserves."
"I'm only playing if I get to be Finn's partner; he's the only one I trust not to dunk me on purpose," Rachel said gloomily, crossing her arms over her bright pink one-piece.
"Sorry Rachel, I'm playing with Kurt!" Finn informed her eagerly.
Rachel's lower lip stuck out. "Fine! Then I'll go sit with Artie too!"
While Artie looked like he was suddenly told to go to his room without dessert, Kurt disentangled himself from his boyfriend's arms and slowly approached his brother.
"Okay, so how does this work?"
Finn took a deep breath and dunked. Kurt crossed his arms in displeasure. "Well! That was kind of ru—OH MY GOD!"
Kurt squawked in horror and he wobbled back and forth as he was suddenly lifted out of the water, a sputtering Finn between his legs. His arms almost wind-milled for a moment, and not quite sure what else to do, he wrapped them tightly around the top of Finn's head, his eyes wide in panic.
"Oh no! What do I do, what do I do?"
"'et go of m' 'ead dude!" Finn shouted, his voice muffled by Kurt's arms.
He stared incredulously down at his brother. "What if I fall?"
"He's holding your legs. You'll be okay Kurt." Blaine reassured with a smile. He was doing his best not to laugh at the spectacle.
"Are you sure?" Kurt asked him in a high, terrified voice.
He couldn't help the chuckle that time. "Yeah. But you've gotta let him go babe."
Very slowly, very cautiously, Kurt let go of Finn's head. He smiled apologetically down at his frowning brother.
"Uh…sorry?"
Finn cleared his throat and tightened his grip on the younger boy's knees. "Okay…um…Kurt, I'm gonna stand up now, because my knees are killing me and we need to be at the deeper end. But I've got you, okay?"
Kurt nodded, clasping at his broad shoulders for balance, just in case. Finn slowly rose to his full height, and with Kurt sitting on his shoulders they were a rather imposing tower. As everyone finished pairing off they walked deeper into the pool. Blaine watched from the side, taking the role of Referee.
"Okay, um…Team Asian, you guys go against Team Cheerio!"
"Bring it on, bitches," Santana warned with a grin. Brittany had climbed up on her shoulders and they moved to the center of the pool to face off against Mike and Tina. Tina and Brittany joined hands while Mike and Santana braced themselves on the floor of the pool.
Blaine looked between them and nodded. "Go!"
Tina and Brittany struggled up above while Santana bared her teeth and growled at Mike. His eyes widened in fear and he took an awkward step backwards, causing Tina to lose her balance and make a spectacular splash.
Kurt's eyes widened and he fidgeted from his place on Finn's shoulders. "Okay, this suddenly seems like a horrible idea. A horrible, hair-style-ruining idea! Can you put me down now?"
"Come on man, we've got this, look how tall we are!"
Blaine, oblivious to their conversation said, "Okay Furt! Come on over."
"Finn…" Kurt pleaded worriedly as Finn waded over to Brittany and Santana.
"Look at it this way, the harder you push, the less likely you'll fall in the water and get your hair wet."
They were soon face to face with Team Cheerio, standing substantially taller though. "Hi Kurt," Brittany said nicely.
"Hi Boo," he said with trepidation, lacing his fingers with hers.
"Ready, set, go!"
The two ex-Cheerio's grappled, Brittany off to a much better start since Kurt wasn't used to the game. But at a nervous glance to the shimmering water below he quickly gave her a hard shove.
She stared at their joined hands, and started to give, falling backwards.
Santana grunted from beneath her. "Britt? What's wrong?"
"I forgot how soft his hands are…," she remarked in wonderment.
"Yeah, aren't they smooth, Brittany," Finn cajoled. "You keep them really soft, don't you Kurt?"
"Y-yeah." Kurt agreed hastily. It might be a little unfair to distract Brittany this way, but he didn't care at the moment. Anything to stay above water. "Duck fat, remember?"
"Baby hands…"
"Britt, focus!"
Kurt leaned forward, using the foot-long height difference to his advantage, and with a gentle push Brittany fell in, taking Santana with her.
"Yes! You got her dude!" Finn shouted, jumping up and down a bit. Kurt laughed with him, a little startled at how easily they won.
"Way to go Kurt." Blaine winked up at him, and Kurt's mouth twisted in a proud smile. He even went a step further, yelling and holding up his hands in triumphant fists.
Since Puck was unable to convince Lauren to play with him, he partnered up with Quinn. He was about to make a wise ass comment about still being able to do pretty well between Quinn's legs, but a forceful splash from Sam quieted him. They made a valiant effort, particularly Quinn, but Kurt had them under water in less than a minute. The same thing happened with team Mersam.
"Whoo! Go Team Furt! We are the champions," Finn shouted proudly, and he and Kurt exchanged a high five.
"Don't get so cocky Hudson. Your precious winning streak won't last for long," Santana grumbled.
As it turned out, the winning streak did last, with team Furt beating each team again, even with a couple variations so the guys could be on top instead. But Kurt had a lot more upper-body strength than a random spectator might guess, particularly when it involved keeping his hair in place.
Blaine's mouth pursed from down below. He was thinking about stopping so he could grab a drink, but after a brief look up at his boyfriend smugly resting on Finn's shoulders, he determined that Kurt Hummel was way too dry.
He glanced over at Lauren, and grinned.
"Any more challengers dare to take on the almighty Team Furt," Finn said, taking a cue from his brother and pretending to inspect his nails. Kurt had his arms crossed over his chest, and if his foot was free it would probably be tapping in boredom, just for show.
"We'll give it a shot."
Everyone in the water turned to the voice, and they were met with the sight of a grinning Blaine resting precariously on Lauren's shoulders.
"Lauren! What the hell?"
"Chill out Puckerman. He's a hobbit. It's easier than holding up a dog."
"Warbler, dolphin, hobbit, a dog? Blaine what are you," Brittany asked frantically, her eyes nearly crossing in her confusion while Artie patted her back soothingly. Kurt was staring at his boyfriend in uncertainty, wondering what exactly he was up to.
"Besides, I'm only playing long enough to kick some Furt tail. Take you smartass brothers down a peg," Lauren continued.
"Aha!" Blaine pointed threateningly. "So quake in fear of team…team Blaren…team Laine…" He paused, looking down at Lauren for help.
She shrugged and marched over to Kurt and Finn. "Team Zison," she said with finality, handing her glasses off to Tina as she glared at Finn. Lauren wasn't a short girl to begin with, but she had sprouted another couple inches towards the end of the school year, putting her at eye-level with her boyfriend, and damn near eye-level with Frankenteen. He swallowed at the intimidating stare.
"Team Zison! Excellent!" Blaine laughed, then looked up at his boyfriend.
This time, Kurt's eyebrow came up like a shot. "Really, Blaine?"
"Really, Kurt." He grinned and held up his hands.
The younger male sighed with mock disdain and linked their fingers together. They started the match, and it wasn't long before Blaine started to wobble.
"If you wanted to hold my hands all you had to do was ask. You didn't have to embarrass yourself," Kurt said with a satisfied smirk, knowing his victory was in sight.
Blaine laughed. "It's not exactly 'hand holding' that I want Kurt," he said, his hands falling back slightly but his torso remaining erect. The countertenor frowned and pushed harder, leaning against their hands in an effort to get his opponent off-balance, but the ex-Warbler stubbornly remained upright. Kurt pulled back and tried again, doubling his efforts, only to find Blaine wasn't resisting. He collided against a broad chest.
The older teen smiled down at his boyfriend. They made eye-contact for a moment, blue frustration meeting hazel amusement.
"Definitely not the hand holding." Blaine took the opportunity to plant a chaste kiss on soft lips.
Kurt's eyes widened and he straightened, glaring across at his boyfriend then down at his brother. "You think you could help me here?"
Finn looked up at him and said in a loud stage-whisper, "Dude, I can't! She keeps on making bite faces at me whenever I get too close! What's your excuse? You should be used to kissing by now!"
He blushed and looked back just as Blaine delivered a forceful push against his hands. He managed to remain steady, relieved that the little distraction didn't cause him to fall, but as soon as he was upright again Blaine was leaning in, wearing that lascivious smile he usually saved for private kisses when nobody was around to interrupt them.
"No! Get away you cheater!" Kurt protested, veering to the right to evade his lips, but the older teen followed, grinning like a madman.
"Whoa!" Finn grunted, shifting on his feet. "Stop twisting around up there Kurt, I'm losing my balance!"
"I can't help it! He won't go away!" The countertenor almost shrieked, his boyfriend diving in again so he was forced to lean back to avoid him. He glanced down, found himself perilously close to the water below, and he was bent over too far to come back up. He had fallen into the trap.
Blaine grinned easily at him from atop Lauren's shoulders, and with a final, powerful shove, Kurt was sent toppling into the pool with Finn.
Most of the group gasped in horror and disbelief, ready for an outburst to rival the Red Queen once the fashionista resurfaced. It was such a shame too; Blaine was a really nice guy. Too bad that after today he'd never be heard from again.
The boys finally emerged from the water. The younger teen gasped, sputtered, then stared at his brother, who looked equally shell-shocked. Kurt's normally immaculate hair was dripping and plastered against his face, nearly covering his eyes. There was a tense silence, a deadly stillness except for the sound of the barbeque pit and the lapping of the water.
Kurt's shoulders began shaking, his lips pressed tightly together for a split-second, and everyone winced for the fit of rage they knew was coming.
He burst out laughing, almost doubling over in the pool as he clutched his stomach. His wet hand came up to cover his mouth, but it did nothing to stop his hysterical laughter from echoing throughout the backyard, and everyone, except Blaine, stared at him in bewilderment as he giggled so hard he started tearing up. Eventually he pushed his hair out of his face, still chuckling.
"Ohh…hey Mercedes, can you hand me a towel, I think I'm getting hairspray in my eyes."
Mercedes nodded hastily then scrambled to get him a towel. They were all still reeling, trying to figure out exactly what was going on. Kurt's hair was a total mess and sopping wet…Kurt was sopping wet…and he didn't seem to care at all. Once his laughter died down he pointed menacingly up at Blaine through the terry cloth.
"This isn't over! I demand a rematch after dinner! And no kissing cheats!"
"You got it," Blaine said gamely, passing a high-five down to Lauren before she unexpectedly shrugged him into the water. Kurt smiled and bobbed over to him, giving the older boy a gentle shove before they climbed out of the pool.
The bafflement at Kurt's behavior was starting to wear off, and Rachel, attempting to break the awkward silence, dove into the pool and started a water fight with the girls.
Blaine had grabbed a towel, attempting to dry himself off before he joined Kurt by the barbeque pit. Finn, Puck, and Artie approached him and the tallest boy lightly punched his arm.
"Dude! What did you do to him? Whatever it is, keep doing it!"
Blaine shot him a confused glance as he toweled off his hair. "What are you talking about?"
"Kurt was a total brat last summer," Artie said. "Getting his hair wet, accidentally or deliberately, was like a death sentence."
"Seriously!" Puck threw an arm around the ex-Warbler's neck. "How the hell did you keep him from unleashing Summer Kurt two-point-o?
Blaine thought for a moment and shrugged. "I guess he's just loosened up this year. I don't know if I had anything to do with it." He glanced up when his boyfriend called him over to try something from the table. He smiled and shrugged off Puck's arm. "Excuse me."
They watched as Kurt held up a piece of pasta salad for Blaine to try. He took the bite and nodded, wiping a bit of cream cheese off a ham roll then offering it to Kurt. The countertenor accepted the morsel and after Blaine whispered something to him he burst out laughing again, forgetting until the last second that there was still food in his mouth he wasn't covering.
The boys looked back and forth between each other, but pretty soon they just shrugged went back into the pool. The party went on, some of the group eating, some just relaxing in the water, and some playing Marco Polo. After Kurt and Blaine ate they eventually did have a rematch. Team Furt kicked Zison's ass in less than thirty seconds. Then they joined the guys playing Marco Polo for a while before the sun started to set. The sun was falling unusually fast for a summer evening, and twilight was just settling in, so everyone sat down near the barbeque pit for s'mores.
Rachel stood up and went to get some lemonade when she let out a gasp. "Oh my god!"
"What's the matter Rachel," Quinn asked in a resigned voice, breaking a graham cracker in half and handing it to Santana and Tina.
"Kurt's back; it's all red."
The countertenor twisted around to check there was a chorus of gasps. Even in the minimal light of the fire his skin was bright red.
"Kurt you look like a stop light." Brittany said in fascination.
"What'd you do man," Mike asked him anxiously.
He made a face as he observed his suddenly red skin. "I never got a chance to coat my back. It must have happened when we were playing chicken."
Blaine murmured sympathetically and rubbed his boyfriend's delicate shoulder. "Aww, I'm sorry Kurt. When we get back to your house I'll give you an aloe back rub."
"At least you only got burned in one place," Mercedes told him.
Kurt didn't look comforted. "That's because I thought to cover the rest of my body with sunscreen." He frowned down at the untouched s'more in his boyfriend's hand.
"Well, now you know one coat is enough," Puck said with a grin. He then held up his red plastic cup. "We're so doing this again next weekend!"
There were cheers of agreement all around, and Blaine nudged Kurt's shoulder. "What do you think Kurt? Want to come back next weekend?"
Kurt raised an eyebrow, unconvinced.
"I'll make sure to sunscreen your back next time," the older boy coaxed with a suggestive smile and waggle of his eyebrows.
Kurt giggled and shook his head. "Fine. Finn and I need to defend our title anyway. Now shut up and share your s'more."
Finn watched Kurt and Blaine sharing the s'more, marshmallow sticking their fingers together and making them laugh. He smiled at the scene, privately thinking that the absence of Summer Kurt this year had everything to do with Blaine.
FIN
Bah! At last! Finished! I really hope this turned out as well as I planned, but I'll let you guys tell me. ;) One note, ham and cream cheese rolls are DELICIOUS; I write about them often. And one more note, I love Kurt when he's 'bitchy Kurt.' :D The usual please feel free to review/fave. Feedback helps appease Summer Kurt. :)