Author's Note

Jack's thoughts and feelings in the bar at the end of The End of Time Part 2.

The Disclaimer: I own nothing. All rights belong to Russell T. Davies and BBC. I make no money and intend no harm.

Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy it, any reviews or comments would be great.

"They died. And I am sorry, Jack, but you cannot just run away. You cannot run away."

"Oh, yes I can. Just watch me."

Jack replayed his departure over in his mind for the hundredth time, wondering if he had made the right decision. He knew he should have stayed, but he just couldn't, not after what happened. He didn't like to think about it, but he couldn't stop. The faces of the dead swam in his vision keeping him from peace. He couldn't remember ever feeling lonelier.

Jack looked around him, seeing the diversity of the occupants of the bar. They may have been from all corners of the galaxy, but they had one thing in common, the desperation. This was the end of the line, a hopeless, desolate place. He had been to many a bar on earth like it. It doesn't matter where you go, some things never change.

Jack took a sip of his drink, feeling the alcohol burn its way down his throat. He wished it would make him numb, he wished it would make him forget, but it never did. He'd promised himself that he would never love again, but he had broken that promise, as he had done so many times before.

They died, and he was left alone. And every time, they took a piece of him with them. A piece of his soul. He feared that after a while he'd be no different than a Dalek or a Cyberman, devoid of emotion. It wasn't just the loneliness; he was weighed down by the guilt of his actions.

They died, and it was his fault. He recruited them, showed them possibilities and the wonders of the universe. He got them hooked, knowing they'd never be able to leave. Never be able to go back to the way things used to be and he liked it that way. Knowing that they would be there for him and that he wouldn't be alone, if just for a while.

Just then the bartender placed a folded piece of paper down on the counter, saying, "From the man over there." Jack looked to where he pointed and saw a familiar face.

The Doctor looked the same as ever, but the carefree smile that Jack had grown to love was gone, and in its place was a look of great sadness. Jack looked down and unfolded the piece of paper.

His name is Alonso.

Jack looked up, confused, and The Doctor nodded in the direction of the man sitting next to Jack. He was a sailor of some sort, or seemed to be from the way he was dressed. He was also very sad and hopeless looking, for someone as young as he was.

Puzzled Jack looked back to The Doctor, who saluted him. He returned the gesture as the ancient man turned and walked away, hands in his pockets and a look of sad resignation on his face. Suddenly Jack realized what The Doctor was doing, he was helping. Jack didn't know how, but The Doctor knew he needed it, now more than ever.

Jack also knew that something was wrong. The Doctor had looked so sad and defeated. Jack figured something terrible had happened and thought he and The Doctor were very similar. They knew loss, and pain, and death, but they kept going. Jack didn't want to keep going. He wanted some peace from his nightmares. He wanted to die.

Something changed inside Jack just then. He felt a flicker of warmth in his cold, lonely heart. Knowing that The Doctor had just gone through something terrible and could still take the time to help poor old Jack, gave him hope. The Doctor, who had lost so much, still able to care so deeply and capable of such mercy.

Jack looked up to and respected the Time Lord, and he wished he was as strong. Strong enough to live with what had happened, because what he was doing couldn't really be considered living.

Jack looked down at the slip of paper again and then back at the dejected young man beside him. "So, Alonso, going my way?" he asked him smiling.

Alonso looked a bit bewildered, "How do you know my name?" he asked.

"I'm kinda psychic." Jack said really smiling, for the first time in so long.

"Really?" asked Alonso.

"Yeah," replied Jack.

"Do you know what I'm thinking right now?" asked Alonso, intrigued by this strange man.

"Oh yeah." said Jack smiling even more.

Alonso smiled warmly back at him and Jack laughed as he finished his drink. Maybe there was hope for him yet.

FIN