MINDCOITIS PRESENTS: Lost diaries of the gaming dimension.
HITMAN:ABSOLUTION
Diary : AGENT 47
Entry 1: Boobs, glass and a clone, oh my!
I've been doing is for a while, killed more people then I'd like to acknowledge. Although killing people dressed as big bird does give me a kick, it's like a whisky shot, after a few you stop feeling anything. Today I faced a rogue agent, she was nude and as I suspected, several moles in all the right places. After I shot her, glass showering her quivering body, I second guessed myself.
"Why am I a puppet? What Disguise haven't I used? Would it be wrong to make a pass to a gunshot victim?"
Before I could even flirt, she was prattling on about some bastard child. Sure, the child is a scientifically developed killing machine like me, But hard to concentrate when you're staring at nipples. Eventually the manipulative bitch triggers bizarre memories, none even remotely erotic and I'm sure I have got laid at some point in my life…
Before I know it, I'm plus one mopey child and a splitting fucking headache. First botched job and I have a kid now. I finally know how drunken teenagers feel.
Entry 2: Revenge should be served with a side of fried rice.
I drop the kid off to an orphanage, under the pretense of safety, but in reality I'm sick of her incessant questions. Are all kids this infuriating? Hopefully the nuns will sort her out. I also met up with birdie and in exchange for some information (the currency for a hitman and unfortunately, scum). Idiot wants me to kill his competition, literally. This meant having to venture into my forbidden zone…Chinatown. I had been banned for life, all I did was abuse a chef. If you're going to have the adjective 'spicy' on your menu, my tongue better feel the burn or your throat does.
After remembering this little gem, I decided before killing the self-proclaimed king of Chinatown, I would get rid of another unsavory character, that bastard cook. I disguised myself as a chef, poisoned his food and stole a knife. Civilian justice! All spicy food lovers will shower me with gifts of chilli, Tabasco and wasabi peas…..if I wasn't a super-secret hitman, FUCK! Sometimes my awesomeness is so pointless, would Jim Carrey be hilarious if no-one was able to watch him?
After I knifed a cop for his uniform, just for fun I start a panic with the food stall goers. Asians are easily startled dairy, very amusing. The kings car was parked in an alley, I set the alarm off, but not before setting some C4 to the car. The prick runs over to his car, worried of his precious possession. BOOM! Sometimes being the best can have its upside, even if only you know diary.