Lost in pain and loneliness my only friend and the kunai that sinks into my skin, the pain shows me that I am alive, the warmth of the blood trail on my skin reminds me of my choices, the sound of every drop of my blood finding the puddle lying on the floor of my room reminded me that I could not die, I would not take this right from Sasuke, even if it closes the eyes is difficult I must continue, even if I no longer have will I must exist.
"Forgive me Father, I was not a good son, I could not close my eyes and harden my heart ..."
Night then night haunted by nightmares, I recite my vows of forgiveness, perhaps this will cherish my shattered soul.
"Forgive me, Mom, I was not a good son, I could not take care of Sasuke as he asked me that night ..."
With trembling hands and white knuckles I caress the marked skin of my wrists with the sharp tip of my kunai friend, and smile feebly when I see the red line spring from my wrist.
"Forgive me Otuoto, I was not a good brother, I took the happiness of a family ..."
Night after night my sanity breaks, day after day the sharp blade of a kunai seems so captivating, I slowly lose the light and my fingers are stained bright red, close my eyes now it seems tempting, I can not stand the memories anymore of a marked past, would be so easy, to sink the poison-contaminated blade into my chest and fly away from the nightmares would be so easy and would make everyone so happy, but that would be selfishness, my body does not belong to me.
"Forgive me Shisui, I was not a good cousin, I could not avoid the massacre of our clan ..."
Could it have been so different? What would it be like if he had never been born? Would Sasuke still have Daddy and Mommy? Shisui would be alive? Why was I born? I wish I could cut my throat or jump off a cliff in the sea of ?sharks! Would someone die if I died? Was it someone who would cry for a murderer? The pain is so important it makes me exist! Sasuke comes right before he takes his revenge, after all I'm so selfish!
"Forgive me ... For being such a curse!"
With a mascara plastered on my face I face you one last time, as I wished and dreamed of that moment! I'll teach you everything I can in this fight, you can forgive me, I'll leave without letting you know the dark truth, every time I hit my heart, you have to be stronger, stronger, stronger to survive! Stronger to be able to rebuild our clan! Stronger not to become like me, so broken and desperate for death!
"Forgive me Kisame ... I never said I love you!"
My body weighed, my vision was clouded and in my mind my life was going on, Sasuke you were my light in that insane world corrupted by wars and death, your smile motivated me to smile, see your bright eyes make me wake up every day, your existence was my life, your laughter cherished my soul and made my heart beat, Sasuke forgive me! Forgive me for doing it suffer! Forgive me for existing! I just wanted to be the best big brother, to be his example, to smile at every achievement, to be with him when he was formed, to see him smile when he said he was in love, dry his tears when he falls, hold his hand, tell him stories that would make him dream, embrace him to remove his fears, comfort him and this by his side, more would keep you from me, will one day you can forgive me or will forget me, maybe it's better, maybe my memory should rot like my body in a dark hole for all eternity, more because the thought of leaving you alone hurts so much, I do not care about the open wounds in my body or the burns of my skin, the worst pain and the knowledge that I will not be anymore I will not be there when I get married, I will not be there when I have your children, I will not be there for you, I will leave you alone in this world that scares me so much, because I am selfish and fear my nightmares, even though in my mind I would repeat like a man I'm still afraid of what happened to you, Sasuke, because there are so many things I want to tell you, how I want to hold you.
I'm dying, but I can not go without touching him one last time, without asking for his forgiveness, and with pain, I struggle to get up and beg him to forgive me only so I can have peace, each step more my mind goes off of my body, each step my soul rips remembering the past, the past that I can never again grab me as a table of salvation, vague for each smile of yours and as a farewell touch his forehead as much in the past did, a last touch a request for forgiveness, I force my voice out through my cracked and blood-soaked lips ...
-I'm sorry Sasuke ... There will not be a next time!
I smile, feeling my conscience undo, I feel the impact of my body on the ground, and for the second time I can see the blue sky one last time, and in the distance I pacified a bird to be elegant, I had never noticed how beautiful the flight of birds was, I sigh one last time before surrendering to the darkness.
"Forgive me, Papa ... I could never be the shinobi I was proud of ... Forgive me, Mama ... I was never a good son ... Forgive me Sasuke ... I was never the big brother you deserved ... Forgive me. .. for having existed! "
I beg to heaven my mantra before finally being free ...
Impossible, I'm dead, finally free from the curse that was my life so how can I open my eyes and feel once again, I look at my hands and I notice, it was the edo tensei, that damn jutsu ... after I got it regains control of my will and I stopped Kabuto can meet me again, Sasuke, thank you for allowing me to fight on your side even having done what I did, but now it seems I should go, an eternal farewell now, all our foreheads so that it can record each detail of your face in my memories and I say what I always wanted to tell you
"You do not have to forgive me. No matter what happens to you from now on, I will always love you."