It was Walking into school after winter brake when it really hit me. He wasnt walking by me. I wasnt holding on to his arm, having a huge smile on my face. Im not meeting anyone up by my locker, no ones waiting for me. Hes not waiting for me. Really? It had to hit me now? In SCHOOL? It honestly felt so cold that i thought some one threw a slushie on me. I looked down; nope, no red mush on my sweater, or dripping down into it.
But im pretty sure Id much rather a slushie thrown on me then this feeling... Alone. Cold and alone... When the fuck did i get so depressing? I probably stood in the door way for 10 seconds leting the feeling hit in, so I tried snapping out of it and put a smile on my face. No matter what i do, I will NOT show a sign of weekness. Well infront of everyone.
I walked to my locker, opend it and sorted around some papaers. Civics project? Done. Math home work? Done. Lunch money? cheak! Everything was here. I know everyone spends their vacations parting or having sex. But not me. I like to do what school work i need to do, and then just chill. Watch movies, eat pop corn, sleep. Hey, schools out. Why do i want to do even more stuff when its a BREAK?
"So i think we're going to beat butt at our next game." I turned to see Artie wheel chairing his way through the hall with some of his football mates, and when he saw me i waved. He waved back, with a small smile on his face, but an awkward look when he looked up to the person next to him. I looked at what he was seeing, and automaticly knew why he was looking so awkward. I turned in my locker and tried to shut everything out. Tried to get his face out of my mind, tried to get his eyes from my heart.
"Yeah man, we better. We diserve to win." Finns soft voice said, sounding as if they just passed me but was closer some how. I sighed, knowing that their probably not anywhere by me anymore. I got my face out the locker smiling a little, relieved.
The person next to me opend their locker and i tried to remember who it was. I wanted to peek behind the lockerdoor, but of corse, that would look weird. Its been so long that i forgot though... Without geting anywhere, i shrugged and started singing softly to myself. Trying not to be so loud, i dont want to gather a crowd i mean. But i was in the mood, and the song just poped up in my mind. So hey, i needed to let it out.
"I weigh run, into the midnight sun. Wheels go round and round, your on my mind. Restless hearts, sleep lone tonight. Sending all my love, along the wire. They say that the rode aint no place to start a family. Right down the line its been you and me. Love and music man it aint always what its suppose to be. Oh boy you stand by me. Im forever yours, faithfully." I started to humm the other half. Untill the vary end, which i had to go kinda dramatic on. "Oh girl you staaaand by me! Im forever yours, faithfully."
I sighed, remembering why it poped into my head.
"Good going Berry, you just had to put yourself through another depression." I said to myself, sarcasticly.
I grabbed my stuff, closed my locker door and when i turned to leave, i saw Finn. Probably 4 inches away from me. Ohhhh, right, he chose a locker next to mine this year so we could be closer together... Damnit. It was as if he was Frozen, stairing in his locker. He looked confused and disgusted at the same time. Hey, we're not together, but i can still ask whats up... Right?
"You ok, Finn? Sorry if you heard me talking to myself.." I tried to laugh a little. "Everyone does that every now and then."
He looked at me, looking even more disgusted. "Why did you do that? To make me feel bad? To remind me about what I've been wanting to forget?"
"Wait, what are you talking about?" I felt my face scrunch in confusion.
"Singing that song. OUR song. Why? Seriously Rach, thats cold." He snapped his lockerdoor closed and stormed off.
"I forgot your locker was by mine!" I cried out before he got too far, so I knew he could hear me.
He paused, and seemed as if he almost wanted to turn around and say something. But with a shake of his head, he just continued to walk off.
The rest of the day was a blur. I tried smiling a lot, cause if I didnt, I wouldnt be Rachel Berry. And everyone would probably question why I was seeming so blue. But once when 6th period came up, I just gave up. At least for 45 miniutes I can do that. This is the class that I have Finn in anyways, so maybe showing him how upset I am will get him thinking, you know?
I walked into class right when the bell rung. Kinda late. Well for the normal Rachel Berry it was late. I saw that Finn was in his seat behind mine, and I inwordly groaned. I forgot that we sat really close to each other in this class, too. The first day, where ever we sat, was our assignd seats. For the rest of the year. While I slowly walked to my desk, I rememberd all of the cute notes he used to pass me. Or everytime he'd start playing with my hair, and the times when he would tickle my side if we were ever joking around.
When i was coming up, he didnt even turn around to look at me. Dont expect him to want to look at you, Berry. I thought to myself. Pulling my chair out, I sighed and tried to escape the feeling of awkwardnss. We had a sub today, and he seemed pretty lazy. So right when he gave us our work sheets, I pulled out my itouch and listend to my music. Just stairing at the sheet we were suppose to work on.
I really wasnt in the mood to do this. I looked up and saw the sub, Mr. F, siting behind the teachers desk in the corner, almost falling asleep. Then I looked around and saw a lot of the kids goofing around or on their phones or falling asleep, so i just laid my head down and started to hum to myself the song Just Impolite by the Plushguns. I was almost falling asleep when i felt a stair on my back. Acting as if I was looking up at the clock behind me, I saw that it was Finns. I guess he seriously believed that i was only cheacking the time too, because he kept looking at me.
What was he thinking? Did he miss me? Does he want me? Does he... Hate me? Ugh. "Stop thinking about it." I whispered to myself, looking down at my itouch, trying to find a different song. When i finally decided on listening to Go by Boys like girls, I took out my phone and went onto facebook.
I already had 3 Notifications. One was Of Jesse st. James, Kurt Hummel, and Mercedes Jones liking my status, One was of Jesse, Kurt, Mercedes, Noah and Finn commeting on my status, and the other was Jesse and Puck liking my changed relationship post.
Facebook status-
Rachel Barbra Berry So i guess this is when i need to take a deep breath and get the fuck over it. School, you dont intimidate me.
Comments:
Mercedes Jones U go girl. If ya need anything, im here.
Kurt Hummel Im here toooooo! Text me, well i hope Dalton doesnt have teachers that have super texting-psychic abilities because we're ganna text during school!
Jesse St. James I heard the news Rachel. Message me whenever? I need to apolagize, you can do way better. And that way better is me.
Noah Puckerman No, but I intimidat u ;] in a good way i mean.
Mercedes Jones Oh hell no. You get out of here Jesse. Who do you think you are?
Kurt Hummel I agree 1000% with Mercadies. Go away St. Jackass.
Finn Hudson I hope she does to you exactly what she did to Me Jesse. Enjoy my sloppy secounds.
Mercedes Jones Finn, i know wat she did was bad, but calm yo self! She doesnt deserve being called sloppy secounds! You shouldnt get off the hook either!
Noah Puckerman Damn brah, that was coooooold.
Kurt Hummel Boys these days ,i wonder what happend to their brain cells.
Mercedes Jones and 3 others liked this comment
I kinda laughed during reading it. I love Mercedes and Kurt. They can be hilarious in the most serious moments. But I had to roll my eyes at Jesse poping up. I should of deleted him off of facebook. And Puck was just being... Puck. A horn dog. But then, when I rememberd what Finn said I had to look back at him, I had to put all of my emotion in my eyes too so with one look at me, hed know what its about. Him calling me sloppy secounds. That was so disrespectful. I tried apolagizing every chance i get. I tried begging, I tried everything. Even went Christmas tree shopping with him.
When he looked up at me, he had a look of stone coldness. I felt like he already knew why i was looking at him. Then he went back to playing around with the person sitting next to him.
I felt tears surfacing. So i put my head down again, listening to the song White horse by Taylor Swift and just leting a couple of tears slip before rubbing my eyes hoping that would be the trick to make them go away.
It was monday, and we always have Glee club Mondays, Wednesday, and Fridays. So when the 7th peirod bell rang, all i had to do was throw my stuff in my bag, and head to the next door class room.
I sat in my usal middle spot, and I waited for everyone to come in. The second person to walk in was Mercadies. When she saw me she rushed by my side and gave me a hug, sitting in the chair to my right.
"Hey girl, how you holding up?"
"Im fine, everythings fine you know. Always seeing him, having a class with him, just perfect." I smiled, and she frowned. "Puck and I are going to sing a song anyways. So that should make me feel a little bit better."
"Are you sure you should be doing that? I mean with Puck? Dont you think that might make Finn a bit.. pissed? I dont think he'd even think about forgiving you after it."
"What ever, he called me sloppy secounds. So i dont care anymore." Nice lie, Rachel. So believeable. I started to hide my feelings while other Glee members started entering. First the asian couple, arm in arm, smiling at each other all... Happy like. I wanted to puke. Or at least scream at them to stop. But its not their fault that Im unhappy. So I should calm down. After the couple, Artie and Puck came in. Right when Puck saw me, he gave me a wink. I smiled a little, but when he sat in the seat above me and patted my sholder, I knew he didnt believe it.
People started spilling in, chatter and laughs. I tried not paying attention, including when Finn and Santana came in talking and smiling like they were good friends. I tried not to want to scream again, and just turned around to look up at Puck.
"Ready?"
"Ya bet babes."
Mr. shou came in and started talking. "Ok guys, so before you left, I gave you the assigment to pair up with someone to sing a song. Any song and any type as long as its a duet. I really hope you guys got it. Because its a huge grade, and you hade two weeks to pick out a song and rehers it."
From the corner of my eye I see Mike raise his hand.
"Yes, Mike?"
"Is it ok if Tina sings and I just dance in the back ground? You know how I cant sing well." He gave a nervous smile, probably hopeing would understand.
"It'll be 30 points off."
Tina sighed, and exchanged a glance with Mike. They both nodded.
"Ok, at least it'll be a 120."
"That pretty low for a 150. But sure, so whos first?"
Feeling Puck tap my sholder, I nodded in agreement. "Mr. Shou me and Rachel can go first."
"Ok, good, go ahead."
I got up and stood by the piano. Breathing in deeply and not taking my eyes off of Puck, cause I know if I did my eyes would just slip to Finn and break down.
Puck put his guitar on, at first looking down as he started fingering the notes, and as he started singing his verse, he looked into my eyes.
I remember what you wore on the first day,
You came into my life and I thought
"Hey, you know, this could be something"
'Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing
He was walking around, making sure he kept my gaze, and I just stood their amazed. He put so much emotion in his words. I almost believed that he meant every word, but then I snapped back into reality and rememberd that thats what we're suppose to do. Im going to make sure I do it just as well as him too.
He came to stand in front of me, and let me string some of the notes on his guitar, still staring into my eyes as we started singing the chorus together.
So maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
And maybe two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one.
I stoped helping him with the notes and started walking around, looking at everyone hopeing my actress skills were coming into good use by putting emotion on my face. Then when my verse came up, I looked at Puck, into his eyes, still walking slowly around, and hoped to gawd that my voice was as ready as his.
I remember every look upon your face
The way you roll your eyes,
The way you taste
You make it hard for breathing
'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything's okay
I'm finally now believing
Now we started singing the chorus together again, and I was so proud of myself. I was even thinking that I really felt what I was singing. But that was just thinking, cause I sure in the hell know I'd never feel this deep for Puck. But I do know one person that i really feel this way for...
That maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
And maybe two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one
After some hard drums, and fast yet soft guitar and music, It was my turn to sing. It was only my voice in this part. Nothing else. And I let my self slip, i looked at him. In his eyes. I can tell he was pissed, he looked so dissapointed and confused and just mad. But I put all of my sorrow on my face, eyes and I put a little hope in my voice. Hopeing he'd understand. I wanted him to be jealous, But now I just want him to know that i dedicate this song for him. I might be singing with Noah, but this is all for him. He should be the one singing with me. And with that single thought, my heart broke all over again, and a tear slipped out from the corner of my eye.
I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought, "Hey,"
The music, Puck, everything started up again. and I know I should be looking at Puck right now. But Finns' looking in my eyes back, and his face softend. He looked confused, and something else... I just couldnt put a word to it.
Maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking
I can't live without you
'Cause, baby, two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
But I'll figure it out
When all is said and done
Two is better than one
Two is better than one