Just something funny to while away a brief few moments on the holiday. I hope you enjoy it. Gregg.
Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Major General George Hammond had seen a lot of strange medical reports in his time as head of the SGC, but this one he had just received was one not to be believed. He made a quick decision and left his office for to head for the infirmary. Hammond had a feeling that he was going to be laughing his ass off on this one, but then again considering who it was, he could be giving a stiff reprimand instead.
Meanwhile, In The Infirmary
"Get me my pistol, Carter!" O'Neill practically yelled from the bed he was laying face down on. "I am going to shoot, Space Monkey!"
"It's not that bad, Jack," Daniel said from across the room where he was hunkered down slightly behind Teal'c for protection.
"Not that bad?" Jack yelled incredulously. Then he saw something and he blanched. "You are not shoving that thing into me you Napoleonic Sadist!"
Dr. Janet Frasier smirked. "Quit being such a baby, Colonel," she directed as she jabbed the long needle straight into O'Neill's left ass cheek. The glare she received from her less than cooperative patient could melt the polar ice caps, but she was impervious.
"It was an accident, Sir," Carter finally spoke up, shooting a glare at Daniel.
"Likely excuse," Jack snorted derisively. "And why the Hell is everyone in here staring at my bare ass?"
"Community property?" Daniel tried to joke.
"My ass is not community property!" Jack exploded. "And when I am able to I am going to kick your ass straight to Ba'al's little shop of horrors! I'm sure he has a few goodies you'd enjoy!"
Carter couldn't help staring at the Colonel's bare behind. A whole slew of naughty images went sailing through her conscious mind as to what she could do with that impressive body of his, and his ass was giving her a very good idea of just how impressive her CO's body really was. She'd seen him topless before, and in running shorts, so she had a good idea on most of him, now she had one more piece of the puzzle to work in. Only one more, very important, piece left and she'd really be having some pleasant dreams! Her brother had been bugging her to meet some cop friend of his, and now that she'd seen what a fine deriere that the Colonel had, she decided that she would not be meeting this Pete guy and instead focus on blowing away the frat regs with the Colonel.
"Let's all get out of here and let the Colonel get patched up," she said to Daniel and Teal'c. She hustled them out of the infirmary to wait in the hall for word that he was able to have some visitors.
"Major?" General Hammond's voice reached them.
The three friends, and teammates, turned to see General Hammond coming down the hall towards them.
Carter snapped to attention. "Sir!" she said, the spit and polish soldier in her coming to the fore as always.
"At ease, Major," Hammond nodded, and then spared a glance at Dr. Jackson and Teal'c. "Teal'c, Dr. Jackson. Anyone care to explain why my second in command is in the infirmary being worked on after being shot with an arrow during a Fourth of July team party?"
"I believe it was DanielJackson who shot O'Neill," Teal'c replied, making sure that whatever else happened, the real guilty party was the one who was in the line of fire.
Daniel shot a peeved glare at Teal'c. "Thanks, Teal'c," he grumbled.
"Dr. Jackson?" Hammond asked, wanting to have an answer. He'd already decided this was more in the nature of a laughing his ass off situation if Jackson was involved.
"Colonel O'Neill decided to set up a bow shooting range for fun, and to teach Daniel to shoot with a compound bow," Carter began to explain.
"DanielJackson had notched his arrow and was preparing to draw back, but the tension in the line was too great and he let loose at an awkward angle, the arrow pointing to the side at O'Neill who was speaking with MajorCarter," Teal'c continued the explanation.
"The arrow entered Colonel O'Neill's left butt cheek, then the arrow on the homemade shaft broke off, embedding the arrow in the Colonel," Carter completed the explanation.
Hammond had to work hard to keep from breaking into a deep belly laugh right there. Instead, he simply nodded. "Keep me informed on the Colonel's condition, and SG-1 is on down time until he is cleared by Dr. Frasier for duty," he told them and then hastily turned and headed back to his office where he could proceed to laugh until he got it out of his system.
As for Colonel Jack O'Neill, he was fuming and swearing as he laid there while Frasier cut into his ass cheek to get the arrow out and stitch him up. Space Monkey was going to pay for this one. Then he smiled. But if he worked this right he could maybe get Carter to take personal charge of his recovery. He had definitely noticed her interest in his bare butt, so maybe she would be willing to discuss tossing the frat regs out the window. Now that would make this bullshit worth it. He may even let Space Monkey live if Carter was his reward for all the pain and suffering he was going through. He put his head back down and ground his teeth while Frasier worked, but his mind was picturing hot, sweaty, monkey sex with Carter. Now that would be a great way to celebrate the Fourth!
A/N: Short, and not much to it other than the humor of the situation, but something I wanted to write up as a way of getting back to writing Stargate fanfic. I am under this current pen name due to some problems accessing my prior account, but I will be working on finishing, at long last, the Day Series. I hope you all enjoyed this short, humorous jaunt. Gregg.