Exit wounds

Loose your clothes

"Do you think I'm weak?" I whisper from my desk into the empty room. I don't expect an answer; the only person here is Tony and he's sleeping.
He is always there, even if I don't want him to be there. But I want an answer. Now. Impatiently I think of strategies to wake him up, but I decide to let him sleep. Gibbs smothered us with work, while he went on a date with Fornell. Only 15 more minutes.

And show your scars

"No." he mumbles drowsy. "I don't think you are weak."
"Thanks."
"Do you think you are?" Tony wants to make me answer with his interrogation look. But I know better. I don't let him look into my eyes. I watch rain drops dripping down on the window. But I don't want to see him.

That's who you are

"Sometimes. When I think back about…" My mouth isn't able to say this one simple word. Somalia. We've never talked about it. Not in the airplane that has brought me back home. Not in our nights in Paris. Not in one movie night we've shared together. We always avoid talking about it.
He hems. "You don't have to tell me, you know."
This time I look into his eyes and let him look back. His green eyes are full of sorrow and self doubts.
"Yes, I think I'm weak."
"Why?"

I'm falling through the doors of the emergency room

"I gave up myself. My will to live, my will to survive was gone. I lost it." Silence. My voice breaks. I stop Tony before he can say anything.
A deep breath, in and out. "I'm weak, because I wanted to die. I had no reason to take the next breath."
Every tear, every tag of memories; I blink it away.
His face looks guilty. "But I found you. I saved you."

Can anybody help me with these exit wounds?

"When you came, I thought you were an illusion. Just a vicious dream of my subconscious to keep me pained." I cry. Any dams break, they are buried by tons of flashbacks. I lower my head and stare at the desk. I'm weak.
He stands next to me before I can protest. He takes my hand before I can say "No". I don't want to deny anymore. Relief overcomes my body; it takes away all the pain and the angst.

I don't know how much more love this heart can loose

"I didn't give you up. You aren't weak. You are one of the strongest persons I've ever know. Do you understand?" His lips come closer to mine. I can feel his breath. But he doesn't kiss me. Puzzled I swallow down my tears.
"I won't kiss you. I won't use you." he says.

I'm dying, dying from these exit wounds

With the break down in my mind, I feel broken. I feel open and alone. Like thousand bleeding wounds loose blood. His warmth, his close nearness, his body; it all confuses me. And even his trying to help me can't prevent me from stepping back. I can't handle him right now. His arms release me from our embrace.
"Goodnight, Tony."

Where their leaving, the scars you're keeping

I walk away, not one look back. I don't cry anymore, but I feel naughty. I know Tony can't see through my clothes; however I pray he doesn't notice the scars on my back. The marks nobody knows about, he doesn't know. And he won't see them now. We will not talk about this moment.
Tomorrow we will pretend nothing has happened, as we always do.
But there will be something different. He will see me with other eyes. And I will accept it; I will be able to handle it. And maybe, sometimes, I will be able to show him all my scars.

Thanks for reading! I hope you all liked it. Please review, I live for them.
Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or any of its characters. I don't own the lyrics. They belong to The Script, one of the best bands ever.