This was inspired by SpiritualLoneWolfXIII's fic 'Drunken Buddies' and another fic from Doorman361 called 'Drunken Masters'. I thought that what if Po and Monkey had a night out at the Valley of Peace and both of them ended up getting wasted. Enjoy!
Masters' Night Out
by: Terrell James
It was evening around the Valley of Peace and Monkey took Po out on the town to have a little fun and also their first time to sneak out without some of the other's knowledge to where they're actually going and Po looked at Monkey and said, "So...what do you think we'll do tonight?"
"There's this new bar they just opened a few weeks ago and I hear the drinks are really good." Monkey answered.
"A bar?" asked Po.
"Yep...they named it the Warrior Dragon." Monkey answered.
Po was immediately surprised to hear that it was named after the Dragon Warrior, but completely backwards and he asked, "Warrior Dragon, huh?"
"Yep. I thought that maybe we can have some fun there. Maybe have a few drinks and stuff like that." Monkey replied.
Po was somewhat reluctant to go to any bar because he's not one to drink, but for some reason...he felt like he needed to do something fun for once and he would take it as just a night out with his best friend and said, "Anything to get me out of Dragon Warrior duty."
Monkey chuckled at this and as they walked into the bar, they could see how it looks like from there and it was everything any first timers would want and both of them wanted a piece of the nightlife. As they got used to their surroundings a little, the bartender comes around both of them and said, "Hey, guys. What can I get you guys?"
"What kinds of drinks do you have for us?" asked Monkey.
The bartender lets out a chuckle and replied, "We've got some of the best brews that's made in parts of China and also in this bar; Moon Hopper, Dragon Breath, Peace Shots, The Shen Vanquisher, Bloody Tiger and Shine Mod."
"What's your original?" asked Po.
The bartender chuckled at this after he heard Po ask what are some originals and he said, "We've made an original drink last week that's in honor of the Dragon Warrior...Awesomeness Juice; black and white sake mixed in with orange. Would you like some bamboo shots?"
Po was completely amazed that there's an actual drink in his honor and he couldn't be any more awestruck and said, "I'll take it!"
"I'll have the same along with The Shen Vanquisher; five shot glass." Monkey stated.
"Right away!" the bartender exclaimed.
Almost immediately, the bartender gave Po the Awesomeness Juice and knowing that there's a big amount of booze there, he was willing to take a few risks to drink it and when he drank the entire thing, Po was blown away by the strong taste of it and said, "This is so awesome!"
"Would you like some more?" asked the bartender.
"Yep. Matter of fact, give me about...4 glasses." Po replied.
Suddenly, Monkey was surprised that Po would take those kinds of drinks and he lets out a smile and said, "Gotta live a little, Po."
"I think I'm gonna live a lot, Monkey." Po said, guffawing.
As the night goes on, Po and Monkey were just drinking and drinking and drinking in front of the entire crowd and Po entertained the crowd taking many more shots of Awesomeness Juice and Monkey even cheered him on to take more shots and as Po stands up on the bar while holding his drink, he said, "To everyone here at this bar...I love you all and let's get drunk like we don't give a you know what!"
"That's my buddy!" Monkey exclaimed.
Po gulped it down hard and pumped his fists up in the air while everyone was cheering hysterically and Monkey took down four drinks and stood next to Po and said, "We're drunk partners!"
As the night went on, Po and Monkey were partying like it was no one's business like they can do whatever in their free will and just living it up; dancing with some random girls all over and every girl that danced with both of them did whatever they did to make their nights even more awesomer than ever. Then, they danced with themselves and just making complete fools out of themselves and it went to a point where they went out of control as they got more drunker.
Po walked over towards the bar just dancing like crazy while attracting the crowd in style and soon enough, Monkey joined in as well with every drunken dance ever made and soon enough, Po takes his pants off and Monkey was hooting hysterically for Po and Po shouted, "Can you do this?!"
Po started shaking his ginormous butt over all the bar like it was no one's business and went all out crazy and started twerking by taking his butt shaking to a new level, which attracted the crowd and Monkey shouted, "Shake it, Po!"
"I'm shaking my butt off, Monkey!" Po exclaimed, still shaking.
"I bet you I can dance better than you!" Monkey exclaimed, still drinking.
"Bring it!" Po replied.
Monkey took his 18th drink and with that, he took off his pants and started dancing like crazy to show off to Po that he has the better dancing skills and did his own Monkey twerk by shaking his butt a lot harder and some insane drunk dance and the crowd definitely witnessed these two drunken masters dancing like it was no one's business. Po twerked a lot harder and completely shook his entire butt through the bar and had two shots of The Shen Vanquisher and just danced harder than ever.
Both of them continued drinking and dancing through the whole night until every girl wanted a piece of them and danced with them, which was the luckiest part of the bar.
After 3 hours of serious drinking and partying, Monkey and Po left the bar laughing hysterically and super wasted and both of them were completely uncoordinated, but they could care less. Monkey still held a drink on his hand and chugged it down and said, "Great dancing, Po. You really are the life of the party."
"Don't I know it!" Po said, slurring his words then hiccuping.
Soon enough, Po looked deeply into Monkey's eyes and he said, "I love you, man."
"I love you, brother." Monkey said, slurring.
Just then, both of them ended up kissing each other in the mouth and after a few seconds, Monkey said, "I kissed a panda...and I liked it."
"Same way as I kissed a monkey." Po stated.
Monkey pants heavily and said, "But it doesn't mean we're in love with each other. We're just good friends...drinking and partying buddies."
Po agreed with that and just stood there with the whole bottle of Awesomeness Juice and said, "That's right. I'm in the mood for girls tonight!"
"Here here!" Monkey shouted.
Po panted heavily and he said, "Hey...let's head to another bar and make fun of some people."
"My words exactly. And dance again." Monkey added.
Po drank up another bottle of booze and Monkey had some already and both of them walked to another bar across the street from the new bar and once they entered inside, they were completely surprised that it ended up being a gay bar.
"I love partying with you, Monkey." Po said, slurring.
"Me too." Monkey said, laughing uncontrollably.
Throughout the entire night, Po and Monkey started making fun of anyone in the bar and laughed hysterically and danced the whole night away while drinking more and more as they got drunker than ever and for some reason...Po stood up onto the bar and just urinated on almost everyone and once Monkey saw that, he was laughing so hard while drinking another round of sake until they finally got kicked out.
"Yeah, well screw you guys and your fancy outfits, thinking you're so popular and rich!" Po shouted.
"We're way better looking than any of you!" Monkey jeered.
Soon, most of the people are that bar left with a huff and Po wasn't through with them yet and said, "Hey, snooty losers! Get a load of this!"
Po stood up, pulled his pants down and mooned everyone at the entire bar while Monkey laughed at this and Po shook his butt at them and said, "You can kiss the Dragon Warrior's fat ass right now! I dare you!"
He shook it again and slapped it before putting his pants back on and Po said, "Let's go, buddy."
Minutes have gone by and they were on their way back to the Jade Palace and as they looked at the stairs, Po said, "It's too far up."
"Yeah, how could they make it so high?" Monkey asked, hiccuping.
They did their attempt to get up on the steps, but they had so much drinks in two bars that it was proven impossible for them to keep coordinated and ended up falling down many times in each step and when they finally made it to the top, they were exhausted and dizzy and it felt like they were gonna throw up at any minute.
"Monkey...I can't...go any step further." Po said, breathing heavily.
3 minutes later
They snuck into the Barracks and Po was too drunk to even walk and so was Monkey, but they didn't wanna wake them up and Monkey said, "I bet you Shifu wouldn't even notice."
"Yeah, he's no smarter than us!" Po suddenly exclaimed.
"I don't think so, panda."
Just then, they saw Master Shifu standing there with his arms folded and Monkey and Po were still too drunk to see them and Po said, "Which one of you is the real Master Shifu? Is there like four of you?"
Po's vision was blurred out that he saw four Master Shifu's and Shifu responded, "Have you two been drinking?"
"No." Po said, but Shifu smelled some heavy booze on Po's mouth that confirms he was drinking.
Shifu coughed at this and he looked at the both of them and said, "Let me ask you this question; how was your night at the bar?"
Po lets out a big groan and just didn't know what to say and Monkey said, "I think...he knows."
How hilarious is that?! I had to bend the rules of KFP a little bit and I thought maybe Po could do a little bit of twerking while he's dancing naked in the bar. Can you imagine the image in your head of the Dragon Warrior twerking naked? Anyways...sorry if it scarred your head. Hope you like!