When she was younger, Paige was a typical Daddy's girl. She adored the ground her father walked on. As she grew older, started school, she began to see ways in which he wasn't all that she believed him to be.
Paige remembered the first time she ever saw her parents as real people, outside from the rosy influence of family. Her mother, already pale from the disease that would claim her life later on had burned the dinner they were supposed to eat that evening. Paige had never seen her father so angry, and for something that was an accident. When he yelled at her mother, grabbing her arm, that was the first time Paige ever felt fear. The very same fear she saw reflected in her mother's eyes.
He was rarely violent, and never to her, but that wasn't a moment she would ever forget. As the leukemia ravaged her mother's health and body, Paige stuck by her side. Somehow, she knew, despite the various treatments and short times of remission, her mother didn't have much longer to live.
Her mother had made her peace with her inevitable death many years before Paige entered the eighth grade. Paige could tell her mom was holding out for her, but there came a point where Paige took her mother's hand and held it tightly, "I'll be okay, Mom. You raised me well. I love you. Always will."
Her mother had smiled, tears falling down her sunken cheeks, "I know, honey." She squeezed Paige's hand tighter, the other ran through Paige's brown locks gently. "Promise me something?"
"Anything."
"Never be afraid to be yourself, my daughter. Love boldly, live freely and know God and I will be looking out for you. I love you, sweetheart." She died later that year in early October. Paige was thirteen. Just under a year after her mother died, Paige met Emily.
The summer going into her freshman year at Rosewood High was abnormally hot. That reason, coupled with her intense desire to get out of her house and away from her grieving father, led her to the community pool.
The pool was where she rekindled her love of swimming and found herself drawn to more than just the talent of the Fields girl who lived two blocks away. Her hair, so dark it was almost black, held the luminous quality Paige used to wish for. Her olive skin seemed to glow in the sun, soaking up the rays and reflecting them back at Paige, and the world with such intensity it made her squint. In short, the girl was gorgeous and everything Paige had ever wanted to be.
Without really understanding why, Paige set out to befriend this girl. "Hi there, I'm Paige. I noticed you swim here a lot." She wished she could sound half as cool as this girl looked. Somehow, even in a Speedo brand racing suit, the other girl still managed to appear unfazed by the uncertainty that followed teenage years.
"Hey, I'm Emily. Yeah, I'm practicing to get on the swim team at Rosewood."
"You are? Cool! I am too! I mean, I've seen you practice, you're really good. Do you have any pointers for me?" Paige's face felt like the sun had landed on it and was planning on staying for supper.
"Sure!" Emily smiled at her. "Should we get in?"
"Wha-?" Paige looked at the other girl blankly.
"Get in the pool? It's easier to show than tell."
"Right, okay. Thanks."
"Anytime," Emily laughed and jumped into the pool. "Let's get started."
That was how the two of them spent their summer, at the pool. Some days they would condition and race, others they would just float about and play games. Marco Polo was one of Emily's favorites and Paige couldn't help but acquiesce when Emily suggested it. If there was one thing she knew she loved to see, it was a smile and a laugh upon Emily's face.
The summer was soon over and both of the girls tired out for the swim team. Emily made first string, Paige second. Paige knew Emily could sense her disappointment and she tried to cheer Paige up. She took her out for ice cream
"You know, you looked really good out there."
Paige blushed, "But not good enough." Not as good as you.
Emily reached across the table to grab Paige's free hand, "Hey, stop beating yourself up over this. We're just going to work even harder and within no time at all you'll be speeding past me."
Paige laughed lightly and gripped Emily's hand, "You mean that?"
"More than anything."
"Cool," Paige let out a long breath, hand still clasped in Emily's. Their eyes locked and Emily dropped her hand, "Yeah."
The school year began to pick up and soon Paige found herself more and more without Emily. Seemingly without warning Alison, the popular girl from Paige's middle school, snapped up Emily's attention.
Increasingly Paige would find that instead of sitting with her, Emily would be sitting next to her new friends, Hanna, Aria and Spencer. All of them were handpicked by Ali as her personal posse. It didn't take long for Paige to stop eating in the cafeteria at all.
She much have seemed withdrawn because even her father noticed something was wrong. "Are you sick, Paige?"
"No, sir."
"Then why aren't you eating your dinner?"
"Just thinking."
He seemed to pause at that, he watched her closely, "What's troubling you?"
Paige looked at him in surprise, it was the first time since her mother had passes that he showed a genuine concern for her mental state aside from making her see their pastor for counseling.
"My friend, Emily, she's the one that helped me with my swimming, this popular girl at school claimed her as a friend and now Emily doesn't talk to me."
Her father looked at her for a minute before responding, "She obviously didn't help you enough if you didn't make first string. Maybe it's a good thing you aren't talking."
Paige fought the urge to let her jaw drop, "Emily was a great teacher, Dad. I just need to practice more, get my times down. It's not something that will happen over summer break."
"That's right, you do. Maybe instead of focusing on friends who obviously don't care about you, you should work on getting better."
Paige watched her father with indescribable sadness as he started in on her academic success (need to do better or no swimming at all) and repeated the mantra that had been a part of her life since the year before when her mother died. He's just grieving. I shouldn't make him mad. He's only doing what he thinks is best for me. He's my father.
"You're right," she interrupted, "I'll do better."
He looked up at her in surprise and almost smiled, "Good." He cleared his throat, "Now eat your chicken.
She obliged.
Some days she still couldn't believe how easily Emily picked Alison over her. In October, a year after her mother died, she saw Emily in the courtyard and asked if she wanted to go to the coffee shop after school to catch up. Emily blew her off saying, "I can't, sorry. Ali is coming around to mine after school."
Paige didn't fail to notice how Emily's eyes lit up with the thought of Alison. "I see." She said, though she really couldn't. All she could see was how these four other girls seemed to be more important to Emily than Paige ever was. Maybe that explains the jealousy. Paige reasoned with herself. Ali and the others are so different from me so that's why I feel so slighted.
She tried to get her mind off the other girl. No girl spends this much time thinking about another girl unless she's obsessed or messed up in the head. Maybe both. She pushed the thoughts away. Instead she focused on her schoolwork and swimming and tried to ignore the way her breath would catch when she saw some of the girls pull themselves out of the pool. She would keep her mind on the homework she needed to complete. She thought of the time she needed to beat instead of the way the beads of water would fall between Emily's breasts. How her lungs would fill with much needed air after a particularly hard relay, her chest straining against the swim suit.
Paige began counting the times she had unholy thoughts about the other girls and made sure to pray extra hard on those days. To her father's delight she started going to Thursday evening services at the church on top of Sunday morning services.
Paige tried not to flinch at school when she say Emily with Alison in the lunch room (Paige had decided to brave the cafeteria in mid-November) and she could see how Ali would let her touch linger on Emily's arm, back, shoulder and how Emily would light up and lean into the touch. Ali would smile like she knew a secret no one else would ever guess. Paige tried not to notice how Emily would deflate as soon as Ali left the table, locking arms with her boy of the month.
Her father had never been more proud of her than when she brought home a note from her science teacher saying she was one of the brightest students in the class (Paige didn't know they still did that sort of thing in high school, but she shrugged it off). She beamed with pride when she told her father that she would be bumped up to first string within the month according to the swim coach.
Her father managed to surprise her even further by hugging her and kissing her on the forehead. That day was only slightly damped by Ali kissing Emily on the cheek during lunch and Emily blushing so red she had to excuse herself from the table.
When Michael, from science, asked Paige on a date she gritted her teeth and asked if she could get back to him later that night. They exchanged numbers and she sent him a text later with her address once her father okayed the date. They set the date for Friday night that week. He was planning on picking her up at her house around 5 so her father could meet him.
The date went as expected, there were awkward moments and funny moments. Paige could say with certainty that she wasn't going to marry the guy but she liked him well enough and he made her laugh on more than one occasion. When he dropped her off at home after dinner and a walk through the park he asked if he could take her out again (yes) and if he could kiss her goodnight (also yes). The kiss was short, just how a first kiss ought to be she reckoned as she ignored the overwhelming feelings of how wrong it felt. She smiled at him tightly and headed for the door. "See you at school," he called after her and she looked back and waved. No, it's wasn't terrible, just not good either.
She dated Michael throughout the rest of the year, all the while tuning out how much she wanted to break up with him and be free from the expectations being with him brought her. Come summer she finally did just that, earning her father's respect when she gave swimming, keeping up with her studies and church as her reasons. He patted her on the shoulder as he headed for his chair in his study and told her he was proud of her.
The pleased look on his face was the one she kept in the forefront of her mind after the news broke later that summer that Alison DiLaurentis was missing. She certainly did not think of Emily and how she was holding up. And she definitely didn't have to stifle the I'm glad she's gone thoughts that popped up. Instead she worked harder on swimming and prayed harder than ever. What she prayed for was between her and God.