"As I lie down tying knots with Finnick, thinking of Peeta, Gale, Johanna, Annie, the people we both miss… and thinking of the confession he made today on screen and trying to find a way to apologize to him for the way I thought of him before, the door is suddenly opened.
It's Haymitch.
-"You two… come quickly."
We rise up immediately having realized something happened… something that has to do with the rescue mission.
We follow him to command. On the TV, there were our people: Gale, Boggs, the whole rescue team, and of course: Peeta, Annie and Johanna. Snow too was there.
"Tonight, District 13 sent a team to rescue those prisoners. They'll both have their punishment."
I almost screamed, and Finnick covered his face. Only minutes later, as I saw soldiers advancing with guns, I hid my face from the screen, behind Finnick's shoulder. Both of us started shivering like crazy once we heard the gunshot, and we were sedated immediately.
.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.
It was even more difficult than I thought.
I had nobody left. Most of the time I hid somewhere, crying. In the hospital, there were talks about Finnick trying to kill himself several times. He was tied to his bed and fed by nurses, and most of the times he had his eyes set on empty spaces whispering her name.
Prim hugged me at night and we both cried like crazy. Peeta… the one who sacrificed his life for me and protected me countless times. Gale… who volunteered to save Peeta despite all the trouble between the two, only for me… my hunting partner. Annie… the only person Finnick had left. Johanna… who endangered he own life to protect mine, and removed my tracker to save me. Boggs, who protected me and lied for me.
Finnick's mental health eventually got better, but his heart became even more and more broken the wider he woke to reality.
Oh Finnick… what have they done to you? They sent you to the hunger games then got you forcibly prostituted and sent your girl there trying to kill her, but she made it out of the arena crazy, then they kidnapped her and tortured her… and now they killed her.
Here's one man who suffered much more than me… who wants his revenge even crazier. We visited each other. every visit started with us trying to console each other, but ended with us crying on each other's shoulders. Every trial to console each other ended up useless and silly.
Finnick, several times, asked me to find a way to end his agony. To search for any weapon… and smash his head with is or bury it in his chest. Most of the times I held his hand and told him he doesn't want to die before he sees Snow die… but I once yelled at him. I couldn't stand it anymore… he was the stronger fighter and the better man all along… for him to break down makes me feel like breaking down too. I told him to be strong and brave… to get up and have his revenge… to lead me to victory.
Am I really blaming him for being weak? I, myself, couldn't get out of my misery till the last moments. I just hoped that he'd be better.
Months later, news had it we were heading to the capitol. My training started… and I succeeded, somehow, to pull Finnick up and make him join me. Maybe it wasn't me or whatever I said to him… maybe it was only his desire to burn this world down.
After our final training, we got divided into squads. Our squad was a star squad… the one which will be shot for propos. The others started arguing about it… but Finnick and I remained silent. We both knew each other's plans.
"You won't really follow this stupidity, will you?" I said.
He only smiles darkly. In a few seconds, he answers, "You bet."
.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.
Here's what happened in the following few weeks.
Finnick and I survived. The rest of the squad died. Prim is dead. I have nobody else to live for… no reason… no purpose. The only reason left is taking my revenge. No need to talk about my mental or moral condition… in every single way, I was dead.
Snow's execution is tomorrow. And today he tells me he was not the one who killed Prim. It was Coin. I find what he said and the reasons pretty logical… but…
I have to say I never trusted Coin. And for real, the only one who had a reason to send Prim to a place which is going to be bombed was her.
I know what they're planning. They'll give me one arrow and I'll be the one killing Snow.
But I'm planning otherwise.
.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.
On the hovercraft, Finnick and I only stare at each other. None of us has anyone else in the world anymore. Maybe except for Haymitch who's unconscious now, but who can really call Haymitch company?
Everything went as I planned. I told Finnick to shoot Snow at the execution in the same instant I shoot Coin. Finnick was allowed in with his trident for all he represented and did for the cause, and he stood in a front line with no obstacles between him and the man he hated. As I changed the direction of my bow to Coin's, he threw his trident with enormous power at Snow burying it right in his chest.
We both had our revenge. But after revenge… it's all blank. No more purpose. No more reasons to live.
He lost his entire family and the only woman he could have a future with, and the exact same happened to me. And now, the idea of killing myself to end the agony which he proposed earlier, did not seem that bad.
As if he's reading my mind, he says, "Remember when I asked you to kill me and you told me to be strong?"
-"Yes, I remember." I say flatly.
-"Well now I've exceeded the only reason I had left to live… and my life has become meaningless… purposeless that the idea seems even better now."
Is he proposing that we do it now? Together?
-"But… I think if Annie was looking down on me now and she watched me do this… she'd be heartbroken and heavily disappointed in me. And I think this applies to Mags, Peeta, Gale and Prim too. Imagine how they'd feel if you do this."
I think about it. Peeta will be heartbroken. Gale will be upset and disappointed, and Prim will cry.
-"Katniss, the only thing those people would have wanted from us is to go on living."
I think again and all I can do is nod. I don't know if I'll be able to go on living, but I agree with him, at least.
"Come with me." He suddenly says.
-"What?"
-"To 4. You and Haymitch… we're the only people left for each other. And the ocean cures a lot, Katniss. Haymitch can live in Mags' victory village house and you live in Annie's. Trust me, Katniss, we can only do this together."
I don't answer… but I take it into my head.
As the hovercraft arrives to 4, I get up and shake Haymitch.
"Haymitch… Haymitch, get up. We're there."
-"Where?"
-"At 4."
-"But I thought only Odair was going to 4?"
-"And we have no business alone at 12. It'll only remind us of everything we've lost… and I want to start new."
He seems to think about it. But before it sinks in, I take his hand a push him to the door. Finnick is already out waiting for us, and now we're out too.
The hovercraft landed in an empty concrete square near the beach. Of course, it couldn't land on sand, this would have made a big mess.
"Let's walk to the victory village." Finnick says.
.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.
Finnick and I were always there for Haymitch. He never stopped drinking, but he was sometimes conscious, at least.
The three of us still received the food we always did for being victors, but most of the time we'd donate it. We didn't want anything to remind us with our past lives… not anymore. Finnick caught us fish in the beginning, but I wasn't the kind of girl to be unable to get her own food, so I asked him to teach me. I learned trident but I was better with the nets and the fishhooks.
We spent times together at the beach, remembering our people but not talking about it. When one of us choked on tears and needed somebody, the other was always there.
And at the beach was our first kiss.
Before it… I was staring right into his eyes… his incomparably beautiful sea green eyes… looking far through the beauty that is visible… to an inner beauty that only a few people could see. All the suffering and all the scars they left on him only left him more beautiful and noble. I start to recall our relationship, state by state.
When I misunderstood him… when I watched him save Peeta and I time after time… when I watched him break down over the girl he loves… when we only had each other left.
Now I realize I was stupid and wrong. I never really had nobody left… I had Finnick. I always had Finnick. Ever since I knew him, he never really left my side. It's only that I never appreciated him enough or thought of him as I should have… or maybe that before, I was in love with somebody else. All I know is that I only have him now and he was always there to understand me.
If we get together now… we're blameless. And it's the first time in my life I'm not blamed or endangered for loving somebody, God knows for that alone I held on to his love even more. Did he feel the same? Only one way to discover it.
I closed my eyes and let my lips seal his. Our kiss was long… soft… tender… and delicious. It had a mixture of tastes in it. The sweetness of his sugar cubes… the saltiness of the sea… the coffee, the drink I used to hate but he made me love… all came from him. And from me, the smoke rising from a burned creature… the memories… the bitterness. Gradually faded the dismay… the sadness… the tears… and came the salvation. Love was our pain and love was our long lost salvation.
Our kiss ended and I stepped back… not because I wanted to, but because I had to say one thing.
I held his hand and whispered, "I love you, Finnick."
In the beginning, he didn't reply. He only stepped forward to me and hugged me… his strong arms and his warm chest protected my body as I recalled how much I longed to those feelings; the feelings of being protected, loved, and sheltered. The delicious feeling you get when you have someone to depend on. And I get, at that second, the desire… or more correctly the need… to carry his children and his name.
And then he whispers back, "I love you too, Katniss."
The End.