"Marceline!" Finn called, knocking on her front door before letting himself and Jake in. "You know what time it is?"
"Adventure time!" Jake shouted.
"No, dude, jam session time!"
"Oh, sorry," Jake said. "Thought we were doing the thing."
Marceline looked up from putting something in a duffel bag on her couch. "Oh, sorry, guys. I'm gonna have to skip on tonight's session. I have to go deal with some vampire business."
"Oh." Finn frowned. "It's not your dad again, is it?"
"Nah, not this time." She zipped the bag up and swung her axe bass over her shoulder. "The Vampire Court is getting together. Some political mess. I have to go do queen stuff."
"Huh. That sounds…boring," Jake said.
She laughed. "Yeah, probably will be. I hate all this royal crud, but it's part of the gig."
"I never thought about you actually having to rule and everything," Finn said thoughtfully. "You're always just around."
"They don't need me too often, but tonight's kind of a big deal." Marceline picked up the bag and started floating toward the door. "Look, since I flaked on you, feel free to get a snack or something. Just don't mess with my stuff. And don't try to follow me." She pointed at them seriously, her eyes glowing demonically. "Some of the other vampires aren't as mellow as I am."
Jake gulped. "Got it."
"Later, guys!" Marceline headed out and flew away into the night, leaving the brothers standing awkwardly in her living room.
"You know I want to go to that vampire meeting," Finn said, eyes shining.
"Aw, man!" Jake groaned, slapping his forehead.
"Come on! Marcie acting like a queen? That's gotta be crazy! Ooh!" He about jumped up and down as an idea struck him. "We should get PB to go with us! She won't believe it either!"
"Marceline just told us not to follow her!" Jake yelled. "She did the demon eyes! What other warnings do you need?!"
"So we'll just have to make sure she doesn't catch us." Finn picked up Marceline's lamprey-like phone, trying to work out how to dial it.
"And now you're using her phone?!" Jake slumped onto the sofa. "She's actually gonna kill us this time."
"No, she won't." Finn waited as the phone rang.
A confused voice answered. "Marceline?"
"Hi, Peebles, it's Finn. I'm at Marceline's house."
"Oh, hello, Finn. Is something wrong?"
"No, just…Are you busy? Because if not, something amazing is going on!"
In her lab, Princess Bubblegum looked over at her array of glassware, where colorful geysers and water spouts leapt from one to the other. "I suppose things are relatively stable for the moment."
"Great!" He leaned closer to the phone, lowering his voice conspiratorially. "Marceline is going to a royal function for vampires! She's gonna be in full queen mode!"
Bubblegum set down her test tube, interested. "I didn't know Marceline had any royal responsibilities."
"Neither did I! Jake and I are going to sneak after her and try to watch."
"Make sure to send someone to look for our bloodless corpses in the morning!" Jake shouted from the couch.
"So, you in, Princess?"
"Yeah!" She pulled off her goggles and turned off the heat on her Bunsen burners. "I'm not missing this! I'll get the Morrow and catch up to you."
Finn hung up the phone and went running out the front door. "Come on, Jake!"
Jake looked at Schwabl. The zombie poodle stared back at him in canine empathy. "If Marceline kills us, you can have Finn as a chew toy."
OOO
Finn and Jake were sprinting through the forests in the general direction Marceline had flown when the Morrow swooped down beside them. Princess Bubblegum climbed off and joined them at a jog.
"Did I miss anything?"
"Not yet," Finn panted. "Man, she's hard to follow! We lost sight of her a few minutes ago, but she was headed this way."
"We've gotta be getting close," Jake wheezed. "I can smell vampires. A lot of them!"
The climbed up a hill and immediately ducked behind a fallen log, peeking over. In a wide clearing at the bottom of the hill were dozens of vampires of every shape and size. They floated about, mingling, talking in groups, some glaring at others. Occasionally, a bat would land and turn into another vampire who joined one group or another.
"I thought they'd meet at a big castle somewhere," Finn said, a little disappointed. "With candles, and blood fountains, and a huge throne made of skulls or something."
"Maybe they're just meeting here, then going somewhere more formal?" Bubblegum suggested.
"Maybe. Look." He pointed to a group of vampires, two men and one woman, standing near the center. The men wore capes and dark suits. The woman wore a slinky black dress. When someone pictured an example of a vampire, these three were what they thought of. "I bet you those are, like, the elders or something."
"I don't see Marceline yet," Jake said nervously.
"Probably getting ready to make her big entrance," Finn said. "She's all about putting on a show."
"I bet she'll be wearing a long dress, like the vampires in stories," Bubblegum said. "With a big crown, all red and black."
"She hates all that stuff," Finn protested.
"She's acting as the queen. Queens must look the part," Bubblegum insisted.
Jake shrank back. "There she is!"
Sure enough, Marceline floated out of the forest at one edge of the clearing, guitar over her shoulder and duffel bag in hand. She wore the same flannel shirt and jeans she had on when leaving her house.
"Huh." Finn frowned. "Maybe you're right and this isn't the whole shebang."
Marceline floated among the groups of vampires, greeting a few here and there. The trio watching from the woods noticed the mood of the vampires shift subtly around her. Whenever she approached, conversations stopped and every eye watched her. Vampires moved out of her way and left a respectful space around her even though she just floated casually between them.
Keila, who the friends recognized from Marceline's band, the Scream Queens, floated over to her. "Hey."
"Everybody here?" Marceline asked.
"Yeah, everyone we could reach in Ooo. They'll spread the word to the rest."
"Good." Marceline set down her duffel bag and slung her axe off her shoulder, setting it atop the bag. "So, which are the little punks I had to drop everything to come deal with?"
Keila jerked a thumb at the three classical vampires. "Who do you think?"
The entire collection of vampires had gone silent now, watching. A space had opened around the three well-dressed vampires, who stood together, glaring at Marceline defiantly.
Marceline sighed, looking them over. "Yeah, why am I not surprised?"
"This is the famous vampire queen?" one of the men asked. His hair was slicked back to accentuate his perfect widow's peak.
"I know," Marceline grinned at him humorlessly. "No one expects me to be this hot." She looked over the assembled group. "Which of you guys sired these bozos?"
Her gaze settled on three vampires who were huddled together, shaking and looking ashamed. "I swear, your majesty," one of the women said, "we tried to teach them the laws. We really did—"
"Chill out, I know," Marceline said, turning her glare back to the sneering group separated from the rest of the vampires. "Now it's my job."
She lowered her feet to the ground and sauntered over to the group with the casual air of a cat who knows its prey is one muscle spring away from a very sharp death. "Well, you guys have drawn a lot of attention lately."
"About time," the same man who had spoken before said. Marceline zeroed in on him as the ringleader.
"What are your names?"
"I'm Murcielago, that's Sanguinessa, and he's Nocturnius." Nocturnius gave a sarcastic half-bow.
Marceline stared at them. "Seriously?" She rolled her eyes. "All right, do you know why you're here?"
"We're here because someone decided it was a crime for vampires to drink blood!" Murcielago snorted.
"That's right." Marceline stood up straighter in front of them, making sure she had everyone's undivided attention. "You three idiots were caught drinking blood from mortals. Do you have any idea how stupid that was? How much danger you put us all in?"
"We just did what vampires are supposed to do!" Murcielago snarled. "Everybody here seems to have forgotten that. Nobody's scared of vampires anymore! We just hang around, sucking red out of stuff, hiding in the shadows. We're supposed to be blood-sucking monsters!"
Marceline cocked her head at him, a cold smirk on her lips. "How old are you?"
"One hundred and fifty-eight," Nocturnius said confidently.
"One seventy-five," Sanguinessa boasted.
Murcielago gave her a smug grin. "Two hundred and forty-six."
Marceline laughed. "So not one of you was actually around when vampires still drank blood? Not even as mortals?" She chuckled again as she turned around and floated back to her duffel bag, unzipping it. "Okay, kids, history lesson."
She reached into the bag and pulled out a long, pointed piece of wood. The vampires around her flinched back when they saw it. She straightened up and drifted back over to the young vampires holding it in front of her. "You do know what this is, right?"
Murcielago rolled his eyes. "It's a stake."
"Good. Now," she addressed the entire clearing, "who here remembers the last time a vampire was staked since we started drinking red? Or beheaded? Or burned? Anyone?"
No one answered.
"That's right, because nobody cares if we drink red. Doesn't matter. But you drink somebody's blood and people start running for pitchforks and stakes and they decide it's time to kill every 'blood-sucking monster' they see."
"We're vampires. We're stronger than some little mortals," Murcielago said.
Marceline played with the sharp end of the stake. "You know, the Vampire King thought the same way you do. Back after the Mushroom War, long before you three's ancestors were even born," –she waved the stake to point at them, making some of the vampires behind them twitch—"vampires were the 'blood-sucking monsters' you talked about. And after attacks, the survivors of the people they fed on would strike back. They couldn't wipe out all the vampires, but they always got at least one. A lot of us who were around back then still have scars from those attacks.
"But one vampire decided enough was enough. She did some experiments and figured out we could live on red just fine instead of blood. She knew this was a chance to stop all the fights with mortals. She wanted to protect the rest of us from being staked, especially her daughter." A roughness in Marceline's voice made it clear who the daughter was.
"The Vampire King was stubborn like you," she continued. "He said we should be feeding on mortals, not making peace with them. So, my mom and the other vampires who were sick of being staked and chased left and started their own group. They stayed away from mortals and drank red and didn't cause any trouble."
Marceline's hands tightened on the stake and she glared at it, her eyes distant. "But the Vampire King and his people kept preying on mortals, and since mortals don't know the difference, they went after any vampires they found. And one of those mobs went out for vengeance and staked my mother instead."
Up on the hill, Finn felt pity clamp his heart. "Whoa."
"I knew her mother was gone," Bubblegum whispered. "But she never told me how."
"That sucks," Jake breathed.
In the clearing, Marceline's eyes narrowed at the memory. "So I took that stake—this stake—and I used it to kill the Vampire King myself." She looked Murcielago right in the eye. "When one vampire makes trouble, he brings trouble on all vampires. So yeah, we drink red and hang out, because that way we stay undead."
Murcielago stared her right back in the eyes. "So that's all I have to do?"
"To stay out of trouble with me, yeah."
"I meant to become King," he said coolly. "All I have to do is stake you?"
A gasp went up from the crowd, including those on the hill. Murcielago's sire shouted from his spot, "Shut up while you've still got your head! Your majesty, he's just a stupid kid—"
But Marceline raised a hand to silence him, her eyes never leaving Murcielago's. "That's what you want? To be King?"
He squared his shoulders, emphasizing his greater height and size over Marceline, floating or not. "Yeah."
Marceline's eyes flickered to Sanguinessa and Nocturnius, who seemed to be having second thoughts about the turn the night had taken. "You think you can handle the job?"
"Better than you have." Murcielago snarled at her. "We need a King who'll bring back the old ways. You went soft a long time ago, with your rock band and strawberries and hanging around the Candy Kingdom. You're a joke! You're weak, just like your mom. That's why the mortals got her."
"Whoa!" Finn growled up on the hill. "Not cool!"
"Shhh!" Bubblegum hissed, holding his shoulder to keep him from rising up.
In the clearing, the air practically crackled around Marceline. The other vampires had started moving further back from the pair, including Sanguinessa and Nocturnius.
Keila stepped forward slightly. "Marce? Don't—"
Marceline's head snapped around and she hissed, her face monstrous. Keila shrank back instantly.
Murcielago beamed at the victory of breaking her cool. "When I'm King, maybe I'll go to the Candy Kingdom first. I wonder if whatever that candy princess has for blood tastes sweet? Or maybe I'll be the first vampire since the Mushroom War to drink the blood of a human—"
"All right!" Marceline roared. She pulled her temper back under a bit more control, then growled, "If that's what you want, let's do it."
Some of the vampires in the crowd protested, but were silenced by her glare.
Nocturnius leaned toward Murcielago. "Hey, man, are you sure about thi-?"
"I got this," he snapped, grinning as he prepared for the fight. "You gonna have your army take me down first?"
"My what?" Marceline looked around. "Oh, these guys aren't my army. They're the audience, to witness your trial."
"Trial?" He laughed. "So you're my judge now too?"
Marceline's eyes glowed deep red, like windows into the Nightosphere. "And jury, and if I have to, you better believe executioner."
On the hill, Finn was struggling against Bubblegum and Jake's grip. "We've gotta get down there and help her!"
"They're vampires, dude!" Jake whispered.
"He's gonna kill her!"
"Being saved by a mortal isn't going to help her," Bubblegum said firmly. "She has to do this herself."
"But what if he—"
None of them saw exactly what happened next. Out of the corners of their eyes, they saw a flash of movement, a blur of black tentacles, and by the time they'd turned to look, Murcielago was on his back on the ground with Marceline crouched over him. He stared up at her with a look of surprise and terror.
There was no humor or mercy in Marceline's eyes, just cold anger. Yet her voice was even when she spoke. "You done?"
Murcielago gurgled out a "yes".
"Yes, we drink red, and yes, I play rock music and hang out with mortals. You know why? 'Cause nobody stakes the sexy rocker chick! It's taken us centuries to convince people all those years of blood-sucking were just old stories. Centuries to get to where people finally don't send mobs after us. And I am not letting some upshot little Dracula-wannabe screw that up for us!"
Marceline raised her arm, stake gleaming in the moonlight.
"No!" Sanguinessa gasped.
Marceline's arm swiped down at Murcielago's chest.
Bubblegum turned away, hiding her face in Finn's sleeve. But no scream or demonic shriek followed, so she looked back up.
The stake was stabbed into the ground through Murcielago's fine shirt and cape, just to the left of his actual chest. Marceline drew it back up, revealing the scrape it had left down the younger vampire's side. "That was your warning."
She raised her voice for all the vampires to hear. "You want to spook people, that's cool. Respect is good. But when they start to really fear us, the fun's over. The next time a vampire drinks blood, I'll stake them myself right in front of the mortals."
Marceline left Murcielago shaking on the ground and started walking back toward her duffel bag. The young vampires' sires approached her nervously.
Murcielago's sire spoke up. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know he would try that."
Marceline shrugged as she put the stake away. "They're just spoiled kids who have had it too easy. But I meant it. He messes up again, he's dust."
"Yes, your highness." They backed away and rejoined the crowd.
And with that, the tension in the air eased and conversations resumed. Marceline picked up her bag and guitar as Keila walked over.
"You good?" Keila asked.
"Yeah. You want to get the band together next week? I've got some new songs I want to try."
"Sure. I'll let them know."
"Cool. Later." Marceline floated off into the forest.
As the groups of vampires began to break up and go home, Finn, Jake, and Bubblegum sat back from the log.
Finn let out a breath. "Man, that was nuts."
"I know." Jake slumped into a blob as the adrenaline wore off.
"Enjoy the show?" a voice drawled behind them.
They jumped, startled, and turned to see Marceline hovering calmly, one eyebrow arched at them.
"We're dead," Jake whimpered.
Finn gulped. "You knew we were here?"
"Oh yeah."
"I knew they'd be able to sense us!" Jake groaned. "It was our heartbeats, wasn't it? Stupid heart!"
"No, I knew pretty much from when I told you not to follow me. Bit surprised to get a royal visit from Bonnie, though." She grinned at Bubblegum, who looked away, embarrassed.
"So, you knew we'd come after you?" Finn frowned.
"Does that mean you're not mad?" Jake asked.
"Nah, some stuff needs to have witnesses." She stretched lazily. "I'm starved! You guys wanna go get something to eat?"
"Uh, sure," Finn agreed, a little bewildered.
"Sweet. I know a little place nearby that's open late. Don't worry, they don't just serve red food."
Finn and Jake chuckled nervously.
As they followed her down the trail, Bubblegum asked quietly, "Was all of what you said about your mother true?"
Marceline's face darkened. "Yeah."
"I'm sorry," Bubblegum said sincerely. "I wish I could have met her. She sounds like a smart woman."
"Yeah," Marceline said. "You would have liked her."
"At least you got that lousy Vampire King," Finn said reassuringly. "And that was the real stake you used?"
Marceline snorted a laugh now. "No way! That thing rotted centuries ago. I made that stake this afternoon. But the rest was real."
"Oh." Finn scratched his head thoughtfully. "So, uh, you were pretty intense back there. All that stuff about how people aren't scared of you if you're cool and stuff? Does that mean…? Well, uh, which is the real you, then?"
Marceline stopped and turned back to them, a confused look on her face. "What are you talking about?"
"I mean, uh, is the scary Vampire Queen the act, or is the rock-and-roll prankster chick the act?"
Marceline looked at each of them, brow wrinkled. "What, you don't know by now?"
"Uh…" Finn looked to the others for help, feeling in over his head. Jake just shrugged. Bubblegum blushed, awkwardly.
Marceline laughed. "Come on, dorks. After a night like this, I need to have some fun!" She drifted forward again, adjusting her axe bass to strum idly.
Finn, Jake, and Bubblegum exchanged a look, then started following her again.
"Pick it up, Bonnie! Some of us want to be home before dawn," Marceline complained teasingly, floating in a circle around the group.
As the friends walked on into the night, talking and laughing, the memory of the Vampire Court faded a bit, like a spell either lifting or setting in again, depending on one's point of view.