DISCLAIMER: I do not own ER or the characters, I am merely borrowing them… they are going straight back afterwards :D.

Neela

June 16th

Its official I am pathetic. I can't even be in the same room as them without wanting to cause someone bodily harm, this can't be normal can it? I mean let's face it nothing ever really happened between us, so he has no reason to feel guilty and I have no claim on this jealousy Im feeling. But it's so hard to think rationally, and sensibly, about this whole thing when he's over there with his tongue down her throat. Ergh, it just makes me want to scream at the injustice of it all. I found him first! See pathetic, I need help seriously, or this is gonna drive me insane.

Ooh he's coming over, best hide this…

June 16th (later)

As if my day couldn't get any worse he just came over to tell me what a great friend I am, and how pleased he is that Im still in his life as a friend. If he stressed the word friend anymore I think he'd give himself a hernia. Why oh why did I agree to the friend's thing? He's going to want advice on girls, on one girl in particular, and he's going to tell me about their relationship and that's just wrong.

Me and Ray have known each other since we were five, best friends since high school and now things are weird between us. I suppose it all changed last summer, things between us became more important and we spent a lot more time together because I was leaving to go to university in New York and Ray was staying in Chicago. People would see us in the street and assume we were a couple that's how close we became…but nothing ever really happened. There were lingering looks, hugs that lasted that fraction too long to be called simply friendly, and endless minutes spent looking in each others eyes before we would say goodnight which in a split second could have led to something more than just friendship. But neither of us wanted to spoil what we had, and I never wanted to just have a fling and then say goodbye to him when I left. There had been moments though when we had talked about being together….

Last Summer

"So do you think we would ever work as a couple?" I asked him one night when we were sat in my back yard watching the stars, a favourite past time of ours…the stars really are beautiful.

Ray looked at me, his trademark smirk in place, saying "Me and you? Yeah we'd work, we could live happily ever after and have tons of kids and then tell them tales of how we used to 'court' each other and how I fell for the girl next door." He breaks out into a huge smile "That or we'd end up killing each other within a year."

I can't help but laugh at him, then say "Seriously though, everyone at school thought we were already doing 'it'", here Ray starts laughing his head off…he knows how prudish I am, "every which way, so why have we never got together?" I turn to look him in the eyes, but he's not looking at me he's staring at the stars.

For what seems an eternity he doesn't speak, then he says "I love you too much to date you, if we ever got together it would be a forever thing. Right now neither of us is ready for that."

That's Ray for you, everyone thinks he just this guy who plays music, wears eyeliner and wants to be a doctor purely for the money…but I know him really and sometimes he's quite wise and beautifully poetic. Then the moments over and Ray's talking about how much better Nirvana is compared to today's music and that Kurt Cobain was a true musical legend, and I just fade out what he's saying and look at the stars wondering what a future with Ray would be like.

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Then I left, and it broke my heart to say goodbye to him. He'd been such a big part of my life and then I was faced with not seeing him everyday for a year. We kept in touch though- emails, letters, phone calls- but it wasn't the same. Around Christmas I noticed a change in his writing, and on the phone he became a bit more vague about what was going on with him and university. Girls particularly were suddenly not up for discussion, which for Ray was weird, seeing as how he used to have a new girl every week. Then in February I got an email from Ray telling me about a girl named Katey and the reason he wasn't so forthcoming in our phone calls…

To: Neela!

Sorry about the other night, I was a bit distracted that's why I couldn't really talk to you on the phone. But everything's sorted now. I've been dying to tell you about this girl I met, but didn't want to jinx anything. Now I can though. Her name is Katey, she's pre med like me and lives in the dorm next to mine. She's amazing, funny, intelligent, loves music and beautiful. In many ways she reminds me of you! You'll love her when you meet her, she's just great, ha ha. I think I'm in love, can you believe it!? Ray Barnett in love, crazy huh?

I met her just before Christmas, we were both staying in the dorms for the holidays and they were throwing an early Christmas party. As clichéd as it sounds, our eyes met across a crowded room and I just knew that she was the one for me. Id seen her around as she lives practically next door, and some of our classes are together. But that night I knew we would be together. We talked for about 5 hour's straight and then arranged to meet up the next night. We've not been apart since. It sounds so cheesy, and sometimes I can't believe how 'soft' I've become, but I'm in love!

Katey is spending the summer with me in Chicago, I can't wait for the two of you to meet. My two best girls in one place!

Enough of my stuff, how are you? How's NY winter treating you?

Can't wait to see you. Miss you.

Ray x

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To be honest I never thought that Ray would find someone he would want to have a proper relationship with, let alone fall in love with that wasn't me. I always thought we'd meet up again, and realise how silly we were to not have given a relationship a try, because somewhere between last summer and my first year in New York I fell hopelessly in love with Ray Barnett and now he has someone else.

So Ray wanted me and Katey to be friends, which is why he's organised this trip for us all. Ray's older brother Greg is coming too, he's like Ray but 2 years older and into boys in a big way. Im not sure if Ray knows this since he's been, not so subtly, trying to set us up since we got here, but Greg is taking it all in his stride and he really is a funny guy…I laughed practically the whole drive up here. Anything to take my mind off of Ray and Katey in the back canoodling. We are in a cabin in the middle of nowhere it seems, with no tv and a very short supply of shared topics of conversation. This weekend is gonna be loooong.