A/N: So...it's been a while since I've done one of these, but it was requested after the events of 3.10 ;)
Thanks to deedee920 for editing, and for helping pick a title. I appreciate it!
He's careful, way too careful.
In the middle of the Penny after the letter was read and drinks were lifted, Nick smoothes his hands down over her hair, and cradles her jaw between his palms. When he presses his lips to her forehead, that's when Gail can feel it. His fear.
Ever since they pulled her from the trunk, ever since they packed her safely into a car and sped away to the hospital, he's been afraid. She knows he didn't sleep at all that first night, camped outside her hospital room.
And okay, Gail has a feeling he was pretty fucking petrified before; during those hours when she was missing. Traci told her so herself on the way over to the Penny not even an hour ago. Told her how Nick was pretty much on autopilot the entire day, face frozen into a special sort of terror reserved for parents of abducted children.
And maybe she'd seen it even earlier; back when they were both pretending that this whole thing between them meant nothing. That it was just residue from the past.
To be fair, she'd been pretty scared too. Before.
Apparently, this is how it's going to be from now on. Everything categorized under one of two headings: before and after. Before her abduction; after she was rescued, after Jerry's death.
For a second, she tips her head up, just to feel the line of his jaw against her face, and she twists her fingers in the fabric of his shirt, letting the smell of him wash over her. The scent of laundry fresh out of the dryer, the same detergent his mother used way back when, his ridiculously addictive cologne, and something warm and familiar underneath it all that's just Nick.
Around them, people are livening up a little. The Jerry stories haven't slowed down at all; if anything they're picking up. On one side of her, she hears a couple of people talking about their days with him in the academy; on the other side, Oliver, Noelle and Frank are finishing up a story about his first day with the D's.
Gail's giving herself maybe ten more minutes until she's completely done with this scene. Ten more minutes on her feet, and then she's dragging Nick out of there, letting him take her back to his place so she can pass out, cheap sheets and all. It's weird, how she can spend days in the hospital, so bored that all she can do is sleep, and still… She's worn out. She supposes that's also something that comes after. Exhaustion.
Gail finally closes the distance between her and Nick, giving him her weight, settling her head on his shoulder, and when she opens her eyes, she sees Traci heading towards the bathroom, the cuffs of her sweater up to her face, swiping at her cheeks. For a moment, Gail wonders if she should follow, but in the end, she stays where she is, selfishly soaking up the moment, memorizing the feel of Nick solid against her.
He's rubbing slow circles against her back, down her spine and back up again, very lightly.
Careful.
Gail straightens, tilting her head back to look at Nick again, and he gives her a small smile. But he's not happy. Not in the least. He's got something moving through his head; she can see it in the way he watches her, eyes strangely sad as he lifts his hand to her face. His thumb strokes over the top of her cheek, right below the purple smudge of a bruise and again above her mouth.
In that moment, she's not exactly sure what she wants. Part of her wants him to just get her the hell out of there, destination unknown. Another part wants to drop on the spot, to sleep for twenty-four hours straight, to be able to block out the last week, the last day especially. And another part…an embarrassingly large part…wants to get closer to Nick - so close she's practically inside his skin. Wants to feel him wrap himself around her, keeping her warm and safe. Wants him to curl around her in bed, arm tight over her chest as he holds her against him, face buried in her hair.
Her breath is shaky as she leans into him, aiming for his mouth. But he dodges, kissing her cheek, her temple, her jaw. Pretty much landing everywhere except where she wants him. She tries again, and again he leans away.
"What is your deal?" she hisses, every nerve raw, every emotion she's felt in the last four days rising to the surface in a split second. His eyes shift a little, glancing around the people nearest them when he hears her tone.
"Gail," he says quietly, giving her a reproachful look. And she can hear it in his voice; that twinge of regret. Over everything that's happened between them since he's been at 15. At them bringing their relationship into the light. It chills through to her core and she stiffens, face frozen in a look of disbelief. No way he's doing this to her again. No way - not after everything that's happened - is he going to get her to feel this way about him and then push her away again.
She shakes her head.
"No." She tries to pull away. She lets go of his shirt, tries to step out of his space, out of the warm circle of his arms, but he doesn't let her. If anything, he tightens his grip, holding her close, even as she starts to struggle.
Before she can cause much of a stir, before she even gets another word out, he's got his face down next to hers, mouth hot against her ear, hand deep in her hair as he holds her still.
"I don't want to hurt you," he whispers, and Gail pulls away, twisting until she can see him again.
"Newsflash," she says, eyebrows lifted. "In the last week, I've been bashed over the head, tied to a table, had a needle in my arm. Not to mention this…" She lifts her arm, waving vaguely at the crowd slowly dispersing, one by one. "What more do you think you can possibly do to me?"
Nick's eyes lower, and at first, she's not quite sure but she thinks she sees a flicker of a smile.
She's got her teeth dug into her lower lip, and she's pretty sure that if he doesn't just explain himself, she's going to lose it. It feels like she's been crying all day, and it's a sure bet that it won't take much to push her over the edge again.
"Nick," she breathes, his name barely a whisper.
This time, he does smile, teeth and all as he ducks in close again.
"Your lip," he says, eyes meeting hers directly. "I don't want to hurt your lip."
Unconsciously, Gail's tongue flicks out, and she feels the slight sting as it runs over the cut that's splitting her upper lip. Her breath comes out fast, a mortifying exhale of relief as she smiles back.
She shakes her head. "No." Her eyes skitter off, touching on a few familiar faces. On Noelle and Frank as they pack their baby into her carrier, on Dov and Chris as they shrug on their jackets, easy smiles and laughter between them, and finally on Traci as she ducks out the back door, smile watery amidst concerned goodbyes.
"No," Gail repeats, meeting his eyes again. "I need you to. I don't care how bad it hurts." Nick's staring at her, and in that instant, he doesn't look scared at all. His hands are sure, warm and flat against her lower back, and his fingers are bunching the fabric of her sweater, holding her a little harder than he had been. Then Gail feels it again; that desire to fold herself against him, to press her body into his, to never come up for air. She smiles once more, trepidation making her mouth tremble the slightest bit.
"I mean," she clarifies, feeling her heart pound as the words come out. "I need you. I don't care how bad it hurts."
Thanks for reading!