Hello there. So this is like... my first fic here. I got this idea during English when my teacher was talking about how a drunken man always says what's in his heart. So yeah, got interested. Wrote a story as soon as I got home :

Don't even ask me why we're talking about drunken people in English. And anyway, it was our first day back school from Christmas break. Not much lessons but they gave us homework for every subject.
And got to see the bitch I'm mad at again... I can't wait for summer :|

Disclaimer: Last time I checked, I'm still Ysa, not that woman who wrote KHR.

Warning: foul language here and there, 1869 (nothing major)
Don't like BL, leave. Don't tell me I didn't warn you.

Oh, in case you don't know, this is in Mukuro's point of view. He's the one talking.

Nothing

Am I better off dead?

Am I better off a quitter?

I had everything I ever wanted. And I lost it. Just like that.

It hadn't entirely been my fault… No. It was my fault. If I had been faster… If I had thought of something quickly… If I had just managed to save her… Maybe he won't be that mad at me.

Oh? What am I talking about?

You see, the Vongola are now in a massive war with the Monaco mafia. It was their fault to begin with. They were the ones who trespassed on our territory. But those stubborn fuckers refuse to move out. Thus, a full pledged war. And being a Vongola guardian, I was forced to fight. Not that I mind, I actually enjoy killing, but if I knew that was going to happen, I shouldn't have give in so easily. I was tasked to protect the Northern side with Kyoya, who refused to move away from his mansion. Yes. Him, in all his glory and stubbornness. And he was mine. It took me a bloody 5 months to get him to stop killing me whenever I'm at least 10 feet near him, another 3 months to get to know him better, and finally, after another 4 months I got him to kiss me on top of the roof. That was the best year of my life.

Okay, back to my story. The only reason he refused to go anywhere else was because his old and ailing mother was staying there. Don't talk to me about mothers. I don't know why they are considered important. Or I guess it's just me. After all, my own mom left me in the mafia to get experimented on. So yeah, for me, mothers are bitches. But I guess mothers must be important to Kyoya because he absolutely won't leave her.

Things were fine during the war. We were able to kill most of the enemies scattered all over the northern side. But we were careless one night. It was a peaceful night, the moon high on the clouds with countless stars twinkling here and there. It was like the night when we shared our first kiss. Such a peaceful night, you wouldn't expect an ambush. But there was. Kyoya and I were just finishing what we thought the last batch of enemies for the night. There were a few more to take down until we got a call from the mansion. It was under attack. I promised him that I'll protect his mother so he finally finally let me go. I really can't stand the outdoors. I hate nature.

All was well, but I was too late. When I got there, they were already closing on his mother. I have no idea if she's sleeping or she's dead already since she isn't moving and doesn't seem to be aware of the fact that there's a good chance she's going to be murdered tonight. The commander told me to stay where I am. I want to kill him and his troop, send them to all 6 hells. But I know that if I let Kyoya's mother die, I know I would die too. And believe me, hell isn't a nice place to spend the rest of your life in. So I stayed where I am, not moving a muscle, thinking of a way to save her. The commander told me to drop my weapon. Shit. I needed it. Nevertheless, I dropped it. An illusion won't be much help. He'll just shoot her once he realized that. I can't just charge. That would be so stupid and obvious.

"You are rather stupid, you know. You can't even save an old woman" Those where the words the commander told me before he shot Kyoya's mother. I can't believe those ridiculous jerks were just playing with me! They really meant to kill her! I swear, I could see my whole world shattering once that bullet lodged into her skull. The commander smiled a disgusting smile, pointed the gun at me, and shot. Duh. It missed. Do you think I'm actually that dumb to get shot? So, yeah, I killed those shit heads as painfully as possible and called the paramedics. But even I know that it's too late. During her last moments, she told me to tell Kyoya that she loved him and that she'll be fine. I promised her that I would but I have no idea how I would do that. That would be another promise broken. The moment Kyoya realized that I got his mother murdered, I would be a dead pineapple. As expected, she died before the paramedics arrived. I got so mad and frustrated that I "accidentally" killed on of them. Oops.

So yeah, Kyoya was so pissed off. I was lucky he didn't kill me. He called me all these bad names, some in languages I can't even understand. Yes, he actually wanted to kill me but that bronco named Dino was able to stop him. Kyoya kicked me out of the mansion, literally. And before he shut the door to my sorry butt, he called me a piece of fucked up shit that doesn't deserve to be in this crappy world. He told me I would be better of dead and rotting in the bottommost pit of hell. Ouch. I never heard him call me something that insulting before. Well, yeah, he called me all those bad names when he realized his mother was dead but I can't understand those words so they don't count.

With nowhere to go, I stayed in the Vongola mansion. I tried calling Kyoya, to tell him I'm sorry and all. Of course he didn't pick up. Well he did once but just tell me that if I ever dare show my shitty face in his doorstep again, he will kill me. I stopped calling after that. I told myself to forget him. That I can find another. That he's not worth it. I almost convinced myself. ALMOST. Once, I can't take it anymore and was about to go visit him but Tsunayoshi dragged me back. Said he can't lose a guardian and suggested I take a walk around the garden to clear my head. I don't know what a walk can do. The only thing I achieved is me arguing with the small voice in my head telling me to stop moping around and quit being a brokenhearted pineapple. I just can't let go of him. I did every single darn thing just for him to actually like me. Being with him makes me warm and fuzzy inside. It's like he's the missing piece in me. He makes me feel complete.

I told Tsunayoshi to take me somewhere else, a mission or something. His other guardians were still in battle. I could help. He told me no. His guardians can handle it. And besides, he told me, I still have my own problems to handle. He is so darn right.

After five days of moping, Tsunayoshi invited me to a party in celebration of our victory over the enemy family. I said no. But the moment he mentioned that Kyoya is coming, well, you already know my answer. I would fulfill my promise to his mother even if it kills me. And I'm sure it will. Besides, I also have something to tell him. Personal intentions.

When the world says "Give up."

Hope whispers, "Give it another try"

As embarrassing as it is, I'll admit I was excited to see Kyoya again. I kept on fidgeting and it took me a full 5 minutes to open the doorknob. What if he'll insult me again? What if I wasn't able to approach him? What if he isn't really there and Tsunayoshi just tricked me? What if I actually die before I can say the words? A part of me wants to run away; stay in my room and argue with myself again. Bah. I didn't dress up just for me to turn chicken.

If you never been to Vongola parties, I suggest you get yourself invited to one. It got the best music, the best food, the best drinks, the best entertainment, and lots of famous, powerful and influential people are there. It's a social butterfly's greatest dream. You could practically see every important mafia person in the wide ballroom. But my eyes were only searching for one person. Kyoya.

"Hey Mukuro! You look extremely lonely. Want an extreme drinking contest?" It was the sun guardian. The noisy one that keeps on shouting extreme. He grew up in the last ten years and at least minimized his noise.

I can't find Kyoya anywhere but I'm here already. I could entertain myself as I look out for him. A few drinks won't hurt. And I hate losing, especially in drinking contests.

"Kufufufu~ Why not?"

Thus began our "extreme" drinking contest. He got the strongest wine the Vongola has. I didn't mind. Nothing's exciting without a challenge.

The sun guardian passed out after 15 cups. That was also the time when we ran out of wine. So I guess I won. And I am very, well, drunk. Well duh, you think I'm immune to drunkenness?

No matter how drunk I am, I still manage to see Kyoya alone in the balcony. How predictable of him. He darn hates crowds. I crossed the entire ballroom to reach the balcony on the other side, dripping on my own feet a couple times. He can kill me if he wants but not before I say what I need to say, both the promise and my own personal intentions. If I must die, at least let me die happy.

"Kufufufu~ Evening, Kyoya." I told him from the doorway, although my words were a little slurred.

He didn't respond but took out those deadly tonfas out in a millisecond. But seeing me drunk, he lowered it. I guess he thinks I'm not worth killing if I'm not sober. He, too, also enjoys a challenge.

"You're drunk, you idiot." He said, stating the obvious.

"Yes yes, even I'm aware of that." I said, approaching him, one drunken step at a time until I was just a few feet away from him.

"Get away from me." He said and backed off.

"Will you listen to me?" I asked.

"I'm listening, so hurry up, you lowly herbivore." He said darkly but oh well, at least he's listening… and I'm still in one piece.

"There are two things I want to say. Two things." I said with my poker face. Or as much of a poker face I can make when I'm drunk.

Silence.

"Firstly, I promised your mother to tell you that she loved you and that she is having a blast in heaven." I told him and chuckled for reasons unknown even to me.

Silence.

"Secondly, forgive me? Come on! You can't just throw everything away. We worked hard for the relationship. Don't tell me it's just an illusion." I said a little hysterically now, losing a little of my poker face.

"I don't know. You're the illusionist here." He shrugged like he didn't care.

I gathered my facade and resumed my persuasion. "Kufufufu~ Always the sarcastic one. Anyway, I'm sorry. How many times must I say that? I did my best. I have no idea what those bastards were thinking. I don't even know what my fucked up brain was thinking that time, not able to figure out a way to save her. Okay fine, call me any bad name you can think of, even in languages I can't understand. Just please tell me you understand. It's just that you're important to me. I can't just lose you like that. Kyoya, don't you know? I. Frigging. Love. You." I said, emphasizing the last four words, taking four steps forward.

Silence.

"At least we can stay friends." I squeaked quietly. It was stupid, I know. Telling someone you just broke up with to stay friends is like fixing a broken vase. You can pick up the pieces together but the cracks will still stay there. It will never be perfect.

After a moment of hesitation, he spoke " Why should I believe you? You're drunk." He said slowly, like he's considering what I said but still wants an excuse to not believe me.

"A drunken man speaks a sober heart." I said simply. "You can't lie when you're drunk. Well, for me I can't. I always say that truth when I'm not sober." I shrugged and gazed at the stars. It really was lovely. Small balls of fire twinkling in the sky…

"You're rather philosophical when you're drunk." He smirked then sighed.

"Fine. I forgive you. I understand, okay? I guess it was really her time to leave the world. And I-" He paused.

"Well?" I tilted my head sideways and watched him curiously. This is going better as I had expected.

"I kind of miss you in the mansion. There aren't any crazy pineapples running around anymore." He smiled. Yes, he actually smiled. But just a small one, barely visible, but I know it's there.

I was going to argue back that I am not a pineapple when his lips crashed into mine. I was shocked but I was soon carried away and started kissing him back. There we are, pineapple and skylark, kissing like there's no tomorrow, for the small crowd gathering inside and the plants outside to see. It would've last longer but we were soon breathless. They applauded joyfully after the kiss. The small crowd, I mean, not the plants. Kyoya would normally feel annoyed but right now, he didn't seem to care. Neither did I.

"I love you." I told him this a thousand times already but I felt it was necessary.

There was a few seconds of silence.

"I love you too." He smiled. The small kind of smile. The smile I love.

And that night, I swear, all my problems disappeared into nothing.

END

So, how did you guys like it? I would really appreciate reviews. You can point out mistakes or suggestions or whatever you want to say.
Oh, btw, if you're going to review something like "that was the most fucked-up shit I ever read." or something like that, might as well leave. I don't entertain people like that.

And this is not rushed. If you think its too fast-paced or something, well I'm sorry, that's how I mostly type.
But if there are parts that really have huge plot holes, point it out and I'll do something about it.

Well, this is Ysa saying, see you soon..? =))