Colour swoops and swirls behind his closed eyelids as his thoughts flow, taking him back to the past. He was back, about 300 years ago, and boy did he look different then. He could see himself next to the pretty blonde girl who always knew just what to say. Her smile and loving way changed him, and changed him for the better. But before he could take his next breath, she was gone and he was alone again. Always alone. More colours swim before him as he recalls other times, ones more recent than the last.
There he is again, years later with the one who traveled the world, with the one who forgot, with the one who has the crazy space hair and then with the one who waited. But they were all gone now. Some had left, some forgot him, and some had found someone else. A single tear rolls down the man's cheek as his chin quivers. They are all gone, never again will he see Rose's smile, and never again would he get the chance to shout "Come along, Pond!" Who knows when he will have to say good-bye to his Clara?
The man opens his eyes and shakes his head, trying to clear it and focus on the present. Closing then locking the wooden door behind him, he slowly makes his way out of the room that he both loved and hated visiting at the same time. He slips the key into his pants pocket and sighs heavily, his mind a million miles away. Weary and sad, the man makes his way back towards the console room.
Once there, he sits down and scans the room around him and smiles faintly at the glowing console at the center of the circular room.
"I guess it's always just me and you in the end, girl," he says sadly to the ship, while tapping her gently next to the chameleon shifter. He sits back down on the steps and looks around at the hexagonal panels on the walls. The large silver pillars rise up along the walls and to the roof as they gleam with the blue-green light coming from the console. He loved his TARDIS, but she just wasn't the same as a human for a companion, what with their crazy ways and their ability to feel and love and experience new things.
Moments later, a happy rap-tap-tap sounds at the door. The man, shoulders slightly drooped, gets up again to open the door. Right before he opens it, he pauses and takes a deep breath, wiping away the tears. He pushes away the thoughts and memories of the past. Smiling widely, he swings the TARDIS door open as it creeks loudly, and shouts, "Clara!"
It was the strangest thing I had ever seen. It really made no sense at all, with its whole bigger on the inside thing; but I loved it, and cared for the man inside the big blue box even more. I grin happily at the sight of it parked at the bottom of my apartment building as I hurry towards it.
Excitement courses through me as I think of the many adventures yet to have in the blue box. Even though I never knew where we'd be going next, or who we'd be seeing, I wouldn't trade life with this alien man for anything in the world.
I check my watch and see that I am a few minutes early from the time we had scheduled to meet. No matter, I think to myself, he's probably just fooling about inside with some new contraption he made anyways.
I reach into the pocket of my dress, searching for the small silver key that will unlock the TARDIS door. Its not there. I wiggle my hand around inside the pocket again, more vigorously this time, and still come up with nothing. That's odd; I must have left it inside my jacket pocket. I shrug and decide to knock a smile on my face, I rap happily on the TARDIS door.
Surprisingly, it takes a few moments for the door to fling open before I am greeted with The Doctor's happy face. "Clara!" he shouts, waving his hands in the air. His face instantly falls and is replaced by a look of confusion.
"Why didn't you use your key? You are early you know," his voice trails off and his one eyebrow rises in question.
"Yes, yes. I know I'm early Doctor," I say, slightly annoyed, while walking into the TARDIS and glancing around. "But I just seem to have misplaced my key." I turn around and see The Doctor, hair ruffled and askew, closing the door behind him. He looks upset, almost jacket is off and his white shirt underneath is wrinkled. His bow tie isn't as straight as it usually is and his sleeves are pushed up to his elbows, like he was in a hurry and carelessly pushed them up.
"Misplaced? Clara, you can't just misplace the key to the TARDIS," he shouts angrily. "It's a living ship! If someone else finds that key they could-"
"Doctor, it's all right," I say calmly, walking towards him. I grab the sides of his shoulders and look up into those big sad eyes of his. He definitely isn't himself. "What's wrong?"
"It's… its nothing," he replies, shaking his head and turning away. "Everything is fine," he walks towards the console and pushes some buttons. Even though I know it really isn't, I can tell by his voice that he is done talking about it for now.
There are a few moments of silence before The Doctor takes a deep breath and spins around towards me. He reaches into the pocket of his pants and pulls out a small silver key.
"Here is a new one. I will even put it on a string for you so you don't lose it again." He grins. "But be more careful with this one, will you, Miss losey lose pants?"
He walks over to me and places the key over my head like a necklace. "Yes, I will! Thank-you." I say smiling up at him while trying to adjust to his change in mood. Poor Doctor, why must you always hide your sadness?
"Clara, can you pop down to the library for me?" He asks while giving the TARDIS a smack with his hand. "She seems to be acting up and I have a repair book that might help fix her. It's nothing major, so don't worry."
"Sure, I can. Now where is the library?"
"You should know!" The Doctor replies, again waving his hands around and pointing at me. "You're the one who snuck off and found it for yourself."
"Hey! That was an accident. I was lost."
"Yes, well this time you won't get lost because I am telling you exactly where to go." He spends the next few minutes explaining to me what turns to take in the corridors and where to find the book once I get there. "And be careful. The TARDIS can sometimes be a little… tricky when you aren't used to her."
"Spacey wacey?" I ask.
The Doctor nods his head and answers, "Wibbily wobbly, timey wimey."
"Okay. I've got it; but one question, why don't you just go yourself?" I ask while crossing my arms.
"I need to stay here and start the repairs. She seems pretty upset."
"Alright, I'll be back." I say and begin walking towards the door leading to the corridors.
"And Clara," I turn and face The Doctor. "Thanks." He smiles the same crooked grin and I smile back.
As Clara walks away The Doctor sighs in relief. I love her being here; I just need a few more moments alone. I need time to think… and let go. The man who looks young but is actually centuries years old slowly walks down the steep steps and into the little room under the console.
Assortments of wires hang from the roof and small beams of light peak through the bars above. The Doctor sighs heavily, pushes his sleeves back up to his elbows, and seats himself on the bottom step. He tiredly rubs his eyes and then claps his hands together. So tired, but staying up all night going through his old things would do that to a person. He knew he needed to let go again, at least for now. But before he could steady his thoughts, his eyes fell and he drifted off to sleep.
I make a sharp turn right just as The Doctor told me and continue on down the dimly lit corridor. The walls are covered with round metal spheres that stop every once in a while to make room for a door. Resisting the urge to look inside every door I pass, I think of The Doctor and how strange he has been acting today.
He seemed so upset, and then all of a sudden the TARDIS needs to be fixed? I don't know why he didn't just come down here himself. It's just not like him. I think he has just gone bonkers, proper bonkers. My thoughts are interrupted when I feel a burning against the skin on my chest.
Instantly my hand flies to the key that The Doctor has just recently strung around my neck. It is hot to my touch and seems to be jittering back and forth on the string. What? I question in my head as the key, still around my neck, shoots out off my chest and begins pulling me forward.
The string taught and me not wanting to choke, I stumble a few steps as the key leads me down a different corridor. "Where are you taking me?" I shout and am met with no reply. "Doctor? Doctor!" So much for not getting lost, I say to myself as I am lurched around another corner by the key.
I know resisting is pointless and as I begin to lose track of the different twists and turns we make, I give up and let the key lead me. This must be the tricks The Doctor was talking about the TARDIS playing. But where are we going? Why would this key take me? It only unlocks the front door.
After running so far that I am breathing heavily, we finally come to a stop in front of a large wooden door. The string goes limp and the key falls back down to my chest. I sigh in relief.
Taking a moment to catch my breath, I look around me and see that while I was busy trying to keep up with the key, I was lead to a whole new area of the TARDIS. Instead of the metal flooring and large iron beams running across the roof, the floor is stone and there are torches lit every few feet to light the way. Though there were still circular shapes on the wall, the corridors have taken on a more old and rustic look.
"Okay, so I take it this is the room you want me to go in," I say aloud to the TARDIS. "But what about the library? That is where The Doctor wanted me to go." Silence follows and I sigh in annoyance. At that moment, the key around my neck glows a pale yellow and so does the lock on the wooden door. "Alright, I get the picture," I say as I unlock the door. The rusty hinges creak loudly as I make my way into the dimly lit room.
The room is small and rectangular with things strewn everywhere. The floor is wood but a thick and faded carpet covers most of it. Assortments of objects are crammed onto the shelves that line two of the walls. On the far wall a large burning fireplace glows, with a worn yet comfy looking leather chair sitting in front of it.
Hesitantly, I walk towards the chair and fireplace. I feel the heat from the glowing flames on my face as I look down at the small table placed beside the chair. It is covered with old photo albums; some left open to random pages. I lean in closer and see a picture of a thin man with glasses standing next to a pretty blonde girl. The man has his arm around the girl and they are both smiling widely. I flip the page and see the same man with a spunky looking red haired woman. Beside it is a photo of a woman with curly hair that flies out in every direction. The bottom of the picture is marked with a large X and O. Who are these people?
I reach for another album and open it to find a picture of me and The Doctor when we had traveled back to 1893. Oh! These must be pictures of The Doctor and all the travels he's had. He must have been looking through them today, no wonder he is so upset. I close the albums and set them on the table exactly how I found them.
He must have left the key to this room in his pocket and gave it to me thinking it unlocked the front door. I turn around and look at the tables and shelves full of trinkets. I don't mean to snoop… but since I'm here. I smile a sneaky grin and pick up a miniature TARDIS that looks like it was made by a seven year old. "Ha-ha, cute." I flip it over and see that 'Amy' is scrawled across the bottom.
Moving on down the shelves I see a long scroll that is so long it takes up one whole shelf and falls to the floor. I carefully pick up the ancient paper and read the writing at the top 'Gallifreyan Timeline". Small writing and lines are everywhere on the page. Strange symbols that must be Gallifreyan are sketched in detail and I set the scroll down, my mind tired of trying to decipher it. I sift through the clutter covering the bottom shelf and find a pair of 3D glasses. I giggle and try them on, wondering where in the world all these things come from.
I turn around and see a thick book lying on top of one of the shelves. My jaw drops when I see the title. No, it can't be. I flip open to the first page. This should be interesting…
The Doctor, back in the room under the console, jolts awake. Looking down at his watch he sees that he has been asleep for nearly an hour. "Clara? Are you up there?" He ascends the stairs and finds himself alone in the console room. "Oh goodness, please don't tell me she got lost again."
He worriedly shoves his hand in his pocket and comes up with a key. Looking down at it, he realizes that this key is the one to the front door, which means… He stomps like an upset child. "Oh, I gave her the wrong key!" He shouts. "That one was for my Memory Room!" He turns around and dashes towards the corridor that leads to his special room.
Minutes later, he throws the door open to find a surprised looking Clara. The Doctor walks towards her and she looks up at him, worry and fear etched in her face. He looks down at the book she is reading as Clara whispers "Doctor?"
"Oh Clara, you weren't supposed to see that," He mutters, taking her in his arms and wrapping her in a hug." She is still and clings on to him tightly, which worries The Doctor even more. "And I'm sorry Clara, but I have to do this," he says to her and she lifts her head from his chest.
"What are you going to do? Doctor?" Her voice raises and her eyes widen in fear. But The Doctor remains silent and places his hands on the side of her temples.
"I'm erasing your memory," he answers sadly as her eyes fall shut and she goes limp in his arms. Carefully lifting her up, The Doctor leaves the room and makes his way back through the corridors.
Once back in the console room, he lays her down on the floor, resting her head on his coat. He gently pushes a stand of hair behind her ear and smiles down at her. She'll be fine in a few hours. In a day or two her memories would all be back, just not the memories of the little room and the book inside.
The Doctor stands up and turns around to face the console. A single tear falls and his shoulders sag with the burden of carrying centuries of secrets alone on his shoulders for years on end.
He sighs heavily,
closes his eyes,
and lets go of the pain.