Note: This chapter, which re-tells the Niles/CC parts of the episode, was just going to be an introduction but got a little out of hand, as tends to happen when I start writing about these two in the middle of the night after a dinner of iced coffee and biscuits. There will be a further chapter or two to follow regarding the aftermath. It's all just fun, please enjoy!
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"You are going to meet this Lenny so you can see once and for all that he is no better than I am."
Niles grinned to himself. "You are."
"Would you just..." Maxwell shot over his shoulder, before realising what he'd said. "You are." He corrected himself to Fran, who wasn't giving him enough attention anyway.
Niles shook his head, smiling at the pair. They were like children sometimes. He assumed one day they would notice and accept how tied to each other they were - how could they not? Until that day Niles considered it his duty to push and to tease them.
He wondered briefly what it would feel like to be so entwined with another person, which led him to wonder why he had never been jealous of the relationship his boss and his friend shared.
'You're getting sappy in your old age', he thought to himself, and was beginning to feel rather pensive and lethargic when CC glided dramatically through the door. Niles' adrenalin levels spiked sharply.
"Hello, hello! Ready to work?" she crooned. Niles had to stop himself chuckling with delight. Mr. Sheffield was in denial about his possessiveness when it came to Fran, he'd tell CC he'd be back soon but he wouldn't be, he wouldn't be. And CC would wait, Niles knew she would. Her willingness to blindly obey every thoughtless word that came out of Mr. Sheffield's mouth was the only thing about her that really made Niles angry. But in this case it meant he would have the whole evening to play with her. A whole evening with her blinkered by frustration and desire. A whole evening with that dress hugging her curves so perfectly, with that expanse of milky skin... ...
Niles quickly fired out a silly quip to avoid boarding that particular train of thought.
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
"Maxwell, darling, is that you?"
Once again Niles had to reign in his glee. It was almost too perfect.
"Sshhh. Don't turn around." he whispered, dimming the lights and stepping as close to her as he would allow himself. At times like this he was glad for her ridiculous infatuation with Mr. Sheffield, she was far too clever to fall for such crude tricks when not blinded by entirely illogical dreams.
He blew gently across the back of her neck, which sent a shiver right down to CC's toes, which made Niles lean closer, perilously close, to her.
"I'm yours," she squeaked, before attempting to collect herself. She slowly let her breath out and, managing a much more seductive lilt, asked "What do you want me to do?"
Niles practically swooned at the possibilities. He considered blindfolding her in an attempt to prolong the ruse, but she was going to see through it soon regardless. It had to be quick. Asking her to do something sexual was too obvious and might be too shaming. There would be no joy in the endeavor if she were really hurt or humiliated. No, he needed something ludicrous. Embarrassing, yes, but ludicrous. As always, that would be the best way to garner the rich, sophisticated, workaholic's full attention. It was no fun at all insulting her if she just shrugged it off.
Niles thought carefully, relishing the knowledge that she would not easily shrug off this prank.
"Cluck like a chicken." he eventually whispered.
He noticed CC's change of posture immediately - she stilled and straightened, confused. A moment of panic hit him, she had recognised his voice. He had gone too far. She was going to turn around.
But she didn't.
"It turns me on." He allowed himself to lean closer to her ear.
He could see her considering, could sense her excitement as she decided, and he noticed her, just ever so slightly, raise her arms to mimic wings. Niles realised his hands were gripped so tightly that they'd gone numb. He couldn't remember ever having felt quite so intense a thrill.
Then she clucked.
Niles really did swoon then. He had goosebumps. He could have laughed forever, he could have sobbed, he could have married CC, he could have torn off her dress and taken her right there on the desk, he could have died. It was perfect, he couldn't have imagined it so perfectly. He had expected, if anything, a ridiculous squawking, something over the top and childish, but, damn her, she was managing to make chicken noises unbelievably, unbearably sexy. As he fought desperately to control himself, as he wished this moment would last forever, as he tried to learn every movement of muscle over her shoulder blades, he marveled at her. She was like no other woman on earth. What other woman could be so impossibly brilliant, such a worthy opponent, and yet conversely so deliciously gullible. She was undefeatable, but every battle was a joy, she never did anything by halves. No other woman would have clucked like that.
CC was slowly turning. Niles had ample time to brace himself, but when she saw him and her cluck transformed into a scream he had to bite his lip.
CC had leapt away from him. She was pressed against the desk looking appalled, trying to fold herself up. Niles didn't like to see her like that, he wanted her to recover quickly, to get angry. To respond to him.
"Mr. Sheffield's been delayed. Did you think I was him?!" he asked, with extravagant disbelief.
But she was still in shock. He made a stupid joke about eggs, then left the room. She would take some time to compose herself, but she would follow him eventually. Of that he had no doubt.
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
Niles was mindlessly folding (then unfolding, then re-folding) a single towel when CC stalked out of the study a few minutes later. He tensed in anticipation even as a soft smile bloomed over his face. CC held the bottle of champagne she had set out for the romantic dinner in one hand and two scotch glasses in the other. The bottle, Niles noticed, was already a third empty.
She threw one of the scotch glasses at him. She threw it hard. He managed to catch it clumsily as she covered the distance between them, then filled both glasses with champagne and took a large gulp from hers. Her face contorted as the wave of bubbles hit the back of her throat but her eyes never left Niles'.
She was furious. And she was fascinated.
Why on earth did he act this way? Why had he spent so much time and effort over so many years tormenting her?
And why, why did she continue, after so many years, to play his game? Why was her heart still hammering in her chest? Why did her skin snap, crackle and pop as she considered with delight all the things she could do to him in retaliation?
Why did the rest of the world seem so dull?
CC unceremoniously plonked the champagne bottle on the coffee table, grabbed the decanter of scotch from the sideboard and shoved past Niles to unceremoniously plonk herself on the couch. Niles was wary, but CC was drunk, he felt it was safe enough to sit beside her.
He could feel the warmth from her arm, could feel how relaxed she was. He liked relaxed CC, she was a rare one.
She was drinking at a tremendous pace, though. The bottle of champagne was empty before they had spoken a word.
After tipping the last drops from the bottle into her mouth CC filled both their glasses with scotch, knocked back and refilled her own, then sat back and sighed.
"Niles, I don't make it a habit of drinking with the help." she said, her voice unnervingly smooth.
"I've never been any help to you." Niles retorted sullenly.
"Exactly."
Niles looked up in time to catch the glorious glint in her eye. He had to watch himself so carefully around her. She had had twice as much as him to drink, probably hadn't eaten dinner either, yet even now could completely disarm him with far less effort than he cared to admit. With far less effort than she realised. God, if she ever did realise he'd be sunk, she would win every bout with nothing more than a wink or a smile. Or a touch.
Niles found he didn't dislike the thought nearly as much as he wished he would.
They clinked glasses, then downed the contents. He had to watch himself.
"So tell me, Rochester..."
Niles tried to glare at her but she wasn't paying attention. She didn't look at him as often as he looked at her.
"What d'you do to kill a day before I came along?"
Although still not looking at him CC was genuinely curious. She was also, although doing her best to hide it, slightly tense at having asked him a proper question, and slightly jealous wondering what else had attracted his attention in the past. Or who else.
CC didn't look at Niles as often as he did her, but she thought about him. She was constantly surprised at how curious she was about the elusive butler, and she was constantly fighting that curiosity. Forcing herself to look away, to focus on other things. She had lately started to play his game too often, throwing insults back at him, responding to his elaborate pranks. She had lost count of the times she had finally looked up from a verbal slinging match with Niles to find Maxwell or the nanny or, on one occasion, all three children staring at her with such surprised, perplexed expressions. She would have to watch herself around him.
Niles was thinking. He found he was having a great deal of difficulty remembering life before CC Babcock with any clarity.
"Truth be told my life was a little empty," he said, realising immediately just how true that statement was. "But now I have a hobby," he sneered (He had to watch himself).
Rather than anger her, the change in Niles' tone and the grin on his face made the blood in CC's fingers tingle. She had to watch herself. She placed the glass heavily on the table and stood, swaying only slightly.
"I loathe you." she said, rolling each word around her mouth carefully.
Niles let her voice wash over him before standing and facing her.
"I despise you." He said, trying to match her low, smooth tone.
"ServanT."
"Trollop." that word had entered his head only because of the way her voice had hitched on the t in servant, he HAD to watch himself.
"Bell. Boy."
CC's hands slip up her hips and she stepped still closer to him. It took all of Niles' willpower not to step back. Or to lean closer. Time to pull out the big guns.
"Brunette."
The effect was not as he had hoped. In fact he could swear there was a sparkle in her eyes.
Her eyes, he could hardly stand it.
He flung his arms around her, fighting an intense desire to squeeze her hard, to bite her, to lick her all over, to squeeze and squeeze and squeeze her and never let go.
His mind was too clouded to notice CC had flung her arms around him at almost precisely the same time, that she was now squeezing him harder than he was her, that it was her deepening the kiss to such an intensity it felt they were trying to consume each other.
Niles felt her nails start to press into his skull with exquisite pressure when the sound of the door closing registered somewhere in the back of his mind.
He broke the kiss and stared blankly at Maxwell and Fran, still only aware of the feel of CC's dress beneath his hands.
She returned to earth first, picking up her bag and walking with a smooth, confident gait Niles resented (how was she still so sober and so beautifully composed? He felt he was about to explode.) to the door. He wished he wasn't following her so closely. He was almost matching her movements, afraid of what was going to happen when the distance between them lengthened, when the ghost of her fingertips evaporated from his hair. But he couldn't pull back.
"Good night Maxwell. Fanny Nine." CC said with her customary assurance, not thinking of the words enough to notice her fumble. Not thinking of the words at all.
Niles suppressed a relieved grin. She was just as stunned as he was.
CC paused and turned. Niles had stepped into the door frame with her as though to follow her out.
"Swine." she said softly.
"Chicken." his voice was even softer. He was leaning towards her again, gazing steadily into her eyes.
Although she had clearly seen it coming, had practically served it to him on a plate, CC could not stop the shiver running the full length of her spine.
Niles saw her quiver, watched her with chin raised and shoulders back stalk into the night without her coat, and thought he had never been so turned on in all his life.
Where could they possibly go from here?
On the other hand could any two people possibly be as intimately entwined as they were?