I.
"You know, I thought Tom Mason was suspicious before," Pope says, leaning back in his chair, "but this is something totally different. This is a whole other level of alien loving."
"How do you think they do it?" Crazy Lee asks. "Do the whole alien loving? Because they've gotta be doing something."
Tector snorts behind Pope as Pope makes retching noises.
"Gross. Disgusting. I don't want to think about Mason doing anything like that. Ever." Pope grabs another beer and chugs it. "I wonder if that's how the Volm got into our leader's good graces."
"Aw man, I don't know," Tector says. "Tom's not a bad guy. I don't think he'd sell us out just so he could get laid."
"I dunno, dudes get desperate," Crazy Lee says. "And it'd be something new."
"Tom Mason: going where no man has gone before," Tector intones.
"We're talking about a bubblehead and Tom Mason," Pope says. It's clear which prospect he finds least attractive, and it isn't the bubblehead. "Having sex. I'm not drunk enough for this."
Crazy Lee is positively cackling.
II. [Translated from the Volm Standardized Tongue]
Waschak Cha'ab, commander of the expeditionary force, is used to Chichauk Il'sichninch Cha'tichol making interesting choices, often ones that are absolutely incomprehensible to him. Whereas his brother had spent their childhood studying war strategies, as the Volm do, Chichauk spent it trying to compose poetry. As if that would have been of any use to anyone, even if they hadn't been wretchedly terrible. They've been at war for generations; if a Volm is going to be a poet, they had better be an accomplished soldier first.
But this is beyond anything that he could have imagined. This is foolishness that no Volm has ever reached. There have been indiscretions, perhaps, but nothing like this.
"You're certain that this hasn't been tampered with in any way?" he asks his advisor.
His advisor shakes his head, backing away.
Waschak bangs his hand against the console. Of all of the idiotic, insane, and ludicrous things that his son ever could have done, deciding to take an alien as a mate is beyond comprehension. Especially since these humans are so uncooperative. So strange looking. So fragile. There is no redeemable trait in this species.
His stupid, foolish son.
If this Tom Mason injures his son in some way, he will consider destroying the whole planet, given the opportunity.
Chichauk Il'sichninch Cha'tichol may be the greatest fool that Waschak has ever met, but he's still his son.
III.
"What's wrong?" Hal asks Ben when he barges into the room that Ben shares with Matt.
His brother looks kind of greenish and like he's about to throw up his lunch. Since he's gotten his spikes, Ben's never been sick. A sudden bolt of anxiety bursts through Hal's mind: what if something is finally going wrong with Ben's spikes? He's known that something would happen. He knew that Ben should have gotten his damn spikes removed.
"Dad. Cochise," Ben says, shuddering.
"What about them?! Are they okay?!" Hal asks.
"I can hear them," Ben says with a shudder. It's certainly not the first time, but it sounds particularly vigorous today.
"…Hear them?"
"They're celebrating announcing they're together," Ben says. He bangs his head against the wall. "Like, I'm happy for them and all, but I can also hear them, and I don't want to."
Hal puts the pieces together, grinning maliciously at Ben. "That's hilarious," he says. "Can't you just be happy for them?"
"I already knew. This isn't the first time I've accidentally overheard them," Ben says. He wants to get a new room. A room far, far away.
"They're all the way down the hall," Hal points out.
"I have super hearing, Captain Obvious," Ben says through gritted teeth.
"Isn't it great?" Hal says, laughing. He crashes onto the bed next to Ben, making him jump.
Ben glares at him, the glare only getting worse as Hal slings his arm around him. "You're the worst brother ever." He growls and rubs at his temples. "Usually I can tune things out, but apparently not this."
"That is just awful," Hal says gleefully. "Terrible."
"I'm ignoring you. I'm ignoring them. I'm ignoring everyone," Ben says. He hates everyone.
Hal squeezes him around the shoulders. "You can't. You just said you can't!"
"I think they're done. I think they're going to bed now," Ben says, breathing heavily.
Hal notes that Ben's face is starting to return to its regular color. "You're-"
"Oh god," Ben says, gripping Hal's arm. "They're going in for a round two."
Hal hauls him to his feet. "C'mon, Ben. Let's go for a walk."
IV. [Translated from the Volm Standardized Tongue]
Shak-Chic Il'sha Shesash sighs and flicks his tongue in annoyance at the missive from Volm command- they want him to keep an eye on his commanding officer in light of recent events. He had known that Chichauk Il'sichninch Cha'tichol (he refuses to use that inane nickname that the humans use for his commanding officer, no matter how much Chichauk Il'sichninch Cha'tichol likes it) was attached to Earth and these humans, and, in retrospect, he should have anticipated these events. He would have, if there was any precedent.
"Do you think that this is some kind of ploy? To gain their confidence?" The newest member of their expedition asks.
Shak-Chic shakes his head. "No. Chichauk Il'sichninch Cha'tichol does not do ploys such as this, and he is filled with genuine affection for this human." He's filled with low key self-loathing as he realizes that he's adopting some human mannerisms.
"Why?" she asks incredulously.
"Never ask him that," Shak-Chic advises.
"Why not?"
"You will receive a lecture on how 'incredible' the human race is, followed by a heavily biased speech on Tom Mason specifically. They're both very long."
"If you've heard his speeches, could you tell me?"
"I could." Shak-Chic begins composing his confirmation to Volm command. As unappealing as keeping an eye on Chichauk Il'sichninch Cha'tichol and his human bondmate might be, it is an order. Unlike some Volm that Shak-Chic might mention, he's obedient.
"Will you?" she presses.
Shak-Chic looks up from his console. "No. It would take too much time," and he doesn't want to spend what little free time he has discussing humans, Tom Mason, or any of his offspring (who inevitably come up whenever Tom Mason comes up). It's hard to know which topic is most tedious.
Probably Tom Mason's dumbest, tallest child.
She flicks her fingers at him. "I'll ask him, then. When you're in the room, so you can listen."
Shak-Chic flicks his tongue again. Out of all of his postings, Earth is by far the most unpleasant.
V.
"Matt!" Maggie grabs his shoulder and kneels next to him, examining him. This isn't what she had been expecting when she went to pick up Matt from school. "What happened?"
"Nothin'" Matt says, wiping at his nose.
"Then why do you have a bloody nose?"
Matt sulks and doesn't look up at her. "Don't tell my brothers? Or my dad?"
"Can't promise that, Matt," Maggie says honestly. "But we'll see."
Matt doesn't say anything, so Maggie just gets him to get up and follow her. They head into a bathroom and Matt is pliable enough as she cleans him up, as long as she doesn't ask any questions.
Once he's clean, Maggie leads him back to her room. He raises an eyebrow questioningly at her, but follows along anyway. Maggie is just grateful she doesn't have to chase him down to get him to come with her.
When they reach her room, he sits on the bed, kicking his legs. She roots through the nightstand, looking for some chocolate she's sure that Hal hid in there at some point. She finds it and pulls it out triumphantly.
"This is technically Hal's, but I figure he won't mind too much if we eat some now," Maggie says, opening the chocolate bar and giving Matt a piece.
"Probably not…" Matt says, already shoving the chocolate into his mouth.
Maggie smiles and nibbles on a small piece. "Do you wanna tell me what happened?"
Matt twists his face at her but then decides to trust her. She's really cool, after all. He talks in a rush, wanting to get it out before he can change his mind. "Some kids said that Dad was a traitor because he's dating Cochise. And then someone said that Ben's not really a person anyway, and then someone said we should all go get skittered. So I punched one of them and then they punched me back. You can't tell Dad or Cochise or Ben or Hal, though. 'Specially not Dad or Cochise. They'd feel really, really bad."
Maggie takes a second to process all of this, handing Matt another piece of candy to stall.
"I think you've gotta tell your dad, Matt," Maggie says. "He's gonna find out anyway."
"I know," Matt mumbles, kicking his legs together. "But he's been so happy."
"Yeah, he has been, but he still wants to know what's going on with you," Maggie says, nudging him. "We can go talk to him together."
"Can we finish Hal's chocolate first?" Matt asks.
Maggie smiles and nods. "Yeah, sure." She pauses. "How do you feel about Cochise and your dad?"
Matt shrugs. "Dad is happy, and Cochise is cool. Plus, he has a spaceship." That makes him perk up. "Nobody else's dad is dating someone with a spaceship."
+1
"Are you sure that this is the course of action you want to take?" Cochise asks, arm wrapped around Tom.
"We've got to tell everyone some time, and things seem calm," Tom says, resting his head on Cochise's shoulder. "I think Ben's already figured it out somehow, anyway."
"If you're certain, then I will, of course, support your decision," Cochise says.
"Wait- are you okay with it?" Tom asks, tilting his head upward to look at him. "Your team and your father will find out, too. If you don't like that idea, we can just tell my boys. They can keep a secret if I ask them to."
Cochise rocks his head back and forth while he thinks. He knows that he and his father have been on uncertain terms for a long time (since he was five standard Volm years old, actually), and that this will only serve to further alienate him. It's going to happen, though, and Tom is correct about the favorable conditions on Earth.
"I am okay with it," Cochise decides. "I will compose a message to my father, and then we can tell your offspring."
"How do you think he'll take it?" Tom asks, curious. He's had conflicting impressions of Cochise's father over the years.
"Most likely, he will attempt to recall me to his ship and formally reprimand me. Volm do not consort with other species," Cochise says.
"Yeah? Are you going to be okay?" Tom asks.
"I can always disobey. He won't force the issue. He's used to my intractability and does not like to disclose such things," Cochise says, brushing his fingers down Tom's arm. "I will remain on Earth, with you, no matter what he says."
"Glad to hear it," Tom says. He shifts so that he's sitting up straighter, arms draped around Cochise. "I'm not going to lie, though, I'm kind of surprised to find out that you're a rebel Volm. It's kinda hot."
"What does this have to do with tempera-" Cochise cuts himself off partway through. "This is one of your expressions, isn't it?"
"Yeah, it is," Tom says with a soft laugh.
Cochise is always startled by Tom's laugh under such circumstances. When many of the humans laugh at him, it makes him feel inferior and clueless, particularly over language use. Their translation software isn't equipped to handle the sheer amount of figurative expressions in the English language. But Tom's laugh is always gentle, always kind, and he always follows up with an explanation, if he can.
"It means that your rebellious streak is sexy," Tom says, pressing his lips to Cochise's jaw.
"Ah," Cochise says. He can feel the blood rushing to his extremities. "Then I am, for once, pleased to have one."
"How long do you need to write to your father?" Tom asks. "I don't want him to accidentally find out."
"It will not take long for me to compose a missive to my father to inform him of our relationship. I can transmit it tomorrow," Cochise says. "Perhaps then we could have dinner with your children to inform them."
"And then we can tell everyone else," Tom says. He sighs. "It's going to be an interesting week."
"Do you believe that people will look unfavorably on your decision to take me as a mate?" Cochise says.
"Some of them. A lot of them, probably," Tom says, shaking his head. "But I don't think my kids will have much of a problem. They like you already." He pretty much doesn't care what anyone else thinks.
"They do?" Cochise says, grinning. "You're certain?"
"Yeah! Of course, you're great," Tom says. "And, yeah, they were a little uncertain about you at first, but now they've gotten to know you. They know you're smart and good and brave."
"I am…" Cochise attempts to bring his heart rate closer to normal parameters. This is slightly overwhelming. "Very gladdened to hear that, Tom Mason."
Tom smiles softly and presses his lips to Cochise's cheek. "I love you and I'm really glad everyone's going to know."
"Being assigned to this planet, and then landing in Charleston, was the most fortuitous event in my life," Cochise replies, leaning his head against Tom's, "and I'm glad that everyone will know."