Song: Better Days by the Goo Goo Dolls
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I looked over the vast amount of animals on the street. I just stood, watching, hearing. It was crazy all the stuff that was going on, that no one was stopping. It had started with me just being early for a movie, and now I feel so sad and depressed. Animals go past, knocking people over. They yell on cell phones, laugh at clothes some wear, yell profanity to one another. A taxi flies by, spraying people in dirty water.
No one stops to apologize. No one stops to help. No one takes a second thought about it.
They all walk on. Laughing, not caring about anyone but themselves, and then look like they hate the world when others walk past when they need help.
Three dogs, about my age of 17, walk by, and then cross the street, making a bee-line for an armadillo. As they walk, they bump into him, who was with this huge book bag and even bigger glasses. Clearly the nerd of the school. His bag spills, sending paper on the cold, wet ground. "Yo retard. You dropped something." They walk off laughing at the armadillo's misery. I opened my mouth, ready to yell. To help the boy. To do anything to help stop this madness.
"Hey Trish. Waiting long?" Turning I see my friends, a gaggle of girls ready to go watch the movie after being 20 minutes late.
"Well...umm..." They look at me. I turned my head to look at the kid on the ground. People walking on his papers, sending his cell phone and calculator flying across the sidewalk. They see what I am watching.
"OMG, what a loser." Breanne, my best friend says.
Thoughts run through out my head. Yell at her. Tell her she is an ass. Go help him.
*************
It had been a hard week of school. Mounds of homework from all my classes adds to the stress of being the punching bag. Everyday, I would just be pounded into bits, and I couldn't stop it. There was no way I was going to tell administration or my parents. So I just bottled it up, hiding all of my bruises from my family and the few friends I had. And if that wasn't bad enough, the verbal abuse just left me with nothing left. I hated it. I had never done anything wrong except dress a little differently and be a bit smarter then the others. It just didn't make any sense.
I mean, what is the point? We work so hard to get a diploma. Then to get a good job. Make as much money as you can and die. Through out your life, you experience pain that no one should have to be put up through. So why is there life? What is the point?
It was weeks like that, I would think about jumping off the Manhattan Bridge. I mean, why not? Why should I go through all this misery? People would call me crazy if I told anyone this, but I have thought this out. I don't want my parents to find me in my room dead. But I want someone to find me, so my family doesn't worry about trying to figure out if I was alive or not. I didn't want to jump off a building, and somehow live. So it left one of the bridges surrounding New York City, and the closest was the Manhattan Bridge. Would any one miss me? I know my family, and Matt and Charlie would, but would anyone else?
I shook my head, getting rid of all the thoughts. I was better then that, stronger then that. Unfortunately, I wasn't paying attention, and my bag ended up on the ground. "Yo retard. You dropped something." I didn't need to look up to know it was Carter and his two absent minded body guards. I got down, trying to pick up all of the stuff that was on the ground, people not bothering to stop and just stepped on all my work as they went by. The three dogs went by, laughing their heads off. If this had happened months ago, tears would be filling up my glasses, and I would yell at people for stepping on my things. But I didn't care. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw this girl. A tall kangaroo. She looked from the guys to me and back to the guys. Some other girls were laughing at me, but she looked different. She opened her mouth, and I didn't expect to hear that out of her mouth from across the street.
"I know, seriously." She laughed, looking nervously back at me, before heading with the girls in pink into the cinema. I looked at my stuff on the ground, people stepping on it, ruining all the work. I shook my head. Leaving my bag on the ground, I stood up, not caring about the damn papers anymore. No one cares. No one has ever cared. And no one will ever care. I took a step, heading towards my favorite place in New York City:
No one will care if I jump...
*************
I watched as this girl went through all this emotions across the street at a café. I was disappointed when she realized all of this, and then went right back to being someone that rather be oblivious and happy then know what is going on in the world and upset with it. I got up from my table, walking towards the mess of papers.
I sighed, as I picked up the armadillo's calculator, and I walked over to him. People walked past him, making papier-mâché out of his hard work. He was just standing there, lost in thought. He looked cold, lost, and miserable. This seemed like it was a common thing for him. He took a step away from his bag, and then another. He was leaving all his stuff on the cold cement. I grabbed his bag, placing the few things I had picked up, flinging it into his arms. He held the bag, as I got on my hands and knees, picking up all the papers and books. He looks dumbfounded at me the entire time, seeing someone actually helping him. Clearly, those dogs did this a lot to him.
"Thanks." He said, as I got most of what I could.
"No problem." Then, I felt a rain drop on my head. I looked up, seeing it was starting to rain again. In my bag was an umbrella, that I pulled out and opened. The boy was only wearing a light jacket, despite it being the end of winter in New York City. I handed the umbrella to him, before walking away. I heard him calling after me, but I made my way through the thong of animals faster then he could. I had easily lost him. My master would have been proud. But of course, I wasn't doing this to be rewarded or anything. I just wanted to help. Knowing this was a messed up world, and someone had to take the first step for redemption.
I smirked, still hearing him calling after me.
*************
"I know, seriously." I laughed. I looked back at him, his head down, trying to get the mess cleaned up. If only my friends came two seconds later I would have helped...
We headed inside, and bought our tickets, and through out the entire process, I wanted to just run outside and help that boy. We bought all sorts of snacks, pointing and laughing at what some of the animals in the movie theater looked like. By the time the movie previews started, we were throwing bits of our food at this girl on a date. I had forgotten why we disliked her, and why we tortured her like this, but we did it all the time. It was just life as usual.
"Hey, Bree Bree?" My best friend turned to me.
"Yeah, hoe?" She said with a smile. I smiled, but deep down it hurt.
"Don't leave me by myself for too long." She laughed.
"You got it, girl." I smiled, trying to forget everything. It was just to hard to help, yet keep a reputation at the same time.
*************
I started for the bridge, where out of nowhere, my bag flew into my arms. I turned quickly, to see this hippo on the ground, picking up all my stuff. I just stared, as he picked up anything he could salvage from my bag. He was wearing a trench coat, and a hat covering his face. "Thanks." Was all that came out of my mouth as he stood up. He was tall, much bigger then me.
"No problems." He said in a low voice. With his hat, I couldn't tell how old he was, or even what he even looked like. A rain drop landed on my hand, and I brushed it off. It was cold, but they had stolen my good jacket weeks ago, making me walk home in the snow with only my sweater vest on. Now, I only had this light weight one that didn't have a hood, and it was still a good walk if I wanted to go home. But, the bridge was only just a few blocks....
He pulled an umbrella out of his own bag, and stuffed it into my hands. Again, I was dumbfounded, and he raced off into the crowd of animals. I tried yelling after him, and following him, but nothing worked. It was like he cared, but didn't want to be rewarded.
The modern day Lone Ranger. The, I laughed. And laughed, and laughed. I was surrounded by people, who just stared at me as they walked by. But I didn't care. It had been awhile since I had done anything like this: Just enjoying myself.
I sighed, as the rain poured down harder. It beat against the umbrella, protecting me from the cold drops of ice water. I pulled on my backpack, heading home. I had a lot of homework...
The entire way home, I couldn't help but think, someone cared. And that ideas like suicide were totally impractical.
*************
Have you ever just stood still for a few moments?
Just to listen to all the craziness around you?
And hear and see all the idiotic things we say and do to each other?
I do. And it is horrible. And you think, I would never do that. They you walk on, reflecting on all that you took in. And I can bet you meet up with your friends, and start making fun of someone, call you best friend a hoe, or fling a paper wasp at someone.
And why? It is human nature to fit in, and it is programmed into our minds.
My master taught me this. He told me, that people are pure when born, but grow evil with temptation. It was one of the first things he taught me in Australia.
It was a long walk back to my apartment. I was drenched by the time I got inside. But I felt good.
___________________________
So, are you a Trish?
A armadillo?
Or a Murray?
I am a Trish- a self-centered person, that felt that these friends would disown her if she help the boy out. It is crazy that she thinks that. If they are real or good friends, they would be by your side the entire time, unless of course you are doing something really stupid. But, I guess ruining a perfect status of popular girl by helping a nerd is really stupid....
I am a Armadillo- the nerd/geek/dork with few but great friends. He is picked on and tortured everyday, and no one helps him. So it is reasonable to think that death is the best option. I mean, absolute no one would have cared if he died....
I am a Murray- Don't lie. Your nothing like him. But if you truly believe you are, you're a saint, the real modern day Lone Ranger. Yet, I don't think anyone will pick this, and actually deserve it.
Today is my Seventieth Birthday, and people always say that I am too wise for my own good. Too smart for such a young age, blah blah blah...Now, I am far from a modern day Lone Ranger, but I am no Trish. And to all armadillos out there, please don't even conceder it. Your more then loved, just open your eyes.
Well, thank you for reading, and probably forgetting my message within hours. But, at least for a few hours, you were thinking about understanding others and being a Lone Ranger. Or even googling who he is....
And you ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
Cuz I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And desire and love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again
And it's someplace simple where we could live
And something only you can give
And thats faith and trust and peace while we're alive
And the one poor child that saved this world
And there's 10 million more who probably could
If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them
So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again
I wish everyone was loved tonight
And somehow stop this endless fight
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again
-Goo Goo Dolls, Better Days