You tell yourself to stop.
Stop it, you say.
You don't cry, you say.
And you smile
To prove that you're okay.
You never needed to care, before,
What other people think.
But everything's changed.
You've been screaming since you lost,
And you did lose,
You realize,
Which surprises you.
Not the fact that you've lost,
Because you've always known that you would.
It's that you've admitted defeat,
Even to yourself,
That causes you to stop.
You close your eyes,
And take a deep breath.
Sometimes it is easier to assess yourself,
Rather than wait for the pesky emotions,
To come into play.
But it's too late for that,
This time.
You've lived your whole life with your mind,
So maybe it is appropriate that your body
Was the first to grieve.
You don't want to be alone again.
You like being loved,
Being admired,
But nothing lasts forever.
You almost think you'd rather be dead.