I know that its out of order from the show and the lines are somewhat different but I wanted to write a fanfic of Damon's feelings during the show last night.

If you want me to somehow write more on it just let me know. I would really appreciate reviews to see how I could improve or just if you like it. :)

"I can believe that you would kiss me but what I can't believe is that you actually thought I would kiss you back." Elena said standing outside the Lockwood Mansion.

People were walking around paying their respects for the death of Mayor Lockwood, but I didn't notice any of them. It was just Elena and me standing there. Those words ran through my head a thousand times and I wished that they hadn't come from her lips. I tried not to show my true feelings but it was just too much to keep bottled up.

"Now… I'm hurt." I said leaning up against the porch post. Elena had broken down my barriers over time and then it felt as though she had staked me through the heart with the sharpest piece of wood she could find.

I hadn't felt this close to anyone, Ever. Not even to Katherine Pierce. I love Elena; there was no doubt about that and she knows how I feel about her. The hardest thing though is that I know she has feelings for me too. I can see the way her chocolaty brown eyes look up at me sometimes when Stefan isn't in the living room. The way she looked at me as we danced around on Founder's Day.

She just has to accept that she loves both of us Salvatore Brothers.

But her expression now was made of stone. There were no loving brown eyes looking back up at me. If I had a heart I am sure it dropped off the Empire State Building. I stood there a second longer before turning my heel and shooting off toward the Boarding House. I needed to be alone to think.

I ran up the front steps and walked into the living room where my scotch was waiting for me when I got into moods like this. I poured myself a glass and looked at it for a few seconds.

Then I slung it towards the fireplace and watched it shatter into little pieces on the floor.

"What are you doing here, Katherine?" I asked annoyed feeling her presence in the room.

"Just saying goodbye." she said lying down on the couch.

"So soon?" I asked mockingly.

"I know when I'm not wanted." she replied sitting upright.

I started to walk away but suddenly Katherine was standing right in front of me.

"No goodbye kiss for me, Damon?" she asked sadly with those puppy eyes.

"I would rather kill you than kiss you." I said.

"Damon, Damon, Damon." she said shaking her brown curls.

I stared at her a second and walked away again but then turned around and pulled her to me. Don't ask me why I did it.

I don't know what came over me. On the inside I was beating myself up. Why did I just keep putting myself in these horrible situations to hurt me? If I had a heart I am sure it would be unrecognizable; broken into a million tiny pieces.

I pulled away from the kiss but Katherine pulled me back to her. I played along with her "game" for a while before pulling away again.

"I've just got to know the truth." I said. Because seriously I wanted to know how she felt about me.

"The truth is…I never loved you. It was always Stefan. I love Stefan. I came back for Stefan." Katherine whispered into my ear.

I knew it all along then…I didn't think the day could get any worse. Rejected by two girls? One I had been searching for, for 145 years. And one who was dating my little brother. My life was so messed up.

I slowly turned around and headed back to the scotch bar. I downed a glass and went for a second.

When I turned around Katherine was gone. All that was left was the memory of what had happened between us moments ago.

I had to get away for a little while.

I went outside and strolled around with no particular destination in mind but somehow ended up outside Elena's bedroom window. I jumped up to the ledge and swung myself in her open window. I happened to look up at her dresser where she kept her pictures.

There were a few of her and Stefan but my eyes zoomed in to a different picture. One of me and her slow dancing together. You could see the love in both of our eyes as we looked at each other. This was the proof.

I turned around and sat on her bed. I could hear her heartbeat in the bathroom. She would be out soon enough.

She gave a little yelp as she came into her room and saw my dark shape sitting on her bed.

"Damon, what are you doing here." she asked. I heard her heartbeat slowly calm down to normal.

"I know you love me. You can't deny it Elena. Look at this picture of us," I said taking it down. I handed it to her. "That look is a look of love."

"Damon… I love Stefan." she replied coldly.

"That's what you keep saying but inside you KNOW it's not the truth. You are a liar. You are lying to me, Stefan, but more importantly yourself." I said.

She looked off away from my eyes for a second before looking back at me.

"I care for you. I do but I don't and can't love you. I love Stefan." she said.

I stood there for a second before grabbing her and leaning in for a kiss. She pushed me away.

"Damon, don't!" she cried. I leaned in again but she put her hands up to shield her face.

I frowned and dropped away as Jeremy walked in.

"Is there a problem here.." he asked.

"No, I was just leaving." I said glaring over my shoulder at Elena.

She looked like she was filled with guilt.

I saw the ring shining on Jeremy's finger and I grabbed him up in a strong grip and slammed him against the wall.

"You wanted to be a vampire? Huh? It's so much easier than the crap you deal with eh? Well you don't know what pain I'm in right now." I yelled at him. I wasn't under control.

I could hear Elena behind me screaming for me to stop but I was too angry.

I grabbed Jeremy by the head and snapped his neck.

Elena was now sobbing over her brother's body. In a few minutes she would notice the ring on his finger and know everything would be okay but I needed to get away.

I stood in the shadows of her backyard listening to her and Stefan talking.

"He saw the ring. That's why he did it." Stefan said.

"He didn't see the ring Stefan. He thought he was really killing Jeremy. He was trying to hurt me for hurting him." Elena's voice rose out of her window. "I hate him Stefan I really really hate him."

Stefan was right I did see the ring.

I didn't want Elena to hate me. I didn't want anyone to hate me.

I was misunderstood. I was angry.

I needed time to cool off so I took to the woods and just ran.