Elimidate with the hero of time.
::ding ding:: **Round one**
Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda or Elimidate. ^_^
{Hope you like it!}
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Link: Hi, my name is Link. I have lived most of my life with a bunch of people who will look like kids for the rest of their eternal lives. But, I am looking for some one who is not and will not look like a child. So here I am about to meet four girls who will fight for me for three rounds and in the end I'll walk away with one. I'm planning to bring them a few places tonight and see how they are...
::first girl walks up::
Zelda: Hi, I am Zelda. Soon to be queen of Hyrule. Yah, you may remember me, you know having to save my life and all. But then of course there's the fact that I allowed you to stay an adult after returning from Romania. Oh, and here's an excessively large, outrageous, unwelcome gift to hint towards a future history together, which of course I brought only to make the other girls look bad and feel generally uncomfortable.
::smiling Link gives his thanks, introduces himself, and watches as the next girl approaches::
Ruto: Hello, my name is Ruto. You remember the one you were "supposed" to "marry." Don't worry your not my type anyway. I am just here to get you for an off to the side relationship of hot interspecies sex while I still plan a wedding with my future fiancé. ::smiles and turns to Zelda:: I noticed your excessively large, outrageous, unwelcome gift to hint towards a future history with Link, which of course you brought only to make the other girls look bad and feel generally uncomfortable and might I say it is a very nice one and it has served its purpose.
Zelda: Thank you for noticing, however, right about now I'd like to take the time to shoot you evil looks and give you inappropriate sign language while Link is watching for the next girl.
Ruto: I think I will join you. Link will you kindly ignore us as we stand here awkwardly and silently arguing while you wait for the next young lady and hope she is hotter than we are. ::smiles::
Link: Certainly, oh and here she is now.
::Amazon-ish looking woman approaches Link::
Nabarou: Greetings, I am Nabarou. I live in a fort in the desert with tons of other woman and one evil man whom once tried to kill you. You once helped me steal from and ancient temple in the desert as I threw sexing comments at your older self. Now that you are looking for someone I plan to be the one. If you do not choose me I will chop up these other women and sauteé them, lock you in the dungeon, rape you daily, and feed them to you. ::nods to others::
Link: Pleasant to meet you, for future reference I like my meat well done instead of sauteéd. And by the way, I am very pleased to know that you can cook.
::final girl arrives on her horse::
Malon: Hello, I am Malon. I live on a farm with my father and a complete asshole named Ingo. I raise cows, horses, and chickens. I taught you a song that allowed you to steal my best horse in the future. I intend to win you over with my cunning farm girl charm. However, if this gets ugly I will simply have to kill everyone. As your parents may have taught you, always watch out for the quiet ones.
Link: Charmed I'm sure. Well then let us get on with our first round. This round I will be taking you to a completely sleazy milk bar and I will have you fight over tideous things while you pretend to be the perfect person for me.
All: M: Ok, lets go. Z: Sounds delightful. N: Right... R: Wonderful.
::arrive at bar and have ordered their drinks::
Link: Ok girls, what do you do for a living and why? Make sure you make rude remarks about each others jobs so that I may judge you on how much you want to fight for me.
Zelda: What is this thing you call a... j...j...jo...job?
Ruto: ::ignoring Zelda:: I order people around and trick unsuspecting men into becoming my future husbands.
Malon: I run a farm with my dad and I deliver milk to the castle, the market, and our new local bars.
Nabarou: I keep my people in line and I like to steal. My motto is, in the words of Nike, "Just do it." It works with both stealing and relationships...
Link: Where are my rude remarks that I requested? And why isn't the crowd shouting Jerry by now? Oh sorry wrong show, I must have gotten caught up watching Zelda's incredibly flat chest. But don't worry just because a glass window has more bumps than you doesn't mean that you will get cut.
Zelda: ::mumbles:: I still don't know what a jab is...
Ruto: IT'S JOB! And I am a princess to and even I know what one is. Or were you to busy being a transvestite to learn that?
Link: Finally! Extra points for Ruto! That whole ordeal between Sheik and you being the same person was really a turn off.
::Zelda blushing incredibly, Malon giggling fiercely::
Nabarou: I don't suppose we are supposed to take these milk bottles, right? ::asks slipping one in to her huge pants::
Link: Erm... I don't think so, no.
Malon: Well, I would like to say that Ruto of all people should not talk. Because I don't think that her "job" actually qualifies as that.
Ruto: Why you little...
::cutting her off::
Link: Opps, it looks like it is time for an amazingly long commercial brake in which time tons of shit will happen that they will never mention and then I have to cut someone I don't like...
**Announcer guy voice**
"Who will Link cut first? Will it be Zelda? Ruto? Nabarou? or Malon? Find out after the brake!"
{he he... I don't really care if you liked it or not so just tell me if you want the second round or not. Oh, and you may also vote on who you want cut. It may actually make a difference on whom I have already chosen. r/r ^_^}