There is much to be said here. My friend Beth and I conspired on this some time ago. At the time, the latest rumor was that Colin Baker had lost his job as the Doctor and Sylveter McCoy just got it. We, being in America, had never seen Mel on the show, and we knew nothing about Sylvester McCoy except rumors. The poem was never updated for Ace or Eigth Doctor.
There is a mild dispute over this work. It was a mutual concept by both of us. Beth has the sense of rhythm and the poetic skills. So, it is mostly her baby. I have the poetic skills of a dead seal. See my Purple Unicorn story (Not Dr. Who), and you will see what I mean. I have Kel's poetic sense.
So, enjoy, be insulted or whatever! :)
Does He or Doesn't He?
Does he or doesn't he, that's what we'd like to know
Just look at all those young girls on the show!
The Doctor's got eyes, and we think all the rest.
Does he or doesn't he, what would you bet?
First came little Susan, so young and so . . . so . . .
If he'd ventured to ask her, would she have said no?
Oh, his little "granddaughter," how she'd smile and she'd wink.
Did he or didn't he, what do you think?
Miss Barbara Wright, the hapless schoolteacher
Is next in on our list. Did the Doctor reach her?
She was the object of every man's desire.
Was she the first to light our Doctor's fire?
Poor orphan Vicki on the planet Dido
Was so very grateful, how could she say no?
She was so young, the Doctor so old.
At least Troilus' bed never went cold
Next, Dodo, the teen from old London town
Now, there was a girl who sure go around!
Because Steven and Dodo were always so close,
The Doctor got in one pass at most.
Dear pretty Polly, a blonde beauty queen
Just what the Doc ordered - - - long tall and lean
Coming at the end of this incarnation
Perhaps she'd fare better with the next regeneration.
Victorian Victoria, a proper little miss
For services rendered, gave the Doctor a kiss
And a little of this and a little of that.
Soon she was screaming at the drop of a hat.
Zoe, the genius, and expert indeed
She'd gladly follow wherever the Doctor would lead.
As he helped her down ladders, he'd look up her dress,
And where his hands always landed, I'll never confess!
Of course, there is Jamie, the Doc's favorite companion
The question this time around will have to run
"Did he or didn't he?" ask the Time Lords, my dear.
More characteristic of the next one, I fear!
New Doctor, new companion, and UNIT to boot
What was the reason that Liz had to scoot?
Was it academic difference? That I doubt
More likely the fact that Liz was getting quite stout!
Next in stepped the Master, a handsome dark dude
My thoughts in this stanza are quite rude
The Doctor, the Master, together? How sick!
Let us skip over this matter and quick!
Cute little Jo, the big bubble head
Since when does the Doctor care if they 're brain dead?
She served two functions; she did them quite well:
First said, "What is it?" then screamed and yelled.
Next, Sarah Jane Smith, investigative reporter
The question is not "did he or didn't he" with her,
As she knew two Doctors and as she wrote,
The real question, my dear, is did she compare notes?
Leela the savage, a barbarous thing
Just the right tonic to put the Doctor in the swing
If she'd ever gotten the Doctor in bed,
what did she tell us when she took Andred instead?
With icy Time Lady Romana the First,
The Doctor was certain he had been cursed,
But Romana kept trying, that much is true,
That was the cause of Romana Mark II.
With Romana the Second, 'twas paradise found.
At least until Adric popped up in the background.
With that interruption, 'twas paradise lost.
Romana left, pissed, and Adric got squashed!
A line to K-9, a Time Lord's best friend
Oh, there goes those naughty stanzas again!
Though faithful, this robot's not useful in bed.
Damn dog's batteries always are dead!
Naive little Nyssa, the dim Trakenite
Propositioned by the Doctor, turned dead white.
"What is it, Doctor?" she cried in great fear
The Doctor heaved a sigh and said, "Never mind, dear."
Tegan Jovanka, air hostess, is next.
It's certain she the Doctor quite vexed.
Her voice, then her presence, soon caused him great pain,
For however he did it, she'd always complained!
Then came perky Peri, the American brat
She was young, she was daring, there's no doubt 'bout that.
Oh, the Doctor, he got some and so did the rest.
Just look how the hussy was dressed!
Lastly, there's Mel, the newest companion
After regeneration, watch her to abandon
The Doctor in favor of rosier futures.
Her last words, no doubt, "I don't do miniatures!"
As long as there is the Doctor, there will be by his side
A female companion, showing her hide.
All Time Lords need hobbies, this much is true.
I'll apply for the job, what about you?
There is a mild dispute over this work. It was a mutual concept by both of us. Beth has the sense of rhythm and the poetic skills. So, it is mostly her baby. I have the poetic skills of a dead seal. See my Purple Unicorn story (Not Dr. Who), and you will see what I mean. I have Kel's poetic sense.
So, enjoy, be insulted or whatever! :)
Does He or Doesn't He?
Does he or doesn't he, that's what we'd like to know
Just look at all those young girls on the show!
The Doctor's got eyes, and we think all the rest.
Does he or doesn't he, what would you bet?
First came little Susan, so young and so . . . so . . .
If he'd ventured to ask her, would she have said no?
Oh, his little "granddaughter," how she'd smile and she'd wink.
Did he or didn't he, what do you think?
Miss Barbara Wright, the hapless schoolteacher
Is next in on our list. Did the Doctor reach her?
She was the object of every man's desire.
Was she the first to light our Doctor's fire?
Poor orphan Vicki on the planet Dido
Was so very grateful, how could she say no?
She was so young, the Doctor so old.
At least Troilus' bed never went cold
Next, Dodo, the teen from old London town
Now, there was a girl who sure go around!
Because Steven and Dodo were always so close,
The Doctor got in one pass at most.
Dear pretty Polly, a blonde beauty queen
Just what the Doc ordered - - - long tall and lean
Coming at the end of this incarnation
Perhaps she'd fare better with the next regeneration.
Victorian Victoria, a proper little miss
For services rendered, gave the Doctor a kiss
And a little of this and a little of that.
Soon she was screaming at the drop of a hat.
Zoe, the genius, and expert indeed
She'd gladly follow wherever the Doctor would lead.
As he helped her down ladders, he'd look up her dress,
And where his hands always landed, I'll never confess!
Of course, there is Jamie, the Doc's favorite companion
The question this time around will have to run
"Did he or didn't he?" ask the Time Lords, my dear.
More characteristic of the next one, I fear!
New Doctor, new companion, and UNIT to boot
What was the reason that Liz had to scoot?
Was it academic difference? That I doubt
More likely the fact that Liz was getting quite stout!
Next in stepped the Master, a handsome dark dude
My thoughts in this stanza are quite rude
The Doctor, the Master, together? How sick!
Let us skip over this matter and quick!
Cute little Jo, the big bubble head
Since when does the Doctor care if they 're brain dead?
She served two functions; she did them quite well:
First said, "What is it?" then screamed and yelled.
Next, Sarah Jane Smith, investigative reporter
The question is not "did he or didn't he" with her,
As she knew two Doctors and as she wrote,
The real question, my dear, is did she compare notes?
Leela the savage, a barbarous thing
Just the right tonic to put the Doctor in the swing
If she'd ever gotten the Doctor in bed,
what did she tell us when she took Andred instead?
With icy Time Lady Romana the First,
The Doctor was certain he had been cursed,
But Romana kept trying, that much is true,
That was the cause of Romana Mark II.
With Romana the Second, 'twas paradise found.
At least until Adric popped up in the background.
With that interruption, 'twas paradise lost.
Romana left, pissed, and Adric got squashed!
A line to K-9, a Time Lord's best friend
Oh, there goes those naughty stanzas again!
Though faithful, this robot's not useful in bed.
Damn dog's batteries always are dead!
Naive little Nyssa, the dim Trakenite
Propositioned by the Doctor, turned dead white.
"What is it, Doctor?" she cried in great fear
The Doctor heaved a sigh and said, "Never mind, dear."
Tegan Jovanka, air hostess, is next.
It's certain she the Doctor quite vexed.
Her voice, then her presence, soon caused him great pain,
For however he did it, she'd always complained!
Then came perky Peri, the American brat
She was young, she was daring, there's no doubt 'bout that.
Oh, the Doctor, he got some and so did the rest.
Just look how the hussy was dressed!
Lastly, there's Mel, the newest companion
After regeneration, watch her to abandon
The Doctor in favor of rosier futures.
Her last words, no doubt, "I don't do miniatures!"
As long as there is the Doctor, there will be by his side
A female companion, showing her hide.
All Time Lords need hobbies, this much is true.
I'll apply for the job, what about you?