Disclaimer: Mass Effect and all related concepts and characters belong to Bioware; I'm just having fun in their sandbox.
Prompt: Spa day
Notes: Written for the Weekly Insanity Challenge over at me_challenge on LiveJournal. Been a damn long time since I've written fic, and this is definitely the first time I've written for ME, but the idea that popped into my head for the prompt was just so ridiculous I had to get it written.
Jack stared up at the sign in abject horror before leveling a glare on Shepard. "No fucking way."
Shepard grinned. Kasumi actually had the gall to giggle.
"No fucking way."
"Every woman needs a little pampering."
"I do not need pampering. The fuck do I look like, the cheerleader?"
"We'll be dragging Her Highness by later," Shepard said, her grin still firmly in place. "Didn't want to pay for damages when you two inevitably brought the building down around my ears."
"Besides," Kasumi said, eyes glittering, "it's one of the few places on Illium that caters exclusively to humans."
"So what?"
"They offer a wide range of services to attract the most business possible." Shepard's grin had turned into a full-blown smirk. "Including a highly rated tattoo parlor."
Jack opened her mouth, then closed it thoughtfully. She had been thinking about getting some new ink, and getting shot at by mercs and mechs and Collectors because Shepard just had to go and piss off everyone meant some of her older tats needed touching up. And Shepard knew it, too, the nosy, devious bitch.
"And did I mention?" Smug smirk was now firmly on the "evil" end of the scale. Kasumi giggled again. "This place is very expensive and we're planning to blow an obscene amount of creds here. It's going into the financial reports as a "morale-boosting exercise." The Illusive Man gets to foot the bill."
Again, devious bitch.
She told her pride to go fuck itself.
(She also pointedly ignored the part of her mind that reveled in all things girly – including make-up, shoes, and fashion magazines – when it started doing cartwheels in her head.)
"I want a massage done by the hottest piece of ass they have here and a manicure," she growled, hunching her shoulders as she stormed into the spa, followed by a bouncing Kasumi and smiling Shepard. "And if you tell them to give me pink nails I will fucking skin you alive."
"Noted."