"Fucking nightmares again," she murmured softly, holding perfectly still so she didn't awaken her sleeping bondmate. Nightmares, which had previously halted for the longest time, Liara's presence alone able to fend them off, came rushing back with violent force. Torfan, Earth, every battle, every wound, every kill came slamming back into her mind, ripping her away from the carefree dreams she had been having.
Blood and death, something perfectly natural, even welcomed in her mind, were no longer desired in her dreams. She wasn't a soldier anymore, she just wanted to be at peace with her past, so she could move ahead with their future, and their children's futures.
Bile rose up in her throat, the memory of Torfan at the forefront of her mind. It always came down to that, and her decisions that had cost so many people their lives. She could still smell the blood sometimes, taste the dirt in her mouth, hear the jingling of dozens dog tags, which she had ripped from her fallen comrades' neck, in her hand, hitting her thigh with every motion.
"Push ahead, push ahead!" she had screamed at the top of her lungs when anyone tried to retreat. It had been personal, her vendetta against the Batarians, and every life lost that day had been the result of her rage, her need for revenge. How many had died? Their names were burned into her skull, seared into her mind as if a white hot brand had been shoved into her brain.
How many times had she fallen asleep, whispering their names manically, to remind herself of the power she held? The power of life and death were in her hands, one wrong word and people died. Victory and defeat hinged on her orders.
Pressure exploded in her temples and she cringed, clenching her teeth hard to stop a small shout of pain. And her migraines were back as well. Just her luck. It was less than she deserved. A few migraines were nothing compared to the pain she had caused other people. She had stripped sons and daughters away from their parents, mothers and fathers away from their children. Butcher of Torfan was a fitting title for her.
"Monster," was all the retired Commander could utter, closing her dark green eyes quickly, faces of her comrades flashing before her eyes, each face twisted into a accusing grimace. Without realizing it, her arms snaked around Liara's waist, her arms shaking violently as she clung to her bondmate.
Her lung ached with a scream she refused to let out, her eyes burned with tears that wouldn't fall. Only one word rushed out past her quivering lips, the only word she ever could get out when she was locked in the past. Unable to speak much, she screamed out the single word that could offer her any comfort, "Liara!"
Author's Note: This is my first story on here, but don't hold back. Please review, I need criticism to be a better writer, so don't hold back on me.