A/N I have written this as a self-indulgent birthday treat for myself, also in celebration of Kieron and Emmett's Jan birthdays . Was going to be a one-shot but may continue as I fear the show is going to deprive us of anything good for a while

January 31st 2013

The nudging in Ste's side grew more persistent. He tried to bat the offending hand away in his half-awake state. "Stop it" he groaned. "Come on Ste it's your birthday, the kids are dying to give you your presents" Amy shoved him harder. "Yeah it's my birthday so I'm havin' a lie in." Ste felt exhausted, he had been working none stop for the last six months to get the position of Commis Chef at the new Michelin Starred restaurant in Chester. He had finally allowed himself to take a break, after much haranguing from Amy, and this was the first day of his two weeks off.

Ste reluctantly opened his eyes, Amy was perched on the edge of his bed wearing a huge grin on her face, "c'mon lazy bones, you've got a whole fortnight to stay in bed, I'm gonna go make you a lovely cooked breakfast, bacon, sausages, hash browns, the works" She sprang up and made her way out of the bedroom, pulling the duvet off the bed as she went. Ste decided to admit defeat, crawled out of bed and headed for the shower. As he let the warm water cascade over him, he couldn't help but smile as he thought about how different his life was compared to the same time last year.

January 31st 2012

Ste sat up in bed and rubbed his bleary eyes. The knock at the front door persisted. He sighed and looked at the clock, 11.30am already. He stretched and sighed, Amy would have already taken the kids to nursery and would now be at work in the new coffee shop, the flat was empty. Ste knew Amy was worried about him, he never rose from bed before midday now, and he was irritable and increasingly short-tempered. Amy kept telling him he wouldn't find a new job by skulking around the house all day, and he knew she was right, but it had been a month now since Brendan had unceremoniously fired him from Chez Chez and Ste was beginning to lose all hope that he would ever find another job again.

The knocking at the front door grew louder, Ste was sorely tempted to just stick his head under the pillow and ignore it. To begin with Ste had tried to see his dismissal as a positive step, both personally and career-wise. Lord knows that he needed space from Brendan to try and get his head together and surely he could do something more with his life than just be a bartender forever. Had he not once held dreams of being a chef, working at a fabulous restaurant, maybe even in the city? The problem was that he was still not properly qualified and it would take money in order to get the training that he still required, money that he and Amy just did not have. And now after weeks of looking he found he could not even get a job as a bloody pot-washer let alone anything grander. Amy had tried to keep his spirits up at first, but it was apparent she was now getting fed-up with his lack of motivation, which had now spread to all corners of his life.

Amy never said anything but Ste knew that Amy knew his current malaise was not solely due to his current state of unemployment. As much as he tried to hide it he could not fully disguise the fact his current mood was really attributed to a certain Moustachioed Irish bad boy who he could just not forget about, and who he knew deep down in his sub-conscious he did not want to forget about. If Ste were to be truly honest he would have to admit he was haunted by Brendan. His days seemed to be accompanied by a constant dull ache somewhere deep in his core, and his nights were normally filled with dreams of dark memories. Neither in sleep nor in waking could he seem to excise the ghost that was now a constant presence.

"Ste?… Ste are you in there?" he heard a muffled voice call. Ste groaned. Whoever was at the door obviously were not giving up. Ste climbed out of bed, threw on a hoodie and jogging bottoms and made his way to the front door. He squinted as the low winter sun shone through the open door. "Declan" Ste was surprised to see who was standing at his door, "what you doing here?"
"Can I come in?" Declan replied
"Err yeah I guess" Ste frowned, "does your Dad know you're here?"
Ste tried to hold back the wave of emotion that always seemed to overwhelm him with even the slightest mention or thought of Brendan. It felt like Brendan was this huge black hole, which had sucked all the colour and warmth from his world leaving it grey, cold and empty.

Declan had strode into the kitchen of the small flat. How old was he now? Ste looked at him, sure he had grown more even during the short period he had been staying here in Hollyoaks with his Dad and he definitely seemed to encapsulate his father's mannerisms more than when Ste had previously seen him. Ste shook his head as he closed the front door and turned to see Declan rummaging through the kitchen cupboards.
"Tea?" Declan asked.
"If you like" Ste joined him and put the kettle on, before heading into the bathroom to wash and freshen up. When he rejoined Declan he found the boy drumming his fingers absent-mindedly on the kitchen worktop. "Here you go" Declan said passing him a cup of tea, "have you got anything to eat?" Definitely just like his father thought Ste as studied Declan over the brim of his teacup.
Ste sighed "so what do you want Declan? I don't think your Dad will be best pleased that you're here."
"I wanted to ask you about you and my Da."
Ste busied himself looking at a birthday card that Leah had made for him, which had been left on the kitchen table, yet another birthday with nothing to be thankful for. Ste tried to avoid Declan's steely gaze. "I told you, you need to speak to your Dad about that."

The laughable truth was that Ste would not even know where to start with that subject. Where did he and Brendan stand now? He had no idea. Though Brendan had been the one to sack him, ever since it seemed Ste could not get away from him. Whenever he was in the village Brendan always seemed to be there with some cutting remark, he even turned up at the flat on a few occasions shouting the odds over everything and nothing. It felt to Ste like Brendan was deliberately seeking him out, but for what end Ste was damned if he knew.

"He won't talk to me about it and I'm worried, he calls your name in his sleep every night now" Declan whispered conspiratorially. For a moment Ste wondered if Brendan could be suffering as much as him, experiencing the same dreams, sweet, but equally cruel in the fact they were unattainable. "Auntie Chez says he doesn't talk to anyone about what's going on."

"Yeah well I know that feeling" sighed Ste.

January 31st 2013

Ste was sitting on the living room floor playing with Leah and Lucas. The kids were all giggles and smiles as they ran toy cars up and down his legs and arms. Ste had received a lovely new jumper from them, which Leah proudly proclaimed she had picked out herself. Lucas had insisted that he put it on straight away. Just as the matchbox cars seemed to be headed for a collision on the top of his head there was a knock at the front door.

"Can you get it Ste?" Amy shouted, I'm up to my arms with washing-up here.
Ste went over to the front door with Lucas toddling behind him. As he opened it his face broke into the widest grin ever.
"Brewndan" squealed Lucas throwing himself at Brendan's legs.
"Whoa" Ste grabbed Lucas by the waist and hauled him back.
Brendan was stood in the doorway holding the largest cake Ste had even seen.
"Stephen" Brendan greeted him, holding out the cake he raised his eyebrows and the hint of a smile ghosted across his face "Happy Birthday"
"Wow Brendan, you shouldn't have" Ste chuckled as he took the cake from Brendan as Lucas resumed his attack on Brendan's legs. "Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake Stephen" Brendan said pointedly.
"What are you even doing here, I thought you were going to Prague this weekend for that Stag-Do?" Brendan bent down, ruffled Lucas' hair before picking him up and carrying him into the house. "I'm just passing through" Brendan replied. Brendan noticed Ste's face dropped almost imperceptibly, but not to Brendan who knew that face like the back of his own hand.

"Amy" he greeted her, as he followed Ste into the kitchen having deposited Lucas back on the living room floor to play with Leah.
"Brendan" Amy nodded curtly back, though Ste was pleased to see what he believed to be a small hint of a smile playing on Amy's lips. Perhaps there was hope that one day Amy and Brendan would finally bury the hatchet, and not into each other for a change. Ste placed the cake onto the kitchen table along side the cards he had received which were now standing on display.
"Can I get you a drink Brendan, maybe a cup of tea?" Amy asked.
"That'd be lovely, though I can't stop long" Brendan said baring his teeth with a manically enthusiastic smile. He then turned his attention to the kitchen table, picking up and adjusting each card that sat there in turn, before dipping a finger into the soft vanilla icing on the cake and licking it off slowly, "Mmmm delicious"
"Erm right yeah, I should get Leah and Lucas dressed" Amy stuttered, having a sudden need to make herself scarce.

Amy gathered up the children and ushered them into the bathroom.
Brendan turned to Ste "so I hope you have kept some time free in your break for your significant other?" Ste was still overcome with a feeling of euphoria every time Brendan referred to them as being in a relationship. He fought not to let this show, though he was sure he was not fooling Brendan. Ste pretended to suck his teeth and mull it over "O I don't know, people to see etc…" he said trying to maintain a poker face.
"Hmmm" Brendan dramatically sighed "you best get over here now then," beckoning Ste with his finger. Ste walked over to where Brendan was standing, he looked up at him through long lashes. Brendan gently traced the outline of Ste's lips with one thumb before drawing Ste closer to him with his other hand. Then he placed a gentle kiss on Ste's lips, "are you sure you can't fit me in Stephen?" he whispered into Ste's ear, his warm breath sending goose-bumps down the length of Ste's body. Ste shuddered with desire, if Amy and the kids hadn't been just down the hall, Ste blushed at the thoughts that now filled his head. Brendan looked down at him knowingly, taking in the flushed skin and lust-blown eyes, "would you like your present now?" he said, reaching into his coat pocket, extracting a brown envelope and handing it to Ste.

Ste wondered what on earth Brendan could have gotten him, and felt himself buzzing with anticipation. He ripped the envelope open to find a postcard inside. The picture on the front was the Statue of Liberty, even Ste knew that, he turned the postcard over looking puzzled. On the back was written in a messy scrawl

'Wish you were here'

He looked up at Brendan totally mystified. Ste could see Brendan's lips twitching under his moustache, "I really hope you didn't have your heart set on hanging out in Hollyoaks for the next two weeks because I thought New York would make a nice change" Brendan deadpanned. Ste's eyes widened in bewilderment, "and I thought maybe we could try our luck at poker in Las Vegas" Brendan continued, trying to look totally disinterested as Ste squealed in delight then planted a kiss directly on Brendan's lips.

"O so you do fancy it" smirked Brendan, "good the plane leaves in five hours, taxi will be here to pick us up in one."
"What?" exclaimed Ste "I'll never be ready, I can't pack in under an hour, I don't even have a suitcase," he lamented.

At that moment Amy reappeared from the bathroom "what's all the commotion?" she asked.
"Brendan wants to take me to America, but we need to leave in a hour and I'll never be ready in time"
"Tut tut, Brendan really should have given you more notice" Amy said bluntly
"Well it wouldn't have been a surprise then" Brendan replied tersely

Ste hoped they weren't going to start arguing again, not on his birthday, but he was sure he sensed some playful undertones to this banter and he was proven right when Amy disappeared for a second to her bedroom, returning wheeling a suitcase behind her.
"Here you go Ste, this should be everything you need, be sure to enjoy yourself!" Amy found herself enveloped in a huge bear hug from Ste.
"Oh my God, you knew about this?" Ste reproached Amy "How did you keep it secret?"
"On pain of death" Amy rolled her eyes and chuckled, whilst jabbing her thumb in Brendan's direction.

Brendan was paying no attention, but was busily eyeing up the cake. "So I think we have time for a slice before we have to go."