Chapter 1
He stared out the window at the boys below. They ran and laughed, though Ron wasn't sure what was so funny or why they were chasing one another at wand point. He was busy gaping at the toned and tanned boys, who had lost their shirts once the water had begun to spray from Fred's wand. Ron was ashamed enough that he was attracted to boys, but he could not deal with finding his own relatives and friends attractive in that way. It just felt wrong, even though he knew there was no romantic interest on either part. It was simply the male features that had him blushing in his bedroom. He had woken up late, and missed the beginning of whatever madness was ensuing outside, and decided not to intrude on what could have become quite an awkward situation for him. Ron focused on Harry. He was surely the most attractive of the bunch, and staring at his best friend didn't feel quite so incestuous to Ron. At least he wasn't technically related to Harry.
Ron shoved his weight away from the window. Gaping at his best friend was not the best way to get over the whole gay thing. He had made the decision to hide earlier in the year, when he realized the attraction he felt was not simple admiration. Excuses could no longer be made once he had spent an entire potions lesson ogling Draco Malfoy's behind in his well-fitted school trousers. At that point, Ron had officially concluded that he was, indeed, a homosexual, but decided it would be best to repress his desires until his graduation from Hogwarts and the defeat of Voldemort. There were simply more important things to deal with than his sexuality. Putting his desires on the back burner had proved difficult for the 14 year old Weasley. His hormones, like every other boy his age, were raging. He was becoming a walking disaster amongst the thick sexual tension he couldn't talk about, let alone act upon.
Percy did not expect any of the others to be indoors when he wandered up the stairs towards his room. Ron jerked around to face his open door, meeting his brother's eyes, both equally surprised to see the other.
"Shouldn't you be out with the others wreaking havoc whilst theoretically watering the lawn?"
"I could ask the same of you." Ron replied defensively.
"I have studying to do. Ministry preparations."
"Come on Perce, you don't start at the ministry 'till September. Live a little."
Percy let out a sigh and continued up the stairs to his bedroom. He was not one to allow his questions to go unanswered. There had been something wrong with Ron since Christmas. A disconnection that was deeper than his normal, distractible self. He supposed a break from his reading of the extensive book of wizard laws, ministry procedures and such was due. He turned on the stairs and crept noiselessly back towards Ron's room. His brother just stared wistfully out the window, and then paced back and forth a bit, before throwing himself onto the bed. Not what one would expect from the normally loud and boisterous boy, but not suspicious in and of itself. Convinced he would get nothing of value from standing in the hallway while Ron paced, he returned to his room.
Ron was irritated with Percy. He was a prat, to be quite plain. His nose was always stuck in a book, determined to know more random facts than any other wizard, or something. Ron wondered for a moment if a book might be what he needed. He wouldn't have to say it, and he wouldn't be burdening anyone else with his problem, but he could figure out how to properly deal with this thing. Surely other boys had questions? He couldn't be the only one. There had to be other people like him in the world, since they bothered to make up a word for it. He'd never met one, though. If there was one thing he'd learned from Percy, it was that there was a book for everything.
Something compelled Ron to trek up to Percy's room and ask him about this theoretical book. He had no idea how to word his question without giving away his secret and sounding like an idiot, but in a moment of gryffindorishness, he took the leap. He knocked lightly on the closed door, but opened it before any response. His courage was fading quickly.
"Percy, I need a book."
He looked up from his magical law book, "What sort of book?"
Ron backed up a bit, biting his lip. "I don't know; the normal kind."
"Well, what are you hoping to learn?" Ron backed up once more. "I can't help if I don't know what you are looking for. There are millions of books out there. Maybe it's something you want to talk about?" Percy struggled to keep his voice even. This was a perfect opportunity to figure out what had been going on with him.
"I don't know." Ron tensed visibly. "It's personal."
"And I'm your brother." Percy interjected. "I can just listen. I won't tell mum or anyone. Ron, you've been off for months now."
Ron began to panic. Percy had noticed that he had changed. This had been a bad idea, and now there was no backing down. Maybe Percy could help? It would certainly be better than staring out the window like he had been. Ron sat down on Percy's bed, and exhaled his nerves.
"I'm," he took the words very slowly "gay." He almost whispered the last bit.
"Oh thank god." Percy uncharacteristically leapt from his desk towards Ron, and hugged him as well as one could expect from person standing up to a person sitting down. Percy leveled, sitting down beside his brother. "I thought something was really wrong. This is nothing to be upset over. It is hard in the beginning. I'm guessing you figured it out around Christmas, since that's when you started moping around like a kicked puppy. It really does get better." He rambled, a mile a minute.
Ron tried to remove himself from Percy's grasp. He was glad Percy seemed accepting, but this was a bit much. And he resented the idea that he looked like a puppy, kicked or otherwise. "Perce, calm. What is this all about?"
His demeanor changed in an instant. "I'm gay too. I suppose you ought to know. I wasn't going to tell mum, at least until Oli and I had moved in together, just in case."
"You have a boyfriend?"
"Don't sound so surprised."
"Did he go to hogwarts with you? Do I know him? I didn't think there was anyone else like us at Hogwarts."
"You remember Oliver?"
"Like quidditch captain Oliver?"
"Yeah. We've been together since 5th year."
"You certainly picked a handsome enough bloke. Have you seen him in his quidditch robes?"
"I've seen him in less than that." Ron blushed. "But more importantly, do you fancy anyone?"
"Not really, I mean, I see lots of attractive blokes at Hogwarts, but they're just crushes"
"Come on Ron, there are more gays than you'd expect. Don't give up hope. Most just don't broadcast it across the school, because Slytherins' prejudice knows no bounds."
"I don't know if I'm even ready for something like that anyways. I don't even know how it works with 2 guys."
"It's pretty much the same as with a girl, but I find that I can be myself around guys a bit more. As for the mechanics,"
Ron cut him off, "I don't need to know. It will be a long time before I have an intimate relationship."
"And I might not be around then. You have to admit you're curious."
"No, I'm not," Ron shouted. "I do not need mental images of you and Oliver haunting me for the rest of my life."
"I won't be graphic, Ron. I assume dad's given you the speech already?" Ron's blush increased. "So you know the whole situation with protection, which is still important for gay sex, as sexually transmitted diseases are still possible. As for the actual act, it's similar, if you substitute the vagina for an anus. I do actually have a book for you," he stood up, and began digging through a stack of books. He pulled out one entitled 'Advanced Transfiguration'. Ron looked confused as his brother handed the book over. "It's not actually transfiguration, I just swapped the cover with an old transfiguration book. This should answer a lot of the questions you don't want to ask me, even though my door is always metaphorically open."
Ron stood up, pulling his brother into a hug. "Thanks, Perce. I might just test that out later." He winked, leaving with his new book. Once in the safety of his own room, he smiled. He had told Percy, and the world hadn't imploded. He officially knew 2 other gays, and they were no different from other people, so perhaps he didn't have to be stereotypical either. He hid the book between his mattress and his bedframe. Percy had found somebody to love, and he could, possibly. On a whim, he removed the book from its hiding place, and went downstairs. He left the house through the back door to avoid meeting Harry and his brothers on the way to his favourite spot to get away: the top of an ancient apple tree by the river that ran through their property.
The idea of opening the book was daunting, but Ron's curiosity had gotten the better of him. The book wasn't just about sex as he had originally feared. It was about being a gay teenager. The word still scared him a bit. The book was helpful. He was engrossed in the chapter about crushes on straight guys, when Harry threw a clod of dirt at him. He snapped the book shut.
"What book could possibly keep Ron Weasley from a water fight?" Harry still wasn't wearing a shirt.
"Just transfiguration, for next year. Barely passed. I need to get cracking."
"Seriously, Ron? You're turning into Percy."
If only he knew… "Fine. I'll put this book away and join in for a while. I suppose a break is in order." Ron climbed down, keeping the book close to his chest. He felt as though his friend could see through the worn cover to what he was truly reading. Harry sprinted back to the Burrow, Ron jogging behind. They climbed the endless stairs, Harry taking each with more spring in his step than the Weasley.
They reached Ron's room, and he panicked. He couldn't hide it with Harry standing right there, but anyone could read it if he threw it on his bed like he normally would a schoolbook. He took the less immediate risk, tossing the book gingerly onto his bed. Harry nearly dragged him back down the stairs. All the time, Ron's mind was with the book, lying exposed on his bed. He half-heartedly sprayed his brothers. Thankfully, with water everywhere, there wasn't much to stare at, and he could keep his hormones in check. Harry and his brothers were family, he rationalized. He didn't dare place his feelings in the category of a crush. They were victims of opportunity, so to speak. He only stared because there were no other male bodies around.
Lunch came quickly, to Ron's relief. Food always made a good distraction. He frowned. Percy wasn't at the table. He began shoveling in the food as per usual, but began to feel uncharacteristically full.
"Where's Percy?" he asked through his last mouthfuls of lunch.
"Up in his room, I bet." George sneered.
"I'll take him up a plate." Ron began filling an unused plate with food. He couldn't take being around his whole family right now. They all seemed to be staring at him. He rushed upstairs, not bothering to knock with the plate in one hand.
"I didn't expect you back so soon. Is that lunch?"
"Yeah." Ron took a seat on the bed again. Percy took the plate and began eating much more neatly than Ron had.
"So, anything particular you wanted to talk about, not that I don't love the company."
"I- just couldn't be down there anymore. I felt like everyone was staring at me, like they knew, but wanted me to admit it. Can we talk about you and Oliver?"
"Of course. We started dating 5th year. It was all very romantic. We were in our dorms, just talking, when he asked me who my first kiss was, and I said I'd never been kissed. He asked if he could be my first kiss, and I told him yes." Ron felt like his heart was turning to mush from that cheesy story, but the idea that things like that could really happen was too exciting to criticise.
"How do you two get any time together? I mean you are always here, or at Hogwarts, and neither seem like a good place to hide a secret boyfriend." That word bothered Ron, too.
"As head boy, I got my own room. Before that, we only really saw each other on Hogsmeade weekends, and occasionally in the prefects' bathroom."
"Aww gross."
"Really, Ron? It is perfectly normal, and I don't expect you'll live entirely celibate your entire life. Why would I?"
"It's just gross because you're my brother. So what about your new place? London, I assume."
"We're going to be just outside the city. Oli couldn't bear muggles breathing down his neck,"
"He's playing for Puddlemere, isn't he?"
"Yes. I forgot you'd seen him at the world cup."
"He seems like a great guy." Ron sighed. He doubted he'd ever find a great guy.
"You'll find someone, Ron." Was Percy reading his mind? "Maybe not today, but you will find a special guy eventually."
"I just hope I can find a guy. How are you supposed to know who bats for our team if nobody ever announces it?"
"It's called flirting, Ron."
"I couldn't."
"It's really not that bad. If the guy's interested, he'll realize you're flirting with him. If not, he probably won't even notice."
"Things are really weird for me right now. There are plenty of blokes I find attractive, but I don't necessarily have feelings for any of them, you know."
"You'll meet someone; or rather rediscover someone you've already met. Wait and see. Once you're back at Hogwarts, you can really discover yourself. Don't be afraid of feeling attracted to someone. Just compartmentalize it. Don't let physical attraction dictate how you act, and you'll be fine. It's really a hard process, but you'll get there."
"That's comforting." Ron shoved his brother playfully. "I am nowhere near telling people, and you expect me to start flirting with every hot guy at Hogwarts?"
"It's a gradual thing. When you are ready, you will know."
"Young grasshopper."
"Ron, have you been watching those muggle programs with dad again? I swear, we never should have let Hermione teach dad how to work one of those television things."
"Lighten up, Perce. It's fun."
"That's rich from someone who spent the whole morning in his bedroom doing nothing."
"I went outside with the twins and Harry for a bit."
"Did they forcibly carry you from your room?" Percy joked.
"No." Ron's ears went red once again.
"What were you up to this morning anyways?"
His blush deepened. "They were having a water fight, and Harry wasn't wearing a shirt."
"Awww, Ronniekins has a crush?"
"Sod off. He's attractive, okay? That's it." He replied defensively.
"If you say so." Percy smirked. He would be looking into this one.
"What's going to happen once I go back to Hogwarts?"
"The same thing that happens every year. You will go on ridiculous adventures with Harry and Hermione, and your feelings can stay hidden as long as you need them to."
"But you won't be there to talk to. I can't tell anyone else about this."
"I'm sure Hermes won't mind a few extra deliveries."
"You know once you put that out there, I'll be owling you daily."
"I would expect nothing less." Percy grabbed Ron in a one-armed hug. They sat this way for a moment.
"I need to go down to my room for a sec. I had to leave my book out. Harry caught me reading it, but he bought the transfiguration story. Anything but tossing it on my bed in favour of a water fight would have seemed suspicious."
"Smart."
"Don't sound so surprised." Ron smiled, taking the steps two at a time.
The book had thankfully not moved. He took it from the foot of his bed, and replaced it under his mattress. This time, it was Percy's turn to seek out his brother. He peeked his head into the untidy room, and then stepped in, shutting the door behind him.
"I've been thinking about coming out since you came to me this morning. I think I'm going to do it tomorrow. I'm officially moving out next week, but we can move into the flat any day now."
"That's awesome. You know mum is going to be ecstatic."
"I don't know about that."
"Really. She is so proud of you, and nothing can change that." More hugging ensued.
"Thanks." Ron nodded.
"No problem. It's a great distraction. Harry and the twins are playing some demented version of quidditch, with three players and a garden gnome. And he still won't put his bloody shirt on."
"We are going on a walk."
"Percy the bookworm, voluntarily stepping outdoors instead of studying?"
"Watch it mr. I may not be a student, but I am still a prefect who won't hesitate to take of points for this sort of disrespect." He puffed out his chest and put on a snooty sort of scowl, before both boys burst out laughing. This playful banter continued down the remaining stairs and out the back door.
"Where exactly are we going?"
"Just for a wander. You need to relax, and that's coming from me." Ron giggled at this remark. Percy was really funny when he wasn't reading. The brothers spoke idly about a multitude of topics, wandering down past the stream, into the wooded area that wasn't quite the forest yet, and then back around, close to Ron's apple tree.
"That tree, the old apple, do you want to climb it? I go up there sometimes, when I have a lot on my mind. I don't think anyone else really goes up there." Percy nodded, and they jumped the narrow stream, all but skipping over to the tree. Ron took the lead, having become intimately familiar with the proper notches and branches to climb it safely and efficiently. Percy fumbled after him, trying to copy the graceful movements. They were both, eventually, seated on opposite branches, each one very thick.
"This is the first tree I've ever climbed." Percy was dumbfounded. He'd always seen tree climbing as a childish activity, far more dangerous than effective. This sort of climbing, however, didn't seem so dangerous, and resulted in a magnificent view of the adjacent hilltops. "It's beautiful up here."
"You haven't lived, Percy. You've never climbed a tree, or waded in the stream for shiny rocks, or had a water fight, or rolled down the hill for fun, or had a sword fight with sticks. One down…"
"If you think we're having a sword fight, you're mad."
"So what I'm hearing is we can do all the other things, but not a sword fight." Percy would have shoved him, had they not been a good 12 feet in the air. He settled for an eye roll and a change of topic.
"So what's new with Hermione? I didn't really get to talk to her at the cup, and she left so soon after."
"Not much. She's not so mental about taking every subject as she was last year. I think she dropped muggle studies and divination. About time. She's a muggleborn, for starters, and divination sent her off her rocker."
"That Trelawney is a bit mad."
"A bit?"
"Okay, she's a loon." He laughed.
Dinner came quickly. Getting Percy out of the tree had proved much more of a challenge than getting him into it. When they came late to dinner, short of breath and giggling quietly, none of their family knew what to make of it. The meal was mostly silent for both boys, neither really feeling like they fit in. The rest of the table chattered boisterously about quidditch, which both quite enjoyed, but never played.
At the end of the meal, Harry cornered Ron.
"Where have you been all day? I haven't seen you nearly at all." He grabbed his friend's hand and dragged him upstairs. "So what's going on? You've been acting weird for a long time now, and nobody really mentions it. Now today, you spent the day reading with Percy?"
"I am dealing with something I'm not ready to talk about, and Percy understands. I swear, once I'm there, you'll be the first one I tell. Don't worry about me." He tried not to look up at Harry.
"I can't help it, you're my best mate." They were dangerously close together. Both their heartbeats sped up Harry's expression turned to lust, and then fear and he jerked away. Neither one said anything for a while. Their thighs still touched, though their torsos were quite separate. Ron felt electricity.
Harry was so confused. He had nearly kissed his best mate. He had never had any feelings, about anyone, and now he was flooded with emotion. Ron seemed to welcome these feelings, but Harry didn't trust his own judgement. He straightened his back, lessening the distance between them. He stood up, narrowly missing Ron's lips once again. He looked guiltily at where Ron sat, and then fled from the room. He ended up in a clearing. The lights of the Burrow were only specks in the distance. He curled into a ball and cried. He couldn't feel this way. Not while Voldemort was still at large. He had a duty bigger than some weird hormonal outburst.
Ron had returned to Percy's room for the third time that day.
"Harry and I were talking, and I felt like he was going to kiss me, but he didn't. I was stupid to think he might. It was the look in his eyes. One minute he liked me, the next, he looked horrified. I can't face him. Can I sleep here tonight?" Ron wiped tears furiously from his eyes. He and Harry had been sharing a room while he was at the Weasleys' house. Percy nodded and beckoned for Ron to join him on his bed, pulling his brother into yet another hug.
Harry was out of tears. He simply could not produce any more, and so he sat in the field, terrified of his own thoughts. He tried to repress them, but all alone, he had only his thoughts. He wearily returned to the Burrow. The sun had long since set, and he stumbled on the occasional root and branch. He hoped Ron would be asleep. Ron wasn't. He wasn't even there. Harry busied himself preparing for bed, but Ron did not return. He finally settled on going to sleep, staring at the empty bed on the other side of the room.
Ron was calmer than he had ever been. He slept with his brother's protective arm around him, completely relaxed. This was how the morning came.
Percy was pessimistic about the day that followed. Ron and Harry were in a very uncomfortable situation that would not resolve itself overnight. His own coming out would have to wait. This was the time to finally be a big brother to Ron, like he'd been trying to the previous day. Harry would probably need to talk to someone, although perhaps not him. He doubted Harry was as homophobic as Ron had made him out to be. He hoped it was all a misunderstanding and they would go back to being friends again. Most of all, he hoped this wouldn't result in Ron's outing. He wasn't anywhere near ready to come out, let alone be shoved out of the closet.
The younger brother finally woke and joined the rest of the family for breakfast. He avoided Harry's eyes, picking at his eggs. There was a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. Percy knew getting the boys to talk things out was going to be difficult. Ron dismissed himself to his bedroom after he realized that that pushing food around on his plate wasn't going to change anything.
He lay down on his bed, and just stared. He might have ruined the best friendship he'd ever had. Love was too hard. Ron had only just realized his feelings for Harry. Things had accelerated much too quickly. He wanted to take his time getting used to his sexuality, figuring out how to deal with attraction. He couldn't handle this change. Everything he relied on was in question. He wondered how long it would take Harry to tell his family about his sexuality. They would probably all hate him by the end of the day. The only person he had was Percy, and he would be leaving to live with Oliver within the week. He then recalled that Percy had planned to come out that day. He had ruined Percy's big day because he couldn't keep his feelings in check around Harry.
Percy was confused by Harry's behavior at breakfast. He hadn't been angry as expected. He just looked sad and distracted. He hoped Harry would be open to talk. There was certainly much more to the story than Ron knew, and his brother was certain his best friend hated him. Percy felt it was his job to get them talking, at least. When Harry got up from the table, Percy followed. He put his hand on Harry's shoulder once they were out of earshot of the remaining Weasleys at the table.
"You and Ron need to talk. I don't know exactly what happened, but I know he feels terrible, and I won't let you two throw away a great friendship over a stupid misunderstanding." Harry couldn't speak. Ron felt bad? He was the one who'd left. Why did Percy care anyways? He and Ron had certainly bonded the day before, but leading up to that, they had rarely spoken. Harry was suddenly concerned about what was going on with Ron. He had mentioned Percy helping him with some problem. He had to talk to him.
Harry rushed away from Percy, and up the stairs, straight to Ron's room. He knocked lightly, and then entered despite a lack of response. Ron was curled up in bed, clearly not asleep. Harry approached him, sitting down at the foot of the bed.
"Ron, we need to talk about last night." Harry spoke gently, but quivered with nervousness. "I don't understand why you think I'd be mad at you. I thought you were mad at me."
Ron sat up, wide eyed. "No, of course I'm not. It was all my fault."
"No, it was my fault. I felt it just as much as you did, maybe more, but then I freaked out and ran. I'm just too confused about my feelings right now."
"You aren't going to tell mum and the others?"
"Of course not, but can we just be friends? This whole thing would just be too weird for me."
"Yeah, that would be for the better." Ron was a little let down, but more overjoyed that he hadn't lost Harry's friendship. "I think it was more heat of the moment than anything, and if not, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it." Ron was talking himself into believing that. He would get over Harry. It was most important that they both have time to come into their sexualities before getting into a relationship. Ron somehow felt ready, even though 48 hours earlier, he wouldn't have felt that way.
"Friends." Harry hugged him. Ron's heart ached, but he had salvaged the friendship. He nodded. "So how long have you known you were -you know-?" Harry wouldn't say the word.
"Since Christmas, I think. That's when I really put the pieces together. I've been having these feelings for at least a year now. I hadn't told anyone until yesterday."
"I- I've never felt that way before, about anyone. I thought maybe I would just never feel anything, but yesterday. I am so confused; I don't even know what I am."
"And you don't have to. You have as long as you need to figure it out."
"When did you get all wise?"
"You underestimate my genius." Harry smirked. "Okay, that's what Percy told me, after I came out to him."
"Why Percy? You could have come to me, or anyone."
"It didn't start out that way. I was hoping to find a book, to help me deal, but I panicked and the truth came out."
"Seriously, a book?"
"Well, I didn't think I could tell anyone, and I was just really confused and frustrated." Harry wiggled an eyebrow. "Not like that!" They both chuckled.
"I'm surprised how different Percy acts with you."
"What do you mean? I know he has a tough shell, but it's not just me."
"Do you honestly see him cornering me in the kitchen, insisting that I needed to talk to you, for anyone else?"
"He did that?"
"Yeah. I suppose he knew neither one of us would go to the other without a little prompting."
"I don't think anyone else really tries with Percy. He gets teased to no end, even by dad sometimes, and mum sticks up for him sometimes, but I know they've been distant for a while."
"You two are so cute."
"Shut up." They both smiled. Back to business as usual. And Ron didn't have the urge to kiss Harry. That was progress.
"I need to go tell Percy." Ron got up to leave.
"I might be outside by the time you're back. I don't get why you don't play with us anymore."
"I didn't know if I could control myself not to stare. Now I know that I can, so I'll be out in a bit."
"I'm nothing much to stare at." Harry whispered as Ron turned to go.
"You're bloody gorgeous." Ron left on that note, hoping he hadn't overstepped so soon after they'd fixed their issues.
Percy couldn't work. He was too nervous about what was going on in Ron's room. He took the lack of yelling as a good sign, but he was still relieved when Ron arrived, looking much happier.
"I take it it went well."
"Yeah. You were right. Harry's confused, too. Probably even more than me. We made up. I think I can get over this little crush. I couldn't bear to lose his friendship. Thanks Perce."
"What did I do?"
"You apparently cornered Harry in the kitchen."
"Oh, that. I didn't think he'd mention it." He laughed to himself.
"I didn't tell him about you."
"Thanks. This is something I really want to tell people in person. Speaking of which, do you think I should still tell the family today, or have we reached our emotional quota for the day?"
"I say if you're ready, go for it. I'm behind you 100%."
" Thanks."
"No problem, big brother. I promised Harry that I'd go outside with him and the twins for a while, and you should probably owl Oliver."
"Of course."
"Good luck." Ron left, making his way downstairs, then outside to where another hybrid quidditch game was in the making. He shrugged and jumped on a broom. He may not have been the biggest fan of flying, but at that moment, it was liberating.
-for Emma-