CHEATER, CHEATER
(The TRUE Story Of The Tortoise and Hare)
by: XdefyXgravityX
Disclaimer: It's not mine.
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Hi there! I'm the Hare! Hey, that rhymes! Wow, I'm a poet and I didn't even know it! (Sorry, a little poetic humor, there)
Anyway, I bet all of you think that I was the big villain-type guy in the big race against the Tortoise, yes? Well, guess what? You're wrong. DEAD WRONG. It was a total FRAME-UP. I'm here today to tell you what REALLY went down that day;
Now, first of all, lets clear up all the little setting issues, shall we? I'm surewe all know them, right? Quiet little country lane in the quiet little country woods, blah blah blah, and all that jazz. (Oh, even the thought of me being seen in a place like that is humiliating beyond words!) NOPE! Don't think so! It was an open, PUBLIC street in downtown Manhattan (that's in New York City, for those less traveled souls in the audience today). During RUSH HOUR, for Pete's sake!!
So, Tortoise and I set off, and, as expected, I overtook him pretty easily. And now, to clear up the next little falsehood cooked up by Tortoise to remove my pride and dignity. I did not, I repeat, DID NOT take "a wittle bitty nappy-poo under the pwetty oak twee'!!!! That would have not only been REALLY WRONG, but it would've flushed all of my dignity down a public gas station toilet that hasn't been cleaned for thirty years! But, I did have plenty of time, so I stopped by the nearest burger joint (hey! what'd ya expect?)
But, no sooner had I given that gorgeous cashier $2.75 for my #7 combo meal with and extra-large Coke, did I happen to look out the window and see the little sneak screamin' up the road on a Harley (motorcycle, again, for those less traveled souls in the audience today)! And there was this dude running behind him yelling; "Hey, man! Gimme back my bike! Dude, this is sooo NOT COOL, man!!!!!!!" And this dude had a fresh black eye, bleeding lip: the works. Needless to say, I was SERIOUSLY FREAKED OUT!!!
I shoved the food down my throat and ran down the street as fast as my little bitty legs would carry me. I ran through Times Square and saw him standing there, proud as a peacock, getting ready to accept his medal (if you could actually call that tin can a medal. It was a total piece of junk). The Harley was in plain sight, but nobody noticed. That judge was as blind as a bat (oh, wait a minute, he WAS a bat...Never mind!)
"And the winner is, obviously, the Tort...!"
That was all I heard him say. I ran straight thought the finish line, down the road, and didn't stop till I was safely barricaded in my 5th floor apartment on West 49th Street.
It wasn't until a few weeks afterward that I found out that Tortoise had been stickin' out the 'ol hitchhiker thumb, and got picked up by that dude on the Harley. He waited until a few blocks later at a red light, then shoved the dude off the bike and slammed on the gas. The dude managed to hold on to the back for a little while, but then Tortoise leaned back and kicked him in the face until he let go (hence, the black eye/bleeding lip/etc.). Wow, I can't imagine how humiliating that must have been; outsmarted and robbed by a shrimpy little turtle...
For 15 years now, I've kept my mouth shut. Partly because I'm not exactly a lawsuit kinda guy (the judge's little banger-thing gives me the creeps), and partly for fear of the physical, mental, psychological and/or emotional pain Tortoise could inflict upon me if I squealed. But, now, if someone stops you on the street and asks you "Who REALLY won the Tortoise/Hare race?", what're you going to tell them? "The Hare, of course!" Oh, and if anybody asks; YOU DID NOT HEAR ANY OF THIS JUNK FROM ME.
THE END
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A/N: A gift to loyal readers who are ready to tear me to shreds because I haven't updated or posted the promised sequel to my story Summer Rain. Sorry! It should be out in the next 2 months or so (don't you love it when people are so specific?). Like I said, this was a school project from two years ago. Thanks to FloatingBubbles again for making me think to put this on here! Hope you liked it. PLEASE REVIEW!
As Always,
XdefyXgravityX