"Jealousy"
Warnings: none, really
Summary: the title speaks, no? not at all happy, angst
Disclaimer: don't own, do care
Feedback: I've been sitting on this since April. I'm still kinda nervous, so any comments are appreciated. WickedWonder1979 at hotmail dot com
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He looks at them and thinks, I hate her.
He thinks about how he'll have to be polite to her and how it'll feel like dull knives against his skin, scraping and irritating.
He watches them, her casually sitting on his lap (they could never do that. Jack felt it was unmasculine of him to sit on Eric's lap, and Eric had tried it once and had sat for two minutes before Jack had called him heavy and pushed him away) and messing with his hair (whenever Eric's hand had strayed toward Jack's hair, Jack had slapped his hand and told him crossly not to do that) and calling each other 'baby' (Eric had slipped and called Jack 'babe' at the Union, causing Jack to walk out. Later, Jack had lamely explained that he didn't want to bring trouble on them), all of which was perfectly acceptable to their friends.
He can see the relief in their eyes, glad that their friends were back on the straight and narrow, so to speak. He hears it in the way the all do 'coupley' things and just expect him to tag along, how they throw girls at him, and how they never refer to the time when he and Jack were together.
He thinks, I need to stop thinking about this. Then he thinks, I need to stop thinking about her. He thinks he could succeed, except for the looks she gives him.
Sometimes, when they're all together, he'll see her shoot him a look. It's a look that says, I won, It says, you weren't good enough. It says, he loves me more than he ever loved you.
He wants to tell her that none of that matters, that the issues were bigger than that, but he's honest with himself- it wasn't that at all (alone, he and Jack were seamless, flowing together, letting the words and actions they didn't- wouldn't- use outside come forth) but that Jack was ashamed, despising himself, and eventually Eric, for wanting what they had together.
But in the end, he knows she's right.
She has won, and that's why he hates her.