I cannot express my feelings.

What is it meant to hug ?

Does being cuddled with each other, will really express my feelings toward the other person ?

I cannot express my feelings.

What is it meant to kiss ?

Does touching her lips with my own will really express my feelings toward the other person ?

I really...really cannot understand it.

The logic of feelings is something that I cannot comperhend of.

But...why is it...that when I kissed her, something inside of my heart, was somehow lifted ?

Mikan, my dear best friend.

A person, who I tend to abuse casually.

..And a person, who can always bring smile to my face.

Being with her somehow made my heart felt a bliss. A deep serenity that was so rare to be found in my life.

I could not thak her enough to bring me this joy..

A deep joy of me to love you.

And a joy of to see your smile

I wonder if I became nice to her everytime, will she ask me something like, "What's wrong with you, Hotaru ?"

I imagined her shocked face when she asked that.

I laughed when I thought that her face should've looked funny when that happens.

I wonder if I show my affection towards her, will she avoided me ?

I imagined her disgusted face when I tried to kiss her.

I cried when I thought that my face should've looked lifeless when that happens.

Because I always want to keep you happy.

And because I always want to keep you at my side..

I just want..the thing between the two of us, will stay at this state.

When I saw her with Natsume, I immediately understand.

'This is what it supposed to be', I muttered.

One day, there will be someone to take her hand away..

Away from me, the one who cherished her so much.

I understand...

I understand it so much..

But why is it, that it hurt so much ?

It's not like I'm not going to see her again...

Her beautiful eyes, auburn hair...the everlasting smile that plastered upon her face.

I always love her, more than anyone...and more than anything.

And she..she was always there with me.

With me that always shun her for everything that she did.

With me that always ignore her when she tried to talk to me.

I am afraid...

So afraid that she will leave me when I express my feelings towards her.

Is this what they called, egoism ? I am afraid that I can't keep her for myself when I let out of this feelings.

Eventhough I had hurt her so much, I always want to be with her.

But she, who always smiled at me...

Did she...really love me, deep inside her heart ?

Am I.. a really good friends of her ?

It's not like that I completely ignore her at all..

I always there for her, and I always think that she is the most important person for me..

Eventhough I always abuse her, it's not like I completely hated her.

There's this time where I hated her because of her nagging personality, but more than that, I always like her.

I wonder if she thinks the way I do..?

She always try to be there for me..

Everyday, she shows her smile to me and said my name.

But I wonder...are there times where she thought that I am annoying ?

If so, then I must say that I'm happy..

For with that feeling that I think Mikan is a precious person for me..

A feeling of deep friendship, and a precious bond that I don't want to be broken.

Eventhough for me, it's something more deep than a friendship...

I think, for now, this is enough.

When I kissed her, my mind went blank.

It's something...surprising for me too.

Eventhough I was caught by the situation, I never thought that I will do it.

I never want it to happen.

I never want my feelings to be shown like this..

I just want to be beside her, as a best friend...nothing more.

If I did something more, I wonder what will happen ?

Will she leave me ?

What will she thought of me ?

But the me right now do not care for any of those.

I found that this feeling is precious.

My feeling of love towards her, is something so precious that I can't even describe it.

Sometimes, it's a sad feelings that hurts my chest

But sometimes, It's a warm feelings that fill my chest with happiness.

Ah...it's a pity to leave this feelings for myself.

I want Mikan to feel this feeling too, because this feeling is so large that I can't contain it myself.

"I always love you Mikan...For sure, more than you think I do, for all this time.."

I hope, that you can also feel this feelings..Mikan.

For sure, I think, that it is the most precious feelings that I can show it to you at last...

Author notes :

Sorry if this is a bit short (a bit ooc too I guess?)...and sorry for the grammar too ^^;

I made this fic on a whim because I listened to a serene song o.o; I hope it's good...I try to understand Hotaru's personailty, but I guess there's still something lacking though ^^;

This is..my second fic (I think ?) in this site...

I hope you guys like it ^^;

Please review if possible please..