There was no escape.

His mind was filled with too many thoughts, too many words, too many emotions. He needed to escape, but there was no way out. The mutant turtle slammed his fist into the wall, earning a fresh wave of blood from his three knuckles. His green eyes smoldered with fury and the bubbling anger writhed in his chest. He needed to get a breath of fresh air, but he was stuck in the sewers with his three idiot brothers and oh-so-wise Sensei. They acted like he was such a baby, dismissing his thoughts and always bossing him around. And he was the second oldest! He was always so mad at them, always trying to press down his rising anger.

He never could.

So he just let his fists do the work and catch his brothers off guard. He hated them, hated the way they treated him, hated his stupid miserable life. He let out a shout and punched the hard rock wall of his bedroom over and over, coaxing more scratches onto his knuckles. The wraps on his fingers were soaked red before he stopped and collapsed on his bed. Why didn't they understand him? He turned his head to his pet turtle, Spike, and stroked his shell. They just didn't get him. That was okay, because he didn't care anymore. Spike crawled onto his shoulder and settled down, his tiny head resting on the mutant turtle's plastron. He glared at the ceiling, wishing that he could be free to do what he wanted. The turtle sat up so suddenly he almost dislodged Spike from his spot on his shoulder. The little turtle sank into his shell and then poked his head back out. The mutant turtle stood up and patted Spike's head before setting him on his pillow. Be right back, buddy, he thought. He wiped his hands off and replaced the wraps on his fingers, hoping that all the cuts had stopped bleeding. He didn't even check before slipping through his door and closing it quietly. His brothers would be sleeping by now. He didn't want to wake them. The turtle quickly pattered to the end of the wide hallway with four bedrooms. He slid the dojo door open and saw his Sensei sitting in a meditation pose. The turtle rolled his eyes. Meditating was a waste of time. The turtle quietly stepped forward, waiting for his Sensei to notice him. When he didn't, the turtle cleared his throat and shifted his weight. His Sensei, Master Splinter, opened one eye slightly and sighed, standing up.

"Raphael, you should be asleep," he said, then paused. "And so should you three." Raphael turned his head, not surprised to see his three brothers step guiltily out from behind the wall. He had seen a flash of his older brother's emerald skin when he had stepped out his door, so they had definitely been spying on him. Anger started to boil in his chest. No, he had to stay calm so he could talk to Splinter. Raph crossed his arms and kicked at the floor.

"Well, Master Splinter, we wanted to know if we could go to the surface," his older brother Leo said. Raph glared at him, wondering how he knew what he was going to say to Splinter. The mutant rat raised an eyebrow.

"No," he said plainly.

"But Sensei-" His youngest brother, Mikey, started before being cut off.

"I said no!" Splinter swept his tail across the floor. "You are not ready!

"Then when will we be ready?" Donnie, his younger gap-toothed brother persisted.

"When I say you are! Now go to sleep!" Splinter turned and walked out of the dojo. Raph glared at his brothers and shoved between Leo and Mikey. Donnie had enough sense to step out of the way and let Raph pass. Anger smoldered in his chest again. They always ruined everything! If they had been sleeping like they were supposed to, maybe he could've convinced Splinter to let them go out! Raph slammed his bedroom door loudly and fell face first on his bed, gathering the blanket in his hands and clenching his fists around it. He screamed into his pillow and threw it at the wall. He hated them! They were just a bunch of jerks who didn't understand him. He needed to get out of this forsaken place, save himself from his stupid brothers.

Then they might appreciate him more.

Raph started to punch the wall again, his cuts reopening. He slammed his fists into the wall again and again, trying to hold back shouts. Red started to bleed into his vision, making everything misty and confusing. He didn't realize his mask had soaked up tears from his eyes and growled, tearing it off. He rubbed his eyes and threw his mask on the floor. He'd just get a new one out of his drawers later. Raph sat on his bed and put his head in his hands. He needed to escape, to leave, to get out. He sighed and lay back on his bed staring at the ceiling. He glanced at the wall and saw blood trickling down the stony surface. Raph closed his eyes and tried to calm his thoughts. His brothers didn't care! They never did! He needed to find someone who would accept him for who he was. Raph hated how Splinter would talk to him about his temper. Tell him he needed to get it under control. He hated how his brothers always looked down at him, like they were disappointed with what he was. He hated how Leo and Splinter would act like they owned everything. He hated how Donnie acted like he was smarter than everyone. He hated how Mikey would act like nothing in the world mattered, that everything was carefree. He hated himself more than anything for the way his mind worked. How he saw everything's downside. How he couldn't get his temper under control. He hated how his brothers would look at him, like he was a monster that would eat them all if they said the wrong thing. He hated the dark, angry thoughts that threatened and snapped at him. Raph closed his eyes and tried to think of something else. He remembered the day he found Spike. He had been mad at his brothers and had run off into the sewers angrily, splashing through the tunnels and sulking. He had run for an hour or two straight before collapsing and laying on the floor, tracing shapes with his fingers. He had lied there for hours before noticing the soggy newspaper a few feet away from him started to move. He had jumped up and lifted it to find a tiny turtle. He's so much smaller than me and my brothers, He had thought, cradling him in his hands. He had taken the turtle home and named him Spike. Raph's mind started to feel foggy and his eyelids were fluttering. Raph glanced at his bloody hands. I need to clean them off, he thought distantly before slipping into the warm folds of sleep.

TMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNTTMNT

Raph kicked Leo to the floor and was on him instantly, his sai at his throat. Leo glared at Raph and shoved him off, sitting up and clutching his arm where Raph had kicked him. Raph smirked at Leo and crossed his arms, glaring at him. Leo stood up and shoved Raph to the ground. Anger sparked in Raph's chest and he let out a shout as he jumped at his brother. Leo met him with a punch, which Raph dodged, and let out an oof when Raph tackled him to the ground. Raph held him down and delivered a flurry of blows to Leo's face, the knot of anger in his chest writhing. Leo pushed Raph off and wiped a line of blood trailing from his mouth.

"You're a hotheaded shellbrained idiot, Raphael!" Leo yelled. Raph clenched his hands into fists and waited for Leo to charge him. "You always ruin everything with your stupid temper! Heck, if you were more like Mikey it would be an improvement!" Raph screamed in anger and tackled Leo again. His blue banded brother shoved him off and kicked Raph square in the chest. Pain flared in Raph's chest, but the anger deepened, the knot growing larger in every passing second. The anger was like fire in his veins, burning throughout his body. Raph stumbled backwards and regained his footing, grabbing Leo's arm as he punched at him. Raph threw Leo over his head and slammed him in the ground. He was on him in an instant, planting his foot on Leo's chest and kicking his side with his other foot. Leo threw Raph's foot off and leaped to his feet, his dark blue eyes blazing with anger. Raph shouted and leaped at him, but Leo caught him and threw him on the ground.

"We don't need you!" he snapped. "You just weigh us down!" Raph felt something snap inside of him kicked him into the air. Raph shouted again and slammed both of his fists into Leo, making his brother fly across the room and hit the wall. A sickening crack exploded and Leo cried out. Raph blinked the haze of anger away from his eyes and horror built inside of him steadily. What did he just do? He rushed to Leo's side and shook his shoulders, terror spilling into him.

"Leo? Leo!" Raph slapped his face and Leo's eyes fluttered open. His hand rushed to his right arm, which was twisted unnaturally. Leo yelled in pain and kicked Raph away. Anger and hurt flared in Leo's eyes and Raph staggered to his feet. Leo scrambled to his feet and ran out of the dojo, clutching at his broken arm. A sick feeling was worming its way into Raph. He just broke his brother's arm! He raced out of the dojo and ignored the questioning look from Mikey, who had been reading a comic book on the couch. Raph ran into his room and slammed the door, sinking to the floor. He wrapped his arms around himself and buried his face in his knees. How could he do that? Raph felt sick as hot tears soaked his red mask and escaped down his cheeks. He tried to hold back a sob, his stomach twisting. He failed and shook as sobs racked his body. Why was he such a monster? He sobbed violently, his whole body trembling. He hated himself so much. He needed to get out of this place, needed to save his brothers from himself. He didn't know how long he'd been sitting and crying when he finally swallowed back the tears and stood up. Raph wiped the tear tracks off his face and wrung out his mask until it was dry. He tied it back behind his head and slipped out of his bedroom silently, shutting the door softly. Raph snuck behind the couch, oblivious to Mikey, who was absorbed in his comics.

Raph could hear shouts from Leo and guessed Donnie was trying to fix his arm. He tried to banish the memory of the bone breaking from his mind, jumping silently over the four turnstiles that lined the entrance to the lair. As soon as Raph couldn't see the light pooling into the sewer tunnel from the lair, he burst into a run and sprinted into the maze of tunnels. He ran for an hour or two until he was hopelessly lost in the sewers and fell to the ground. He sat up and caught his breath, his legs and lungs burning. Raph glanced at the two ends of the sewer tunnel when his gaze caught a ladder that was built into the wall. The surface. Raph stood on his shaky legs and walked to where the ladder started. He wondered what was up there, in the strange world. He knew that humans lived there from the stories Splinter had told him and from the TV shows that would sometimes play. Raph placed his hands on a rung and pulled himself up, rung by rung. The metal bars were cold against his skin as he climbed. When he reached the top, uncertainty swam through him. Should he go up there? What if something happened while he was gone? What if the human creatures saw him? Raph shook his head to clear his thoughts and steeled his mind. He was going up there. He glanced at the sewers one last times and turned back to the ladder.

With a deep breath, he pushed open the manhole cover and climbed out.

HA!

I FIXED IT!

Hope you enjoyed this chapter!