Pressure. That was the one word that Holly J Sinclair knew the definition to, inside and out. It was her least favorite word in the English speaking language. Why? Because that was the only emotion that Holly J ever felt, even if she felt another emotion, pressure was always there, gnawing at her.
There was pressure to live up to the Sinclair name. The name that her sister, Heather Sinclair, had created at Degrassi. She had to be popular, successful, and confident. She needed to have a boyfriend and a great group of friends. She did have a boyfriend, but it seemed like the only friends she had were Spinner Mason and Jane Vaughn. She guessed she could add Fiona Coyne, her boyfriend's twin, but they never talked. She felt she was failing at living up to the name.
She's also pressured to be perfect. The leader of the Power Squad (look how well that turned out), to get perfect A+ grades, to be able to do a thousand extracurricular activities, hang out with friends, and have a boyfriend. She was supposed to be as good as her sister and better, it seemed like. She felt if she wasn't perfect all the time, nobody would like her.
She guessed that's why she did some of the things she did. Like when she told that news reporter about Mia having a baby when she was thirteen or make Anya's life miserable. It was to give an illusion of perfection around her.
But sometimes, that illusion cost her. It cost her Blue (which she can't say she was too broken up about). It cost her the Power Squad. It even cost her the one best friend she had before Jane, Anya MacPherson, who had put up with Holly J for as long as she could.
There was one person that taught Holly J that image and perfection weren't everything, though, and she would always be thankful for him. It was Gavin "Spinner" Mason. He was the only one that cut through her bull crap "perfect" image. The only one that saw the real Holly Joy Sinclair.
She would admit that she used to be in love with Spinner, because he saw the real her and gave her a chance. He brought her down-to-Earth when she needed to be brought back down. Plus, she knew a lot about him, with working with him at the Dot and everything. But those feelings were long gone. He had Jane and she had Declan. They both loved other people.
But, she had to admit, whenever a problem broke out the first person she went to wasn't Declan or Jane. It was Spinner. He was always there for her, too.
When she was with Spinner it was the only time she didn't feel pressured about anything. Her friends, her boyfriend, Power Squad, her grades, her future, nothing. It was the one time she truly felt at peace.
That alone surprised her. Spinner could bring her peace, but Declan, her boyfriend, couldn't? There was something wrong with that. It wasn't like she had ever felt intense pressure around Declan or anything (not even when they had sex), but when she was with him she found her mind wandering during one of their rare, peaceful moments. It was usually a thought about how she needed to do five different things at the same time.
With Spinner, that never happened. She just lived in the moment and whatever happened, happened.
She loved Declan, really, she did. More than anyone. He understood her and let her be herself and loved her for it, no matter what. He was seriously one of the best things that ever happened to her.
But, even though this was all true, Holly J knew, deep down, that she would always love Spinner Mason. How could she not? She saw him every day. He understood her, too. He was also easy going and laidback, but didn't take crap from anyone. How could she not love somebody like that?
Yes, Holly J Sinclair knew all about pressure. But the pressure she felt to choose between Declan and Spinner, the pressure she felt after she chose (or rather, Spinner chose for her, because he was still so in love with Jane) was the worst kind of pressure she ever felt.-
This wasn't meant to turn into a Spolly J VS Dolly J oneshot, but it kind of took on a life of it's own. I know Holly J might seem a little OOC, and I apologize. I think this oneshot is kinda meh, but it's okay. Reviews are appreciated.
OH! And for all the people that like my story "Love in the City" I'm sorry, but while I LOVE the concept of the story, I don't have any idea how to execute it in a really good way that gets the point of the story across. SO I was wondering if any of YOU guys wanted to take it over. Just PM me and tell me and I'll let you have it. Just don't change the end couple away from Nate and Fiona. Sorry if I've disappointed anyone with that. I really think that story could be great, I just don't think I could write it properly. So, hopefully someone who CAN takes it, because I do love that story (idea).
Last but not least, I don't own Degrassi or it's characters. If I did, Marco and Dylan would still be together, same with Sean and Ellie and Manny would still be on the show and Zane and Riley would have A LOT of scenes together in season ten!