Okay prepare yourselves for some nutty professor crack guys. This is fuz and black on frickin' MSN or IM or AIM depending on what you prefer and we have written I story sentence by sentence each, resulting in absolute crack mayhem. The original is the second chapter if you choose to read that you actually get our own cut ins and messaging names, even more random than this, it will inevitably be harder to follow but should you choose to read the raw I would appreciate it cause I love it… Fuz is so freaking funny (it's black here by the way) anyways, please enjoy and review should you deem it worthy.
so, yea, as black said, this is pure crack- written at like 11 at night- i personally was suffering lack of sleep, and having a high from massive intake of chocolate late at night... i apologize bahaha
enjoy... -Fuzyhead
you had chocolate?!?!??! - Blacksta1n
crack chap 1
It was a Saturday... and Albus just attempted to walk into his brother James's room, in an attempt to steal back his pet rat, swift.
However, upon opening the door he saw something he never expected, something, at age 16, he wasn't quite prepared for.
It was a clean room.
Good god!
Albus nearly died of fright, but there was one thing that he couldn't see
His awesome rat swift was no where to be seen, and it frightened him horribly
He cautiously stepped into his brother's room... but it was a fatal mistake that he regretted instantly
He slipped on a magazine that happened to be inches from his feet landing painfully on his arse
He heard a strangled squeak as he attempted to stand
And panicked, looking around for the owner of said squeaker, only to discover that the magazine wasn't just any magazine, oh no; it was a muggle mag!
Harry would not have been happy to see what sort of muggle mag that it was either...
'Zoo' was the title on the front cover, underneath of which was a very indecently exposed muggle woman with keenly large breasts, he didn't really want to touch the glossy thing, but he could a twitching tail poking out from beneath it
He was just going to have to sacrifice his hands for the sake of his rat's life...
he picked up the pornographic book and, screaming bloody murder, launched it across the room to inevitably slam into the walk and knock, over the bed lamp, creating a rather obnoxious 'thud' on the wooden floor.
Turned out that it was not his rat underneath the cursed magazine... it was just a ploy the his brother had set up to make him touch it, and inevitably curse himself!!!
He heard laughter from behind, and before he could turn around his brother had wrenched him up by his collar
And shoving a half naked picture of a woman in his face... "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! I'M BLIND!!!!!!"
His brother then started to shout and do a small dance on the spot; "I knew! I knew aw heck yes!!! I totally knew you were gay. Wait till dad finds out!!! muhahaha"
"Oh damn..." I totally screwed that one over; no-one knew about that fact... except for Scorpius, that is
He watched James laugh all the way down the stairs, calling "Dad! Dad! Hey where are you????" and was quick to chase after him
"I swear to god James! You tell him, and I'll... I'll..."
James shoved him in the face pushing him out of the kitchen while he asked his mother where the man of the house was
poor Albus lay on the floor, bleeding from his nose, trying to comprehend what had actually happened; he could hear James open and close the back door in an attempt to find his father- but it just so happened to be Albus's lucky day, because his father walked around the corner towards the kitchen and saw Albus bleeding
"Whoa there! Bloody hell mate, what happened to you?" Harry asked concerned, as he kneeled down to maneuver Al's chin, to get a better look at the damage
"Well, you see... do I really need to explain? Who do you think is the cause of me bleedin, half the time?" Albus said, wondering why his father asked... again; this was the seventh time this summer holidays that James had caused him to bleed.
And the summer vacation had only started 2 days ago, like what the hell?
"oh... right, well... fixus bleedus!" Harry spoke dramatically, over flourishing his wand and causing al to start bleeding even more
Harry was instantly shoved out of the way by Ginny (we all know she's butch) and he was sent flying into the cupboard under the stairs, making him scream in terror
"My god gin! Since when did you become the man of the family???"
He asked, catching his breath after scrambling in terror away from such horrible child hood memories, Al just watching everything, slowing dying from blood loss
"umm... I'm still bleeding here, you know but its-" al was cut off my his mother scrambling up, spinning around, and whacking Albus in the nose- AGAIN in the process of doing it...
Efficiently knocking Al out cold, Harry ran into his wife's arms sobbing while she apologized calmingly and stroking his hair
"AHHHHH!!!!!!" screamed lily "ALBUS IS BLEEDING!!!"
But now the adults were far too intimately snogging to hear anything that was going on around them, Lily rolled her eyes; they always did this; like newly fucking weds
"do you think you could help here, Lil?"
"oh, right, stopus bleedingus" she waved her wand and the blood stopped; although now al was five skin tones whiter...
"Thanks" Al mumbled sulkily, hoping his sister wouldn't get caught for using magic outside of school at that age and wondering how it was that he escaped his unconsciousness so quickly
Without Goo realising XP
POOF "ministry of magic, here" "oh shit..."lily swore
Everything happened, as the ministry stepped forward James broke into the room waving his wand around, amplifying his voice tenfold, screaming "Dad! I have news for you! whoa ministry" the big fat ugly man in the hideous cloak ordered his cronies to seize James
"Mr. potter- I'm sure you're... Mr. Potter? MR POTTER!!!" but 'Mr. potter' was not listening; he was still wrapped in Ginny, and slowly moving towards a bedroom; he hadn't even realised the two of his children were being seized for using magic
the ministry men just paused as the bedroom door slammed, rather gob smacked, was that really the guy that saved them from the wrath of Voldemort I mean COME ON?!?!
Seriously? He was just gong to let his kids get taken away because he was too distracted by his masculine wife? "Men... leave the kids- I cant deal with this today- this is crap"
And the all apparated away with a loud crack! And James screamed: "sweet Merlin and his unholy non existent beard! The train leaves in like minutes, their quickies aren't THAT quick!"
... "Wait... wait... WAIT... I'm done" Harry yelled from the other room
And Harry ran from the room fixing his belt, hair looking messier than usual, and Ginny took a little longer to leave the room.
"Was that really necessary dad? I was kind of bleeding, you know..."
"Yes well you're not now so" he paused as he fixed his last button, before he lost his temper, in a bout of depression; "what do you want from me?!?!?"
"Well... according to James" al glared at James "we have to catch the train to school within the next... 3 minutes and 47 seconds
"Well what the bloody Nora are we waiting for?!" and with that he grabbed all of his children's hands and apparated just outside of the train station
"Off off and away!!!"
they suddenly appeared outside kings cross, wonderfully right in the middle of the road; just as Harry liked it; shocking more than enough muggles ensuing 3 heart attacks (L was called) and several fainting young girls though whether that was from shock or sheer hotness we shall never know
"Way to cause a scene, dad"
"But I love it so!"
"PUNCH BUGGY WHAT COLOUR WAS IT?!" the eldest Potter screamed, suddenly remembering the horrible days growing up with muggles, his children just walked across the road; they totes didnt know him
"NAW!!! Come on guys! What colour?!?!?!"
"Just keep walking... keep walking- and they walked straight into the entrance of the gate to station 9 and 3/4... and didn't go through
But instead ended up on the other side, still in the muggle world, "what the Merlin shit?" James queried
"Dang nammit- this is worse than the time I had to drive a car to school..." Harry muttered. Muggles all around were looking at them strangely, and a random fangirls nose randomly started bleeding from te hotness heat surrounding the potters
But then Hermione stepped up to them ripping their ears from their sockets; "you almost missed the train! Harry you cant put these bad habits onto your children!!!"
"Well I'm sorry Miss Weasley... you must have forgotten who I am... I... AM... HARRY POTTER!!! I can make ANYTHING happen... POOF"
He turned into a puppet and began to sing (with a hand extending from no where up his arse hole) "Harry potter Harry potter oo Harry potter Harry potter that's me Harry potter Harry potter yeah!" Ron appeared: Ron... Ron... Ron Weasley!"
Don't hurt me copyright law!!!
bahahahhahahaaa CLASSIC!
And the a naked puppet Dumbledore appeared "DUMBLEDORE" and CRACK they were magically at Hogwarts... minus the parents
"Wow... that was ummm ISNT PROFESSOR STUMBLEBUM DEAD?!?!?" Al screamed
..."does it matter? I mean really- its blacksta1n and fuzyhead21 writing here... they always forget stuff! Remember when fuzy forget that teddy had graduated, and also how I should actaully have graduated a year ago, and shouldn't actually be at school..." James rambled
"Jesus yes I mean I just said Jesus instead of Merlin for Pete's sake," Al put in; "and remember when that blacksta1n made me pay shillings instead of fucking sickles how old does she think I am!?!?!?"
"I know right! Bloody aussies...the lack of snow has gotten to their heads"
"Fuck it's the stupid bloody welcoming ceremony shit" Al muttered as the three of them entered the great hall together; "and we're the only ones here?!?!?!"
"Wow... maybe I got the date wrong... oh- yea- it's only the second day of holidays- I remember someone mentioning that earlier..." James lol'd
And it's like they all woke up and it was just a dream
roflcopter
bahaha pms
Let's just say END CHAPTER 1
(it wasn't dream by the way) and blacksta1n was bold, fuzy not bold, that actually wasnt intentional but i was far too lazy to fix it sorry
And there will be a second chapter too! Eventually XD hope you pissed yourselves as much as we did muhahahahahaha. Blacksta1n