There's a time and place for everything, including the heart…
Kanassasei-Early Morning
When we wake up with each other, we never have anything to say.
That's a lie. When we wake up with each other, we have plenty to say. We
just need breakfast time to reflect on the night before so that when we talk,
we don't say anything stupid. Besides, we're tired when we wake up; why would
we want to start a serious or lighthearted conversation when we're all pretty
cranky?
And that, of course, was only applying to missions. I can't say anything for
the other three, but Toma and I have nice conversations before we get out of
bed.
Well, we used to anyhow. Lately the
mornings have held no promise other then cold sheets and a lonely spot to
myself, and it is cold, you know.
Perhaps I should reconsider the tactic of sending Toma to the couch when
we argue…
Nah.
Though, I will admit that it is nice to wake up in somebody's arms or at
least curled up near them. It's a kind
of warmth that can't be replaced or substituted in any other way, not by person
or an object or-Damnit! I spend way too
much time around Toma and that private sentiment he gives me when we're alone.
Uck. Sentiment.
Speaking of the stuff, I don't see exactly what Panboukin was aiming for
when he begin complaining about such a minor injury. Funny thing is, he almost threw a fit over the wound he received
last night from the Kanassasei-jin. It was a tiny one, so none of us were going
to sympathize with him. And who, pray
tell, was he expecting sympathy from?
Of course, Toma, the only one of us who was fully aware and prepared for
speech this early in the morning (how does he do that!?), couldn't help but
taunt him. "You should have been
more careful!"
Unfortunately, most of us were still a bit groggy from last night's
encounter, so, not surprisingly, the usual resounding laughter that resulted
from such a comment failed to make its appearance. Not that Toma minded at all; he simply chuckled to himself and
continued to glean speech from the rest of us.
It's a nice trait of his, one that I've come to enjoy and manipulate
when we're together.
But now I'm getting all mushy and sentimental, so I might as well join into
the conversation before I say something stupid and sound mushy and
sentimental. Besides, my brain
functions are finally beginning to become clear, and the same goes for my
senses.
I'm not moron like some, though.
I'll wait for my cue to speak.
Hey, wasn't Bardock's son…yep, just as I thought.
"Hey Bardock, we really overdid it for your son's birth celebration,
didn't we?" Toma asked, taking a glance behind him to survey the wreckage
in the crater we created.
Aha! My entrance! Blatantly ignoring Bardock's irritated
reply, I decide to finally throw my two cents in.
"Why don't you go home to Vegetasei and see him?"
Ooh…bad move. Ouch, very ouch. Gee Bardock, you think you could be just a
bit crankier in the morning? 'Cause
we've been having keeping a relatively nice morale going, and it wouldn't be
proper if you didn't decide to just step in and ruin it…
I don't say any of this out loud, of course. One, Bardock's a lot more powerful then I am, and two, Toma's
caught my attention.
It was nearly imperceptible, and I would never have noticed it had I not
averted my eyes at the last moment, but Toma flinched when I said that. I knew what he thought I had implied; in
fact, maybe I was indeed implying that we should have children soon. I really
don't know what Toma's problem was; a few months ago we enjoyed the thought of
raising a couple of kids! Lately, though, we've had heated
"discussions" over this issue, and Toma's only excuse was:
"I don't want to go through the hassle of finding a replacement for
you."
Anyone care to take a guess at why the couch has suddenly found itself
frequently occupied?
And you know it's because he's a man.
They can never make up their minds.
Wait, I take that back, Bardock can.
"Why would I want to travel all that way just to see the son of a
low-level soldier?" Bardock growled as he sat up, glaring at me, "Do
you think I'm that stupid?!"
Then again, that ability to make decisions may be fueled by the fact that
the other mechanics in his mind are impaired by that bloated ego and obnoxious
attitude he has…
To answer his question, yes, I do think he's stupid. Does it take brains to see your newborn?
Maybe it was a male thing. If it is,
some immortal have mercy on this forsaken universe.
Perhaps men just do not like children in general. This confuses me greatly, though. After all, they used to be "annoying brats" too! Some of them still are, as a matter of fact,
and my mind focuses on one particular, intolerable commander sitting only a few
feet away from me.
Obstinate, annoying, stubborn, moronic, masochist pig! Being assigned to his team was obviously
punishment because I really can't see any other way how one could be so cruel
as to force another being to exist in the same vicinity with Bardock. The only thing I ever gained from being
forced into tolerating the man was my Toma.
Okay, so maybe there are good things in life, but even he's is beginning to
grate my nerves.
I turn my attention back to the group, but after a moment of quick
surveillance, I realize that my chances of getting recognized as an important
speaker have been lost. The inevitable
that can only happen when you work with a group of four men and one woman has
occurred: Guy talk had commenced.
Toma, Bardock, and Panboukin are talking about the planet and the qualities
that it had for Lord Frieza to want it so much. I could always care less about
these sorts of things and especially now. I just wanted to get home, get some
comfortable rest, and talk with Malacca again. After all, there was a very good
chance that I may be pregnant, but we weren't going to say anything until we
were sure.
Oh yes, my possible pregnancy. My
"ninety-nine percent it's the real thing" possible pregnancy, or so
Malacca says. He's a good doctor, but
he has yet to give me a damned straight, guaranteed answer from when I
approached him two weeks ago with symptoms of occasional queasiness and he announced
the news. Yet another man who fails to
break the stereotype; although, he has kept that vow of secrecy I swore him to
quite well…
Personally, I think I'm pregnant. It
was just a feeling that just came over me.
I can't explain how I know, or why, but I do know when it happened. All I know is that while lying in Toma's
arms in the aftermath of loving, a distinct feeling of completeness had filled
me.
Well, either it was completeness or that questionable sandwich I had eaten
earlier.
As sure as I am, however, I'm hesitant to tell everyone, and without a
doctor's backing that I am without a doubt impregnated, I'm not willing to
chance anything. I'm not superstitious,
but I bet you that if we really did believe that I was pregnant, and I had
announced it to the team, it would turn out to be a false alarm. Then there would be a dealing of the
pleasantries and Toma to mess with.
Damn how I hate pleasantries.
But I still hope that that I'm pregnant, even if it meant getting Toma
agitated and having to look for a reliable replacement that the crew won't get
attached to over the course of about a year. After all, there wasn't anything
wrong with spending time with your child before he or she was shipped off to a
remote planet, was there?
Oh, and if I am pregnant, I want it to be a girl. There are enough morons on this planet as it is. Besides, I'd like to see the look on Toma's
face when he sees he's the father of a-What the Hell?!
Looks like we've got company, Kanassei-jin company. Damn aliens. You think you've gotten them all and then one just pops out of
nowhere like the bugs that they are.
It's a stupid alien too. What
idiot attempts a frontal attack on a Saiya-jin? Well, it is male. That
would explain part of it.
I'm not too surprised that after a few minutes of small squabbles and
pointless talking, Bardock destroys the creature. For all his thick-headed, disgusting ways, I'll admit that he is
a powerful fighter.
'Ey, whaddya know? We got out of a
planet purge without Bardock's ass ending up half-dead on the gro-Bardock!
Vegetasei: Spaceport
So much for "breaking the record"; Bardock managed to get himself
back into the tank again. Well, he was getting closer and closer to not
returning home half-dead. That's always a good thing, even if Toma is as
paranoid as ever. The man needs some
serious stress management classes. Did
you know he's a clean freak? Not surprising,
I know, but still…
Anyway, right now he's tenser then a wakisuro up a tree. Maybe I should talk to Malacca about his
idea of Toma seeking some professional guidance on that stress of his…
Well, at least Panboukin was smart enough, a rare occasion if anything, to
remember that we did have another mission: Meatsei. His theory was simple, as most
things are with him:
"To drag them out of "worriedness", get them busy!"
I hope he realizes someday that "worriedness" is not a word.
The trek to the spaceport, for the most part, was uneventful. That is, until I decided to take a peek at
Bardock's newborn. (Hey, if he didn't
do it, who would?) I should have known
better then to do so in front of Toma, and, of course, a fight followed suit. Luckily, and I strain the luckily, Panboukin
interceded before anything serious took place.
But it wasn't until Toma spoke to me afterwards that I got upset.
"Celipa, what exactly did you mean when you said, 'It's going to be
sooner than you think'?" Toma asked as he walked close to me so that
nobody else would hear.
"You'll see soon, " I replied with a smirk. Like I'm actually going to let him have the
last word…
A severe glance from him tells me the bitter argument from
earlier is far from over.
"The hell, Celipa.
I'm not joking, what's this all about?"
"Nothing Toma, don't worry yourself like you do with
Bardock all the time." I sped up
to lose him, trying to leave him behind.
Unfortunately, I didn't make it.
"Don't walk away from me, damnit! I'm not kidding about this children
subject. I don't want any, not with you
anyway. I don't-"
I stop short and bristle; he chokes up suddenly at what he
said. He doesn't want any? None at all? Not with me? My fists
clench, and I hasten my pace a bit more.
Damn him, he couldn't have just left without making that
comment, could he have?
Stalking back to my pod, I refuse to give rise to those
angry tears gathering in my eyes. Damn
it all! Three months ago children were
top on our list, and now he's angry with me because he suspects my
pregnancy. It's not my fault; he made
the first move!
And now I'm getting all emotional.
Kicking the door of my pod open angrily, I viciously punch
in the coordinates. After several
moments of blurry eyes and mistaken coordinates, I finally get it right, and,
climbing in, kick the door shut. A hand
appears, though, and holds in open before it shuts.
Toma.
"What the Hell do you want," I snarl in response
as he tries to lean forward, and I push him back with a leg. He really thinks he can make this all
okay? Idiot...
"Celipa, listen-"
"I don't have time to listen to your bull, Toma, get
out. We have a mission, remember,
almighty sub commander!" I hiss the final words, and once again, I try to
slam it shut, but he catches once more.
"Damnit Celipa, listen to me."
Oh, now he's getting angry!
It's time for me to put him back into place.
"Listen Toma," I respond coldly, "I'm not
really in the mood for your high morale speeches right now, so just get the
hell out."
"What the Hell is wrong with you?!"
"What's wrong with me?
You dare to ask that! Get the
Hell out."
"Not until you answer me."
"Fine! You're a
selfish bastard. The only thing I've
ever wanted from you is a child, plain and simple. It's not as if it took a lot of work on your part either, you get
a good lay, I get nine months of hell, but no, we can't have children. Why?
Because her damn mate is too lazy to replace his members. Damnit, Toma, you're worse then Bardock
sometimes! Are you really that
worthless?"
Aw damn...what did I just say? He pulls back immediately, obviously hurt at that last comment,
and I avert my eyes, turning my head away so I don't have to gaze into
them.
I sigh quietly, the atmosphere still heated from the
beforehand argument. I'm not an
empathetic person, but I also don't like hurting my lover's feelings. At times, it's almost as if I've betrayed
him…
Two hands make their way to my shoulders, pulling me close,
and Toma presses his forehead against mine.
He didn't speak at first, only kept quiet while he held me, maybe
thinking about what he's going to say.
Maybe I should try doing that more often…
"Celipa," he murmurs softly against my forehead,
"All I wanna do is make you happy.
What can I do to make you happy?"
"Toma, please...Just one, that's all I'm asking, just
one child. We don't have to have any
more, but just one."
A sigh, and then more whispering.
"Okay...One, but no more. I don't want to take the...never mind, you would never
understand. But understand this Celipa,
I do care for you, more then you know."
He gave me a wry, sad smile.
"When we get back from Meatsei, let's make a baby, okay?"
The desire to explain to him that we won't have to rises
within me, peaking at my edge of my tongue, but I push it down. Instead, I finally deign to acknowledge him
as a lover, and, leaning forward, I steal a kiss. Quickly. I don't want the
others thinking me a softy over Toma fulfilling my one need.
After we break away, ending the kiss, he smiles, and I do
the same. It's been awful long while
since we held each other. Okay, I admit
it: I miss being held.
Slowly moving away, Toma stands to his full height and moves
away, gently easing me back into my pod.
Pausing as he closes the door, he opens his mouth to perhaps say
something else, but, instead, he simply shakes his head and smiles down at me,
whispering softly, "Have a nice trip." Before I can say another word, he closes my pod, leaving me to my
own thoughts and musings.
Sighing, I gently allow myself to rest;
it's going to be a hell of a trip, especially with what Toma said on mind, and
besides, we have a baby on board…
Please review, and I hope you enjoyed it.
