©LozzT-In-Time 2010
Words: 1450

A/N: So... I was feeling especially bored and angst-y today; I got the day off school because we were involved in a car accident and my mom and I have whiplash. We hit some mud on the road and span about 4 times before mounting the pavement, hitting the fence by McDonald's, rebounding back into the middle of the road and span again. Luckily, the traffic lights behind us were on red so no cars came at us and no-one was seriously hurt. But anyway, I had a bit of free time and thought I'd write a darker type of oneshot with one of many explanations as to why James Potter is suddenly more mature and kinder to Lily. It might be awesome, it might be crap, I don't know. Just read!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. No, wait, I own Ylana! Yay!

Make It Through
By
LozzT-In-Time

I sat in a comfy armchair by the roaring fire in Gryffindor Common Room thinking. I can just imagine what James would say if he ever read this - "Thinking, Evans? That sounds dangerous for you, doesn't it?" But that was part of the problem.

I was very aware of the fact that I had stopped thinking of him as 'Potter', quite a while ago, actually. And he never called me by my last name anymore, which only confused me further. He had stopped asking me out all the time sometime at the end of Sixth year; after my parents' death in February last year, I'd been with James and the other Marauders quite a lot over the summer and they had all been completely different. Sirius had stopped being nasty to me, Peter actually smiled, Remus had bought me loads of chocolates and sweets (and then begged me to share them with him) and James... Well, James had done a complete U-turn. Instead of bothering me and asking me out all of the time, he was nice and kind and he had lost that self-satisfied smirk that had always seemed to be etched onto his face, and had instead donned a warm friendly smile.

By the time I'd got back to Hogwarts, the rest of the school started giving me The Look. If you've ever lost anyone dear to you, you'll know at I mean. If you DON'T know what I mean, allow me to explain.

The Look is when people smile in a pitying sort of way, sometimes whispering things like "I'm really sorry for your loss," or else "We understand if you don't want to come to Charms club, Evans; we know you're hurting right now." It annoys me no end. No, that sounds horrible. I know they're only being nice and supportive, or trying to anyway, but it only makes me feel worse. If people treated me the same as they treated me before, I think I'd be able to cope with it better, but people don't understand that. Or maybe they do, but are just trying to ignore it.

"Lily, you need to come to bed; it's one in the morning," a tired voice said from behind me. I twisted around and saw my best friend Ylana Thomson standing in the doorway to the staircase. Her long, usually straight black hair was slightly messy as if she had been tossing and turning in bed and she wore a red dressing gown over her navy blue pyjamas with little bird heads embroidered on them. The letters HH were stitched underneath each little picture, identifying her love for a very popular Quidditch team, the Holyhead Harpies. Her bright blue eyes were concerned as she watched me, and I suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to burst into tears. Out of all my friends, Ylana had been the only one that had treated me no different because she knew what it was like to lose a family.

Well, her family didn't die, but it's essentially the same thing. Augustus and Elizabeth Thomson were Death Eaters who had been recruited at around the same time as Sirius' family. They had started to treat Ylana horribly once she had been sorted into Gryffindor and by the time of the summer before Fourth year, she had run away and lived with me and my parents and Tuney.

"Yeah, I'll be up in a minute, Ylana. I just want to read this for Herbology." I answered, picking up One Hundred Magical Herbs and Fungi. She nodded but didn't move. I turned away from her and opened the book to chapter four: Herbs for Confusing and Befuddlement Draughts.

"If you want to talk, Lily, Dorcas, Marlene, Alice and I are always here. You do know that, don't you?" she asked after about five or so minutes. I jumped about a foot in the air: I had thought she'd gone up to bed.

"Yeah, I know 'lana. Thanks." I answered. She sighed quietly and trudged back up to the dormitory. I dropped the book on the floor and leaned back into the sofa, my eyes closed against the world.

"You really should talk to someone."

It was amazing how this voice could trigger so many things inside me. It made my heart beat ten times faster, my breathing hitch up and my stomach do flips. Back before my parents' death, I would have denied these feelings, but now... Now I just couldn't be bothered to lie to myself anymore.

"Hi James." I answered. I felt the air move around me as he came to sit on the sofa next to me.

"Lily, really. I'm not joking. If you keep wallowing in misery, life will never go on. Trust me, Lily, I know what I'm saying." I opened my eyes with a start, and looked at him. I'd forgotten, with all my pain and grief, that his father had died too just a few short months before my parents.

"I'm not wallowing. I'm thinking." I answered shortly. He started to shake his head before I had even finished my sentence, his usually messy black hair staying down.

"I know what you're feeling. I know, Lily."

My temper flared up, the righteous anger I had once directed at him rising up inside of me. "If you know so well, James, tell me! Because I sure as hell do not know what I'm feeling at the moment!"

"You're in pain. You miss your parents and you know that you'll never be able to go home without crying because you see them there, but at the same time you're never going to see them again. You're confused because you didn't kill them, but your sister says that you are to blame, it's your fault the Death Eater scum came knocking. You feel angry at the fact that people act differently around you, you wish they'd just stay the same, and you don't want to talk to anyone because you don't want to lose your pain and your grief and your feeling because, if you did, it'd be like they never existed at all. I know how you feel, Lily. You can't keep going on like this." he shot back.

There was silence for a few minutes while I let his words sink in. He was right, exactly right. Tears welled up into my eyes and he stared at me.

"I thought it'd be easier than this," I whispered brokenly, my voice breaking. Two fat teardrops rolled down my face. "I thought that it gets easier with time."

"It never gets easier, Lils. You just get stronger." he whispered back.

"I'm not getting stronger, it's getting worse and worse and worse. I can't do this anymore, James."

"Oh, come here." he muttered, his arms snaking around my shoulders. They were warm and strong and made me feel safe. I lay my head on his shoulder and cried for what seemed like hours. Finally, I pulled away and he looked down at me critically. "Are you alright now?"

"Does it really look like I'm okay, James?" I asked rhetorically. My hair was messy, my eyes were puffy and red and I bet I looked like complete and utter crap because he'd only ever seen me with make-up on.

He hesitated, then answered anyway."Well... Not really, no, but you will be. You really will be."There was a comfortable silence for a few minutes.

"Lily, listen. This probably isn't the right time to ask, but..." he began awkwardly. I looked up into his glittering hazel eyes, and my heart jumped into my throat. "Lily Evans, will you go out with me?" he finished. I gaped at him for so long that he looked away. He muttered something that sounded like 'muffleygroop' but could have been 'I knew I shouldn't have asked.'.

He stood up to leave and I stood up too, grabbing his arm and whirling him around.

"It was a crap time to ask, but yes." I answered.

"But yes what?" he asked, looking confused.

"Yes, I will go out with you."

His face split into a wide grin. "Say it again."

"You heard me the first time!"

"Come on, Lils..."

"Fine!" I exclaimed, exasperated. "James Potter, I will go out with you on the grounds that you forbid Sirius from teasing me about it." He wrapped his arms around my waist, his lips at my ear.

"Anything. Anything for you, Lily." he whispered. I couldn't help it, I smiled. "Everything will be alright now." he added.

And maybe, I thought, maybe it would be. Maybe James Potter, arrogant and annoying, Gryffindor's longest serving stalker, was just what I needed.

A/N: So, what did you think? I'm actually quite happy with it. Review please, my lovely, lovely readers. You know that you want to!

Little Green Button --