I'm not sure if there are any other Take That fics around here, but I thought, what the hell, I'll post mine. I wrote this a few months before the Progress tour, while the guys were in Europe promoting The Flood.
So, any other TT fans on ? Well, I hope this gets some interest anyway! :)
My usual warnings apply here. This is a very dark fic which includes violence, noncon, swearing.
Disclaimer: I don't own Take That. If I did, I'd make Robbie stay forever.
Enjoy! And please R & R!
Innocence Lost
~Present Day~
Gary leaned back in his seat, his latest glass of Vodka and lemonade still untouched on the table beside him. He yawned, exhausted but happy. It had been a tiring but very satisfying promotional tour of Europe for Gary and his band mates. So far, so good. They were in Germany, the final destination on their whistle-stop tour. They had made their last TV performance and were heading home to the UK the next day, and Gary was glad. He had been poorly for some days now, Howard had even needed to fill in for him on the performance of The Flood that day. Gary wasn't used to feeling ill and he definitely didn't like it. Thank God he was starting to recover, his throat wasn't on fire at that moment anyway. Plus, Robbie's gentle teasing of him had actually managed to keep his spirits up. Gary looked across the hotel bar to where Mark and Robbie were sitting together, quietly laughing and joking over their glasses of diet coke. Gary watched them fondly as Mark reached over, clasping Robbie's shoulder with affection.
Gary knew how much it meant for Mark to have Robbie back in his life. The whole Take That experience was now complete for Mark thanks to Rob's return, and Gary couldn't argue with him that it now all just felt so right. Gary was so distracted by Mark and Robbie's private chat, he didn't notice Howard walking up beside him.
"You could go over there and join in, you know, Gaz? I don't think they'd mind!"
Gary jumped slightly, and then smiled as Howard sat down beside him.
"It's good to see them like that, though isn't it?" Howard continued. "Happy and satisfied. They've both had it tough, it's good that they've got each other again."
Gary nodded in agreement. He smiled as he noticed how Mark's eyes shone as he leaned back in his chair, laughing loudly. He watched as Mark quickly glanced at his watch, said something softly to Robbie, and then slid back his seat and stood up. Rob followed his lead, standing up, and then embracing his friend warmly. Looking over, and smiling amusedly when he saw that both he and Robbie were being watched by their band mates, Mark gave Gary and Howard a slight wave and then walked hurriedly to the stairs.
"Passed his bed time!" Gary noted.
Howard chuckled. "That's Rob for you. Still a bad influence."
It hadn't meant anything by it, but Howard's joke caused both men to glance away. Those sort of quips, usually harmless between friends, were uncomfortably close to the bone in Mark and Robbie's cases. The two youngest of the band had been bad influences on one another, and they were the two that had struggled the most with addictions and their emotions after the first time around. None of them cared to make light of either situation. Mark's affairs, brought on by his drinking problem, had very nearly ruined his life. And Robbie's battles with drink, drugs and depression had been well documented by all. Both men still fought their vices every day, worried that they would relapse and give in to their cravings. They were a big help to each other. Gary just knew that he, Howard and Jason just had to continue to be there when they were needed.
He had faith in them both.
He looked on as Robbie gave him a small smile and then headed for the exit, already fishing around in his pocket for his cigarettes. As he disappeared out of the door, Howard rolled his eyes.
"Wonder if we could ever convince him to give up the ciggies?"
Gary gave Howard a friendly punch. "You can't talk, Dougie. You still smoke."
Howard nodded. "Yeah, but not like our Rob. He smokes like a chimney."
"He does," Gary agreed. "But I think giving those up would be a step too far for him."
"Never gonna happen," Howard added. "He loves his fags. You know Robbie. He can't stand to give up what he really loves."
Howard and Gary were so preoccupied with their discussion, they didn't notice Jason walking up behind them, looking intensely worried.
"Gaz?"
Gary started violently, chuckled, and brought a hand up to his chest. "Fuck, Jay! Take ten years off of my life why don't you!"
Jason didn't laugh. He didn't even crack a smile, which was unusual for him. Howard was immediately concerned.
"What's wrong, mate?" Howard offered.
Jason frowned. "Where are Mark and Rob?" He asked, not bothering with pleasantries. Now, Gary knew there was a problem. A big problem.
"Mark's gone up to bed." He replied quickly. "Robbie's having a smoke outside. Why?"
Jason glanced towards the exit.
"We have to find Robbie. Now."
Gary got to his feet, the dread inside of him building with every passing moment. Jay was so distracted, so worried, and Gary didn't like it.
"Jay," Howard asked, the concern on his face mirroring Gary's. "What's going on? Why do you need to find Rob? He's fine, honest."
Jason shook his head. "He won't be."
Gary blinked. "Why not?"
Jason stared back. He swallowed, before replying, almost apologetically; "Because Nigel is here."
Gary and Howard exchanged shocked looks.
"Shit," Howard stated.
"I know," Jason snapped. Anger had replaced the worry. As far as he was concerned, they were wasting time. "So, where the fuck is Rob?"
XXX
Robbie stood outside, hands on his hips, puffing on his cigarette. He was humming to himself, a new melody that had suddenly appeared in his head. He smiled, it sounded okay. He would have to go talk to Gary as soon as he finished his ciggie, and write down some lyrics. There was no rush though, he could take his time.
They had all the time in the world, after all.
Robbie was so at peace, so relaxed, that he didn't even flinch when he heard footsteps trudging through the snow behind him. If it was probably one of the lads telling him to get inside, Gary had just recovered from a bad case of flu and they didn't need another one of them falling sick. Or, if it wasn't Jay or How, maybe it was a fan. There was a time that being approached would have bothered Robbie, would have made him nervous. Not now. Not now he was back with his boys.
Now, these things didn't concern him any more. Why should they? Nothing can hurt him any more. He was back with his brothers and they were there for him. That was all that mattered.
Not looking round, he said, to the person now standing behind him, "Give me a minute, yeah?"
There was a chuckle.
Rob stopped. He listened to that laugh, already recognising the sound. No. He had to be imagining it. It couldn't be...
"Hello there, Robbie." The voice was low, mocking. It made the hair's on the back of Rob's neck stand up on end.
He couldn't believe what he was hearing. But, as he slowly turned around, he knew what sight was about to greet him. Nigel Martin Smith stood a few feet away, hands clasped in front of him, a cold, spiteful smile plastered across his face. He walked slowly up to Robbie and then, very carefully, he outstretched his hand and offered it to his former employee to shake.
Robbie stared at Nigel stupidly, and then at the hand he was holding out. Rob hesitated, wondering for a second if he would actually shake hands with his old manager. Then, he came to his senses, took the cigarette out of his mouth and tossed it to one side. Then,he turned his back on Nigel and went to walk back towards the hotel.
Whatever Nigel had to say, Robbie didn't want to hear it.
Nigel laughed. The sound tore into Rob and he clenched his fists tightly.
"Well, that's nice. There's nothing you want to say to me then?"
Robbie would not rise to the bait. He was better than Nigel. He would ignore him. That would hurt Nigel the most.
"Well," Nigel said and Robbie could imagine the sneer on the man's face. "How the mighty have fallen."
Walk away. Robbie quickened his pace. Just keep walking.
"It's all a bit embarrassing though, isn't it?" Nigel continued, his voice now louder and with more conviction. "Having to crawl back to the group that kicked you out. The group you despised and ridiculed. My group."
"It's nothing to do with you." Robbie snarled, than wanted to kick himself. Nigel wanted a reaction, he wanted Robbie to lose control. Robbie would not give him the satisfaction. Not this time.
"Everyone knows the truth, of course," Nigel hissed. "Everyone knows why you've come crawling back."
"Because I wanted to come back," Rob snapped.
Nigel tutted. "Such a liar, Robbie. No. You came back because your solo career is over and you know it. You came back because you had no choice."
Don't hit him. Ignore him. Don't give him what he wants. You're nearly at the hotel. Just keep walking. A few more steps and you'll be okay.
Nigel paused. "You're lucky they were fool enough to take you back. I'm surprised at Gary. I thought I trained him to have more sense."
Robbie shook his head, trying to block out the poisonous words. Nearly at the steps. Nearly there.
"Gotta say, security was better when I was in charge. It was very easy to find where you guys were staying. Too easy."
Gary's just in the bar. He'll sort this out. Keep going.
Robbie was almost at the steps leading to the entrance, when the next two words that came out of the odious' man's mouth changed everything.
"How's Mark?"
Robbie froze. No matter how hard he tried, he could not ignore that.
He didn't want that bastard even using Mark's name. He had no right.
Nigel knew he had hit one hell of a big nerve.
"Is he in the bar? Having a drink is he? I hear he likes one as much as you do. I'd love to say hi."
"Stay the fuck away from Mark." Robbie threw back. He still would not face Nigel. He couldn't trust himself to keep in control if he did.
"You and Mark," Nigel continued snidely, "You must be so happy to be back together again. Tell me, Rob. Do your wives know how close you two are?"
"It's nothing to do with you."
Nigel grabbed Robbie's shoulder, and forced him round. Robbie didn't resist. He turned and regarded the man he hated above all others.
"My group, Rob. My Take That. None of you would be anythingif it wasn't for me. I chose all of you, in that gay bar, all those years ago. And I think you all need to remember that."
"Leave us all alone," Robbie muttered. "You got your pound of flesh out of me, more than once..."
"Aint that the truth?" Nigel countered, at once.
Robbie went bright red. He couldn't hold Nigel's gaze for a second longer, and he stared down at the snow at his feet.
"What's it worth?" Nigel demanded.
Robbie frowned. Now what?
"What?" He shot back.
"Me staying away from you, and from Markie. What do I get in return?"
Robbie swallowed hard. How much this time?
Without warning, Nigel suddenly reached out and stuck his hand between Robbie's legs, groping at his manhood through his jeans.
Robbie pushed Nigel away furiously, glaring at the horrible man with fury and disbelief.
Nigel smiled back at him warmly, then leaned closer, revelling in how Robbie recoiled away. "I'm sure we can come to some arrangement, Rob," Nigel drawled, "We managed it last time!"
Robbie didn't hold back. With a shout, he struck, smacking his fist into the despised man's face, blood spurting as he caught Nigel's cheek with his wedding ring. Nigel backed off hurriedly and Robbie, lost in his rage and fear, followed, his hands balled into fists. All he could see was the red mist as he grabbed at Nigel, and threw him against the wall behind them as if he was a rag doll. He didn't think about anyone else being around, who could see the beating he was about to give his ex-manager. All he could hear was Nigel's laughter, his own cries of pain, his pleas and begs, and Nigel's grunts as he trusted forward, holding Robbie tightly.
Robbie pulled back his fist, ready to beat the man before him black and blue.
No. Not a man. A monster. The monster of his nightmares.
It would end now. He would never touch Robbie again.
Just as Robbie was about to unleash all that fear, anger and hate, he was gripped firmly from behind and pulled clear of Nigel. Robbie knew he was shouting, and fighting tooth and claw to get at Nigel again. He wanted to make him pay, he wanted to hear him beg.
It was only when the red haze began to lift that Robbie could hear another voice calling to him, desperately trying to get through to him.
"Rob! Listen to me! Leave him!"
Slowly, Robbie began to focus. And he saw Gary's concerned face, standing directly in front of him. In the next second, he realised that Howard was holding him.
"He attacked me!" Nigel was screaming. "I have witnesses!"
Robbie made to go for Nigel again.
Howard spun Robbie round and slapped him hard across the face.
"Enough Rob!" He beseeched. "You have to stop, or it's allover. Do you get that?"
Robbie stopped struggling. He stared at Howard, tears threatening to spill. He glanced around, a small crowd had indeed gathered and people were pointing and whispering. Robbie closed his eyes in shame.
What had he done?
Nigel was still shouting. "He's crazy. He came at me, unprovoked!"
Gary turned to look at Nigel then. His look of disdain was clear.
Nigel glared back.
"Nigel," Gary said quietly. "You and I are gonna have a chat about this, yeah?"
Nigel shrugged. "No problem." He jerked his head towards Robbie. "Don't think for one second I'll be letting him off the hook though simply because of any appreciation I still have for you." His tone became scolding. "You lost a lot of respect when you let him worm his way back."
There was a cough from near by. Rob and Howard turned to look. Jason was stood by the door, watching all the action closely. And he was staring at Nigel with deep hatred.
Gary nodded wearily at Nigel. "Fine. You and I can talk."
He turned to Howard and Robbie. "Why don't you two go back inside? How, take Rob up to Ayda, yeah?"
"No," Robbie suddenly interrupted, his voice pleading. "Not to Ayda, I don't want her to see me like this. She won't understand, she doesn't know..." He paused, looking up at Howard with pleading eyes. "Take me to see Mark instead, How. Please."
Howard nodded. "Okay then, whatever." He grabbed Robbie's arm. He just wanted to get the younger man out of there, for all of their sakes. "Come on."
Without another look at their ex manager, Howard helped Robbie back inside and together, they made for the stairs. Nigel, smirking, watched them go.
"See you soon, Robbie!" He called after them.
Gary had heard enough. He stepped closer to Nigel, wagging an annoyed finger in his face.
"You've made your point, Nige. Now, leave him alone."
Nigel looked wounded. "He hit me. He deserves what's coming to him."
Gary stepped closer. "You and I both know you won't be taking this any further. You wound him up, playing your immature, sick games. You won. Be satisfied, Nigel. For all our sakes, including yours."
Nigel raised an eyebrow. "You threatening me, Gaz?"
"Just telling you the truth. Let this go."
Nigel laughed mockingly. "I used to think you were smart, Gary. You must know deep down. Robbie Williams could not and never will be able to be trusted. He only knows how to look out for number one. He's nothing now, and he knows it! Trust me. He'll use you and then piss off again, leaving you boys to pick up the pieces, just like last time. He doesn't care about you, Mark, Jason or Howard. He only cares about himself."
Gary shook his head. "You don't know anything about him. He's part of this group and I love him. We all do. You despise the fact you're not part of this any more, making money off of us, off of him. Well, deal with it Nigel. And stay away from all of us."
With that, Gary turned to leave.
Nigel chuckled. "I guess I'll see you in court then, Gary!"
Gary froze, turned and fixed Nigel with a contemptuous look. "Whatever you have to do, Nigel, you'll do. No matter what I say. But remember, you're taking us all on this time, not just Robbie. Think about whether you really want to go down this road and dig up a lot of long buried memories in the process."
Nigel blinked. For the first time, he looked uncertain.
Gary nodded. "Yeah, that's right. We've all got skeletons. You're choice, Nige. Up to you."
Having said his piece, Gary rushed away, heading for the stairs. Jason was stood near by, watching him go. He had said not a word during the whole encounter, but the hatred towards his former boss was written all over his face.
Nigel smiled knowingly at Jason. Jason merely continued to look. Then, finally, he followed Gary up the steps, leaving the now incredibly happy and smug Nigel Martin Smith downstairs, alone.
Nigel knew he had won.
He felt in his jacket pocket and pulled out his mobile.
"Now," he mused to himself, fingering the bruise on his neck. "Which tabloid should I call first?"
He laughed, ignoring the disapproving looks from the small crowd who were slowly beginning to disperse.
XXX
Howard had obeyed and Robbie had found himself being herded to Mark's hotel room, and then deposited inside, for Mark to look after. Howard had filled the smallest member of their band in with the latest developments and had then returned downstairs, leaving a clearly tired and slightly agitated Mark alone to deal with the still-furious Robbie.
And now, Robbie was pacing the room.
"Who the fuck does he think he is? Coming up and talking to me like that, as if he and I could be friends! He's a twat! A git. I fucking hate his guts."
"Okay, Rob..." Mark answered, wearily.
"It's not okay. I don't want him coming anywhere fucking near me ever again!"
"It's a free country, Robbie." Mark replied, trying to stay calm. "We can't dictate to Nigel where he can and can't go."
"I can make fucking sure that that tosser never comes anywhere near him again. He makes my skin crawl."
"Nigel isn't the fucking devil, Rob." Mark shook his head in frustration. "Ever wondered if this grudge you've been holding is all a little bit childish?" Mark stepped closer. "We've all moved on, forgiven each other for the past. Maybe it's time for us to do the same with Nigel?"
A strange look spread across Robbie's face. Mark was to tired to notice.
"You think I'm the one in the wrong?" The younger man asked him, somewhat nastily.
"I don't think you're wrong to hate him Rob, no, but I do reckon you might be being unreasonable, holding on to this hate for so long. We were just kids, Robbie. Yeah, we were treated badly, you worse than most, but it was a fucking long time ago!" He gestured angrily. "Let it go!"
Robbie glared daggers at Mark, trying, and failing, to remain in control. "You don't know what you're talking about, Mark!"
Mark nodded. "You're right. You keep it all bottled up, and as you finally came to figure out, that doesn't do anyone, especially you, any fucking good. So tell me the truth." He sat down on the bed, hands together and in his lap, as he watched his friend. "What happened back then, Rob? What was sofucking terrible?"
Robbie swallowed. He looked away from Mark, his gaze glued to the floor. "If I tell you, it will ruin everything."
Mark bristled. "You think I'm that callous?"
Robbie chuckled humourlessly. "No, I don't. But it's not a good story."
"I kind of guessed that," Mark said softly; "But I still want to know."
"Trust me, you don't."
"Try me."
Robbie looked up, and carefully scanned Mark's face. After a few moments, he looked down again, this time apparently distracted by his own hands, and the nicotine marks on his fingers. He sighed loudly. "Going back there," he whispered. "It's..." He broke off, before trying again. "I blocked all of this out for a reason."
Mark said nothing, he simply sat there, waiting.
Robbie knew the time had come finally to go back to that night, to come clean about what had happened. The night he had banished from his memory, he had hoped for forever, for the sake of his own sanity. He had made a pact with himself to never tell another living soul about what had occurred. He knew the time had come to finally break that pact.
He met Mark's gaze.
"Don't say I didn't warn you," Robbie said softly. He walked over and sat down beside Mark, taking a deep breath to prepare himself.
"Do you remember the Smash Hits Poll Winners Party in 1993?" He asked Mark, in very soft tones.
Mark nodded. "Of course."
"How about what happened after you sang Babe, in the dressing room? Between us?"
Oh.
Mark was suddenly feeling hot. He wriggled uncomfortably.
How could he forget? Robbie pulling him into the dressing room, then both of them playing around, tickling each other, Rob wrestling him to the floor, pinning him beneath him and then... they'd kissed. And not for the first time. Only, that had been the first time they had ever taken it further. More physical and passionate, they had only stopped when Mark had thought he had heard something, and they had pulled apart, giggling, like naughty school boys...
Mark cleared his throat, steadying himself. "Yeah," he replied. "So?"
Robbie closed his eyes tightly and itched at his arm distractedly. It was as if he couldn't keep still. "Well, Nigel saw us that day."
Mark's eyes widened. He stared at Robbie.
Rob nodded. "He opened the door, saw us, and closed it again." He sighed. "He wasn't happy."
"What did he do?" Mark asked him. The fear was evident in his voice.
And suddenly, Robbie was back there. In that hotel, in his and Mark's shared room, beside that bed. And Nigel was facing him. The others had been allowed to join the band and some of the other Smash Hits winners out on the town. Not Robbie though, no. Rob had been ordered to stay behind in his room so that Nigel could have a "word" with him.
And that was when it happened. It had just been innocent questions to start with. It had quickly become something very different.
He didn't look at Mark as he described what had occurred on thatnight.
And neither did he pause or react. He spoke with no emotion, and not once did he meet Mark's haunted gaze, as he relived the worst night of his life.
~December 5th, 1993.~
"Just how long has this been going on for?"
Robbie was irritated. He didn't want Nigel there, bothering him. He wanted to get after the other lads, and celebrate with them. Especially Mark. What exactly had he done wrong this time anyway?
Why was it always him in trouble?
"What have I done now?" He snapped in response.
Nigel smirked.
"You and Mark."
Robbie froze. What the Hell...
"I don't..."
Nigel held up a hand. "Don't bother lying, Robbie. I saw you tonight, after the performance. You and Mark, together, all over each other. Fucking careless. Anyone could have walked into that dressing room and saw the two of you. I did, and neither of you even noticed.
Robbie opened his mouth to reply but no words came out.
Shit. They had known it was risky, kissing in such a public place. Hey, they were young they couldn't always control their urges. It had started just as cuddles and kisses hello and goodbye. In no time at all, it had soon escalated into passionate embraces. They hadn't thought about what this could lead too, how it would effect the band. They all knew the rules. Nigel didn't want them involved with any outsider, or each other. They knew their manager really didn't like it when the boys ignored his instructions. But they hadn't cared. They'd wanted each other, and that was all that had mattered. Now, Nigel had found out. And he was clearly very pissed off.
"I'll have to deal with this," Nigel said, matter of factly. "Both of you have broken the rules. I should throw you both out, or one of you anyway. Take away the temptation."
Robbie took a step towards Nigel. "Wait a minute, Nigel. This is crazy!"
Nigel's eyes flashed warningly. "Don't tell me what I can and can't do, Robbie. I'm in charge here, not you."
"I know that, Nige."
"Then start acting like it."
Robbie couldn't believe they were having such a random conversation about this. Was Nigel firing him? Was he out? Was that why he had been told to stay behind?
"Do you want me to leave?"
Nigel smiled, showing teeth. Robbie squirmed.
"No, Rob. You are, inexplicably, the second most talented member of the group after Gary, I need you. Mark though, he's dispensable."
Robbie clenched his fists.
"No, wait, Nigel..."
"He's clearly a bad influence on you..."
"He's the most popular!" Robbie exclaimed. "The fans would never..."
"He can be replaced," Nigel told him, apparently disinterested. "And I will do exactly that, Robbie. Unless you do something for me."
Robbie hesitated. Why was Nigel making him so nervous? Was that look he was giving him almost... lecherous?
"Well," Robbie enquired, shaking gently. "What do you want me to do, then?"
Nigel was looking at him even more closely, almost as if he was looking into the younger man. It was not a nice stare. It made Robbie feel beyond uncomfortable.
He wanted away from this man. Now.
Instead, Robbie gazed right back at Nigel, too nervous to actually look away, the uneasiness now turning into something akin to panic.
At last, Nigel spoke again. "Strip."
Robbie blinked. "Excuse me?"
"I said, strip."
Robbie could not believe his ears. He searched Nigel's face, trying to see a hint there that this was all some odd kind of joke. But Nigel was deadly serious. And Robbie knew that this wasn't an example of Nigel's particularly cruel sense of humour. He was in big trouble.
"I don't understand, Nigel?" Robbie offered, trying his hardest to keep his cool.
"It's quite simple, Robbie. Even for you. You and Mark have been having a lot of fun playing around behind my back. You lied to me, told me you were both straight. Couple of lying little fuckers. Well, now it's my turn to play."
Robbie shook his head wordlessly. Nigel had to be joking.
Nigel wasn't joking.
His eyes blazed as he bore down on the horrified younger man. "Well?" Nigel demanded. "What are you waiting for"
Robbie clenched his fists. "I -" He whispered, "I don't want..."
Nigel cursed loudly, "Like I care what you want." He shoved out at Robbie, knocking the singer down on to his bed. "That's better," he informed him, with a cold smile. "That is exactly where I want you to be right now, son." He gripped the boy's chin roughly. "I know how hard it is for you, but try and keep that fucking mouth of yours shut, okay, Robert?"
Robbie cringed at the sound of his name. His proper name. The name his mum called him, not the cute version Nigel had decided upon. With a heavy sigh of resignation, Robbie closed his eyes as he slowly began to unbutton his shirt.
'I'm sorry, mum.' He had thought, in despair. 'You'd be so ashamed of me if you ever knew. You will never know though, I swear. No one will ever know.'
After he had tossed his shirt to the floor, Robbie noticed the look of impatience on his manager's face so then hurriedly removed his trousers and boxers. In no time, he was standing before Nigel, as naked as the day he was born, and under Nigel's intense gaze. Neither of them spoke for some moments. Finally, Nigel's face broke out into a big, approving smile. And then, to Robbie's growing horror, Nigel licked his lips.
Robbie thought he was going to be sick.
Then, Nigel was upon him. Moving quicker than Robbie could ever remember seeing him, Nigel was suddenly on the bed and advancing upon the younger man, staring down at the terrified Robbie with large, lust filled eyes. Robbie had to look away, he couldn't stand to look at Nigel for a second longer. Seeing all that desire clearly mixed in with the usual hate and arrogance, it was turning his stomach.
How could he let Nigel do this to him? He was so much stronger than his manager, all he needed to do was try one well aimed kick at his midriff, and he would have Nigel writhing on the floor, leaving him free to make his escape.
Robbie's gaze met Nigel's. The horrible man smiled at him mockingly, almost daring him to make a move.
Oh, how much Robbie wanted to wipe that smirk off of the fucking bastard's face. He grabbed for Nigel, gaining quite a good grip on the other man's throat. He then raised his other hand, balling it into a fist.
And then, he caught himself. And Nigel began to laugh loudly.
If he fought back, he knew Mark be thrown out of the band. Or Nigel would choose to force Rob out, and then be tempted to move onto Mark instead, out of spite. Robbie would have been helpless to protect Mark. What choice did he have?
So, Robbie did nothing. He released his grasp on Nigel and then laid back down, hands at his side, already tugging at the bed covers for support. Robbie stayed there, unmoving, staring up at the man who he knew he would always despise more than any other.
Nigel gave him a toothy grin.
"Good decision," he sneered. "Now, keep still for me, there's a good lad."
Robbie's insides churned. He forced himself not to move, when every instinct within him was screaming at him to fight back, to struggle, to run as fast as he fucking could and get the Hell out of there. But he couldn't. He'd agreed to this. For the sake of someone else, someone he really cared about. He would see this through.
He was a man, he wasn't a child any more. Real men don't go back on their word.
He did as he was told and remained immobile as Nigel began to move up and down his naked body, kissing and licking every part of him, from his ankles, right up to his throat. He then sucked on the soft skin, hard, causing Robbie to whimper from the discomfort, and the embarrassment. Rob knew this was going to leave marks, marks it would be very hard for him to try and explain away. He allowed his mind to float off, taking him away from that bed and the disgusting human being now using his body for his own perverted enjoyment, and instead concentrated on Mark. Little good, honest, loving Mark. Robbie had wanted Mark to be the first man to touch him like this, so intimate, so private. He had been planning the best time to talk to Mark, wanting to pick his moment to tell his best friend that he wanted to go beyond hugs and kisses. Mark was his soul mate, the person who understood him like no other. No other man should touch Robbie like this. Now, the right for Robbie to make that decision had been stolen from him. Mark would ask questions when he discovered the red welts, and if the others noticed, especially Gary and Jason, then Robbie knew he would be in for a bollocking.
They would give him another lecture as to why it was unfair Robbie was allowed to enjoy himself with the girls when the others weren't. And they would then send him to Nigel for a telling off. Robbie squirmed at the thought. He knew that he wouldn't be able to face Nigel again after this. Not after this shame and humiliation. He hoped he would never have to be in the same room as him on his own ever again.
And if he did, then he made up his mind that he would always be too high or too drunk to notice.
And afterwards, Robbie had come to realise that that had been the exact moment when the addiction had taken him over. That moment, forever burning within him, had destroyed the boy he had been, and he was gone forever.
Robbie gritted his teeth as he felt Nigel begin to suck and bite on his nipples. It hurt, but Robbie would be strong. He would not cry out. He wouldn't give the bastard the satisfaction. He would lie there, and take it like a man, not snivel and cry like a boy. Nigel could take his body but he wasn't getting him. That way, Robbie could still come away from this ordeal the winner.
And that would really piss Nigel off.
Suddenly, the lips on his flesh, the wandering hands, they were gone. He let out a big sigh, believing that his manager had had his sick fun, and it was all over now. At last, Nigel would leave him alone, and he would be able to get dressed, go out, party with Mark, get completely hammered, and forget any of this had ever happened.
That was what he wanted. He just wanted to forget.
And then, Robbie cried out.
Nigel had grasped hold of his arm and was rolling him over, onto his stomach.
Robbie panicked. Shaking his head pathetically, and tried to push himself back, hoping that Nigel would get the message and realise that he really couldn't do this. Robbie knew what was expected of him, he was certainly not sexually naïve. He had never been with a man before, but he knew what the act involved. And he definitely did not want to try it. Certainly not with Nigel Martin Smith anyway. Nigel was already glaring in frustration, annoyed that Robbie was fighting back once again. He was done with the foreplay, he was ready for the main event now. This was exactly what he had wanted, what he had yearned for, from the moment he had clapped eyes on the young, cheeky, innocent Robert Williams. He had allowed Robbie entry into his group, he had turned him into a superstar, had showed him the world. Now he wanted what was owing to him, and it was time for Robbie to pay up.
Robbie was truly terrified.
"Please Nigel." He whimpered, desperate to get through to the goodness in Nigel that he was sure still existed in there somewhere. Gary got on okay with the man, didn't he? Nigel couldn't be all bad. He had to make him see sense. "Please," Robbie tried again. "I can't do this."
That was what he had truly believed; that Nigel would get bored of the torture and stop. Right to the end, Robbie had been so sure that Nigel would open his eyes, see how scared Robbie had been, and he would have released him. After all, how far could he really have gone? He wasn't evil. He wasn't really about to take Robbie against his will.
He wasn't a monster. He was a normal man.
Right?
Robbie quickly got his answer when he was grabbed roughly by the hair, his head pulled up. He gasped out in pain.
"Let go," he gasped. And then, losing his head. "You fucking bastard."
"Shut your mouth," Nigel hissed in the younger man's ear. "I don't want to hear it. You agreed to this. We had a deal, you and me. Now, turn over, and get up onto your knees, Robbie. Now."
When Robbie didn't respond immediately, Nigel's frown deepened and he pushed Robbie forcibly back down against the bed. Ignoring the boys pathetic whimpering and complaints, Nigel grabbed Rob's arm and rolled him over, until he had him pressed down on his stomach . He placed his hand underneath Robbie then and lifted. Rob, tears now streaming down his face, knew there was no way out. No one was coming to save him. This wasn't a movie, where the good guy would be saved from his nemesis by his friends at the last second. This was real life. And in Robbie's life, the bad guy always won. So, he stopped struggling, stopped whimpering, and moved into a kneeling position, just as his manager directed.
The next few moments would become a blur for Robbie. Having blacked it out, he would never have to remember Nigel pulling down his own jeans, coating himself and Robbie with wet, cold lubrication, so cold that it made Robbie flinch. He would not recall how Nigel gripped him so roughly, bruising his pale skin and pulling his cheeks apart. He would never think about the moment Nigel thrusted into him, causing him to scream in agony.
He would not have to relive that moment every day for the rest of his life.
Not once. Never.
It had happened. That was it. It was done with.
~End Flashback~
Robbie stopped talking. He was facing away from Mark, his eyes closed, his hands covering his face. He waited, wondering if Mark would speak. When he didn't, Robbie took a deep breath and steadied himself before continuing.
"It happened a few more times after that. The week after, it was the day before our Christmas break. He called me into his office, using some excuse." Robbie shrugged. "I think it was something to do with a story about me and some girl getting out to the tabloids. A load of shit, obviously. It was just an excuse to get me in there." Robbie ran a hand through his hair. "Three minutes after Nigel's door was shut, he had me on my knees again, only this time, he wanted me to suck his cock for him."
Mark let out a small sound, like a trapped animal. Robbie broke off, and then turned to face his friend. Mark was staring down at the ground, his eyes wide and unseeing, locked on a bit of dust near Robbie's shoe. Mark also had silent tears running down his face.
Robbie swallowed hard.
What have I done? I've done him more harm than good telling him.
"I'm sorry," Robbie whispered.
Mark looked up at that, and fixed him with an intense glare.
"What do you mean?" He replied.
Robbie looked down. "I've upset you. I shouldn't have told you."
Mark shook his hand angrily. "Oh yes, you should. You should have told me long ago." He took a step forward. "How long did this go on for?"
Robbie looked toward the window. "Only a few weeks." Robbie gave him a humourless smile. "Came to an abrupt halt, now I come to think of it. Nigel obviously got bored of me."
Mark wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand.
"He blackmailed you. He rapedyou. Rob, how could you carry this for so long? How could you not tell me?"
Robbie flinched at the anger in Mark's tone.
"Do you blame me?" Rob asked, softly. There was desperation in his voice, his eyes. "Do you hateme?"
Mark reacted as if he'd been struck. He moved quickly to Robbie and took his hand, holding it between both of his own.
"I'll never hate you, Rob. Never." He lowered his voice. "I hate him.For what he's done to you. The drink, the drugs, the split, everything. It was all down to him. Solely down to him." Mark looked toward the door. "I'll kill him."
Robbie grabbed Mark and swung him back round. "Listen to me, Mark. You can't tell a soul about this. This cannot get out. It will be the end of me if it does. I've lived with this for seventeen years. Nigel won the battle but lost the war. Every time I had a number one album, every time a crowd cheered at one of my gigs, singing my songs back at me, I was getting one over on him, I was taking a tiny piece of revenge, proving him wrong. I was going to take this to the grave, Markie. I told you because you wanted to know. Now, you have to keep the secret too. Do you understand me?"
Mark didn't say a word. He just stared at Rob, eyes glistening with tears once again.
"Promise me, Markie." Robbie urged him. "Promise me you won't confront Nigel or tell anyone else. Not Gaz, How or Jay. No one."
Mark didn't want to promise, that was obvious.
"He shouldn't be allowed to get away with it, Rob."
Robbie was beside himself. "He had to. I can't have everyone finding out. The tabloids, the fans, every body."
"They'd care, Rob. People would care."
Robbie was losing his temper quickly. He shook Mark, quite roughly.
"Say it!"
Mark pulled away from Robbie. "Okay!" He snapped. "I swear!"
Robbie stared at Mark for a moment, making sure he was speaking the truth. He averted his gaze eventually and turned away, finally satisfied that Mark would go along with his wishes. They stood there for a while, facing away from each other.
Eventually, Robbie looked at Mark again, his hands planted firmly in his pockets.
When the younger man spoke, Mark had to strain to hear him.
"Stay."
Mark stopped, peering over at Robbie in confusion. Had he misheard?
"Sorry?" He asked.
Rob swallowed. "Stay with me. Just for tonight."
Mark looked nervously towards the door, as if he expected someone to be there, listening, ready to use this against them at a later date.
"You know I can't do that, Robbie." He bit his lip, clearly very uncomfortable. "I can't stay with you."
"Mark..."
"Ayda is just down the corridor!" Mark announced. He was flustered. And scared. Scared because, if he was being completely honest, staying in that room with Robbie, in that bed, was very inviting to him. But he couldn't. Things would only become more complicated. And additional complication were not what neither Mark nor Robbie needed in their lives right then.
"I love Ayda with all my heart," Robbie was saying, walking towards Mark, staring at him intently, his big, brown eyes boring into Mark's. "But she can't help me right now. It's you I want." He covered his face with his hands. "I'll tell her tomorrow. I'll tell her the truth. She knows me better than I know myself. She'll understand."
Mark actually scoffed. "She'd understand you sleeping with a man? You've found a winner there, Rob. I wouldn't risk losing her if I were you."
Robbie gave him a tiny smile. "I don't intend to." He hesitated, before crossing the room quickly, stopping directly in front of Mark, and leaning into the other man's personal space. Robbie was so close, his lips were nearly touching Mark's cheek. "Please Mark," he moaned. "Just one night. Stay with me."
Mark was finding it hard to breathe. Having Robbie that close, to hear the desperation in his voice, it was almost to much for him to stand. He knew why Rob was doing this. Robbie had just relived the worst experience of his life, the reason his life became so fucked up. And now he was reaching out for the one person he knew would not judge him, would always be there for him. Mark felt honoured that Robbie had turned to him and not Ayda.
That didn't make this right, though. Robbie would surely regret any action the next day. And that would probably spell the end of their renewed friendship before it had barely begun again. Mark would not allow that to happen.
Not even for one last night of Heaven.
He had to be the grown up here. He had to be the man to stand up and say no.
Taking a deep breath, he turned and moved swiftly towards the door.
Robbie was right behind him.
"Where are you going?"
Mark frowned, then turned again and faced Robbie. He knew his face was reddening. He wished he could hide his shame, and his regret, but they were written all over his expression.
"I have to go out, Rob. I need some air."
Robbie grabbed for Mark's arm. "Mark, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked that. I know it's been tough for you, with Emma and the kids and all. I was being selfish, you don't have to leave. Just stay with me, we can lay here and talk. Just talk, like we used too. Remember when we stayed up talking all night, just before I left? I came in to see you and we just talked and it was back then, what you and I had, we thought we'd lost it but we hadn't..." Finally, he paused for breath. Mark wiped a tear out of his eye and gazed down at the floor. This was breaking his heart. "Please don't leave me, Markie."
Mark wanted to stay. He wanted to hug Robbie, just hold him and tell him everything would be okay and that Mark would make it all better.
But that would only be lies.
Mark would never lie to Robbie again.
"I can't," he forced out, though he wished to God he didn't have to say it. "I'm so sorry, Robbie."
And with that, he took his leave, closing the door behind him firmly. Robbie stared after him for a moment, not quite believing that Mark had actually gone. Robbie perched on the edge of the bed, his eyes locked on the door handle. He was willing it to open again, willing Mark to come rushing back in, having realised what a mistake he had made.
Deep inside though, Rob knew what wasn't going to happen. And, at last, for the first time since he had clapped eyes on Nigel after all those long years, the tears began to fall. Very quickly, Robbie was sobbing hard. He felt down on to the bed, curling up into a feartal position. He wept uncontrollably, wept for the incredible friendship he had just lost, but most of all, he wept for the nineteen year old lad, so scared, so lost, with no one to turn to, no one he could even trust.
And Robbie knew that Nigel was right.
He was more alone now than ever.
XXX
Mark stood just outside the door, tears streaming down his face, as he tried to get a lid on his emotions and think. This wasn't helping anything. Not him, and certainly not Robbie.
All Mark could think about was Nigel. How could that bastard have done such an evil thing, and to a nineteen year old kid he was paid to protect? And he had convinced Robbie to fuck him by blackmailing Mark, by using Robbie's feelings for him against the poor guy. Mark was sickened.
It's my fault. Nigel raped Rob repeatedly and I sat there, alongside Nigel, and told Rob to go. I destroyed him. Me.
An uncontrollable, all consuming rage took ahold of Mark. He was fuming. He could not remember ever feeling so much hatred towards another human being. Nigel was laughing at them, had been laughing at them for the past seventeen years. He had gotten away with it. Well, not any longer. Mark would make him pay.
Mark would kill him.
His face set, and with only one more look towards the door behind him, Mark made for the stairs. And came to a sudden halt when Jason appeared before him, baring his way.
Mark stared at Jason. Jay gazed back. Mark could tell from Jason's expression that he knew, knew what had been said in that room between Mark and Rob, and he knew what Mark was planning to do next. And Mark was certain that Jason was not going to let him go through with it.
"Get out of my way, Jay," Mark hissed.
"No." Jay replied, calmly. "Go back in there. Stay with Robbie, Mark. He needs you."
Mark shook his head desperately. "I can't stand it," Mark whispered.
Jason reached out and gently wiped the remaining tears from under Mark's eye, and then he smiled at the younger man. "I know, but you need to be strong for Robbie. He's gonna break down without you. He's acting like he's strong and nonchalant about this but he really isn't. Go back in there and stay with him, Mark. Be there for him and let me deal with Nigel. Be his best friend. That's what he needs from you right now. Keep things simple, Mark."
Mark blinked. Exactly how much did Jason know?
The smaller man wanted to argue more, but, deep inside, he knew Jason was right. His place was with Rob. Mark had to trust Jay. He'd do the right thing. He'd sort this out.
With one small grateful smile at Jason, Mark turned, and walked back into his hotel room. Jason watched him for a second, his face unreadable. Then, he turned and hurried back down the stairs.
XXX
Mark stood just inside the door, closing it gently behind him. He stared at the prone form of Robbie, who was laying peacefully, unmoving, on top of the bed. The younger man's eyes were closed and Mark knew he was fast asleep. Mark wasn't surprised. Rob must have been exhausted.
Mark approached the bed and Rob quietly, and then, slipping off his shoes, he carefully laid down beside his best friend, staring into Robbie's face. Sensing him, Robbie awoke, opened his eyes and looked, questionably, at Mark. Mark said nothing. Instead, he smiled warmly back, and watched as Robbie visibly relaxed.
A smile from Mark. That was all it took to calm Rob. That was all it had ever taken.
"I'm sorry," Rob whispered, one lone tear falling down his face.
Mark shook his head quickly, showing there was no need for Robbie to apologise, and brushed the tear away. Robbie stared at him, wide eyed, trying to read him. Mark smiled, and then reached out and grasped Robbie's hand. Robbie closed his eyes then, sighing contently. Mark was back. His world was complete. Then Mark, very gently, leaned forward and kissed Robbie full on the lips. Robbie opened his eyes, somewhat taken aback.
"Mark, we don't have to. You were right," Robbie murmured; "What you said about Ayda and Emma. They are our lives now. We can't pick up where we left off."
Mark nodded. They stayed there, just like that, for a few minutes, each holding the other. Then, their eyes locked. And before they could prevent themselves, before they could stop and think, they were kissing passionately. Robbie moved first, climbing on top, pinning Mark beneath him. Mark closed his eyes, and sighed, his breathing already becoming louder. Robbie kissed Mark up and down his throat, stroking his hair, using his weight to keep the now squirming older man still. The want and desire in Robbie's stare was clear and Mark quivered to see it. And then, he nodded, giving Robbie the permission that he was waiting for. Before Mark knew what had happened, he had been turned onto his stomach and Robbie was touching him in ways that only Robbie could.
Oh God, how Mark had missed him, how he had missed them.He grasped the bed cover for support and waited, impatient, for what he knew was about to happen.
Now was not the time for doubts or guilt. They both loved their wives, of course they did, but they both knew that they also loved each other. This was just for tonight. They would worry about tomorrow and the ifs and whys when it came. Now, all they needed was each other.
Mark was turned back onto his back. He didn't need to ask what Robbie was planning. Robbie had control, that was the way it always was. And, as his best friend took hold of his manhood and bean to stroke, Mark cried out, delirious with happiness.
And, two words whirled round continuously in his head, as Robbie took him fully into his mouth:
At last.
XXX
Nigel was on his phone to the UK, annoyed by the representative from the News of the World, who had stupidly put him on hold. He was so close now, he realised, as he walked to his waiting car. Job done and dusted. He smiled. It had all gone so much to plan, he actually felt cheated by how easy it had all been.
How much he was going to enjoy the next few months. This was about hurting Rob first and foremost, definitely, but they would all suffer this time, all the boys what had let him down, cast him aside. Him. Nigel Martin Smith. Without him, there would be no Take That. He would see that they never forgot that again.
He leaned against his car, still with his phone clasped to his ear, and fished around in his pocket, searching for his keys.
"Nigel."
Nigel started, dropping his mobile phone to the ground. Jason smirked, picked up the phone, cancelled the call, and then offered it back to his former manager.
Nigel snatched it back. "Don't think that will save Rob! He'll be getting hearing from my lawyer very soon, Jason. And the News of the World." Nigel's eyes twinkled cruelly. "Oh, and the police too, obviously." Jason said nothing. Nigel smirked. "I wonder if they'll be wanting to make an example of our Robert and send him to jail, like with George Michael? I wonder how he'll get by inside. What do you reckon, Jason?"
Jay was clearly fighting to contain his temper. He didn't reply to Nigel. Instead, he took an envelope out of his coat and handed it to him.
Nigel looked at it, obviously confused.
"What's this?" Nigel asked.
"Five thousand pounds." Jason responded softly. "Take it, and get the fuck out of our lives."
Nigel scanned Jason's face for some kind of punch line. When none was forthcoming, he threw back his head and laughed. Jason stood quietly, watching him. Finally, Nigel grew still. "Sorry Jay," he replied. "I intend to get a lot more than this. I'll give you this though, you always knew how to make me laugh." Nigel stood back, regarding the other man closely, trying to work him out. "Tell you what, I want money, real, serious money. And I want Robbie to bring me the money. Say two hundred thousand? Then he can beg me for my forgiveness and we'll see where we go from there. How's that for a deal?"
Jason swallowed hard. "Take the cash, Nigel."
"Why should I?"
"Because this is all you'll be getting and you know it. Our people, and Robbie's they can cover this up, make it so Robbie wasn't even here."
Nigel shook his head. "I have witnesses."
"Not one of those people will back you up," Jason told him. "You know you can't get any more than what is in your hand out of this so be happy with that. And go away."
"And if I don't?"
Jason stepped closer. "If you don't, Gary wanted to say that you could well find it very difficult to ever work in this business again."
Nigel's eyes widened. "Oh, I see." He said softly. "This is Gary too then."
Jason nodded. "And Howard. All three of us felt paying you off was for the best." Jay gestured. "Come on Nige," he whispered. "What's it going to be?"
Nigel shrugged.
"Fine."
Jason, his anger finally getting the better of him, hit the envelope in Nigel's hand angrily, perhaps even harder than he had meant, as the envelope burst open and the fifty pound notes inside flew out. The money seemed to explode and shoot off in all directions, and then slowly float down to the snow on the ground. Nigel glared at Jason, and then, much to Jay's disdain, Nigel fell to his knees and began to scoop up his money as if his life depended on it.
With a hiss of anger, Jason suddenly grabbed Nigel by his lapels, and flung him backwards, pinning him against his own car.
"You told me it was consensual." Jason snarled, hatred and also a large amount of pain, maybe even guilt, evident in his tone.
"What?" Nigel stammered, trying to wriggle free but Jason's hold was too strong.
"You and Robbie back in the nineties. I found out and put a stop to it, but you told me he was up for it, confused about his sexuality and had come to you for your help and guidance." Jason chuckled coldly. "I should have known! You, offer anyone help? Yeah right." He leaned in, his nose inches from Nigel's. "You raped my mate and I was too young and stupid to see the truth." His eyes narrowed. "You absolute fucker."
Nigel laughed with disbelief but the panic in his eyes gave him away.
"What rot! I didn't do one thing to him he didn't want!"
Jason wanted to kill him.
"You found out about him and Mark, and then blackmailed Rob, telling him to satisfy your perverted needs or you'd throw Mark out."
Nigel glared daggers at Jason. "Is that right?"
"You fucking know it is."
"Then prove it."
Jason shook his head, moving back slightly. "I don't want this shit getting out for Rob's sake, so no one will mention it again, but you have to play your part too. You've got what you wanted, you piece of shit," Jason hissed. "You made money out of Take That again. Now, you leave us alone. And you absolutely stay the Hell away from Robbie. Am I making myself clear?"
Nigel hesitated for only a second before nodding. He stared up at Jason, clearly unsure what to say, his precious money grasped in his fists.
Jason was satisfied. He released Nigel, who slumped to the ground, trying to catch his breath.
"You're all idiots," Nigel suddenly spat after his former employee, as Jason slowly walked away. "He's a failure, a waste of space!" He screamed the last five words, the hate clear in his voice: "He'll let you down again!"
Jason turned and regarded Nigel with distaste. "No, Nige. He won't. And he didn't let us down last time. We let him down. And that's not going to happen again."
Turning his back on Nigel once again, Jason again moved away, strolling back down the alley. And, as he saw the lights of the hotel in the distance, he smiled.
He truly believed his words. They were going to be okay.
All five of them.
~Finish~