Every night, he is torn to pieces.
He smiles, laughs and always the one cracking a joke, always the one saying something to lighten (or ruin) a mood. He's always like this, with that smirk of his. That rambunction laughter..it's as if they echo in the air that surrounds. He always..always is smiling and laughing. He doesn't know anything else, or rather he refuses to. He doesn't want to know anything else but smiles and laughter.
But every night..
Every night..
He tears himself to pieces.
People often wondered why he was the way he was, though no one really ever questioned it. He always seemed fine, so why push it? Oh, but how he hoped so badly that someone would push it. How he had hoped. Someone..someone..anyone..
would save him.
"It's useless.." He would mumble to himself, alone..terribly alone as he sat in his bedroom. Rarely used. He was hardly ever home, hardly ever saw a need to come home to his room. He would only ever venture into the abode when he was already half-asleep. Crash, he would, onto his bed. With pillow meeting head, he would sleep and then wake, and then distract himself again that day.
That day..and the next, and the next after that.
It was the only way, he realized quickly, that he would save whatever sanity he had left. He would smile, he would laugh.
And only in his loneliness, would he break to pieces.
"It's not as if I want to do it, I have no other choice.." He would tell himself, justify himself. His actions, his traitorous and harming actions. He would never tell anyone, he would hide his pain, forever. For the eternity of his life. How could he tell anyone about this? He didn't strike anyone as this type of person..no. He wasn't like that.
How strange. They would say.
Why would he do that to himself? They would rumor.
When did he start? They would gossip.
He must be insane! They would lie.
They would leave him, isolate him and tear him even further into pieces. "But..don't..please don't leave me.." He can't function without the contact. Without someone there to distract him. To crack jokes at. Was he wrong..? To want companionship..? To use people for his advantage, so he wouldn't think. So he didn't have to think. Anything would work. Anyone would work.
"Please.."
So long..as he wasn't torn into pieces.
"Are you ready?" He heard a shout, he blinked in surprise, eyes widening from the sudden shock of a voice. He glanced outside, then back down at his palms. He stared down at the many lines and grooves on his hand. How could he be so..so..? So..human? He wasn't a human, so why did this humanity linger?
"It'd be easier.." He frowned, standing from his bed. "If I could disappear. If I could sleep forever..if only.." He walked over to his window, pushing the glass open and ducking out, eyes flashing down to the bustling street of his homing district. He smiled wryly at his visitors, whistling to catch their attention. "Hey! Stay pretty and I'll be down in a second!~"
He cooed the younger male and his companion, envying secretly, the eternal partnership they had shared. He hurried back in, going downstairs, making sure he looked presentable, making sure he didn't appear a mess. He fluffed down his forest green hair, spiky as it was. Oh, that was natural!~ He would tell others. He sighed, shaking his head and looking at his reflected self. He met stormy blue eyes and smiled lightly, touching the tear tracks down his flesh. He made sure those were not visible..
He heard giggling outside, and a snide remark that he was taking too long. And he laughed, calling out and going towards the door, making a joke before he opened the door. He smiled and laughed as the small male jumped at him. He whirled the small one around, holding him close and nuzzling him lightly, relishing in this moment for as long as it could last.
"Hey! Did your skin get softer?~ Ooooh, smooth as a baby's bottom!" He laughed, snickering from the blush he inclined in the small male. He lowered himself, kissing his cheek teasingly before raising his eyes to the other. He heard light chirping, chuckling and going over to the other. "Fluffy as always, eh?~"
He got a subtle chirp in response. Oh, how he loved that sound..though he never indicated he did. He merely basked in the moment of it. For as long as it lasted..that sweet melody. He hadn't even noticed..the others were heading off without him before the two had stopped and called back to him.
"Torrent! Hurry up!"
"Heh, I'm coming, my darlings!~ Oh, please be patient, it takes time for my beautiful self to move!"
Even with all of this, all the companions around him, the links of friendships of possible love..could not stop his tearing..the way he tore himself to pieces. Each and every night.